SHE SAID, HE SAID
When I was just a tender four years old, my parents welcomed a new family to our suburban Boston neighborhood, the Brophy's. Our families became instant friends and I had a new playmate as well; their son Kevin. Since our mothers became close friends, we consequently spent our formative years romping together. Kevin was always courageous and would persuade me to join him in his latest practical joke against our already frazzled mothers. We drove them nuts with our doubled over laughter and screaming loud chase games. From Sesame Street, to Riding Bikes, to dusk visits by the ice cream man, we loved being each other's best friend.
Kevin had dark hair, big dark eyes and a sweet angelic face with beautiful dimples. And he was a tubby boy. He had a thick roll of fat around him by the time we started school. I distinctly remember watching him run with his belly jiggling and his round face laughing. And I was very fascinated with his weight gain. I would tickle his belly just to touch it because I was mesmerized by his fat. My own body was so tiny compared to his and I wanted to know what it felt like. One time I asked him, "Kevin, why do you have a big tummy and I don't?" and he just shrugged his shoulders and smiled. I will never, ever forget that chubby smile.
We did not go to the same grade school, which loosened our bond a bit. I went to the neighborhood public school and his parents sent him to a Catholic school a few miles away. We still played together after school, but began to grow apart. Then during 4th grade his father accepted a job transfer and the family moved to New York State, hundreds of miles from our cozy enclave. The day the Brophy's drove away our mothers hugged and cried as Kevin and I hugged and cried, yet not quite understanding we would not play together anymore.
For a couple of years we would have the occasional brief phone conversation when our mothers' would call each other. Occasionally our mothers would exchange our school pictures, and I through the years I observed Kevin getting slightly bigger every year, yet still retaining that angelic dimpled face. But as time went by, teenage ambivalence became a way of life. I was caught up in my vacuous high school world of cheerleading, shopping and dating boys.
Throughout my senior year I dated Matt, who was a passable guy, handsome and very popular but not exceptionally witty or interesting. All of my friends thought he was perfect and wonderful. But I often felt like something was missing between us. Still, somehow I felt that dating him was what I was supposed to do. In secret, I was actually more interested in his best friend Andy.
Matt was the quarterback of our football team and Andy was one of his linemen; a 320-pound tackle with college scouts showing interest. Andy was just as cute as Matt, but I felt more "right" around Andy. We could laugh for hours about anything. And I loved to watch him laugh. He jiggled quite a bit with his belly laughs; and to me that meant he was really happy. It was just like Kevin's jiggly laughs had meant happiness to me years before. But there was a significant roadblock that didn't allow me to ever cross that bridge with Andy. He was dating my friend Jill. I kept my desire a deep secret. I told absolutely no one.
The only time Jill suspected my feelings was when she complained a few times that Andy was getting fatter. I objected, arguing that he had to be big for being an offensive lineman in football. I'll never forget her saying angrily, "You know, Kate, you're such big buddies with Andy and you don't even appreciate Matt. We should just switch boyfriends!"
I just laughed it off with a flippant, "Whatever, Jill..." but deep down, I knew she was right. But I always felt like my hands were tied; that I owed everyone else the expectation of the status quo.
Thankfully I didn't let boy issues dominate my psyche and had enough sense to keep my grades up. I was able to get into Boston University with a small scholarship in hand. Shortly after graduation my mother mentioned that she had talked to Mrs. Brophy and Kevin was going to Boston U. as well. I was curious and intrigued, but figured, "It's a big school; I'll probably never see him."
I was born in North Carolina but my family moved to the Boston area when I was quite young. I immediately became best friends with a cute little blonde next-door neighbor named Katie Malone. She was my age and we had nothing but pure fun together. Until many years later those were my happiest memories. That was until we moved away to Albany in New York when I was almost 10 years old.
I was heartbroken for a long time. I was quite a chubby kid, weighing over 100 pounds by second grade. But Katie was the one friend who didn't tease me for it. I guess she was my only true childhood friend. She just always accepted me as I was.
As the years went by and my appetite remained strong, my childhood chubbiness turned into teenage fat. I was about 230 pounds by the time I started high school, which seemed a lot even for my taller than average height.
I became more and more shy socially. Katie and I talked a few times on the phone but gradually my only contact with her became through my mother's occasional Malone family gossip, informing me all about how Katie was so popular, active and pretty.
Well, she was pretty - beautiful, in fact. Her mother would occasionally send pictures of her looking like a teen princess. And it seemed that for every pound I gained she became more and more perfect. I used to think about her in a romantic way, well, I suppose a physical way, but I strictly understood that a girl like her would no longer have anything to do with a fat guy like me.
And my mother never let me forget it. She was always harping on me to lose weight. No matter how successful I was in school it was never quite enough to satisfy her sense of perfectionism. She wasn't horrible all the time, and she thought she was doing what was best. But thankfully my father stayed on my side, keeping her complaints in check and my sanity intact.
Still, I finally I grew tired of her ridicule. When I hit 300 pounds during the summer before my last year of high school, I gave in. Throughout my senior year I ate only the most healthy, wholesome and tasteless meals. I worked out every day. Within nine long and miserable months I had lost nearly 100 pounds.
The upside was that I started to get a lot of attention from girls, but I still thought about Katie a lot. I always wanted to be good enough for her. Now that I was thinner, I felt a tinge of hope that I might be closer to her league.
I wanted to go back to Boston for college since my favorite memories were there. I was the class salutatorian so I had my choice of many schools. I applied and got into Tufts, UMass and Boston University. I was already leaning toward BU when I heard Katie was going there too. Somehow I think the hope of being close to her again sealed the deal.
I counted down the days to my dorm move in. I was really eager to get on with my own life and do things for myself, away from the scrutiny of my parents. And in the back of my mind I was hoping to get to know Katie again, at least as a friend if not more. Deep down I felt as though she was and still could be my inspiration to live life more fully than I had in the past.
My fleeting thoughts of seeing Kevin again came back as soon as I arrived my first day. Our mothers' planned to meet the day freshmen move into their housing. My father and my almost ex-boyfriend Matt were trying to set up my loft bed when I heard my mother scream with delight. I turned around and there were the Brophy's.
And right away my eyes locked on Kevin. There was a strong mutual recognition that just went unsaid. As if my childhood had come flooding back to me. I felt a tingle run though my body.
But he looked different than the pictures I had seen the years before. He had that same adorable dark hair and dark eyes combination, but he had grown tall and no longer had that familiar big roll of fat around his middle. His face had become more angular and chiseled. He still had a thick, broad body but almost no belly. There was only the slightest hint of the girth he once displayed.
And I was strangely disappointed. I thought he had become an incredibly attractive guy yet I expected, somehow hoped for him to be the same chunky boy he had always been. I was incredibly confused by those mixed feelings. In fact, I was so bewildered by his unexpected appearance that my parents had to introduce Matt to the Brophy's. I had just lost track of the moment.
Kevin and I exchanged awkward hellos and stole occasional glances as our families talked. They made plans for all of us to go to dinner. Matt had to leave us, since he had to help his twin sister move into her dorm at another school across town. I was kind of relieved he went his own way.
Matt was going to school in Virginia and we had already agreed that our relationship wasn't going to be exclusive, considering the distance. In all honesty, I was the one who brought it up and he reluctantly went along with the idea. When we half-heartedly hugged good-bye, I somehow knew that once he drove away from my dorm that we would never be together again.
As we walked into the hotel restaurant I caught Kevin looking at my body, well my chest. I am on the small side, only 5'3" with small bones and a small waist. But having fairly large breasts and curvy hips, I do not look like a little girl either. Still, I never really had to try hard to keep a fairly small tummy, it was just my body type and activity level.
I was looking at the menu trying to decide between a patty melt or a California burger and onion rings or crinkle fries when I heard Kevin order turkey on toast with a salad and fat free dressing. How could anyone survive on that? After the waitress left the conversation about Kevin's weight loss came up.
"Kevin's such a healthy eater nowadays. He lost a lot of weight last year," his mom proclaimed.
"Mom..." Kevin protested, glancing at me.
"Honey, you look great, you should be proud of yourself!" she beamed. And continuing conversation with the rest of the table, she announced that, "In fact, we dieted together and I lost some weight too!" looking already too thin. Mr. Brophy didn't say a thing, just rolled his eyes. He was always a chunky man and didn't seem converted to his wife's obsession with weight loss.
"Just make sure you eat enough at school," my mom said. "You need to keep your energy up for your studies." Good old Mom. She always wanted to make sure everyone was well fed, including my Dad, older brother and any friends or boyfriends that came over. Mom always had some food to serve. My Dad loved her cooking and his waistline was starting to show it in recent years. It never showed much on her though. I must have inherited her higher metabolism.
As I mindlessly wolfed down my burger and fries, I caught Kevin glancing at me. I was so embarrassed he witnessed me eating like that. How unladylike to order a greasy burger and fries; and eat it all with abandon like that, showing no restraint. Of course, Mrs. Brophy noticed too.
"Kate, you'll gain more than the freshman 15 if you continue to eat like that," she scolded. I glanced at my mom and she rolled her eyes.
As our families parted ways, Kevin's mother told Kevin he needed to stay in touch with me. He nodded and the parents said their goodbyes. When we walked back toward my parents' car, my mom said, "Kate, you're a beautiful healthy girl. Don't let what Mrs. Brophy said affect you. I raised you to have confidence in yourself and your body. Plus, I noticed Kevin looking at you a few times. I think you have a fan," she giggled. And then she spoke to my Dad. "Mary Kate was always a little bit flaky on the whole weight issue but now she's become obsessed. I don't doubt she tortured Kevin into losing weight."
I hugged my Mom and Dad goodbye thinking how lucky I was to have such great parents. And a mom who was level headed. I happily went on to start my new life in college.
The day we went to move in to my dorm, my mother arranged to meet Katie's family for dinner. I was immediately jealous yet excited about the possibilities when I heard that she had a single dorm room to herself. But we had a heck of a time figuring out where her room was so I was loaded with anxiety by the time we found the Malone's. When we walked in the door I was speechless. She looked even prettier than her pictures and her body was beautiful. A petite, sexy hourglass figure with big breasts, which I shamelessly admit is a major positive in my book.
And they all called her Kate now. I guess she was no longer the little girl Katie I played with as a child. She certainly looked all grown up. And then I saw another guy in the room. He was introduced as Kate's "friend." A typical good-looking jock, and he seemed like a decent guy too. How could I compete with that? My insecurities set in.
We all decided to go dinner, minus the boyfriend much to my selfish relief. I was slightly more optimistic that they were not an item when I saw the lackluster hug they gave each other before he left.
I was still trying to lose a little weight so I ordered something light and I caught Kate looking at me funny. I shouldn't have even gone to dinner, I thought. No matter what I ate I knew that my weight loss would be a topic my mother would bring up, as she loved to talk about it. And of course she did, further embarrassing me. I just didn't want Kate knowing my weaknesses. It was an uncomfortable subject for me.
But Kate gave me a look that said, "She's just crazy, let's humor her and smile," and I felt a little better. But as soon as I thought the weight topic was done, my mom pointed out poor Kate's lack of dietary restriction. I was even surprised myself at the way she was eating her own big calorie-rich dinner. She hungrily devoured a big burger and plate of fries. I was so envious of her carefree ability to eat what she wanted and her zest for life. She laughed and ate while I picked at my meager meal. I felt like an outsider looking in at a world where people live how they like.
My second day at school, I reluctantly joined in freshman orientation activities. As some of my new dorm mates and I gathered near the Union, I heard a guy yelling, "Kate, hey, Kate!"
I looked in his direction and saw Kevin. Immediately one of the girls grabbed my arm and whispered in my ear, "Holy crap...is he hot...you have to share him..." Sharing was not among my intentions. I wanted his company to myself.
Kevin smiled at me, showing off his amazing dimples and walked over. We laughed about how "lame" the group activities were and wandered over to a nearly hill, continuing conversation about our new surroundings. And we soon found ourselves doubling over in laughter reminiscing about our childhood play.
He stopped laughing and paused, "You know, Kate, I'm sorry about what my mom said to you last night about eating too much, she can be so annoying."
"Don't worry about it, Kevin," I reassured him.
"She just embarrasses me with all that weight stuff and I felt bad she was doing it to you, too."
"Well, you don't have to worry about any of that with me," I smiled and winked at him. "Speaking of which, I'm starving. Do you want to check out the food scene around here?"
Hi face brightened, "Yeah, sounds cool."
We walked around the neighborhood for a while and saw a little pizza place that had wonderful aromas coming out of it. "Oh, Kevin, that smells so good! We have to try it!" Before he could offer his opinion I was already inside looking for a table.
We sat down and looked at the menu. "I haven't eaten pizza in so long," Kevin said, almost wistfully.
"Don't you like pizza?"
"Oh yeah, I love it, I could eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner...but it's just so unhealthy," he frowned.
"Mmmmm, yeah, that's what makes it so good! So what do you like on yours? Should we get a large?" I compromised with him and we ordered a medium veggie pizza, light on the cheese.
As we ate we talked and laughed some more. He had turned out to be a really intelligent and clever guy. I found myself falling for his charms a little more with each laugh we shared. But he also seemed a bit shy; very unlike his childhood disposition. The day his family moved in he walked up to me and told me, "I'm Kevin and I'm four!" holding up four chubby fingers.
I said, "I am, too! I'm Katie!"
Apparently he thought I meant I was "two." He said something like, "You're a baby if you're two. Just like my sister! She's two." I asked him if he remembered that.
"Yeah, I remember meeting you, and you had lime green pants on," he laughed.
"I still have those if you want me to show you sometime," I teased him. He turned red. He really was very shy, I guessed.
There was one piece of Pizza left. "Uh, I can't eat it, I'm so full. You eat it," I coaxed.
"I better not," he smiled and patted his significantly reduced belly.
"Just eat it and put it out of its misery," I laughed.
"It's that kind of thinking that kept me fat."
"Well, I believe that you can't live your whole life denying yourself the simple pleasures of life, and pizza is absolutely one of them. It's basic biology, if you're hungry, you eat."
"And if you eat too much, you get fat," he laughed, yet he reluctantly picked it up and ate it.
As he ate it I watched him and realized how much it turned me on. I still could not quite figure those feelings out. I really liked to watch him eat. What was up with me?
I hoped that Kate thought I had a shred of dignity left when I saw her the next day at a Freshman Orientation event. I didn't know anyone, but I did know her so I made my move to approach her and strike up conversation. She seemed happy to see me, much to my relief, and she made it so easy to talk. We spent a good part of that afternoon together and our conversation flowed. I started to feel more at ease around her.
But I also noticed her occasional glances at my body and I was feeling self-conscious of the weight I still wanted to lose. She probably only thought of me as a friend, I reasoned. Her boyfriend "Matt the jock" was a hard body. She did seem flirtatious at the same time, and at times I felt myself blushing at her zesty innuendoes. But maybe that was just her general demeanor, I thought. Some girls just had flirty personalities with everyone. That was my experience, anyway.
After a few days of casually hanging out and introducing new friends to each other, Kevin and I found ourselves back in my room talking about relationships. He asked me about Matt, "So what's up with your boyfriend? Are you guys really serious?"
"Naw, we're not going out anymore. He's almost a thousand miles away, which doesn't work. I mean, we're only eighteen..." I trailed off. I noticed when he sat he had a tiny little roll of tummy fat and it was really captivating my attention.
"Oh, that's understandable," I detected relief in his voice. "So, have you had lots of boyfriends?"
"No, I was pretty much with Matt my whole senior year; I dated a few other guys before that, but nothing major. What about you?"
"I didn't really date much in high school. I did see this one girl this past summer but she was kind of an airhead... My mother loved her though. My mom was kind of mad when I mentioned she wasn't going to last into college or anything."
"Why did your mom like her so much?"
"She was an aerobics instructor at my mom's health club. She and my mom would talk all the time about diets and workouts. It was almost nauseating," he laughed.
"Your mom is kind of obsessed, isn't she?" I knew I was venturing into uncertain territory, with potential landmines but my curiosity got the better of me.
He blushed and laughed, "Yeah, she's obsessed."
"Does that bother you?" I pushed a little more.
"Sometimes, you know, she was always on my case about my weight," he admitted.
"Well, now you're away at college so you can do your own thing," I said. "Be happy with yourself on your own terms, you know?"
"Is that what you plan on doing?" he asked.
"I'm not sure what I can rebel against. My mom and dad didn't lay down the law to hard on me ever, then again, I never got too wild either. I guess I'm just not rebellious or something," I shrugged my shoulders. "Remember when we were young? You were the rebel, I just went along with your evil plans."
He laughed, "I used to give my mom fits! I suppose that's why she's so nervous about me now."
"She shouldn't be nervous, she should be happy her son is doing as well as he is," I smiled and gave his arm a squeeze.
"Thanks, Kate," he blushed.
"So Kevin, I feel like popping some popcorn in the micro, you want to have some with me?"
As we spent more and more time together I began to notice little things about Kate that seemed peculiar. She was always offering me food, telling me to "live a little." It was like she was trying to sabotage my diet. Even when I told her I wasn't hungry, although I usually was, she would still pop goodies into my mouth.
She would tell me to eat the last piece of pizza, or put some of her food on my plate to try, or beg me to finish her dessert because she couldn't. I never even ordered dessert but I was always ending up with hers. Her mother would send Kate care packages with cookies, popcorn, candy; all kinds of snacks and she would always open them up when I was there and share them with me.
And I wasn't losing weight anymore. Despite my time at the rec center I think several months of caloric restriction were catching up with me and I was gaining a little back. Yet I would catch her checking out my body more often than before. She would compliment me about how nice a shirt or jeans looked when they looked tight and I was feeling fat. When we talked about relationships she said she wasn't into skinny extreme sport types like her ex-boyfriends had been. I couldn't figure her out. I was detecting a trend but her words and actions were so alien to my reality that I didn't add it all up.
Once classes started, I got into my routine, which involved regular visits from Kevin. And every time he came to visit me it seemed I was offering him munchies and he would turn them down a lot of the time. But if I was eating too he couldn't seem to resist. And when I watched him snacking with me, really letting loose and enjoying himself, my crush on him became stronger. When he chewed his dimples came out and he showed off a tiny double chin. It was the greatest visual combination.
On a Friday in October, one of the girls on my floor asked me, "Are you and Kevin an item?"
"No, not really," I blushed.
"But you like him?" she asked.
"Well..." I was embarrassed. Kevin seemed like forbidden fruit to me since we were like brother and sister as children. Yet I was realizing I wanted more with him.
She cut me off, "Because Jennifer wants to ask him out."
What? Jennifer? She wasn't his type! She was one of those "too much makeup and aerobics" airhead type of girls he mentioned in our conversation about his ex-girlfriend.
"Well, he just got out of a bad relationship and doesn't seem interested in anyone right now," I stretched the truth.
"Oh, well, I'll tell her, but she's pretty into him," she laughed. I laughed back...laughing only on the outside.
A group of us went to a house party that night. It was the usual, waiting in line for a beer, laughs all around. Kevin and I were standing by the keg when Jennifer came up to us. "So Kevin, how are you," she giggled and threw her hair back, "Oh and Kate, too! You guys are inseparable!" I detected sarcasm.
"Hey, Jennifer…" we said in unison.
"So Kevin, I finally see you somewhere besides the rec center, how funny," she giggled and tossed her hair again. I was getting annoyed.
"Oh yeah..." he chuckled, with nothing more to say.
She kept trying to engage conversation and he was polite enough but not eager, at least while I was standing there. Another girl on my floor, Melissa, came up and grabbed my arm, "you have to meet this guy, he thinks you're a hottie!" and yanked me away.
I mouthed to Kevin, "Don't leave without me!"
And so I met this guy, I don't remember his name. He was a typical frat boy, good looking enough and friendly; apparently he was supposed to be quite a catch. One of his friends came over; another cute frat boy but he was really tubby around the middle. I admit I was very drawn to him physically. Having a couple of beers in my system, I spent a little time chatting with him and somehow the alcohol buzz gave me clarity about what had been confusing me for so long. I was turned on by a fat belly. A big boy. A chubby body. I wanted to grab this total stranger's hefty middle and kiss it all over.
But my licentious thoughts immediately jumped back to Kevin and I looked over at him. He was still talking to Jennifer. She was touching him flirtatiously and I felt so jealous. In my buzzed state, I asked myself, "If I'm so turned on by fat guys, why am I so into Kevin? He's not fat anymore."
Anymore. He used to be. He could still be again. He wasn't getting any thinner. I pictured him fat. I pictured him fat and naked. I pictured him fat and naked and in my bed...holding me...touching me; touching him all over his fat arms and belly, squeezing his fleshy sides and back. I was lost in the daydream when I saw him smiling at me.
I felt compelled to be close to him. I excused myself from the frat boys and walked back over to him. Jennifer was still by his side. She was whispering to one of her friends I didn't know. He took the opportunity to leaned over to me and whisper, "I want to get out of here and I didn't want to leave without you. But I know you're having fun so you can stay if you want."
"Why, is she leaving with you?" motioning to Jennifer.
"No, no, no," he shook his head, "I'm just not into this tonight, I guess."
"Neither am I...let's go..." I said.
"What?" Jennifer whined, "you're leaving?" she almost sounded angry.
"Yeah," Kevin defended himself, "I'm not feeling great so Kate's going back with me."
"Oh, okay," she seemed frustrated, and I could have sworn she shot me a dirty look.
The key to what I had been considering 'the Kate enigma' hit me like a ton of bricks one night about half way through our first semester. Kate and I went to a party together and I saw her talking to a guy. He was a big guy too. He looked a little bigger than my old fighting weight of 300 pounds. And she seemed like she was really having a good time talking with him.
As I got more jealous, I saw her do something that brought all of my childhood comforts of Kate's friendship back. She leaned over to fix the strap on her shoe and she used his large gut to balance herself. And her hand clung longer and then continued to brush along his girth more than one would expect.
My jealousy melted into clarity. I had blocked it out for so long, but like a lightning bolt, one particular incident jumped back into my brain. I remembered how she had touched and poked my belly when we were kids. One time when we were maybe seven years old, we were sitting in her sandbox covered in sand. We both stood up to brush ourselves off and she lifted my shirt and kept patting my round middle and giggling. When I stepped back she said, "Kevin, I love your belly button," and just smiled big.
I couldn't believe I had forgotten it. But it started to all make sense. I began to realize that she may like a guy a little larger. Was I nuts? What woman wanted that? Especially a beauty like her? I replayed the scene in my head, "Kevin I love your belly button… Kevin I love your belly..." and her giggles as she played with my fat. And I pictured her saying those things now, as a grown woman, while shoving snacks into my mouth like she had been doing to me already.
And just as I was playing that vision out in my head, she looked over and smiled flirtatiously, but with more intensity than I had seen before. I smiled back with a little more intensity. She walked back my way with a look in her eyes that made me sense that there was more to our friendship than memories of sandboxes.
I wanted to ditch the bubblehead hitting on me and leave with Kate. She told me she was ready to leave too. Amidst the protests of some friends, we escaped together. As we walked home I saw that she was a little drunk. For better or for worse I figured it was my chance to subtly question her intentions toward me a little bit more.
While we walked back to the dorms after leaving the party, Kevin asked me about the guys I was talking to. "You seemed to really be getting friendly with the bigger guy."
"What do you mean?" I was surprised by his candor.
"Well, I mean you looked like you were really into what he was saying and...just focused on him, you know?"
"Wow, Kevin! You noticed that much? I mean, I was just talking to him, but I thought you looked too into Jennifer's annoying hair toss to notice me across the room."
He laughed, "That hair toss is pretty annoying." But then he got serious, "You know you didn't have to leave with me;I could have made it home alone."
"I wanted to leave...leave with you." My buzz had brought my guard down.
He stopped walking and looked at me. I stopped and turned around. He just looked at me.
"I remembered something," he looked blank.
"What?" I was worried.
"When we were little you used to tickle me, you know…" he motioned to his not so big middle.
I blushed, "Yeah? And?"
"I don't know, I just thought of it I guess."
"Why, would you like me to do it again?" I laughed.
He blushed and laughed too and before he could answer me I grabbed him and started tickling his tiny bit of tummy fat. He started to double over laughing, "No, Kate, stop it, come on," still laughing.
We both stopped laughing, just looking at each other. His dark brown eyes were intense. I didn't even reason when I took a step toward him and kissed him lightly on the lips. They were soft and wonderful. I stepped back and he pulled me close again, kissing me more.
We pulled back and looked at each other. And started to giggle in unison.
"You know, Kate, I've wanted to do that for so many years."
"What? Years?" My head was a complete mess.
"Your mother sent all of your school pictures to us. I watched you, every year, from a pretty young girl to an incredibly beautiful woman."
I was shocked. "You thought that?"
"Yeah," he blushed, "I'll admit it. Of course I wasn't the kind of guy you would have dated in high school."
"How do you know?" I objected.
"Uh, you were a cheerleader who dated jocks and I was a fat loser."
"You were not!"
"Well, I was fat."
"So what if you were a little chunky? There's nothing wrong with that! Your mother warped your mind." The buzz had suddenly made me kind of blunt.
"Oh yeah, she warped me. It wasn't growing up in a world that despises fat people!" He was almost angry. "Besides, I was more than a little chunky, I weighed over 300 pounds!"
I stopped. Over 300 pounds. That sounded really nice to me. That was at least fat football player size and I knew I liked it. But I continued my protest, "I know, it sucks, the way people can be, but Kevin you were always cute. Always! And I don't despise fat people."
"Your boyfriends weren't fat; you never dated a fat guy."
He was right, but not because I didn't want to and I was uninhibited enough at that point to reveal it all. I was getting a little loud, I think, "Yeah, well if you really want to know, my biggest high school crush was on a bigger guy. But I always felt roped into my relationships. Fat guys never asked me out. And I always felt that everyone expected me to just be with guys who were in our circle of friends. I was a fricken robot! Is that what you want to hear?" I kind of knew I was being unreasonable but I just spit it out anyway.
"Why would you date someone you didn't like?"
"Oh God, Kevin, I don't know. Expectations or something."
"So you really would have dated a fat guy," he was still incredulous.
"Yes, I would. In fact, if you really want to know, I would have preferred it!" His verbal challenges to me had me completely spilling my guts.
"Preferred it?! So I never should have lost 100 pounds," he laughed, mockingly.
I just smiled, put my arms around him and kissed him for a long time. Then we walked back to my room and kissed for hours.
On our walk home from the party, I asked her why she didn't stay and talk to the fat frat guy she had been getting cozy with. She acted like she didn't know whom I was talking about. Then I tried a different angle. "You didn't have to leave with me, I could have made it home alone." She admitted she wanted to leave with me, stopping short of admitting why.
I brought up my memory of her tickling and touching my belly when we were children. Then I stopped to look at her and her eyes were scanning my body. She remembered and blushed bright red. I knew I was onto something. Just then she grabbed me and started tickling my tummy and I grabbed her hands to stop her. We just looked at each other and kissed.
Her soft lips and wonderful girlish smell were sexier than I had imagined in my fantasies. And I admitted to her that I had wanted to do as much for a very long time. I felt completely out of character, admitting my true feelings for her.
Her surprise put me on the defensive so I ridiculously resorted to posing myself as the fat dork who could never have attained a goddess such as herself. She was too smart for my weak attempt at saving face. She tried to downplay my weight as an issue, so I told her I was over 300 pounds before I started to lose weight, just to trump her underestimation of how fat I really was.
And when I said 300, at first she looked startled, as her eyes got really big. But that melted into one of her sweet smiles and once again she was chipping away at my insecurity. She had not really been phased by what I felt was my greatest weakness.
And that evening we made out all night in her room. I was too shy to push her and I left her room very early in the morning wanting much more.
Kevin and I were now an exclusive couple much to our mothers delight. Well, Mrs. Brophy wasn't overly delighted after a couple of months.
Kevin was starting to gain weight again. I was giving him little indulgences of all kinds whenever we were together. One night I mentioned to him how cute he looked eating and he ate even more just for my pleasure. But after his return back from school after Thanksgiving weekend he complained that his mom was on his case about his weight again.
"Doesn't she care more about your grades than your waistline?" I asked.
"I guess that's my Dad's job. He wants to make sure I do well academically and my mom wants to make sure I do well socially."
"Well, you seem to be doing well in both categories. In fact, your girlfriend is among the hottest chicks on campus," I laughed.
"Actually, she said 'Kate will dump you if you get fat again.'"
"That's not true! And you know it!" I was upset.
"Is it? I mean why would you want to date a fat guy when you fell for me as a thinner guy?"
That was a tough one for me to explain to him. I was still not ready to admit to him that my desire was for him to become fatter; that I not only didn't mind fat, I enjoyed watching it increase on his body. I struggled with making him uncomfortable. And I worried that he would think I was strange, or a freak.
"Kevin, first of all, you've been special to me for almost my whole life. I love you for who you are. And second, I always thought you were cute, thin or fat."
"But you started dating me as a thinner guy."
"If you want me to say it, I will. I think your body..." I paused and he looked at me with almost fear in his eyes and I knew I had to say it, "I think your body is sexier now than it was three months ago. I like your bigger tummy and softer body," I blushed.
"But you still wouldn't want me to be 300 pounds."
"Actually? I wouldn't mind at all. I liked that you were fat when we were little. I always knew I did like a thicker guy. I'm not sure if you inspired it in me or if I was just born that way, but I can't lie. I like fat. I think fat looks and feels wonderful. I think 'tubby' is the sexiest word in the English language. There, I said it." I was very uncomfortable and looked away. I actually had tears in my eyes because it was built up inside me for so long.
He sat down next to me and hugged me. Then he did something wonderful. He took off his shirt and put my hand on his belly. He really had gained weight again. And we just sat there for a while with his arms around me, and my hand caressing his soft tummy. The heat in my tears of unease gave way to another kind of heat between my legs. "How much have you gained since school started?" I timidly asked. He turned a little red and hesitated, "well... about thirty pounds..." with a little bit of a grimace. "Why, does that turn you on?" he chuckled.
Wow, thirty sounded like kind of a lot over such a short period of time. I was completely turned on. I felt a wonderful tickle between my thighs. With straight face I said, "Yeah, it does, you got a problem with that?"
"No," he laughed, "I don't"
"Good, then let's take our clothes off and compare," I giggled.
And we did. Matt was the only guy I had been with before and it had been occasional and mechanical. But Kevin was stunningly wonderful despite his lack of experience. It certainly helped that each added pound on his thick frame made me orgasm stronger and longer.
His acceptance of my desires allowed him to be more comfortable with eating and occasional overeating. He was still going to the gym, trying to keep his muscles, but his belly could no longer hide in his old clothes.
Our relationship became romantic; my inhibitions began to lessen, and my weight began to expand again. There was no doubt in my mind that Kate was not bothered by my slightly increasing belly, but I wanted to be desirable to her. And I still wasn't sure I was.
By the time I went home for Thanksgiving I had gained 30 pounds of fat from my low of a tall and muscular 185. While I was home my mother had completely polluted my head with the evils of fat and how my diet was going to hell. Kate and I finally had our first argument, over what else, but my increasing weight.
Just when I was going to defend my mom's assertion that Kate wouldn't date a fat pig, she finally said it all. "I think your body is sexier now than it was three months ago. I like your little tummy and softer feel… I liked that you were fat... I can't lie. I like fat. I think fat looks sexy and feels wonderful in my hands."
I was kind of surprised she came out and said it but I was relieved that I was sitting there with a woman who wouldn't be the task master that my mother was: a woman who enjoyed life and encouraged me to be myself. I knew was falling in love with her.
It was that night that we first made love. I had been a virgin but she made me feel at ease. I was almost a foot taller than her so my weight was already almost double hers, yet she encouraged me to allow my full weight to press into her body. And what a spectacular body it was, with soft curves and softer skin. Her legs were supple and her breasts ample and round sporting large nipples. Even though I was gaining weight and still unsure about the trend, I was happy to spend naked time with her whenever she desired.
During Christmas break I spent a couple of weeks at her parents house and her mother was wonderful. She greeted me with open arms and an open kitchen. There was something about the Malone women enjoying providing ample nourishment, I gathered. A major switch from the couple of days of Christmas dieting at my parents house.
While with her we did some sightseeing and shopping, but mostly cuddling in front of the fire, munching on holiday goodies. I gained at least 5 pounds while I was there. One night while we were stealing love from each other while her parents were out, in the heat of passion and slight drunkenness, she blurted that she noticed when I gained weight, because it made her orgasms more intense. She said every new pound meant a newer or stronger quiver.
Being a young male in his sexual prime, this information only served to further abandon my former hopes of being a fitness magazine model. Yet at the same time I was becoming more confident. Of the few individuals who made comments, including my mother, I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "I can't help it, my girl likes me this way." It felt really good to finally accept myself.
By spring break he told me his weight was up to 250. He was looking very chubby and his belly began to hang just a little over his beltline. My favorite thing to do to him was sneak my hands under his sweatshirt or sweater, tracing my fingers along the widest part of his growing girth. He knew I loved that.
We decided to go to Cancun together for Spring Break. He didn't want to see his mother and I wanted to be with him however I could.
I adored watching him on the beach, a shirtless and growing fat boy in his swim trunks. And he loved my string bikini. Of course we took off each others swimwear any chance we could get. I had gained just a couple of pounds myself but Kevin didn't seem to mind at all; he loved my curvy body as much as I loved his hefty body. It was a passionate week, to say the least.
We are now enjoying our second year at school and Kevin is fatter yet. He still works out to keep his arms and legs somewhat muscular, yet his face is still more chubby with a sweet double chin. His butt is becoming wider and rounded. Best of all, his torso is utterly divine; a broad round smooth belly, with fat love handle flesh coating his sides and back.
Last night was our one-year anniversary of the night we first made love. After sharing a romantic dinner at our favorite Italian restaurant, he took my hand and led me down to his apartment's exercise room. He stepped on the scale, letting me push the weights, inching, up, up, up, and when I reached 295 and the weights still hadn't balanced, he smiled at me; smugly. I touched the larger weight to push it to 300, but hesitated. "Yes?" I asked
He nodded. 307 luscious perfect lbs of pure masculine sex appeal, to be exact, and Kevin Brophy is all mine.
And Kate Malone is all mine.