Most fat women are completely unaware of their admirers' existence
(from Dimensions 44, July/August 1991)
Recently I viewed a discussion that aired on the Sally Jessy Raphael show. The focus centered around men who preferred "big boned gals" and how difficult it was for them to actually find such women. Dimensions Magazine, along with another entitled Mirage, was spotlighted, and there were phone numbers listed for Club Z and someone in New York named Nancy. After trying without success to acquire a copy of your magazine locally, I learned from Nancy that it was obtained through subscription. I asked her many questions, as I have concerns on a variety of issues. She suggested that I write you as well. She told me that you would understand some of my concerns, so I am going to speak from the heart.
I am 43 years old and of Italian decent. I was married in my early twenties for a very brief time to a man who was emotionally unavailable to me. I had one relationship with a man in my early 30's which produced a daughter who is now ten years old. The relationship did not last and I gave up all hope of meeting a loving, gentle individual with moral principles who could be trusted with my heart. I concentrated then in trying to be the very best parent I could for my daughter, whom I love deeply.
Along the way, however, I've been forced to face issues from childhood that bear heavily on my adult life and my parenting skills. A sort of metamorphosis has gradually occurred which could only take place by unveiling my past and facing the realities that lay buried behind denial, fear, anger and anesthetized feelings. What has emerged is an individual I've just begun in recent years to truly appreciate and love for the courage, strength and inner beauty she possesses.
I was completely unaware that there was a group of men who preferred "large" ladies. What I want to know is WHY these men like chunkers.
I feel that I am a warmhearted sincere individual who appreciates honesty. I love to cook, which I do well! Travel and photography are of special interest to me. I love nature. Humor is a major ingredient which I sprinkle generously throughout all my activities and conversations. I have a zest for life that has begun to reveal itself to me in ever unfolding ways. I love family life and friends and the thought of developing a relationship with a gentle, loving human being who is as willing to explore the depths of my heart as he is to allow me to know his heart.
I am, however, housed in a "BIG-suit"! I've been too timid to risk the possibility of another rejection by any man. And - I simply felt that a big girl such as myself would not find a love interest, especially at my age and size.
What changed my mind? The Sally Jessy Raphael show! I was completely unaware that there was a large group of men who preferred large ladies.
What I want to know is WHY these men like "chunkers." They can't get around as actively, and do things like horseback riding, water skiing, or vigorous hiking. They tire easily, and sometimes even housework can be difficult. And they don't look as appealing (with all their cellulite and rolls) as those hard-bodied beauties with great shapes. Are these men as fearful as we are? Or are they just curious about big girls? I want to know how they think and feel. Maybe they believe a heavy woman is less likely to stray, making them feel less threatened! I can't help but be somewhat suspicious of their intent.
Are there others who feel as I do? How do they handle these fears? I don't really know men nor have I had the opportunity to get to know even one with depth that could be considered intimate. I am very curious and finally, after all these years, willing to build a bridge over fear to risk just such an opportunity.
I'm genuinely interested in having my questions answered by you and anyone else who wishes to reply.
-- Rosemarie Hoppe