Top Ten Reasons Why My Honey Adores
My Big Gorgeous Bod
by Carol Mackintosh
You know how it
like it just took
forever to get to
the point of accepting and loving yourself as is,
How before you
did, you kept
drawing in the
people who reinforced your wacky notion
that only thin women deserve to be happy, to have their whole lives finally, miraculously, snap into shape?
Me too. I am so glad Iím out of that
mindset and away from those people! My
first husband, bless his little heart, subscribed to the Vocal Majority opinion that
a woman should be small. Well, heís history, and the new and improved soon-to-be hubby #2 fervently believes that when
it comes to the female form, the more the
It looks like Iíll be siding with Mr. Right
on this one. I certainly have the choice;
this is aesthetics weíre talking about here,
after all, not The Ten Commandments. In
fact, I am so committed to this positive
new relationship with Myself-As-Is that
the naysayers might as well be on another planet. I honestly donít even notice
them any more, my hand to God.
How did I do it? Long story, and yours
is probably different. Letís just say I
opened myself up to the possibility that
not everything you read in the other glossy
magazines is gospel, and took it from
And let me tell you, when I got here,
started expressing that confidence, the
gentlemen started lining up. Ater a deliciously exhaustive process of elimination,
I have finally selected Mr. Right, and heís
selected me. Here are some of his more
1. He knows heís with a Woman. Those
soft, round curves are such a contrast to
I like his beard; he likes my tummy. To
him, the perfection of womanliness is all
those tender places to store estrogen.
Think about it: most little girl babies have
to wear those cute Velcro hair bows so we
can tell them apart from their brothers.
Sexual differentiation only really kicks in
bigtime at puberty, when boys get fuzzy
and muscular and girls get sweetly rounded. "Rounded" is therefore pre-programmed in the deep folds of the brain to
mean "woman." In our case, more of one
just naturally means more of the other.
2. Heís always secretly adored bountifully built women: now he gets to have one
of his very own.
I wasnít the only one who struggled with
the Vocal Majority assessment of fat females. He did too, and heís not alone. A
preference for fat women is not, in my
opinion, a fetish, but it sure gets treated
like one. He spent years keeping quiet
about his deep longing for a curvy sweetheart. Now Iím here, Iím his, and you
should only see that smile!
3. I think my bodyís gorgeous, and for him,
not having to walk on eggs about his admiration for it is such a relief.
Letís take a little story break here, just
so you donít get the idea that Mr. Right is
some sort of oddball. A friend of mine, a
lovely, bountiful blonde, was once on one
of those daytime talk show panels about
being fat in a slim-obsessed society. Her
sweetheart was in the audience. When the
moderator asked him the inevitable dopey
question, why he liked big women, his
perfect answer was, "Good taste, I guess."
It was a great response, and my girlfriend
This guy loves not having to go through
the self-hatred scenes that other men with
slim-to-average partners are forced to deal
with. Lots of those poor pitiful fellows have
to keep honest answers like "Yes! Yummy!"
to themselves every time their wives ask if
some outfit makes them look fat. So sad!
And the good news for my honey is that
he will be spared this nonsense as well.
4. All that lovely "natural collagen" gives
me a forever-young appearance, and I can
still use the smarts Iíve earned as Iíve gotten riper with age.
Itís true. I look a minimum of ten years
younger than my chronology. The incipient wrinkies are naturally all filled in, you see. Neener, neener. (Oh, was that immature? Sorry. What the hell: neener again,
Kate Moss, give yourself another ten years
and youíll see just how brilliant starving
yourself turned out to be.)
5. Making love results in me-earthquakes;
he feels so powerful!
I wish I could see it. He says the quivering he produces across my entire torso
when weíre in the midst of it is pretty dam
exciting to a guy. Well, I can only agree
with the Hemingway heroine who coined
the concept of the earth moving. Again,
weíve got the primordial male-female
thing going, and it has nothing to do with
politics and everything to do with S - E - X.
6. He finds bumps on the front of his T-shirts when I wear them. He likes that.
Isnít that a cute mental picture? Well, to
be perfectly honest, itís not entirely accurate. Itís more his button-downs that wonít
ever in a million years button over my hips,
but you get the point.
7. A gal needs more than bones to properly fill out a silk nightie: Boobs! ĎNuf sed.
Well, just a little more: Hips! Booty! Thighs!
Waifs in silk? I think not. Luxe is luxe,
and unless you have something to strain
against the fibers, you might as well get
back into your flannel footies.
8. Iím never on a diet and am ready to enjoy anything he cooks.
That has to be the best deal to come out
of the Sexual Revolution, if you ask me:
men cooking for us. My baby makes a chili
that will literally bring you to tears, and
theoretically would be quite insulted if I
stopped at a polite spoonful and asked him
to bring out the salad. I say theoretically
because why in hell would I pass up a
chance at a hearty meal that I didnít have
to slave over?
A word to the wise: cooks really like
it when you dig in, and it makes them
want to cook again tomorrow night
when you do. You may never have to
peel another chicken breast if you play
your cards right. And lam not referring
to Deal-A-Meal cards!
9. The endless variety of gorgeous fat
bodies has made our off-the-rack fashion pragmatically stretchy, form fitting
and sexy. For some reason, men seem
to like this.
Ribs are for barbecue, my dears, not
for catsuits and tee tops. When the other girls in the office are stuck with those
mannish double-breasted blazers, anything we wear is going to be by definition double-breasted, if you catch my
When I finally got the picture and
started celebrating my body with Lycra, I was showered with compliments
for the darndest parts, with honeyed
phrases the poor little waifs will never,
ever hear! As I mentioned earlier, Mr. Right
is a tummy man. Just try and satisfy one
of those guys with a Baywatch Girl!
10. Do I really have to say this? Big Beautiful Female = Mom to the Little Boy With
Sometimes a guy just needs to collapse
into some soft, loving arms and hear that
everything is going to be just fine. And
when both people believe it, because the
cuddle and the love are enveloping us
both, chances are itís true.