I have been a fat admirer all my life. When I was a little girl, I was always drawn to fat people. I loved the way they looked. I didn't know there was anything unusual about this. As I got older, I would hear people make fun of fat people and say they were lazy, smelly and all sorts of negative things, but that was never my experience. I am still angered when I hear that sort of garbage. When I would speak up and say I liked fat people and challenged what they were saying, I was told I was too young and then they tried to convince me that being fat was bad, ugly and unhealthy. I didn't believe them then, and I definitely know better now!
I didn't care what anyone thought of my preferences and I still don't. I know what I like and I make no apologies for it. Most people just look at me as if I were insane when I admit to finding fat people attractive, but it doesn't matter. I never hide the fact that I am an FA.
I am constantly receiving letters (from people who read my columns in men's magazines), asking me if I really mean it when I write things like, "I prefer big men and the bigger the better!" Sometimes I get letters from big men who think I just write this into my column to appease an otherwise neglected audience. Other times, the letters are come from either thin men or muscle bound jocks who think I write this stuff, "to be nice to fat guys" as they put it. Some of these men even have the nerve to ask me things like, "have you ever been with a good looking, confident man in reasonably good shape?" As it turned out, after I wrote back to the man who specifically asked that question and assured him that I have never been with anything but good looking, confident men in very good shape, (all no less than 280 lbs.), he then admitted that he was around 400 lbs. himself! I wrote him again and asked him why it bothered him that I always include men of size in my columns and I speculated that the insult he wrote in that first letter was reflective of his own self esteem issues. I was right and he admitted to suffering from serious depression and self loathing.
Sadly, I get many letters from big men who tell me they want to kill themselves. I get letters telling me that they consider themselves cursed and that they will never find a woman. Too often, it's that attitude, not their size, that women are turned off by.
There is still this notion that any fat guy can walk into any bar and pick up a woman, but that a fat woman cannot. Maybe there was a time when this was true, but I know that here in the 90s, this isn't true at all! Big men have many of the same issues and face the same discrimination that big women do, but many people are not aware of this, and unfortunately, too many big men and their admirers do not speak up about it. Men are no longer immune to eating disorders and weight loss surgery nightmares!
Whenever I mention to anyone that I prefer big men, the first thing most people will ask me is, "What, you mean like John Goodman?" Well, yes, I think John Goodman is gorgeous, but he doesn't represent the limit of the size of man I am attracted to. I have no limit on the high end! I like men who are supersized; 400, 600 lbs. or higher! As big as people get! That's the part that shocks them. It's almost okay to say you find a man like John Goodman attractive. After all, he is a movie star, right? However, to tell someone that you find a man like Walter Hudson even more attractive, boggles their minds!
What really annoys me is when they try to attach some lack of self esteem on my part to my preference. I am told things like, "But you're so pretty; you can have any man you want," or "You're so pretty and smart; you can do better than that!" I abhor being spoken to like a child, but I am really angered by the notion that what I like is unacceptable and that there is something "better than that," or that I am "settling" by being with big men!
On the contrary, I am not settling and to me there is nothing better than being with a big man. So I ask them how they could say something like that when there are so many big men who are active, healthy, attractive, perhaps professionals, like lawyers or corporate managers or who might be talented artists or musicians. I try to disarm them by demonstrating that what they are saying to me is based on bigotry and ignorance, rather than fact. They might walk away still thinking I'm insane, but at least I leave them with something to think about.
I find big men genuinely more attractive. I have met other women who prefer big men and none of them felt they were settling either. Some of these women were BBWs and others were not, but none of them felt anything but genuine attraction toward big men.
It's sad that anyone should be made to feel that what they are attracted to is wrong or abnormal. I feel that I shouldn't have to constantly justify my preferences to others, but if I don't, I would then be misinterpreted as admitting there is something abnormal about it. What's worse though, is when I have to justify this preference to big men who don't believe that my attraction to them is genuine. Many big men cannot understand why anyone would find them attractive, and some have admitted to me that they find themselves unattractive.
I've known big men who are never without a date. Those men exude self confidence and self esteem. That's not something anyone can give you; you must find it within yourself. It's hard in a society that bombards us with images of rock-hard, muscle bound jocks as heroes, and fat men as comedians.
While no one can instill self esteem into anyone else, FAs (male and female) can help by both admitting their preferences, and by being willing to discuss and hopefully enlighten anyone who cannot understand these preferences. By not doing this, you are hurting the very people you admire. After all, if you're ashamed or embarrassed to admit this preference, aren't you then confirming that there is something wrong with it?
Usually, once I've established that I am genuinely attracted to big men, and not just settling, the next thing I am asked is "why?"
Many women tell me "there's more to love," or "they're just like big, cuddly teddy bears," and so on. I agree, but I go far beyond that. I am sexually attracted to big men. I am a genuine fat admirer. I am attracted to the same things as male FAs: cellulite, rolls, double chins, round faces, huge bellies, etc. I am attracted to the way fat moves; how it jiggles and sways. I am attracted to fat people's mannerisms; the way they walk and how their bodies move. I am turned on when I see a man with a huge stomach using his belly to rest his folded hands, for example. I am also turned on by other themes and fantasies familiar to my fellow FAs, like outgrown clothing and progressive weight gain. So to say that I merely prefer big men is not enough. My sexuality is identified with my preference.
Several years ago, I had an idea to create a magazine for big men. I thought it wasn't fair that there were magazines for big women, but none for big men. I am now working on making this dream a reality. I have a small team of dedicated people who believe in the good we can do to help big men and their admirers. Like a GQ for big men, (and when I say big men, I don't mean big, tall muscle jocks, either)—BHM's (Big Handsome Men) goal is to empower and glorify its readers.
I am also involved in a survey of FFAs. With me on both projects is William Fabrey who founded NAAFA in 1969. Both projects will be beneficial to big men, their admirers, and to size acceptance in general.
In the long run, I hope that between us all we will help a lot of people. All people are beautiful in their own way, but for those of us who genuinely prefer fat partners, nothing is more painful than knowing how many big people are left to feel unattractive and undesirable.
I have also experienced discrimination based on my size. In the entertainment field as well as in modeling, for example, I've been denied opportunities because they considered me too big. In the FA world, I've been considered too small! I know how it feels, but I carved my own niche. I like being who I am and I like my size.
Have you heard of the "magic pill?" Many people of size say that if there was a pill that would make them thin and allow them to eat "normally," they would take it. Some wouldn't because they worked too hard to gain personal acceptance. I personally would never consider it because I like being fat! Even beyond knowing that there are men out there who would find me attractive, ultimately, I must be happy in my own body. At my lowest adult weight of 1651bs. I was considered "on the heavy side" and denied jobs, much less now, over 200lbs. My DNA says that I am a big woman, and I am quite happy with Mother Nature's design.
When I meet or communicate with a big man who hates himself, it breaks my heart because big men are the most attractive and desirable men on the planet to me. But, it's hard to admire someone who doesn't like themselves. It's hard to deal with paying someone a compliment and being told that you're just being nice.
I hope that someday, all people will learn to feel good about the body that they were given, and I hope that in my small way, I can help that happen. Size acceptance has made progress, and I hope that as we enter a new century and a new age, that we will progress to the point that all people have the same rights, regardless of any physical factors or circumstances. They say, there's someone for everyone, but society doesn't want to extend this to FA's and the people we admire.
I want to thank Dimensions for this opportunity to share my thoughts with its readers and also for the introduction of a board for big men and their admirers on the Dimensions Online website. I invite you all to write to me regarding anything I've written. Email: GingerFA@aol.com or BHMmag@aol.com or by snail-mail:
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