THE DRINKING MAN'S DIET

by Allan Sherman


Oh, I'm on The Drinking Man's Diet
It came from a book I was loaned
It's really terrific
And quite scientific
And I'm half stoned
For breakfast some corn flakes and vodka
But corn flakes have carbohydrates
So I don't eat those fattening corn flakes
I eat the vodka straight

     Drink, drink, everyone drink
     It's not as bad as we used to think
     With every Manhattan
     Your stomach will flatten
     So drink, drink, drink

The Air Force invented this diet
A fact which they hotly deny
Of course they'd deny it
'Cause this is the diet
That got the Air Force high
For lunch you can have three martinis
What better lunch is there than that?
But caution: do not eat the olives
'Cause olives make you fat

     Drink, drink, everyone drink
     It's not as bad as we used to think
     If pounds you would burn off
     Then turn on your Smirnoff
     And drink, drink, drink

For dinner a nice scotch and soda
Now that oughta help you to lose
No whipped cream, no butter
Just lay in the gutter
And booze, booze, booze
Suppose you should meet a policeman
Who says you've been quenching your thirst?
You just tell him it's physical fitness
And health comes first!

     Drink [hic] drink [hic] booze everywhere
     Pass that decan'er of bourbon, there
     I'm fatter than ever
     But here's what's so clever -
     It's I ... DON'T ... CARE ...!!!

_________________________

Copyright 1965 by Curtain Call Productions, Inc.

Recorded by Allan Sherman with the James Joyce Singers,
     single release (Warner Bros. 5672, Dec. 1965) and on the LP
     "My Name Is Allan" (Warner Bros. WSTX 1604, 1965)