HAIL TO THEE, FAT PERSON!
by Allan Sherman
[Recitation with the tune of "America The Beautiful" in the background]
I would like to explain how it came to pass that I got fat.
Ladies and gentlemen, I got fat as a public service. When I was a child,
my mother said to me, "Clean the plate, because children are starving
in Europe." And I might point out that that was years before the Marshall
Plan was ever heard of. So I would clean the plate, four, five, six times
a day, because somehow I felt that that would keep the children from
starving in Europe. But I was wrong. They kept starving. And I got fat.
So I would like to say to every one of you who is either skinny or in some
other way normal - when you walk out on the street, and you see a fat
person, do not scoff at that fat person. Oh no! Take off your hat. Hold
it over your heart. Lift your chin up high. And in a proud, happy voice
say to him:
"Hail to thee, fat person! You kept us out of war!"
Copyright ca. 1963 by Curtain Call Productions, Inc.
Recorded by Allan Sherman on the LP "My Son the Nut"