HAIL TO THEE, FAT PERSON!

by Allan Sherman


[Recitation with the tune of "America The Beautiful" in the background]

I would like to explain how it came to pass that I got fat.

Ladies and gentlemen, I got fat as a public service.  When I was a child,
my mother said to me, "Clean the plate, because children are starving
in Europe."  And I might point out that that was years before the Marshall
Plan was ever heard of.  So I would clean the plate, four, five, six times
a day, because somehow I felt that that would keep the children from
starving in Europe.  But I was wrong.  They kept starving.  And I got fat.

So I would like to say to every one of you who is either skinny or in some
other way normal - when you walk out on the street, and you see a fat
person, do not scoff at that fat person.  Oh no!  Take off your hat.  Hold
it over your heart.  Lift your chin up high.  And in a proud, happy voice
say to him:

"Hail to thee, fat person!  You kept us out of war!"

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Copyright ca. 1963 by Curtain Call Productions, Inc.

Recorded by Allan Sherman on the LP "My Son the Nut"