SNACK ATTACK

by Kevin Godley and Lol Creme


Midnight Saturday, sat in the dark
Watching the ceiling falling apart
The air conditioner's been busted for weeks
So the smell of cooking seeps through the floor
I can't eat no more

They want me to be as light as a feather
So the doctor's wired my jaws together
Now I'm locked in the bedroom away from the food
So I lie on my back in the dark in the nude
I can't eat no more
I got to use a straw

But if the Devil dragged me down to the kitchen
I wouldn't put up a fight
I'd gladly sign away my soul
For a T-bone steak tonight

     I feel like Kojak sitting in a Cadillac
     I gotta eat, I gotta eat a flapjack
     A stack, a rack, a six-pack, Jack
     Just call me Jack Kerouac
     Click-clack, open up the hatchback
     I could eat a bubble car or a packamack
     Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, Big Mac
     Good God, it's a snack attack

Gimme sausage, egg and beans, and chips
Milkshakes, clambakes, fondue and dips
And sauces, horses, seventeen courses
Of barbequed beef with asparagus tips
Rashers of bacon, bagels and lox
And tandoori prawns and a box of chocs
Spaghetti with mussels, Parma hams
And deep frozen waffles with syrup and jams

My willpower's gone, I'm down on my knees
Praying to the god of cottage cheese
It's no good trying, I'll never beat it
`Cos if it moves, I'll eat it
So undo my trousers, let out the slack
Who cares? It's a snack attack
It's a snack attack

     I feel like Kojak sitting in a Cadillac
     I gotta eat, I gotta eat a flapjack
     A stack, a rack, a six-pack, Jack
     Just call me Jack Kerouac
     Click-clack, open up the hatchback
     I could eat a bubble car or a packamack
     Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, Big Mac
     Good God, it's a snack attack
     It's a snack attack
     It's a snack attack
     It's a snack attack

My father was a gent's outfitter
My mother went crazy, they had to commit her
They used to tell me, "Don't be a quitter"
But I know deep down I'm the runt of the litter
I can't eat no more
I gotta use a straw

How do you take an overdose,
Or even pretend to do it,
When the last straw is the one in your mouth
And you can't suck sleepers through it?
I can't eat no more
I gotta use a straw

But if the Devil took me to Mexico
To taste his guacamol'
I'd gladly sign my name in blood
And give him the keys to my soul
Because I can't eat no more
I can't eat no more

     I feel like Kojak sitting in a Cadillac
     I gotta eat, I gotta eat a flapjack
     A stack, a rack, a six-pack, Jack
     Just call me Jack Kerouac
     Click-clack, open up the hatchback
     I could eat a bubble car or a packamack
     Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, Big Mac
     Good God, it's a snack attack
     It's a snack attack
     It's a snack attack

     I feel like Kojak sitting in a Cadillac
     I gotta eat, I gotta eat a flapjack
     A stack, a rack, a six-pack, Jack
     Just call me Jack Kerouac
     Click-clack, open up the hatchback
     I could eat a bubble car or a packamack
     Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, Big Mac
     Good God, it's a snack attack
     It's a snack attack

Midnight Sunday, asleep on the floor
Curled up in the corner, can't take no more
Armies of food invade my sleep
Led by lasagnas ten inches deep
My head is pounding, my heart is beating
Cows are mooing, sheep are bleating
I'm being haunted by all the meat I've eaten

And then a burglar alarm goes off in my head
And I wake up screaming, am I dead
Or alive? And the clock says five
It's only five in the morning
I'm covered in sweat
Am I hungry? You bet!

Cold turkey's what I'm going through
Cold turkey's what I need
But they've hung a sign on my appetite
Saying, "Danger - Do Not Feed"
I can't eat no more
I got to use a straw
I can't eat no more
I can't eat no more

And they've even taken away
The pictures of food I had on my wall
And my treasured collection of menus
They screwed up into a ball
In front of my face they flicked it
Out of the window, into the night
But they'll never unscramble the combination
They'll never get it right

Now if they made a feature film
That featured only food
I'd wallow in the crowd scenes
While the rest of the audience booed
And if I got myself a video
I could satisfy the need
I could check out the action frame by frame
And watch the calories breed
But I can't eat no more
I got to use a straw
I can't eat no more
I can't eat no more
I got to use a straw

     I feel like Kojak sitting in a Cadillac
     I gotta eat, I gotta eat a flapjack
     A stack, a rack, a six-pack, Jack
     Just call me Jack Kerouac
     Click-clack, open up the hatchback
     I could eat a bubble car or a packamack
     Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, Big Mac
     Good God, it's a snack attack
     It's a snack attack

     I feel like Kojak sitting in a Cadillac
     I gotta eat, I gotta eat a flapjack
     A stack, a rack, a six-pack, Jack
     Just call me Jack Kerouac
     Click-clack, open up the hatchback
     I could eat a bubble car or a packamack
     Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, Big Mac
     Good God, it's a snack attack
     It's a snack attack

_________________________

Recorded by Godley & Creme on the LP "Snack Attack" (Polydor
     POLD 5043, 1981), released in the US as "Ismism" (Mirage
     WTG 19341, 1981)