by Andrew Ratshin

See the huddled masses cower in the corner
While the people of position eat another pie
See them calculate the calories and categories
Counting up the carrots as the world goes by
Everyone remembers all the really fat and ugly women
Dancing with each other in the high school gym
And everybody's read about the fat guy in the Guinness book
And wondered what the hell was really wrong with him

Look at all the chubby-cheekers checking out the chocolates
While the people with the money do the fat boy dance
Totally dumbfounded, well-endowed and so well-rounded
Crying out how they're the victims of a circumstance
All the wealthy women who have recently discovered
They could satisfy a lover with diminished girth
Try to keep the secret but then ultimately leak it
When they speak about the heaven that is here on earth

     There's a whole new breed of surgeon
     Fully armed with suction guns
     Hired by some health food virgin
     Tired of the fat farm fun
     No one's had the nerve to weigh her
     No one's seen a curve for years
     She can pay to see her layers disappear

See the dietician losing by the hour
While the people with the power take away her job
See her mutter at her California cutter
While he builds a perfect woman from a perfect slob
Why should someone worry about eating in a hurry
When the caramel and the curry can be cut away?
Why not stuff your faces if you know that there are places
That can just surgically erase your every Milky Way?

     See the rich girl fire her trainer
     See her tuck away her thigh
     See them make a vain girl vainer
     As they suck her body dry
     See her smiling for the camera
     Hear her thank her lucky star
     They would kill to watch her fill the jelly jar

See the upper crusters drawn and quartered
See the plastic people rioting
It's not exactly what the doctor ordered
But so much easier than dieting
Stick a needle in the fatty tissue
Stick a needle in the derrière
No one else could take a social issue
Turn it into such a fashion fair

See the kid who's been so totally insipid
He's been saving up the lipids for a rainy day
Thinks it kind of funny that some hypodermic honey
For a little bit a money drains the past away
Everyone who's phobic about being anaerobic
Can endure the mock heroics of the surgeons' grind
Every tofu-hater can revert to steak and taters
If he knows that sometime later he'll be redesigned

See the girl who swallowed fingers showing off her appetite
Knowing there's some nut to cut out every bite

Pinch a fistful and you've wrung the curtain
Pinch a fistful and your lover's gone
Why be wistful when you know for certain
There's a blissful way to carry on?
Stick a needle and it's hello sailor
Stick a needle and it's hello friend
Send some business to your human tailor
Spend the means to buy your perfect end

Slip the tube into the sack of suet
As you pass the fluid with some tenderness
Greet the future with a single suture
As you Roto-Root your way to slenderness
Stick a needle and you quit the fat boom
Stick a needle and you quit the gym
Join the people with the human vacuum
They will keep you looking fit and trim
Stick a needle and it's good-bye pressure
Stick a needle and it's good-bye thighs
Everybody needs a drastic measure
Every body can be cut to size


Copyright ca. 1988 by Liu-Tunes

Recorded by Uncle Bonsai on the double-length cassette "Myn ynd
     Wymyn" (UB Productions T214 A14, 1988), re-released on CD by
     Yellow Tail Records (YT-10003, 1992).