How Do You Do IT?
by Ruby Greenwald
One of the most often asked, almost inevitable, questions on TV talk shows is "How do you have sex?" While this is a rather personal and obnoxious question, it shows that the general public cannot picture how a couple where one partner is fat, let alone both, can have a satisfying sex life. Our answers are usually geared towards putting the insensitive questioner in his or her place, but the fact is that sex with a fat partner can present challenges and/or require different techniques. Also, there are so many different combinations of partners' body sizes and shapes that it is not possible to make general statements.
The biggest problems to overcome is the fear that many fat women have at an initial encounter, the fear that their partner may be turned off by their body. After having been told all their lives that they are fat and unattractive, it is not easy to become self-confident and secure about the sex appeal of their naked bodies. Even experienced and self-assured fat women are often afraid before the first sexual encounter with a new partner. Chances are that he is thrilled with your body, and quite possibly especially those parts that you hate most.
One of the basics of sex between FAs and their fat partners is that the "barriers" presented by fat, which the general public sees as an obstacle and a turn off, are viewed very differently by FAs. While a very large belly or very fat thighs indeed decrease accessibility, this is often seen as a turn on by FAs who see accommodating the fat not as a struggle but as something that greatly enriches the sexual experience.
Fat women must learn to accept that to FAs their fat bodies are already the epitome of beauty and female attractiveness. Throw in compatible personalities, love and respect for each other, and you have an unbeatable combination for a most satisfying sex life. Position may be everything in life, but that may not apply to relationships where the large size of one (or both partners) is seen as a plus rather than a minus.
Needless to say, each couple will have their very own favorite positions which they have discovered and can continue to discover as the relationship ripens and matures. The key words are patience, experimentation, patience, and more patience. A lot of people give up on positions if they don't work right away. The men often don't realize that women have had to search for ways to accommodate their bodies in almost every facet of life, and finding the right sexual positions is just more of the same. The first time can be frustrating, but soon the search for comfortable, fulfilling positions can become a sexy game.
This is not to say that problems don't exist between FAs and their fat partners. For example, an FA, in love with luscious curves and mounds, may not mind "obstacles" and may indeed see them as exciting "opportunities," but the fat woman herself may experience the reduced accessibility as a problem. This may lead to frustration and a diminished experience. Position problems are therefore likely to be much more of an issue to the women than to the men. A man who is in love with your big, fat body will always find a way to satisfy himself, but the woman may not be in the same lucky position.
Another problem, and a potentially very serious one: a woman's fat thighs or belly can make a condom slip off, especially after climax, endangering safe sex practices. Be aware of this, and be very careful. Use the right kind of condom.
Is weight itself a problem? Many fat women fear that they may actually hurt a lover with their bulk. Surprisingly, there is little to fear. A large number of FAs talk about the turn-on of feeling a fat woman's weight on top of them. Most fat women initially feel very skeptical about this and fear that they would "crush" their partner. Almost every FA we've ever heard from on this topic laughs at that notion. Don't forget that sexual excitement brings some indifference to pain as well as almost superhuman strength. Remember those instances when you were ill, but sexual excitement nevertheless made all bad feelings go away for the duration of the act? Or think of the many 105 pound women with big, tall husbands. Logic would have it that a 6'4" guy who weighs 280 pounds would crush, or at least hurt, a 5'1" woman who weighs 110 pounds, but that's not the case. Similarly, even a woman of 400 pounds and more can be on top of an FA without hurting him in the least. Some gentleness and caution is advisable, of course, but the FA will most probably know when he has had enough.
Because of the widely expressed interest in the subject, Dimensions talked to a number of fat women ranging in weight up to 600 pounds and encouraged them to share their views and favorite positions with our readers. Among them, a lady with a super-sized hourglass figure, one who is very large and pearshaped, and one who is hyper-size.
Since fat people's bodies come in all sizes and shapes, it is impossible to generalize. What works well for one couple may not work for another. If you would like to share your experiences, please write to Dimensions, POB 640, Folsom, CA 95763-0640, or email.