by Dawn Hunter
[The following essay was found posted on the web. It's viewpoint is refreshingly unique, if somwhat tongue-in-cheek, and, for want of a better place to archive it, is contributed here --- The Observer]
English 101, MW 8:00am
Obese People v. Thin People
After studying obese and thin people, I have discovered that the main difference is that obese people care more about society than themselves. They are more dedicated to making life easier for thin people. They are more courageous than thin people.
Obese people are not the disgusting slobs that thin people think they are. Obese people care a great deal about society. The only problem with obese people is they are viewed through the anoretic eye of society. Society views them bigger than they really are. Obese people care enough about society not to frequent health spas or gyms. We have the ability to jump and flex but choose to allow thin people to believe they are superior. Obese people choose to use their energy for the good of society. Benjamin Franklin was fat but chose to use his energy not on the treadmill of his day, but rather in the laboratory so that thin people everywhere would have light. Thurgood Marshall, also fat, chose to use his energy for equality so that thin people of any color could exercise their rights and discuss the affairs of fat people everywhere.
Obese people care enough about society to remain fat. You see, if obese people were to loose weight, the stock market would drop. The fast food industry would suffer. Good old American fabric makers everywhere would go out of business because there would be no need for the extra fabric. The airlines could not charge us for an extra seat and Bally's Total Fitness would not make millions on the fat people who pay religiously and never show up. If we did not care enough to stay fat, who would dance in poor Richard Simmons' videos? Obese people, without a doubt are the greatest public servants.
Thin people care more about themselves. They want to be healthy and energetic. They want to breathe easier. They don't want to clog their arteries or sweat excessively. Thin people are rather selfish in my opinion.
Obese people have also been accused of not being dedicated. Nonsense. Obese people willfully commit themselves to any diet craze on the market. Obese people have dedicated themselves to being public spectacles for thin people. Obese people have dedicated themselves to eating all they can in order to save thin people from becoming like them. Everything done by an obese is done with thin people in mind. Obese people are dedicated to making thin people happy. They walk down the street so that thin people can laugh at them. Obese people try to interview for a job just so a thin person can turn them down, even though they are qualified. Obese people shop in the mall just so a thin salesperson on commission can tell them they look fantastic in a dress three sizes too small. Obese people are dedicated to thin people.
Thin people aren't dedicated to anything. They don't know what size they want to be. If they gain one pound, they are frantically trying to lose it. Obese people aren't concerned about that.
Obese people are more courageous than thin people. What other group of people do you know would have the courage to wear a tent with large flowers on it? They have the courage to put on shoes that can no longer be seen when they are standing. They have the courage to sit down and take up three or more seats. Obese people also have the courage to take ridicule and be the butt of many jokes and not plot terrorists' attacks against thin people. Obese people certainly have more courage.
Thin people have no courage. No courage to take on the ridicule of hecklers. No courage to wear things they don't have the shape for. No courage to eat what ever they want to eat and not feel guilty. They are weak.
In conclusion, I believe that obese people are better human beings than thin people. They punish themselves for the gratification of others. They are public servants that fulfill a vital role in society furiously marketing selfishness and arrogant vanity. Obese people are truly the last great race of people.