A worthy cause

Ê

I encountered a definition long ago in a book on the study of sexual
behaviour... Not Masters and Johnson, but .... Havelock Ellis, I think, used
to speak of "partialities" and "fetishes", and I'm positive that the word
comes into clinical as well as popular usage through him... check him out.

His definition, incidentally, is one I agree with, and one that I use when
speaking to those who think of a fetish as something you slip into, like
ladies underwear--- although slipping into ladies underwear ITSELF, could be
understood as a fetish....

Hmm. I was kind of joking, there.

But there have been debates as to whether sexual preference is indeed a
choice, or something innate, determined genetically or by means of our
upbringing... We don't choose our fetishes anymore than we choose our sexual
orientation. Given how difficult it is to live a a gay man or woman, who
would choose such a thing? A true fetish is like that.

I'm reminded of an episode of THIRD ROCK FROM THE SUN where the young boy
wonders why he had the crap beaten out of him in school, and then
mentions--"today, I was being a Korean"...literally not realizing race is
more than just what you eat. Just as I can't be Korean today, and Jamaican
tomorrow, be gay today and straight tomorrow, SIMILARLY: I can't have a foot
fetish today, and a boob fetish tomorrow.

We could be very unhappy about our fetish[es]. People will affect and
pretend, but in fact a fetish is a serious business. For example, my fetish
has not brought me happiness... but it's not open to choice, is it? I have a
fetish for big women. Given society's anorexic and fat- bashing behaviour, a
fat fetish could be a frustrating fetish to have, don't you think? A common
occurrence I hear about is that women will disbelieve when a man professes
to be attracted. When the fat woman is also 6' plus, she may find self-
acceptance challenging, or impossible let alone finding a loving, accepting
partner. And the worst thing for her to meet is a man erotically attracted.
Perversely, it seems more common for such women to find partners who love
them in spite of, rather than due to, their size.

Oh well. At least somebody gets to be happy.

According to Ellis, a fetish is something... an object, concept or situation
without which orgasm cannot occur. While a partiality is something we enjoy
or choose, and which helps increase our arousal and/or pleasure, the fetish
is at a higher level of importance. Ellis permits substitution and fantasy,
within his definition of fetish. For example, my fetish...If I were with a
120 lb. woman I might have trouble coming.... unless she bounces her ass on
my face, or steps on my chest, allowing me to get lost in fantasy images.

When one elaborates the images, or if one is particularly obsessive, one may
be unable to come without an even more extreme version of the fetish image.
Just as an addict needs bigger and bigger fixes, perhaps the fetish
tolerance shifts. What was a mind-blower/ come-in-the-pants idea initially--
when young-- becomes insufficiently arousing, later, when old. It stands to
reason that just as our ability to come changes with age, so our response to
fetish material will change. A 20-year-old, surrounded by available young
women may not appreciate what he has around him, until he's 50, and no
longer so capable, nor the young women so available.

I think of myself as having a size fetish. I have a number of interesting
ways of getting off, and having fun with my wife--who weighs "only" 200 lb.
From behind, her love-handles and ass are divine to bash into, and even
nicer to look up at, as she sits down on my face. When she's on top she
tries to be as heavy as possible, filling my face with her breasts. I can
also get on top, penetrating her, while she puts her feet up, which I kiss
and suck, fantasizing that she is walking on me while I lose myself in their
odour and texture. The fetish was originally only meaningful as an analogue
to being under a much bigger woman... but I came to love the experience for
itself, without the subtext of crushing and weight. I don't think of myself
as having a foot fetish as a result: but I get off on pretty feet as the
site where weight is transfered.

I have discovered that the pictures on the web pertaining to
giantesses--close-ups of feet crushing toy men and toy cars, for example are
also arousing in the same context, except when it's obvious ( some are
poorly done ) that the woman isn't big at all.

I believe my fetish has its origin in a few aspects of my upbringing. For
starters, and this is probably the most important aspect, I am sexually
precocious. I think it would be worth studying how many men who have
fetishes for large women began having sexual experiences before their growth
spurt. In other words, I believe that I have a fat or size fetish because I
first experienced orgasm in a world where women were bigger than me.

And then I grew up, and nobody was big enough anymore. I found tall women
were catching my attention, too, although the single most arousing
possibility is a giantess: a very tall, heavy and/or powerful woman who
completely dwarfs me.

There is also a cultural component. Black and some European cultures --such
as mine-- are not as fat-phobic, and misogynistic. Those who do not admire
big women may fear their power, and be insecure in their manhood. I've heard
the opposite argued-- that liking big women is mother-fixation, and a sign
of a lack of virility. Personally, I'd rather be on the side where the black
men are-- are we going to say they're not virile?? I believe [white] men who
want little skinny women who look like little boys are the ones who should
have their virility questioned. Maybe they're easily threatened...

As a result of nobody being big enough, my activities were an exercise in a
kind of virtual reality. Simulations came to be essential, as substitutions
for what I cannot experience. Consider the following strategies: having a
face full of breast, perhaps oiled, rubbed across my face face-sitting feet
on the face face to face, woman spreads legs around man in chair as much
weight as possible pressing on the body walking on the body threesomes as
another way of increasing weight/size putting the woman higher-- on a table,
eg, putting myself lower, eg, sitting or lying while the ass presses the
face, or bare feet tease genitals

There are as many as you can imagine. These substitutions are very important
if you're hoping to continue in a loving marriage, as I do, or, if your
fetish has components of the impossible built in, as with those who glorify
giantesses, for example.

Fetishes in their purest form flirt with the deepest existential issues:
life, death, one-ness with the other, and so on. At the greatest extremes of
pain and pleasure the most compulsive person may ask themselves about life
and death while confronting their pain and pleasure thresh-holds. This
fetish in particular is certainly an incentive towards physical fitness,
particularly if one wishes to survive the attempts to expand one's limits.

MATT

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