Tough Love vs. Spanking

[swamptoad]

Tough Love vs. Spanking

Most of America's populace thinks it very improper to spank children as was the preferred method of yesteryear. I recently heard from a friend who has tried other methods to control their kids when they have one of "those moments".

One that she found very effective was to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

They usually calmed down and stopped misbehaving after their little outing together.

I've included the photo below of one of those sessions with my friend's son in case you would like to use the technique.

http://albums.photo.epson.com/j/ViewPhoto?u=4347770&a=31989492&p=73341604

[1300 Class]

Nothing wrong with a little smack under the right circumstances.

[Santaclear]

Good one ST. Kinda makes me wish I had a kid, ya know? Poor thing. I kinda like how the blurring makes it look like it's raining.

[Santaclear]

Oh, and the current PC term is Harsh Nurture.

[LillyBBBW]

Being the oldest child in the family I was always the designated babysitter for everybody's kids. I was barely a kid myself and subject to the occasional slap from the front of the car on long rides to nowhere. It didn't do much damage in the grand scheme of things, but I wanted to find a more humane way of dealing with the smart alec little snippets than beating them silly, which I felt more than happy to do on many occasions. So I would punish them with water. I would spontaneously use the water hose at the kitchen sink and at some point I bought a super soaker. I would just excuse myself from the situation and then return with it loaded and start shooting. Not only was it deeply satisfying for me, but it turned many a tense moment into a situation that would erupt into squealing joyous mayhem in the house. My nieces and nephews remember it fondly and claim that I was lots of fun growing up. Better that than having one of them write a tell all book about me that winds up in the Oprah book club.

[moonvine]

Nothing wrong with a little smack under the right circumstances.

I'd never hit a child. It teaches them that violence is a good way to solve problems, which is something I wouldn't want them to learn from me.

[Seth Warren]

The way I see most children acting these days, I'd like to see them all beaten into submission - along with their parents.:mad:

[ValentineBBW]

The way I see most children acting these days, I'd like to see them all beaten into submission - along with their parents.:mad:

I agree, but please start with the parents first.

[Zoom]

Spanking is so frowned upon in much of America, that in one town they've actually passed an ordinance against it! Which is too bad, as it may be the only way to properly control an unruly child (if done correctly and nonabusively of course). But the erosion of parental rights is concurrent with the erosion of parents taking responsibility.

[Sasquatch!]

There is a big difference between a spanking and a beating. I think people against spanking tend to forget that.

[CurvaceousBBWLover]

Tough Love vs. Spanking

Most of America's populace thinks it very improper to spank children as was the preferred method of yesteryear. I recently heard from a friend who has tried other methods to control their kids when they have one of "those moments".

One that she found very effective was to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

They usually calmed down and stopped misbehaving after their little outing together.

I've included the photo below of one of those sessions with my friend's son in case you would like to use the technique.



http://albums.photo.epson.com/j/ViewPhoto?u=4347770&a=31989492&p=73341604


Spanking ought to be illegal. The practice is an indirect way of teaching children that violence is acceptable.

[Seth Warren]

Spanking ought to be illegal. The practice is an indirect way of teaching children that violence is acceptable.

Isn't war the same thing?

[CurvaceousBBWLover]

Isn't war the same thing?

I agree. Let's start moving away from glorifying war. A good move would be to change the national anthem from "The Star Spangled Banner" to "America the Beautiful."

[ClashCityRocker]

these are some really interesting opinions...honestly i was spanked(fairly rarely, but i wont forget the few times.)i think it all depends on the parent's ability to differentiate between discipline and violence. don't get me wrong, spankings can be very violent(THE BELT. anyone who knows KNOWS.), but it's a far cry from war...spankings are usually about punishment for doing something wrong like writing on the walls or flushing car keys down the toilet. needless to say, my walls are clean and my car keys are unflushed.

i'll admit that a few parents have the concept of spanking quite ass-backwards. i've seen a few parents in public use it as a means of letting out agression rather than telling the kid that what they're doing is wrong. when i got it, even though i'm fairly positive a decent amount of force was exerted(directly into the form of the outline of a hand on my lightly toasted ass) it was always a direct result of my stupidity. i really believe that it's up to the parent, but that's just my opinion.

did i rant, or was there any sense in that?

aaron£

[Totmacher]

Actually I learned about how effective a playground persuader violence was all by myself. Being spanked taught me that if I do violence there will always be someone bigger than me to beat the crap out of me for it so I should find a more acceptable way to deal with people.

[1300 Class]

Spanking ought to be illegal. The practice is an indirect way of teaching children that violence is acceptable.

And while we're at it, well ban war, swearing, pornography, liquor, rude but amusing jokes, all plastic, CDs and DVDs and and pets as animals.

However snapping out of it for just a moment, there must be a clear defination of a smack or spank. If for a single moment that a parent or gardian uses a spank as a means of frustration/violence against a child, rather than an act that is designed to discapline the child, such as a small smack or a "clip behind the ear" then they should be taken before something and punished for doing such a damned silly thing to a child.

[Mariah]

I won't deny that people are different, and that people learn differently, but I can't recall learning anything except for being afraid and not trusting grownups from being spanked as a child. And this was spanking, not hitting or beating, I got beaten once, haven't forgot about that, but I think my father got just as shocked from hitting me as I got from being hit. A smack in the face is degrading, but it's much more of a reflex than spanking, so I might even accept that if there's a good reason for it, but spanking doesn't work if you want you children to learn to do things or behave differently. I mean seriously, if they for a moment thought I'd learn to keep track of time and not coming home late from spanking, I don't know with which part of their brains they were thinking... :shocked:

Furthermore children learn ways of resolving problems from their parents, my father got spanked, I got spanked, and I'm just happy I'm not gonna have any children. And being bigger than everybody else I'm just happy I've managed to learn not to hit anyone physically because that would be a disaster. On the downside I've learnt to hit verbally from my parents as well... And you better not be there when I'm on the loose:(

Just saying discipline can be taught by other means than spanking.

[LillyBBBW]

these are some really interesting opinions...honestly i was spanked(fairly rarely, but i wont forget the few times.)i think it all depends on the parent's ability to differentiate between discipline and violence. don't get me wrong, spankings can be very violent(THE BELT. anyone who knows KNOWS.), but it's a far cry from war...spankings are usually about punishment for doing something wrong like writing on the walls or flushing car keys down the toilet. needless to say, my walls are clean and my car keys are unflushed.

i'll admit that a few parents have the concept of spanking quite ass-backwards. i've seen a few parents in public use it as a means of letting out agression rather than telling the kid that what they're doing is wrong. when i got it, even though i'm fairly positive a decent amount of force was exerted(directly into the form of the outline of a hand on my lightly toasted ass) it was always a direct result of my stupidity. i really believe that it's up to the parent, but that's just my opinion.

did i rant, or was there any sense in that?

aaron£

My grandmother would whoop and holler with laughter when she would retell the story of my first public spanking from my mother at the age of two. It was at a wedding and after they had sliced the cake, I was going around to the tables and peeling the tops off of the cakes and eating the frosting. I was quite the little bandit and when my mother discovered what I was doing she was mortified.

In the grand scheme of things, I got more spankings out of anyone else in my family. Every one was well behaved and dutiful but I was a back talker with a lust for mischief. I take after my mother. :p And she knew it.

I agree with you Aaron. I see more damage in society today from kids being set free to wreak havoc than I ever saw from a child being spanked on the bottom. Kids flail about unhindered at weddings, in restaurants, in shopping malls, on public transportation, in schools. It's a safety hazard for themselves as well as everyone else. And then they become teens and act in the streets like they have no home training at all and it's because they don't. When I was a kid I couldn't run through the streets like some of these kids do all day. I had work to do at home, homework, I had to put the roast in the oven at 4:30 p.m. before Mom and Dad came home. I feel it is a product of parents not being allowed to set clear and sturdy boundaries for their children and teach them responsible and respectable behavior while they're young. I'm not talking about abusive brutish parents who have no boundaries themselves.

[dragorat]

I think todays laws are to general.There needs to be a more defined law stating the difference between the 2.I see nothing wrong with a slap on the ass.Just hard enough to get the child's attention & to make them think of WHY they got it.I don't believe in belts or paddles but the open hand should be enough.I can think of many times as a child that I got a swat.I don't think it did me any harm!I think too many kids today feel they can get away with anything they want because they can yell abuse if someone tries to discipline them.Anyway....that's my 2 cents worth!:cool:

[EtobicokeFA]

I think the key to all of it was to hopefully teach kids respect and the difference between discipline, and hopefully trying to prevent them from doing it again.

But you have to find the method the kid(s) with respond to.

I have seen and heard of parents who don't not teach any discipline, and parents who believe in the saying "spare the rod spoil the rod". They are even parents that see not irony when they discipline their kid, by sending them to their room. A room that has wall-to-wall, toys.

What we need to do, is to talk to parents who disciplined they kid successfully.

Note of irony while I am on the subject. If you guys remember, at one time the best selling book on raising kids, was writing by Dr. Spock (not the Star Trek guy), after he got rich of his books, he start having kids of his own. It wasn't to long after that the he admitted that what he said in the book was cr*p!

[BBW Betty]

Spanking, in my opinion, can be one tool for discipline. A swat on the butt does not have to be a beating. As long as limits are set, and followed through--so the kid learns right from wrong.

I know I was spanked a few times as a kid, and I learned that you follow rules and directions. I know I was not physically abused, and I do not act violently toward people.

My brother and sister were only a year apart in age, and sometimes could wreak havoc in public. My mother had them with her in the clinic once, where they were jumping all over the waiting room, interfering with people, despite repeated directions to behave. When Mom took a wooden spoon out of her purse, one woman looked at her as if to say, "It's about time!" Another woman looked as if she might report Mom for child abuse. No matter what, you can't win.

Neither my brother nor sister is violent, either. In fact, my brother today is 6'4" and is one of the gentlest, best guys to have around kids. All the nephews and neices just love him.

Aaron and Lily, (and some others), you made perfect sense.

[Boteroesque Babe]

Tough love or spanking? Oh, please don't make me choose.

(Can't comment on child rearing, though.)

[CurvaceousBBWLover]

these are some really interesting opinions...honestly i was spanked(fairly rarely, but i wont forget the few times.)i think it all depends on the parent's ability to differentiate between discipline and violence. don't get me wrong, spankings can be very violent(THE BELT. anyone who knows KNOWS.), but it's a far cry from war...spankings are usually about punishment for doing something wrong like writing on the walls or flushing car keys down the toilet. needless to say, my walls are clean and my car keys are unflushed.

i'll admit that a few parents have the concept of spanking quite ass-backwards. i've seen a few parents in public use it as a means of letting out agression rather than telling the kid that what they're doing is wrong. when i got it, even though i'm fairly positive a decent amount of force was exerted(directly into the form of the outline of a hand on my lightly toasted ass) it was always a direct result of my stupidity. i really believe that it's up to the parent, but that's just my opinion.

did i rant, or was there any sense in that?

aaron£


Nothing is wrong with a rant here or there. I'm going to have to do that sometime. BEsides, I hated getting hit with belts. That is much more violent than using the hands. Belts and other implements, be they cords, sticks, and paddles are nothing but tools for parents to vent their aggressions and frustrations onto their kids.

[eljay]

The way I see most children acting these days, I'd like to see them all beaten into submission - along with their parents.:mad:

Well, this evening i am in a most un-funny mood, having just had to take a friend of mine to AnE for what turns out to be a kidney infection.

Your post is the first thing that has made me LOL since i've returned, so tnx!

/me hands Seth a sniper rifle so he can make a start.

[Sasquatch!]

hmmmm...
I got spanked as a child- with a horse-jockey whip, a wooden spoon,a metal ruler, as well as a bare hand.
To be honest, I'm glad my parents did it. They always explained why they were doing it and that it was for my own good.
Looking at some people my age who weren't disciplined, I am glad to have gone through those small moments of pain (and extra moments of humiliation) to be taught some manners.

[moonvine]

I think it is really interesting that most people here seem to equate spanking with discipline, and seem to be saying that if children aren't spanked, they aren't disciplined. We had that problem in the battered women's shelter where I worked for a time. We absolutely did not allow spanking and the women would whine and complain that we weren't allowing them to discipline their children, and often refused to consider or learn alternate methods.

There are many ways of disciplining children, most of them more effective (and less harmful) than spanking could ever be.

I think spanking is one sign of a lazy, uncreative parent, myself. Anyone who ever hit one of my kids would certainly have me to deal with.

[CurvaceousBBWLover]

I think todays laws are to general.There needs to be a more defined law stating the difference between the 2.I see nothing wrong with a slap on the ass.Just hard enough to get the child's attention & to make them think of WHY they got it.I don't believe in belts or paddles but the open hand should be enough.I can think of many times as a child that I got a swat.I don't think it did me any harm!I think too many kids today feel they can get away with anything they want because they can yell abuse if someone tries to discipline them.Anyway....that's my 2 cents worth!:cool:

This might be a more reasonable way to practice spanking.

[It's Just Me]

Oh crap. Read the name of this thread and thought it was gonna be about spanking. :p

[CurvaceousBBWLover]

I think it is really interesting that most people here seem to equate spanking with discipline, and seem to be saying that if children aren't spanked, they aren't disciplined. We had that problem in the battered women's shelter where I worked for a time. We absolutely did not allow spanking and the women would whine and complain that we weren't allowing them to discipline their children, and often refused to consider or learn alternate methods.

There are many ways of disciplining children, most of them more effective (and less harmful) than spanking could ever be.

I think spanking is one sign of a lazy, uncreative parent, myself. Anyone who ever hit one of my kids would certainly have me to deal with.

I don't think spankings ensure that children will act better. Effective discipline is instructive discipline in which children are taught to be responsible for their actions.

[Blackjack]

You know, I had a nice, long post here, several paragraphs, and I accidentally hit the back button.

Here's the summary of what I had.

A good talking to works for most things. But when they throw a football at their sibling and knock them out intentionally, it's time to sore their arse a bit.

[EtobicokeFA]

I think it is really interesting that most people here seem to equate spanking with discipline, and seem to be saying that if children aren't spanked, they aren't disciplined. We had that problem in the battered women's shelter where I worked for a time. We absolutely did not allow spanking and the women would whine and complain that we weren't allowing them to discipline their children, and often refused to consider or learn alternate methods.

There are many ways of disciplining children, most of them more effective (and less harmful) than spanking could ever be.

I think spanking is one sign of a lazy, uncreative parent, myself. Anyone who ever hit one of my kids would certainly have me to deal with.

That is the problem, how many parents, would try an alternate method. Yes, good parents will hopefully find one in a book, or from word of mouth. But, what about the ones the won't even bother to look for one?

[LillyBBBW]

You know, I had a nice, long post here, several paragraphs, and I accidentally hit the back button.

Here's the summary of what I had.

A good talking to works for most things. But when they throw a football at their sibling and knock them out intentionally, it's time to sore their arse a bit.

I am not opposed to a whack on the bum from time to time but I probably wouldnt spank my kid for that. I'd pull him/her in and make them sit in a room for a while to contemplate the direction of their life in silence with no TV or stimuli. Then we will sit together alone for a moment to try to brainstorm on what we can do the insure that ugly incidents like this no longer occur and what sequence of ugly events will unfold for them if history should repeat itself.

As a parent I am prepared to do a lot of very unpleasant things to my children. First, I will take them to the doctor regularly and they will get immunization shots as well as having blood drawn. I will hold him/her steady and try to sooth them to no avail while the doctor does this if necessary and my child will have no cognizance for why this is being done and I will not be able to explain. And that is merely the beginning of what I have planned for my children.

My children will be forced to lie still while I remove soiled diapers and clothing from them. Objects that are dangerous will be removed immediately from their posession despite their protests. They will eat vegetables, take vitamins and whatever drugs have been prescribed by their pediatrician. They will be told to turn the tv off and do their homework. They will be told to bathe, brush their teeth and get ready for bed. They will be called inside for dinner when they are not ready to come in. They will endure regular dental visits and they will have to go to school when they don't feel like it. They will be told to keep their seat belts on or to remain in their booster seat. My child will not be allowed to wear her purple halter top in 50 degree temperatures because it has a picture of "Gabrielle" the Little Mermaid on it. My child will not be allow to put M&M's as a topping on his breakfast cereal. They will get angry, they will not like it, they will cry, squeal and pout and call me a meanie claiming each offense to be emotionally traumatizing but this will not trouble me in the least. All these things will be done spanking free by the way. It won't be necessary.

I'm sure that somewhere out there is a fully grown adult who is still suffering from the recollection of the time their parent threw away their favorite pair of red sneakers because they eventually became worn or too small. There's one in every town. There are full grown adults who won't go near a dentists office and don't like to go to the doctor. They don't floss or get regular mamograms or get regular vaccination shots every few years. They won't eat vegetables, read the newspaper or sleep without the light on. They would love to ban all of these things so that we can get rid of all unpleasantness on the face of the earth so that we can all live freely in filth, decay and ill health together.

Not under my roof. Put those M&M's away and eat your cereal.

[Blackjack]

I am not opposed to a whack on the bum from time to time but I probably wouldnt spank my kid for that. I'd pull him/her in and make them sit in a room for a while to contemplate the direction of their life in silence with no TV or stimuli. Then we will sit together alone for a moment to try to brainstorm on what we can do the insure that ugly incidents like this no longer occur and what sequence of ugly events will unfold for them if history should repeat itself.

That is a better idea, I'll admit. Much better, definitely, than my grandmother's form of punishing my uncle when he did that to my mother- she rushed out and beat the heck out of him on the front lawn.

[Rina]

We were spanked with the belt as children, and I felt it was very calculated and cruel. I rarely ever hit my child but if I was going to it would be a quick smack on the bum if I felt it "REALLY" necessary.. like she ran out into the road and I wanted her to understand the severity.

[BBW Betty]

I rarely ever hit my child but if I was going to it would be a quick smack on the bum if I felt it "REALLY" necessary.. like she ran out into the road and I wanted her to understand the severity.

I think this example can help differentiate between spanking and abuse. Using belts and other implements is not spanking, but abuse, IMO. A swat on the butt is spanking. Thanks, Rina, for something that allows clarification.

[LillyBBBW]

Ditto that. Thanks for laying it out Rina. :bow: