For those who are real time Feeders/Feedees [Archive]

Midori

07-28-2007, 03:19 PM

As someone who actively participates in power exchange relationships, I find myself very curious about the feeder/feedee relationship. I'd like to ask some questions so that I can learn more about real time relationships with this dynamic but I'd also like to clarify that this is NOT a critiquing thread. I want to learn and it occurs to me that the feeder/feedee relationship has many facets that I also experience in my own PE relationships. If there is a thread already on this topic or some reading that anyone would like to recommend, I'd appreciate it. Also if it's not something you are comfortable speaking about in public ... perhaps we could correspond some privately?

I understand that not everyone is into everything and that there are mixed feelings on the subject, however I'd really like to keep this on topic for those who are in or have experienced a real time relationship of this nature and save the controversy for another thread, if possible please.

My questions ...

*Are you currently or have you been in the past in a real time feeder/feedee relationship?

*How did you decide to enter into a feeder/feedee relationship? Did it just evolve with your partner or did you find someone specifically with similar interests in mind? Where could others go who are interested in finding those who similar interests? Is Dims a good place to find someone to enter into this relationship with?

*How long did you know the person before you began the control aspect or feeding aspect of the relationship? Or ... do you even consider the feeder role to be one of -control- at all?

*Do you think of the feeder/feedee relationship as power exchange relationship or do you -define- it in other ways?

*Did you and your partner set down specific guidelines involving the relationship or is it just a casual pasttime?

*Are there other aspects of Dominance/submission in your relationship besides the food element of food?

*How much -control- does the feeder in your relationship wield overall and how does that -control- manifest itself within your food dynamic as well as any other dynamics?

As I said, coming from a Power Exchange background the feeder/feedee relationship appeals to me because of the -control- dynamics however it does occur to me that others who classify themselves as a feeder are simply expressing that they enjoy seeing people eat and perhaps enjoy cooking which would be a good deal less -stringent- for lack of a better word than what I am picturing.

Thank you in advance for your time. Also if others who have similar real time interests would like to share their views, I would appreciate those also so that I can -flesh- out the picture in my mind so to speak.

♪midori

GordoNegro

07-28-2007, 04:12 PM

PM me and I'll share.

pudgy

07-28-2007, 08:24 PM

Fuzzy Necromancer

07-28-2007, 09:14 PM

1. Nope

2. I told you I didn't. >.<

3. The feeder role is definately NOT one of control. To me, if anything, it's the more submissive one, in a vaguely servile way. The feedee is the pudgey queen, and the feeder is the person who satisfies her hunger and attends her every whim. n_n

4. I define it in other ways. There really is no power dynamic. There's person A, and person B, and they both want person B to eat and get fatter.

5. N/A

6. N/A

7. ??

BeakerFA

07-28-2007, 10:38 PM

Midori, you might be best off looking at the Sticky on top of the Weight Board (http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=21321) about Feederism. It will answer a lot of your questions, and then some.

I only suggest this because people don't get too excited around here about hashing and re-hashing what has already been said.

People around here also don't like being cut off at the knees for honestly discussing their preferences in a public forum. The real discussions have to take place behind the curtains.

Midori

07-28-2007, 11:29 PM

Thank you GordoNegro ... I am interested in what you have to say.

Pudgy ... I respectfully thank you for your input ... I have read the entire thing twice and I didn't find anything there that answered my questions. I saw a great many opinions but FEW from people who were actually ever involved or identified themselves as feeders/feedees and fewer stories. None of their revelations touched on the questions that I posed here. I looked back a ways before posting these questions to try to make sure they haven't been covered before. It's clear to me it's a touchy issue however ... I thought it would be ok to ask the questions here for those who do practice or have practiced because I sincerely want to know. When I asked if there were threads I could go to ... I meant that would address the types of questions I posed, that would be answered by people who have experienced the lifestyle

Thank you for your response Fuzzy ... just not sure why you bothered since the questions obviously weren't applicable to you. I already got a chance to read people's general opinions about the topic but I really wanted to hear from those who have had some experience so that I could learn something. Are You a feeder/feedee who has just never found a real time outlet for that interest perhaps?

Beaker ... I am thinking that this likely won't be the outlet that gives me the answers I seek ... that's a shame. It's very difficult to honestly learn and NOT become a victim or be taken advantage of when honest dialouge has to go so far underground people can't find it.

People have a lot of misconceptions about lifestyle choices I make but I've learned over time, the biggest mistake is to cease giving information just cause it's not always agreed with. When there isn't solid, reputable information, you can rest assured there is some idiot always waiting in the wings to misinform and prey on the uninitiated.

♪midori

Fuzzy Necromancer

07-28-2007, 11:41 PM

Sorry I wasn't that helpful. I just felt like being a feeder is a trait, not a relationship position.

pudgy

07-29-2007, 01:09 AM

Pudgy ... I respectfully thank you for your input ...

My humble apologies...I'll keep my nose in my own business.

Ample Pie

07-29-2007, 03:11 AM

People around here also don't like being cut off at the knees for honestly discussing their preferences in a public forum. The real discussions have to take place behind the curtains.
Yeah, but sometimes you just have to go for it anyway.

Also, Fuzzy Necromancer has been around long enough and is such an insightful person typically that you might not want to dismiss what he says out of hand. Take it and add it to whatever mental bank you're building, even if you must do so with the standard grain of salt required of such things.

And Pudgy is right, people here don't like repeating what they say--especially on issues like this. I'll even tell you why--at least why I don't particularly like to repeat myself. I figure, I've said it once already and if what I said had any value to you, you'd have paid attention to it (not you, Midori, just the vague yous of the internet/world). Typically, when someone wants me to repeat something, I know it's because they've put no value in what I said the first time--either they weren't listening, or they were looking on it as one more story to add to their spank bank.

Personally, I have no problems with spank banks. I have one of my own, but I don't like being dismissed as an object of spankification when the truth is I'm actually a rather multifaceted human being. Thus, I prefer it when someone who claims to want to know my thoughts on something listens the first time. Again, this is not directed at you, Midori; it is just a general observation.

At any rate, I'm going to direct you here:

My post about being a feedee (http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?p=300045) : it is not the end all be all in feedee thoughts, because I'm just not that smart or experienced. Additionally, though I didn't realize it at the time, it was Fuzzy Necromancer who made the post to which I was sort of replying.

His post is here (http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15700) : and is maybe another reason not to dismiss his comments out of hand.

Midori

07-29-2007, 06:32 AM

*sighs* Fuzzy, I see that you identify yourself as a feeder. On the questions you answered that I asked ... you said nope to the question of whether or not you have ever been in a real time feeder/feedee relationship. BECAUSE you said no to that questions and no to all the others ... it made it very difficult to discern what I could learn from your post since I was specifically asking for people who were in those relationships to respond.

Now that you say that you don't feel like it is a relationship position ... I understand a little better. It's hard for me to imagine such a relationship with no boundaries or agreements BECAUSE of my own personal inclinations and how well I can see some of the dynamics fitting with them. It's forcing me to really think outside the box ... unfortunately ... it's very hard to get straight up information about the questions I asked and not just general opinions that it's good or bad. Thank you for your clarification ... it made all the difference in understanding you!

Rebecca ... Ok ... You don't like repeating yourself ... I completely respect that ... it's a drag for people to ask the SAME questions over and over again. In this case ... I decided to venture to ask questions on a touchy subject because I haven't seen my questions answered elsewhere. I read your thread and I think I understand some of what you think however ... it didn't answer all my questions. And of course you have every right not to answer them ... I appreciate the candor with which you have engaged in other posts and if there is more you will share with me ... I am appreciative too. If not ... I understand that while it's a new interest to me it's an old subject for you.

I am really baffled at this point where there seems to be such hostility towards me for this thread. Maybe I am misreading people's words ... but on every other post I've partipated in or seen ... people are warm and friendly and very helpful. So obviously I'm either not reading people correctly or I don't know the nuances of the board well enough to know what NOT to ask. I have not intended to offend anyone with my questions ... I made this post with genuine interest and excitement to learn something new and how it might correlate with some principles I already understand well. I didn't make it to make anyone uncomfortable or defensive. I know what it's like to always have to defend a relationship and I certainly wasn't trying to set anyone else up for being a target ... I wanted to learn for my own new curiosities and interest's sakes.

bright blessings!

♪midori

Ample Pie

07-29-2007, 06:48 AM

There was no negativity/hostility in my post addressed to you. But I did think it was rather unwise of you to dismiss two honest posts out of hand when, from the point of view of 1: a newbie to the board and 2: a newbie to the concept of feeders/feedees, they were pretty on point...so I said so.

As for repeating myself, I was also honest in saying I didn't address my opinion on the subject to you, though I do think that you'll learn more and go far if you do a little research on the weight board and find people with whom you can have a candid, personal talk on the matter rather than asking a blanket question. I'm not saying this is right or wrong, merely that it's how things seem to go here. I am sure you realize that as public as this board is, the subject of sexual identity is still pretty personal.

Also, it isn't an old subject for me. I'm new to it as well. Not as new as you, perchance, but still new.

Midori

07-29-2007, 07:23 AM

I have read ... I've spent hours reading before I posted my questions. I could not find the answers to the questions I asked elsewhere. Otherwise ... I would not have asked. Most of what I have found is OPINION about the subject or references to being one or the other ... but no explanation about the dynamics of the interchange. Please know ... I know that no one HAS to give me answers at all. Yes the subject is very private but this board appeared to be just the place to ask the questions. It's discussed but I really wonder how many other people ... casual people, understand the concepts beyond the ... -immobility clause- so to speak.

I have had some experience with feeder/feedee interchange (food control) through M/s or BDSM for those who don't know the term M/s. Control was the central element there ... however, this seems to be very very different than the -edge- examples I have known, so I wanted to ask respectfully about how real time people here engage in their interest, as it pertains to relationship dynamics. I am trying to understand the difference. It's probably true that I won't get the answers to my questions until I can stumble across people who privately identify themselves as being interested in this and having real time experience ... people who may trust me enough to share their stories. It's a shame in my eyes because I do think not being able to have open and frank, non-judgemental conversations, ultimately makes people more vulnerable ... not stronger. Ever notice how misinformation is so much easier to get than real information?

At any rate ... I have overstepped in my questions and I suppose it will just take time to establish my sincerity and my good intentions. So be it ... I can certainly understand the vulnerability that people feel here ... I feel it too and there must be some healthy caution I can understand, to protect those already here from being harmed in any way.

thank you all for your input ... I withdraw my questions ...

bright blessings!

♪midori

Leenay

07-29-2007, 07:27 AM

Here my 2 cents...

1. Are you currently or have you been in the past in a real time feeder/feedee relationship?

Yes, I've been in such relationship and still continue it. But we have no any goal of her gaining on purpose (she's quite large by herself).

2. How did you decide to enter into a feeder/feedee relationship? Did it just evolve with your partner?

Yes.

Where could others go who are interested in finding those who similar interests?

Definitely don't know, I've got acquainted to her quite occasionally.

3. How long did you know the person before you began the control aspect or feeding aspect of the relationship? Or ... do you even consider the feeder role to be one of -control- at all?

We have no "control" element at all. She likes to be big, to be fed and to be pampered in many ways. And I like to provide all of it for her. It seems that there is no place for any "control" here on both sides. Some aspects of our relationship, being watched separately from aside, could give an impression of her control over me (as I pamper her and she says what she needs) or of my control over her (as she is dependent on me in some aspects and I encourage her to accept herself fully positively), but in fact there is no control of any kind in our relationship.

4. Do you think of the feeder/feedee relationship as power exchange relationship or do you -define- it in other ways?

No, in my case it is definitely not so. It's power synthesis / power unification, not power exchange. Again, while watching us from aside one could get impression of such an exchange, but it would be misinterpretation.

5. Did you and your partner set down specific guidelines involving the relationship or is it just a casual pasttime?

We discussed our preferences and tastes from the very beginning and we found quickly that they match each other quite perfectly.

6. Are there other aspects of Dominance/submission in your relationship besides the food element of food?

I help her in many ways and she enjoys it, but I am not sure that it has much to deal with submission or dominance.

7. How much -control- does the feeder in your relationship wield overall and how does that -control- manifest itself within your food dynamic as well as any other dynamics?

I don't think, e.g., that when she asks "give me more" and i do it, it means that she controls me.

Ample Pie

07-29-2007, 07:31 AM

Well, when I said research, I didn't mean that all the answers to your questions were on this board. They aren't. The answers to your questions are going to vary from couple to couple, from person to person.

Or, are you telling me that every power exchange relationship in history was based on the same formula? I think not. Neither are feeder/feedee relationships.

The point is, look around, read, investigate, GET INVOLVED. Find people who seem to have some idea what they're talking about (or who at least don't have their heads up their butts) and get to know them.

I'm not dismissing your questions, I'm not even saying they aren't valid. What I am saying is that if I went onto a BDSM board where no one knew me and asked your questions, I'd get either a million different opinions (which is all we can hope for since there are no hard and fast rules for feeders/feedees anyway, so I'm not sure why you're down on opinions, but...) or I'd get stonewalled because too often people who just show up and ask such questions are in it for a thrill at the cost of those answering.

I'm not saying that's what you're doing, though, honestly.

I'm not even saying this is how it should be, only that this is how it is. If you want to know these answers:

1. You're probably going to have to be more open to listening to opinions, because, again, that's all we have, really.
2. You're probably going to have to get involved--not in the lifestyle, necessarily, but in the board. I'd feel better ponying up these answers to someone who was taking an active role in actually getting to know me.

I'm not trying to be mean, sincerely. And as much as this site can be a resource it is also a community, not an encyclopedia. The more you put into it, the more you get out of it.

SoVerySoft

07-29-2007, 09:12 AM

...I'm not dismissing your questions, I'm not even saying they aren't valid. What I am saying is that if I went onto a BDSM board where no one knew me and asked your questions, I'd get either a million different opinions (which is all we can hope for since there are no hard and fast rules for feeders/feedees anyway, so I'm not sure why you're down on opinions, but...) or I'd get stonewalled because too often people who just show up and ask such questions are in it for a thrill at the cost of those answering.

I'm not saying that's what you're doing, though, honestly.

I'm not even saying this is how it should be, only that this is how it is. If you want to know these answers:

1. You're probably going to have to be more open to listening to opinions, because, again, that's all we have, really.
2. You're probably going to have to get involved--not in the lifestyle, necessarily, but in the board. I'd feel better ponying up these answers to someone who was taking an active role in actually getting to know me.

I'm not trying to be mean, sincerely. And as much as this site can be a resource it is also a community, not an encyclopedia. The more you put into it, the more you get out of it.

Rebecca this is a brilliant post. I do think that is what's happening here. Midori, I hope you can understand the dynamics she describes and not take personally the responses that were less than forthcoming.

Jo UK BBW

07-29-2007, 09:36 AM

Hi Midori,

I've sent you a private message which may help your questions.

Midori

07-29-2007, 10:22 AM

Actually coming from the BDSM community I do understand. I have explained so many times the dynamics of my own relationship to try to help people understand that I sometimes feel like a broken record! ~laughs~. I was hoping that there might be literature or something else if people didn't want to share their own experiences however that doesn't seem to be the case.

Of course each relationship is different which is why I asked for experiences rather than opinions from those who haven't had the experience. Alot of people have some really twisted opinions on my lifestyle choices HOWEVER most of them only have OPINIONS and not experience.

Let me stress ... the reason I wasn't soliciting opinions is because it's clear what people's opinions for the most part are. But there is also a huge difference between opinion, fantasy and reality. Just as on the BDSM boards there are people who FANTASIZE or object to the lifestyle choices presented ... these are vastly different information avenues from those who actually LIVE the lifestyle so to speak. It isn't that I don't care what people think but ... if they are against it ... or if they have never lived it ... they just can't answer the questions that I posed.

I completely understand that it takes time to get to know people. I am certainly making that attempt. My profile is full of my own personal information and pictures and I've participated already on threads that share who I am. I even shared my very personal WLS story down on that board. Of course ... it IS the internet and I could always be completely lying about who I am so TIME is really the essential key I suppose. Although it's not guarantee that I'm who I say I am ... longevity does breed some level of trust and I respect that.

I truly hope that others don't get the impression that I am simply using the board as an encyclopedia rather than a community ... I have shared more in some ways here than anyplace else in my life ... including pictures I would never have dreamed of posting elsewhere. Of course ... in hindsight I wish I had waited to ask my questions because although I really am interested and want to understand ... it's just so easy to be suspect when one is new that I fear I have alienated rather than gained insight. That is unfortunate.

You don't know me and of course I don't know you. I have a tendency, maybe not always wisely, to simply share my story or my experience when people ask just because I want them to understand rather than harbor and perpetrate MISinformation. I realize that not everyone takes that route. You have no reason to trust me with your story ... perhaps one day you might ... perhaps you won't. I'd be honored if you did but it IS personal and I really wouldn't want someone sharing something with me that made them uncomfortable because that rather defeats the whole point in my book.

For those who have answered ... here and in private ... thank you very much! I am learning a great deal both about this community and about the questions that I posed. I appreciate all of your efforts to educate me and I hope that time will show that your trust or efforts weren't misplaced. I want to be a positive contributor to this community and if I have started off badly ... I do hope that I will be able to redeem myself over time.

Again ... my thanks, my apologies, and blessings!

♪midori

SoVerySoft

07-29-2007, 11:11 AM

Midori, that was a very thoughtful and insightful response. I do think you understand, and in kind, I understand what it is you are hoping to learn.

I am not sure if anyone has mentioned this, but one reason you might not be getting the answers you seek is that there really are not very many true feeders/feedees who are living that lifestyle.

I would venture to guess that the ratio could possibly be as dramatic as 500 to 1. (500 being feeder/feedees who are wannabees or who just fantasize.)

CuslonGodibb

07-29-2007, 12:21 PM

Midori, and everyone else - thanks for yet another interesting thread! I think Midori's questions are good ones, and I think being open-minded and wanting to learn more - which Midori seems to be - is something very positive, although I understand and respect that many people might not want to discuss the subject "in public".

I have no experiences when it comes to feeding/feedee-feeder relationships, so obviously I can't give answers to her questions, but still - - - I am rather a newcomer here, so I've not yet had time to contribute as much to the boards as many of you others have. I hope that I, in time and in some way or another, will be able to contribute. As for now, the only thing I can contribute with are my thoughts, for what they're worth - - -

Being new to this, I can without doubt say that I AM an FA, but am I a feeder? I'm not sure about this! I can't say that I AM or that I am NOT, simply because I have no personal real time experiences of it. If I met a girl that enjoyed gaining weight and wanted me to be a part of it, so to speak, then maybe I could call myself a feeder. This concept is new to me, and having read a little here and there about it, I don't think I should say that I KNOW anything about it, really. I'm just trying to be open-minded and humble - - -

I have no real time experiences of a feeder-feedee relationship, so the only thing I know is how I feel about it right now. For me personally, if I should have any part in it, it would have to be something that both parties find pleasure in "as it happens to happen". "Control" is not really the word for me, but rather "enjoying the moment". I have to stop here this time, because I have a headache and ought to go to bed, so maybe I'll come back to this thread and subject later.

/ CuslonGodibb

Ample Pie

07-29-2007, 12:56 PM

I have no problems discussing the topic, I just don't feel I'm someone who should. What do I know? If I had information that might be useful, I'd part with it.

alienlanes

07-29-2007, 10:03 PM

Hi, Midori --

As someone who has WG fantasies but has never been involved in a real-life feeder/feedee relationship, I don't have any hard answers to your specific questions, but you might be interested in the poll results in this thread (http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23587).

I'm very skeptical about the possibility or desirability of describing the feeder/feedee relationship in terms of BDSM-style power dynamics. I don't mean this in the sense that I think that your question is inappropriate, just that I don't think that the idea of one partner being dom, the other sub accurately describes the nature of most people's WG fantasies.

I'm open to being proven wrong (if you can do so without disclosing people's private info, I'd be very curious to hear the results of your survey), but the conversations here on Dims lead me to believe that most people's WG fantasies revolve around a mutually enjoyable erotic partnership, not a hierarchical power scenario. I'm with Fuzzy Necromancer in thinking that the "average" feeder is more of a submissive than a dominant, but it's a mild kind of submissive based more around the desire to please than an explicit relationship of command. In my anecdotal experience, most feeders and feedees (myself included) are simply uninterested in hardcore M/s scenarios.

The poll numbers in the above thread (I was the guy who asked the "dom"/"sub" questions, FWIW) seem to bear this out. More people described themselves as submissive than as dominant, but the vast majority of respondents said that they'd prefer an equal relationship between the partners.

Everyone's fantasies are different, of course, so presumably there are some people who do want to be dominant controlling feeders or submissive slave feedees, but I think it's accurate to say that they're the minority of a minority.

I apologize if I'm telling you something obvious, but I figure it bears saying, since you're new to Dims. The public image of WG fetishism, to the extent that it exists, is almost exclusively made up of scare stories about controlling, manipulative feeders, but this kind of media sensationalism doesn't have much to do with real lives (and the "real" fantasy lives) of actual feeders and feedees. There's a much stronger M/s aspect to the media image of feederism, IMO, than there is to most actual WG enthusiasts' fantasies.

ETA (because I can't rep you): Kudos to you for being a polite and respectful poster on a sensitive topic.

Dr. P Marshall

07-30-2007, 01:19 AM

Hi Midori. I debated, and debated answering this post, but I feel that I understand your intention and I have appreciated your honesty in all of your posts here on Dimensions, so I will try to be forthcoming, while acknowledging that I am not comfortable being an "open book" on the subject. My answer to your first question is yes. I am a female feeder, and one of my past relationships evolved into a feeder/feedee and weight gain (his) relationship. This is my first real post to the weight board and that should give you some idea of the reticence on this topic, especially among feeders, even here. I will, however, share a few of my thoughts out here in the open with you about myself. I will also share a couple of theories about why you are not getting the responses/reactions to this thread that you hoped for or expected. I am not speaking for anyone else here in this post and any theories are not meant to be hard and fast rules about everyone here.

I agree with, Fuzzy Necromancer, that being a feeder is a trait. And I would in my own case go so far as to say feederism/weight gain is a sexuality. (I will be happy to explain that in private if you want me to). I cannot answer the power exchange questions, because like many on this board, that is not an aspect of the relationship or the fantasy for me. In fact, it was more about indulgence, decadence and pleasure. The first two being his, the last one being both of ours. The weight board is in some ways a catch all for people who have weight gain and/or feederism as part of their sexuality. Someone could enjoy weight gain without having any interest in feederism at all. And a feeder/feedee may not have an interest in weight gain. I think that there is a wide variety of, for lack of a better term, weight gain sexuality. In some cases, there is a dom/sub element, but it is probably secondary(at least to people at a site like Dimensions) to the weight gain. Much the same way, I would imagine, people with a BDSM sexuality may fall into sub groups of what they like to do to express that sexuality, the weight gain community is the same way. In BDSM, power exchange is the focal point, in weight gain and feederism, weight gain and/or feeding is the focal point. Power exchange would just be one of many possible sub categories. I'm not saying there are not feeders/feedees who have dom/sub as their main objective, but I think they are less likely to intersect with the fat admiration community. And for the people who do intersect(sub/dom and fat admiration and feederism) and who are here at Dimsensions, I suspect they would be the least likely to want to discuss their sexuality openly in the forums. I believe that is because they feel that they are the people who are most frequently and harshly judged for their sexuality. I'm not trying to speak for them, that's just the feeling I get from some of the posts and threads I've read on this board.

Which brings me to my final point. I think that what may seem like hostility, is actually the weight gain/feederism community turning protectively in on itself. This board is a bit different because it deals specifically and almost exclusively with aspects of a person's sexuality. And it is a sexuality that is not shared by everyone at Dimensions as a whole. Which means that there are other Dimensions members who do not understand it and in some cases do not approve of it or of certain aspects of it. And that leaves everyone a little on guard when a thread is posted that asks for exploration of the topic in a more personal way. It is not that they necessarily think YOU are going to criticize or judge them, but it opens the door for other people to do so. That, in my opinion, is one of the reasons you are not finding the answers you are looking for out in the "open" on this board.

Again, I am not trying to speak for anyone else, these are just my thoughts about how I perceive things here at the Weight Board. And Midori, if you want to private message me about anything, please feel free.

lemmink

07-30-2007, 02:09 AM

Hell, I do anything for rep.

*Are you currently or have you been in the past in a real time feeder/feedee relationship?

Yep.

*How did you decide to enter into a feeder/feedee relationship? Did it just evolve with your partner or did you find someone specifically with similar interests in mind? Where could others go who are interested in finding those who similar interests? Is Dims a good place to find someone to enter into this relationship with?

I always wanted a feeder/feedee relationship. It kind of evolved from the relationship I was in, so I've no idea how to find feeders/feedees if that's what you're after specifically. I just kept whining and eventually I got what I wanted. The story of my life, really. :)

*How long did you know the person before you began the control aspect or feeding aspect of the relationship? Or ... do you even consider the feeder role to be one of -control- at all?

In this relationship it's one of control. I guess it was a year in--but we'd been living apart for most of the year, in different countries. It was only when we moved in that it became kind of serious.

*Do you think of the feeder/feedee relationship as power exchange relationship or do you -define- it in other ways?

I wouldn't think of it as power exchange generally, although it's pretty much accepted that I "wear the pants", so to speak. Eheheh. I just think it's sexy--I wouldn't know how else to define it.

*Did you and your partner set down specific guidelines involving the relationship or is it just a casual pasttime?

We set down guidelines--a weight limit, etc. Although we seem to be breaking that a little of late.

*Are there other aspects of Dominance/submission in your relationship besides the food element of food?

Hee. Let's just say... yes? :D

*How much -control- does the feeder in your relationship wield overall and how does that -control- manifest itself within your food dynamic as well as any other dynamics?

I'm not sure it's the feeder aspect that is the source of the control--I just happen to be a controlling person and my partner is very passive. It extends to all areas of our life, the feeder thing is just another part. Perhaps with another partner I'd have less power in the feeding role if that was how the rest of the relationship rolled.

Fuzzy Necromancer

07-30-2007, 02:24 AM

I'm sorry. I haven't actually fed anybody, so the thread title really doesn't apply to me, and then I felt kinda stupid after I posted, so I tried to justify myself. Please don't feel that you've erred on my behalf. x_x

Ned Sonntag

07-30-2007, 04:28 AM

An oldtimer here who's trying to cope with reality after a 25-year spiral-down-the-rabbit-hole gone-all-the-way experience... I know a lot of grad-school BDSM sexologists and I don't think you can cut-and-dry something this supersquishy into 'information'... it defies all attempts. BDSM has been made safe. Feederism ain't safe yet. You cannot IMHO experience it other than by participation.

Midori

07-30-2007, 08:01 AM

Actually Fuzzy ... Your second post clarifying your -perspective- helped enormously!

I have been a -social- klutz this weekend and I would never want you to feel stupid! Your response that in your eyes it's not -that- kind of dynamic was actually very helpful! I very much appreciate your reponse and your experience and your patience with me!

CuslonGodibb, I owe you another big Tack så hemskt mycket! Jag älska dig! ~soft smile~ I appreciate your words very much!

SlackerFA, Your observations are very astute and I am seeing very much similar tones in the responses I've gotten in private. Although as you mentioned there have been a minority who described a more pronounced Dom/sub type of relationship. This in itself has been fascinating to me though admittedly as lowered my own interest in the exchange simply because of my own preferences.

This is not to say that I am objecting to the feeder/feedee relationship ... it's just to say that my own personal comfort is a bit different than most that have been described. I think that Rebecca is right ... each relationship can be completely self styled to meet the needs of both partners. ~grins~

I also think that you are correct ... due to the -dangerous- nature (health consequences) the feeder/feedee interchange is vilified in the media and by many people who are simply concerned. Add to that the vulnerable nature that we ALL know can exist for a fat person who is lacking in self confidence and affirming environment and it's easy to see how people can get alarmed. The possibility is certainly there for vulnerability to be misused and for a person with weaker self esteem to be abused.

I would add as an aside and NOT at all to contradict what you've observed about M/s relationships ... only to add a bit of my own clarification (I wasn't offended at all with the way you worded it) ...

revolve around a mutually enjoyable erotic partnership

they'd prefer an equal relationship

I know that these two comments are made in regards specifically to Power exchange and that equal refers to a lack of pronounced dominance and submission however I thought that they were interesting descriptors as I'd use them as well in my M/s relationships or rather very similar terms. For example ... I would DEFINITELY say that my PE or M/s relationships have been based solely on mutually enjoyable erotic partnerships due to the fact that both of us are getting our needs met. We just have needs that create a symbiotic relationship ... however it's definitely mutally satisfying! ~grins~ Also, I'd say that an M/s relationship HAS to be very equal ... it's simply equal in a different way. It's an equal exchange of trust and power and is very symbiotic ... it's not one sided nor abusive! It CAN be very abusive however I consider those to be unhealthy relationships as evidenced by the victimization of one party with the same ensuing issues of low self esteem and abuse being present. This is NOT the kind of M/s relationship that I enter into. ~winks~

Again, thank you so much for your input!

Dr. P Marshall, I appreciate your candor and trust ... and I pray that you don't experience any negative outcome from your participation in my thread. Your post touched me enormously and I thank you!

Your insights were very spot-on in my estimation and I appreciate your understanding of the topics I presented! I think you are very right ... your thoughts echo a good deal of what I have been reading privately and publically. Too bad for me though ~laughs~ due to my own interests. I think spending so much time in the BDSM community has made me far more open about sexuality and preferences and I forget sometimes how much negative vibe people get (even on a weight board) about their preferences. I also expect to get flack outside of a BDSM board for my own preferences but it's always pretty harsh to get the kick from your peers so to speak! I do hope we can speak more in private! Again ... thank yoU!

lemmink, thank you ever so much for your comments! I appreciate the glimpse into your private world! Your comments helped me really see how my own relationship needs would be encompassed in an feeder/feedee relationship. It was nice to see someone else who seems to have some similar interests too!

Ned Sonntag, thank You for your comments. I think you are right to an extent that to understand it is to experience it ... that's very true with many things but especially with -alternate lifestyles-. I think M/s is only as safe as the people involved and that is true for feeder/feedee relationships as well. I have learned a good deal though as I said ... I am not trying to insult anyone by seeing to be on a research project as opposed to a personal journey. Dialouge helps share information that can include dangers as well as important tips for those considering engaging in the -lifestyle- so I think it's helpful. However ... since every relationship seems to be highly self-styled ... it seems clear to me that it will take on the characteristics that both parties mutually design for it ... as in the M/s relationships that I've experienced. Again ... I appreciate your input!

Bright blessings!

♪midori

newlylarge

08-06-2007, 03:11 AM

Midori, your thread is very interesting and I must admit that it puts the issue of a "feeder/feedee" relationship in a new light that I suppose I had never considered, but which is quite far from my experience as a sort of "feedee." Specifically, my experience with gaining weight while dating my girlfriend was not one of her exercising "control" at all so much as her, to both our surprise, liking, encouraging, and even "participating" in my weight-gain once it had begun quite unintentionally.

As my user ID hints, I had always been rather lean until recently when, for the first time in my life, I "grew" to be otherwise while in a relationship.

In my case, I had begun dating a woman when I was, and I always had been before then, rather lean. She too was, and has remained, rather lean even as I gained quite a bit of weight while dating her. We certainly never expected or intended my weight gain, at first, and certainly would not have thought of ourselves as a "feeder/feedee" couple or even known what that was at the time.

She had been taking classes at a culinary school and enjoyed cooking for me and even sort of using me as a "sounding board" and source of "practice" by preparing meals for me based upon what she was learning in culinary school. Also, she was and is very careful about her own weight and it was helpful for her to have me to eat her "practice cooking" and even leftovers from her classes so that she would not be tempted to do so herself and, perhaps, gain weight which she definitely wanted to avoid and still does to this day.

She likes having ME fat, but she wants to remain very lean and slender herself. :)

When I began eating so much of her rich cooking, I also began to gain some weight. It was not much, at first, but we were both rather surprised to find that she actually liked the "extra meat on my bones," as she put it, and that I actually enjoyed becoming a bit "thicker" as well. As I said, I had been rather lean all my life before then and so I was surprised at how growing "larger" was not so bad as I might have expected and it was even an "interesting" new experience which I wanted to continue especially since it seemed to please her so very much.

So it seemed a good fit. She liked seeing me gain weight and I kind of liked, or at least did not mind, gaining weight. After some "dancing around" the issue, we finally came to treat the matter "out in the open" that she wanted me to gain more and I wanted to gain more.

So with our intentions and "desires" known and agreed upon, she began feeding me much more of her gourmet cooking and, as a result, I began to gain much more weight much more rapidly. She even began to weigh and measure me (with a tape-measure) to "track my progress" and was always very "encouraging" as my size and weight increased.

In fact, what started out as a bit of, what she called, "plumpness" and then "chubbiness" on my part, eventually became MUCH more. We dated for a little over two years before she had to return home to Japan (when her H1B Visa expired), but because we started intentionally "fattening me up" after only being together a few months, the two years or so that followed was more than enough for me to go well beyond "chubby" and, with her constant "encouragement and participation," I grew to become rather fat (certainly compared to what I had been when we met).

By the time she returned home, and even well before then, I had become rather "puffy" and "rounded" all over and had developed a rather substantial, protruding, round belly which I still have and, it now seems, probably always will. Let's just say that I had to buy larger pants a few times. :)

Even now, we keep in touch and she has visited once and intends to do so in the future. As such, she continues to "encourage" me to remain as I am and even gain some more which has not been happening as rapidly as it did when I had her around to cook for me and "actively" encourage and "track" my gains. The point is, if she was still in the U.S., she would probably still be "feeding" me, weighing me, measuring me, and encouraging my gains.

So was she a "feeder" and I her "feedee"? I think that the answer is clearly yes. But was she exercising some degree of "control" over me? Clearly not.

We both wanted for me to gain weight. So she cooked and fed me more food than before and I ate more food than before in order to keep gaining. But at any time, I could have stopped. She may have been doing the cooking, but I was doing the eating and she certainly was not compelling me to do so in any way.

I suppose what you have in mind is some form of "feeding" that is, literally, the "feeder" actively putting the food in the "feedee's" mouth. While what I am refereing to and experienced, and perhaps most others here as well, is a case of a couple both wanting one member to gain weight with the "active" involvement of the "feeder" being limited to "encouraging" such weight gain while even providing and preparing most of the meals to facilitate gaining in the "feedee."

Just my two cents based upon my own recent weight-gain experience. :)

Ivy

08-08-2007, 03:37 AM

*Are you currently or have you been in the past in a real time feeder/feedee relationship?
yes.

*How did you decide to enter into a feeder/feedee relationship? Did it just evolve with your partner or did you find someone specifically with similar interests in mind? Where could others go who are interested in finding those who similar interests? Is Dims a good place to find someone to enter into this relationship with?

generally, i have pursued finding feeders to date. i've dated guys who are just FAs and being that being a feedee is a huge, huge part of my sexual identity regardless of if i am actually gaining at the time or not, i need someone who understands my fetish/interests in that department. and, with many of the feeders i have dated we haven't started off from day one with the WG thing being a focus in or relationship. i've met guys on dimensions and live journal with these interests, and also seen many on myspace.

*How long did you know the person before you began the control aspect or feeding aspect of the relationship? Or ... do you even consider the feeder role to be one of -control- at all?
i don't think of it as control at all. i've never been with a feeder who was controlling over me. when we role play, yeah. but other than that, never.

*Do you think of the feeder/feedee relationship as power exchange relationship or do you -define- it in other ways?

yes, but the entire relationship can't be based around this.

*Did you and your partner set down specific guidelines involving the relationship or is it just a casual pasttime?

no, it's just something that is incorporated into our sex lives on occasion.

*Are there other aspects of Dominance/submission in your relationship besides the food element of food?

well, in bed there is always someone who has to be more dominant. other than that? not really.

*How much -control- does the feeder in your relationship wield overall and how does that -control- manifest itself within your food dynamic as well as any other dynamics?

the exact same as me, the feedee. everything is really, really equal in my relationships. the power and control thing is something we use in the bedroom, but it is role play and doesn't go beyond that.

Cypress_bbw

08-20-2007, 06:14 PM

Hello My Dear,

My real name is Sarah. However, I felt as if I should share my thoughts and exp with you and the wonderful people here on the forums. I have been a feedee in the past in real time. Currently I'm a I guess you could call it a semi-feedee. The man I'm living with is deff a FA however His feeding skills could be strengthened more. He is also a Dom however has never "Owned or Collared" anyone (for those of us into the BDSM style) before which makes things harder to establish our relationship. I would like to see Him take more control of my eating. I am more submissive by nature however, I can and will be Domme if needed.

So to answer your questions:

1. Are you currently or have you been in the past in a real time feeder/feedee relationship?

Yes, One real time as well as one online. I much prefer the real time. Plus I love belly rubs! *blushes*

2. How did you decide to enter into a feeder/feedee relationship? Did it just evolve with your partner?

I researched many fetishes and I fell across this one, plus I have always been on the bigger side of things while growing up and such. I love being fat as well.

3. Where could others go who are interested in finding those who similar interests?

If you should like a list of Yahoo groups, Myspace groups and so on, Please send me a PM. I am very willing to share my sources of this wonderful fetish.

4. How long did you know the person before you began the control aspect or feeding aspect of the relationship? Or ... do you even consider the feeder role to be one of -control- at all?

Most of the time it started out as the FA or Feeder starting to encourage me, and noting mindfully what foods I tend to like more then others, and having that supply of food readily available to me. That is how its happened in the past. I'd love to have my Dom/Friend Feeder take more control and insist me eating more and more.

5. Do you think of the feeder/feedee relationship as power exchange relationship or do you -define- it in other ways?

I believe that it could go both ways depending on the couple as well as the situation at hand. Again, I'd love a power exchange with Him. However, I don't believe that He is ready for that, nor needing or wanting that at this time.

6. Did you and your partner set down specific guidelines involving the relationship or is it just a casual past time?

We discussed our preferences and tastes from the very beginning and we found quickly that they match each other quite well. We both want me to have a massively large belly and body. We both get very aroused at the same fantasies and thoughts.

7. Are there other aspects of Dominance/submission in your relationship besides the food element of food?

He does help me do many things. We both like the aspect of me needing more help for simple things like getting up, and so on. We both have already established our roles, that should be done in the very beginning.

8. How much -control- does the feeder in your relationship wield overall and how does that -control- manifest itself within your food dynamic as well as any other dynamics?

See above :)

Thank you for your time.
Sarah :eat1:

troubadours

08-20-2007, 07:47 PM

i'm in one now. dan introduced me to feederism about eight months into our relationship (we'll be at two years this december). he sent me a link to the weight room, i started reading stories. he came to visit me and fed me a box of cookies. it was very good deal. since then, i've gained at least 40 lbs and i look and feel better than ever :) i don't really have many "resources." i just come here to read stories and read what other people say. i'm not into yahoo groups or yahoo ims or whatever.

i wouldn't say the feeding is definitely a control thing 100%, because i want it for me too. there are times when i'm demanding and spoiled ("feed me this;" "inspect me here") and others when i'm more submissive (i'm honestly very submissive by nature) and like to be tied up and literally forcefed. both are extremely hot for me, and i'm not saying one is better than the other. it just varies depending on my mood.

as far as guidelines go, not really. it's pretty much a constant part of our relationship. we don't have to be doing anything sexual for me to get poked and teased.. i like that.