Men would like their women to be submissive?

[The Obstreperous Ms. J]

So, I've been spending alot of time chatting with my male friends recently, deciding to "crack the code' if you will to the hows and why's men decide to settle down or not, and what they look for in women.

One thing that stuck out for me was that, they basically wanted to have final say in all aspects of the relationship. They didn't necessarily want a doormat of a partner, but I guess someone who respected their opinion and in a sense give in to them.

Men? Is this so?

Ladies? Thoughts?

[Jes]

So, I've been spending alot of time chatting with my male friends recently, deciding to "crack the code' if you will to the hows and why's men decide to settle down or not, and what they look for in women.

One thing that stuck out for me was that, they basically wanted to have final say in all aspects of the relationship. They didn't necessarily want a doormat of a partner, but I guess someone who respected their opinion and in a sense give in to them.

Men? Is this so?

Ladies? Thoughts?

A male dimmer recently gave me some very smart insight into this issue. I won't repeat his words here but perhaps he'll see the thread and comment?

[Jack Skellington]

Ugh, I have very little patience for people with dominance issues. It just really irritates me.

In a perfect world both partners would be equal. But realistically I have to admit there will always probably be one person in a relationship that is in the dominate role and has more say in decisions than the other.

[Keb]

I think it's entirely possible to have a relationship where one party is more likely to take charge of things and yet both parties respect one another. There's also relationships where the dominance switches depending on the situation: One person rules the roost in the kitchen while the other rules the garage, for example. Equality doesn't require both parties to be equal in every aspect of the relationship, and respect means respecting the personality and talents of the individual rather than insisting on perfectly level pedestals. Some people prefer to have someone tell them what they're supposed to do, and for some people that's truly unbearable. And (from what I've read on it), there's a whole other level to it when sex is involved.

[big_gurl_lvr]

That's difficult question cause I can't tell what is the type of woman I'm looking for... I really can't, but there is very important thing for me... I treat life as a cart... and I'd hate to be the only person who is pulling the card and my partner is just sitting on it and waiting to be pulled... I want partner not somebody who will be doing whatever I want and nothing else. I want somebody who will be activiely taking part in our life but as well having her own life... friends, hobbies etc. If you plan to spend looong time with somebody, no matter how you love that person you will need to have your own hobbies and spend time away from that person sometimes to make your relationship working...
I'd say I'd better choose dominant personality that submissive... but it's like choosing between two extremes... perfect for me is just partnership.

[The Obstreperous Ms. J]

To clarify: To what level must one acquiesce, in lieu of one's own sense of being.

[Jes]

Right, J. I think people may be speaking at cross purposes to your original question. I'm hoping dude chimes in. What he said to me was invaluable.

[Jack Skellington]

To clarify: To what level must one acquiesce, in lieu of one's own sense of being.

There's really no easy answer and it's probably a very personal thing that varies from one individual to another. There's obviously a fine line between picking your battles and just giving up and agreeing with whatever your partner says.

[Judge_Dre]

I actually prefer more dominant women. A strong willed and powerful woman is more of a turn on to me than a woman who is meek and quite. I want someone who is large and in charge!

[The Obstreperous Ms. J]

I actually prefer more dominant women. A strong willed and powerful woman is more of a turn on to me than a woman who is meek and quite. I want someone who is large and in charge!

and I understand that, and maybe that is part of our own particular subculture

[The Obstreperous Ms. J]

I actually prefer more dominant women. A strong willed and powerful woman is more of a turn on to me than a woman who is meek and quite. I want someone who is large and in charge!

To whit, you wouldn't want to make a contribution to what you believe is the best to her welfare and where you think you should grow into as a couple, and obey blindly?

[Judge_Dre]

If I understand correctly, you're asking if I want a lifestyle BDSM relationship where I am a slave and obey? If so, then the answer is no. I am just turned on by the strong female type. I would definitely voice my opinion, but I like a woman who will challenge me and make her voice heard.

Try reading this book: Why Men Love Bitches

http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-Bitches-Dreamgirl/dp/1580627560/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-8301715-4499964?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1189539277&sr=8-1

[The Obstreperous Ms. J]

LOL, I have heard of this book.

Me? Anyone who knows me can attest to my "assertiveness"

I was just intrigued that these guys want to have the upper hand in relationships .

one of them just broke off his engagement because he couldn't handle his ex fiancee's combativeness.

The other one is a vainglorious manslut who is like catnip to the ladies, who enjoys manipulating his conquests and stringing them along to his benefit.

[mrman1980uk]

So, I've been spending alot of time chatting with my male friends recently, deciding to "crack the code' if you will to the hows and why's men decide to settle down or not, and what they look for in women.

One thing that stuck out for me was that, they basically wanted to have final say in all aspects of the relationship. They didn't necessarily want a doormat of a partner, but I guess someone who respected their opinion and in a sense give in to them.

Men? Is this so?

Ladies? Thoughts?

To me at least, being submissive in the sense of passively giving into another person's desires merely because they are another person's desires is manifestly unattractive. Independence and strength of character are very important characteristics in anybody, not just a potential mate.

Of course, everybody wants to have their opinions respected, and not to come second in any given conflict: there is no reason to believe that such characteristics are unique to men. Indeed, it is often said that, in terms of romantic relationships at least, women tend to exercise a higher degree of control, and some women at least are always insistent on having the final say in how things are transacted. The extent to which that popular image is true is not clear, as I am not aware of any formal studies on the point, but it is certainly surprising to suggest that such a characteristic is unique or specific to men.

The ideal situation is where both people independently agree on things: in other words, they both believe in the same thing for their own, independent reasons, not simply by giving into the other person. In relation to questions about how relationships with other people should be handled, that is only possible if both parties are completely rational, and do not seek improperly to subject the other party to behaviour or circumstances which the first would not tolerate, nor seek to create an imbalance of advantages in her or his own favour. The people who get on with each other best are those who use reason, and reason alone, to solve conflicts, who communicate freely without expecting the other party to know, understand or believe anything without explaining fully the thing in question and, where necessary, the reasons for it, and where each party is prepared to tolerate from the other party conduct or circumstances to which he or she would not ever subject the other.

[TXssbbwGODDESS]

One thing that stuck out for me was that, they basically wanted to have final say in all aspects of the relationship. They didn't necessarily want a doormat of a partner, but I guess someone who respected their opinion and in a sense give in to them.

Ladies? Thoughts?

I was raised in a family where both parents had equal say in family decisions, and made the final choice in a way that everybody could get along with. Sometimes one parent just didn't care one way or the other so the other got their way. Sometimes they compromised. Sometimes the other gave in because it was very important to the other and they wanted to make them happy. But it was always an even give and take and compromise. Neither ruled it over the other, and neither always got their way. And they managed to enjoy a decades long marriage that didn't have any real bumps along the road.

In my relationship? We are equal partners. We respect each other's opinion. We try our best to make choices and decisions that meet both of our needs and desires. But when that is not possible, we either compromise or one gives in this time but the other may give in next time. And it's a small sacrifice to not get exactly what we want every once in a while, because it makes the other happy by letting them get what they want. It's a give and take.

Which is how I feel it should be, unless you are by nature very dominant or very submissive, and then you need to find your opposite to make a long term committed relationship with, because you both give each other what you need.

But for most people, who are not either dominant or submissive inclined? Equal partners with a fair give and take with compromise is the best way to go. That's just how most of the very long term relationships I have come to know have worked out.

[Santaclear]

I think all gradations of this exist. I suppose I stand somewhere in the middle of this scale. I have a strong personality but I don't require to have final say. I don't love bitches (of either sex), really.

Men are still more likely than women to have financial/career leverage in our society, which I believe partly skews a theory like this.

[Wagimawr]

One thing that stuck out for me was that, they basically wanted to have final say in all aspects of the relationship.Perhaps this is why these men are your friends, and not your partners. :p

I'd say it depends on the guy, like just about anything else.

[UMBROBOYUM]

So, I've been spending alot of time chatting with my male friends recently, deciding to "crack the code' if you will to the hows and why's men decide to settle down or not, and what they look for in women.

One thing that stuck out for me was that, they basically wanted to have final say in all aspects of the relationship. They didn't necessarily want a doormat of a partner, but I guess someone who respected their opinion and in a sense give in to them.

Men? Is this so?

Ladies? Thoughts?

I don't think there is a "code" or .... That is to say I think Women and Men want the same things, they both want to be happy right? So I think the way they go about being happy together maybe where we see a difference. I've never had anyone therefore I can't really say what relationships are like. I do however handle a lot of couples, I'm the counselor so to speak and I've seen to a degree some of the issues. From what I've seen about men settling down, it's partly about opening the door to your future with others. We all have a dream and our own goals whether we know it or not. Another part about settling down is that people may want to share their life experiences through their children and partner. There isn't nothing like taking your daughter or son to the same fair you went to when you were probably 9 or ten for the first time. It's like being reborn in a sense. Even if you don't want kids people still want to share experiences, to have someone to hold or be there in good times or bad. Settling down for a man may perhaps be part of having the last thing said or not, as you've seen from some replies here, but as a young man any of those reasons would probably make me settle down. I don't mind not having the last word said or being in power, but I do mind being respected for what I am, a Human being. I think a lot of people want that and thats what could make most people settle down. I don't know if that helped, I don't usually post my opinions and thoughts on matter like these but, I wish you luck in your search!


-Jon

[Messidor]

Personally, I don't expect to get my way in a relationship and think the cornerstone to any successful relationship is equal, measured respect for one another in all aspects of life! Of course, sustaining that balance is a hard and difficult thing to achieve!

Best wishes,
Danny

[Totmacher]

Well, this isn't a remotely fair question. Is there a sane person, male or female, alive who wouldn't like to have the final say more often than not?
Personally, I'd be happy with a partner who acquiesced on every disagreement, but I somehow think that wouldn't be - for lack of a better term - fair... I also wouldn't mind a partner who was a little more assertive provided we communicated. What I really don't like about conflict is that it will often end in chatting up the proverbial masonry.

[squurp]

So, I've been spending alot of time chatting with my male friends recently, deciding to "crack the code' if you will to the hows and why's men decide to settle down or not, and what they look for in women.

One thing that stuck out for me was that, they basically wanted to have final say in all aspects of the relationship. They didn't necessarily want a doormat of a partner, but I guess someone who respected their opinion and in a sense give in to them.

Men? Is this so?

Ladies? Thoughts?

Uh, no. My wife is very outspoken - we get into it sometimes. . . and I would not have it any other way. I will say this, whenever we are arguing about something, its never personal. . . no name calling, none of that.

So, that's it, that is the end of the stereotype. But honestly, given 100 different men, you could get 100 different answers. Unless you've selected a random sample, and randomly assigned groups, and then run statistical analysis, you can only speak of your own personal experience, and this can often be misleading. I don't want to get all researchy - but just remember, perception is not always fact - that is something that will help you get through life.

[Admiral_Snackbar]

The door swings both ways. Even in situations where you want to "play" dom/sub, there is a time and a place, and some people can play either role.

I think many men want their women to be more dominant from time to time, just as many women want their men to take charge and 'seduce' them on occasion, but later in a relationship (esp with kids) that freedom to choose the time can get constrained. Trying to explain to a daycare teacher why your son mentioned that daddy has handcuffs under his bed is a bit difficult (luckily he didn't find the riding crop or the Wonder Woman costume ;) )

Overall there has to be a balance in a relationship if you're talking sharing of duties. A marriage is sometimes balanced on a fulcrum and that involves helping the other out. If it tips too much either way, someone gets a whole lot of shit shoved in their corner. The other aspect too is that it drives you batshit having to agree equally on everything ALL the time. Decide who is better at what and go with it. Trade up every once in a while so it doesn't get sour or boring. Your mileage may vary.

[Totmacher]

Oh, and about the sample group, "Perhaps it takes a special kind of man to be your friend ... *rimshot*!" OK. I'm gonna go shut up for a while now.

[DrFeeder]

Everyone is different on this, and every relationship is different. To me, a woman who just wanted to do whatever I want would be boring. I want her to have opinions and a will of her own, which means she has to take part in decisions.

I've heard that the best relationships are ones in which the man and the woman each have their own domain in which they have the power and make the decisions. It sounds good on paper, but I've never quite been in a relationship like that myself!

[Russ2d]

So, I've been spending alot of time chatting with my male friends recently, deciding to "crack the code' if you will to the hows and why's men decide to settle down or not, and what they look for in women.

One thing that stuck out for me was that, they basically wanted to have final say in all aspects of the relationship. They didn't necessarily want a doormat of a partner, but I guess someone who respected their opinion and in a sense give in to them.

Men? Is this so?

Ladies? Thoughts?


Yeah... it's a Testosterone thing... most mature and smart men don't drum up unnecessary arguments though, and will often accomodate women on most things, even stuff we'd rather have differently, but really big things we will want (maybe demand is a more honest word) the final say.

[The Obstreperous Ms. J]

Oh, and about the sample group, "Perhaps it takes a special kind of man to be your friend ... *rimshot*!" OK. I'm gonna go shut up for a while now.

Well Walter, it does take a special kind of man to be my friend.

I think Angelina Jolie says it best :

"I won't talk to Brad about this because you know how he is financially, which is stupid," she said. "Someone has to make the big decisions, though. He'll put money into things — but it's bizarre! It doesn't always make sense to me."

She added: "The reality is, we're not a company together. Things should be separate. I think you know I make my own financial decisions. Brad knows there are times he should just be quiet and look pretty."

[The Obstreperous Ms. J]

Thanks for your responses everyone!!!

Smart group we got here!!

I like asking these questions being that I am not in a relationship at the moment and I get to question why some relationships work or not.

I'm especially struck by my friend who just canceled his wedding, so I am learning alot about long term power dynamics.

Cause that is what it boils down to.

[Tommy_Oblivion]

i want a chick to push me onto the bed, maybe while im going down on her tell me what to do for once and pull my head farther in. Outside the bedroom i want someone who is gonna ingage me, willing to argue over stuff, and have stron opinions that arn't my own.

[Green Eyed Fairy]

I'm twice divorced......being so tainted I might not input too much other than to say that people certainly change after you marry them.

[Tommy_Oblivion]

marriage is a dead institution anyway.

[Zandoz]

No real desire for submissiveness in a woman...but I would like to be listened to occasionally for more than a point of reference to do the opposite of. <shrug>

[squurp]

Yeah... it's a Testosterone thing... most mature and smart men don't drum up unnecessary arguments though, and will often accomodate women on most things, even stuff we'd rather have differently, but really big things we will want (maybe demand is a more honest word) the final say.

Uh, nope. More of a cultural thing, how you were raised, etc. Maybe genetic? if so, testosterone is not the mechanism. If you have evidence otherwise, I'd be interested to view it.

[toni]

If I understand correctly, you're asking if I want a lifestyle BDSM relationship where I am a slave and obey? If so, then the answer is no. I am just turned on by the strong female type. I would definitely voice my opinion, but I like a woman who will challenge me and make her voice heard.

Try reading this book: Why Men Love Bitches

http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-Bitches-Dreamgirl/dp/1580627560/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-8301715-4499964?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1189539277&sr=8-1

I read that book three years ago and it worked wonders for me. I was delighted when I stumbled across its sequel "Why Men Marry Bitches" in the airport last month. My girlfriends and I are forming a cult around this book. Lets see how long it will take me to get married, now. LOL




I think Angelina Jolie says it best :

Brad knows there are times he should just be quiet and look pretty."

Ha! I love it!


I think men are very attracted to strong, confident, outspoken, independent women. The problem I keep encountering is once dating they try to change me or knock down my confidence level.

[Alicia Rose]

I'm naturally dominant, and prefer submissiveness in women, I've tried otherwise and there tend to be clashes... but that's very different than being a doormat. If she disagrees with me, or what I'm doing, I want to know...

=Divals

[Keb]

I think in a relationship I do want my guy to be dominant, to reverse the question. But I don't see it as being a lopsided, anything he says goes, with my desires not mattering. He can order the meal for me -after- I tell him I want the chicken alfredo today. I see it like dancing: One partner has to lead, but there has to be a lot of communication and practice to make it work for both parties. And when you're done you can't really say whose idea it was to spin or dip -right- then because it's what both of you wanted and it felt right.

I'm not a meek girl who is about to vanish. If I want the closed captioning on, you can bet I'll grab the remote and do it. If I'm not happy with what's going on, boy is he going to hear it. If I want something, he'll know. But I'll still let him lead the dance.

[Zekeman25]

i dont necessarily want a woman to be completely submissive... but i dont like overbearingly independent women either.

[mossystate]

Yeah, I am not fond of overbearing men. I tend to be attracted to men who are fully cooked..meaning..they do not feel a need to dominate another human being. This does not mean I like a doormat, which is a silly way of describing simple decency. I like to think of relationships as a tide that comes to the shore..and recedes. To be with a man who also feels this way...is magic. Sometimes allowing a person to envelope me with a more dynamic energy..and they know they will also experience that from me..nice...real..nice.

[Sandie_Zitkus]

The thing is - you can totally make it look like it was his decision - and that way you both get what you want.

As for being submissive, well submissive does not mean weak. It means being smart enough to know when to be strong enough to let him make the decision.

JMO

So, I've been spending alot of time chatting with my male friends recently, deciding to "crack the code' if you will to the hows and why's men decide to settle down or not, and what they look for in women.

One thing that stuck out for me was that, they basically wanted to have final say in all aspects of the relationship. They didn't necessarily want a doormat of a partner, but I guess someone who respected their opinion and in a sense give in to them.

Men? Is this so?

Ladies? Thoughts?

[TallFatSue]

Well, this isn't a remotely fair question. Is there a sane person, male or female, alive who wouldn't like to have the final say more often than not?
Sure there are. Wellll, maybe we're not completely sane, but we feel if one of us insists on the final say most of the time, simply for the sake of having the final say, we'll probably make more bad decisions as a couple in the long run. :)

My husband & I are both strong-willed and opinionated, so many people are surprised that we don't argue all the time. But we're a pretty balanced team, and we know how to give and take and compromise. Neither of us necessarily needs to be right all the time, or have the final say all the time. Ultimately we want what's best for both of us, and we know neither of us can possibly be right all the time.

However on those rare occasions when we simply cannot agree, I need to do is shake my big fat ass, and suddenly Art begins to see thing my way. :smitten:

[Ample Pie]

I like a little give and take. I have a pretty strong personality and it takes a pretty strong person to click with me. In a sense that means that we both have to be prepared to not get the last word from time to time. Meh.

[tjw1971]

Only been divorced once myself, but I can partially agree with that.
I'd also suggest, though, that a large part of the problem is just the complexity of people. All too often, we think we completely understand another person we're close to, only to realize years later that we didn't have such a "complete picture" of them after all.

That complexity includes grasping the concept that a person's "needs" and "wants" are subject to change as they go through life. I think *that* is really why so many marriages fail, while others work. Sometimes, it's just the "luck of the draw" that a particular couple will change together, "in sync" with each other - while another couple won't.

EG. If you both start out living in a big city and love the hustle and bustle of it all, what if one person gets older and decides they've really grown to hate that, and all they want out of life is moving to a small farm-town? If the other doesn't develop a similar desire over the time they're together, that's going to create some friction in the relationship. (And that's just one small example of what I mean.)


I'm twice divorced......being so tainted I might not input too much other than to say that people certainly change after you marry them.

[altered states]

I don't like submissive women. Funny enough, they intimidate me more than dominant ones do. To me it's scary to have too much influence on another person's life - probably why I'm not a dad yet.

I've been in a good relationship for about 195 years and we're partners in almost all respects. We have a common bank account for things we share financially - car, house - and otherwise we keep our own money and finances. We are both opinionated and stubborn about many things, but oddly enough that doesn't preclude respect. And each of us has had to make at least one major, major sacrifice for the other over the years and it can be tough not to be resentful. It's part of the gig, unfortunately. It can be minor stuff too. Last weekend it just so happened that my GF was mowing the lawn while I was cleaning the bathroom... a relative came by and commented how odd that was. What was funny was that neither of us had noticed the strangeness of it. Getting hung up on traditional roles in a relationship is silly. I think these things reveal themselves naturally over time. Or maybe I'm basically a big pussy.

As far as sex, I like either, depending on the mood. I like her to initiate sex in general because I hate the possibility of rejection. If I'm in a dominant mood, I take over right away and she gets the point. I think she likes both too. Oddly enough, we don't talk about sex much but we have a pretty good (if not frequent enough) sex life.

[Alicia Rose]

I don't like submissive women. Funny enough, they intimidate me more than dominant ones do. To me it's scary to have too much influence on another person's life - probably why I'm not a dad yet.

I've been in a good relationship for about 195 years and we're partners in almost all respects. We have a common bank account for things we share financially - car, house - and otherwise we keep our own money and finances. We are both opinionated and stubborn about many things, but oddly enough that doesn't preclude respect. And each of us has had to make at least one major, major sacrifice for the other over the years and it can be tough not to be resentful. It's part of the gig, unfortunately. It can be minor stuff too. Last weekend it just so happened that my GF was mowing the lawn while I was cleaning the bathroom... a relative came by and commented how odd that was. What was funny was that neither of us had noticed the strangeness of it. Getting hung up on traditional roles in a relationship is silly. I think these things reveal themselves naturally over time. Or maybe I'm basically a big pussy.

As far as sex, I like either, depending on the mood. I like her to initiate sex in general because I hate the possibility of rejection. If I'm in a dominant mood, I take over right away and she gets the point. I think she likes both too. Oddly enough, we don't talk about sex much but we have a pretty good (if not frequent enough) sex life.

195 years??? Daaamn.

=Divals

[altered states]

195 years??? Daaamn.

=Divals

Give or take a year. Actually, make that "take." Please.

[elaine dressed in cobras]

Well...I fell bad for saying this but I feel much more comfortable being submissive to my man. It doesn't necessarily make me proud but it doesn't bother me that much either. Call me a doormat.

[ChubbyBlackSista]

Submissiveness
very degrading for women to do as their husbands tell them to newsflash these men aren't your Fathers you don't have to get caught in the mindwarp and do whatever your Hubby tells you to do if its coming home and cooking dinner for him so he won't have to cook it himself or coming home from a party early because he doesnt like that you're always around your friends other than him that is come bullshit and I don't care for it

[ekmanifest]

i dont necessarily want a woman to be completely submissive... but i dont like overbearingly independent women either.

I'm curious to know what you would define as overbearingly independent?

[Ernest Nagel]

To clarify: To what level must one acquiesce, in lieu of one's own sense of being.

Hey, in any healthy relationship I think some days you're the windshield, some days you're the bug. I'm in the nascent stages of a relationship (she'd say "friendship", LOL) with a pretty strong-willed gal who's never been married. I've got close to 30 years net of bad marriage under my belt. I don't know which of us is less qualified to be lining up for something serious? In any case I think we're both prepared and willing for a very substantial amount of give and take. We're both going into this with eyes wide open and prepared to adjust and accommodate as circumstances dictate.

We're both bright enough to know we won't line up on some pretty important issues. Will those things separate us or bring us closer together? We get to say, don't we? Ultimately the resolution of pivotal issues is what defines a relationship. Does one person always hold sway or is it a true partnership where one is willing to defer their needs and priorities of the other out of pure love and respect? In truth I've probably been guilty of overmuch deference, which can lead to unattainable expectations. I don't want to commit that same offense going forward and I'm notifying my prospective partner of same. Will it work out? Ultimately, it's our choice, isn't it?

[CleverBomb]

I'm twice divorced......being so tainted I might not input too much other than to say that people certainly change after you marry them.
Ok, now I've got Soft Cell stuck in my head.
Thanks.

#touch me baby tainted love...#

-Rusty

[exile in thighville]

So, I've been spending alot of time chatting with my male friends recently, deciding to "crack the code' if you will to the hows and why's men decide to settle down or not, and what they look for in women.

One thing that stuck out for me was that, they basically wanted to have final say in all aspects of the relationship. They didn't necessarily want a doormat of a partner, but I guess someone who respected their opinion and in a sense give in to them.

Men? Is this so?

Ladies? Thoughts?


Men blahblahblahblahblah

Women blahblahblahblahblahblahblah

got it all figgered out.

http://www.google.com/search?source=ig&hl=en&q=%22iso+dominant+female%22

There's someone for everyone if they'll admit they're looking for a freak like them.

[Green Eyed Fairy]

Ok, now I've got Soft Cell stuck in my head.
Thanks.

#touch me baby tainted love...#

-Rusty


"Don't touch me pleaaaassseee I cannot stand the way you tease" ;) :p

[unfront]

My wife is not into it at all. I respect her feelings for it. After all, I asked her to marry me and I vowed to respect her wishes. Sure, she knows what I like, and I do lust after it, but I am willing to sacrifice that part of me for her. I posted elsewhere in this forum about it but thought I would mention it here as well. I would not want her to one day decide to be submissive and to start gaining on my behalf. As I know that deep down inside that she would not be doing it for herself, but for me. Sure, I might get off on it, but at what cost? Would she eventually learn to like it? (the human mind can rationalize itself into believing anything it wants to believe) Or would she eventually learn to resent me for it? That is a risk that I am not willing to take.

It is also a reality that I am not willing to create....oh you know, those assholes that secretly feed their partners, sabotage diets (buying double stuffed oreo's or some other fattening treat and conveniently placing it in view)....I would never inflict that upon my wife. I am sure that Karma would pay me for it dearly.

So to answer your question, as a man, I am do not prefer women to be submissive. I prefer them to have a mind of their own.

[Green Eyed Fairy]

My wife is not into it at all. I respect her feelings for it. After all, I asked her to marry me and I vowed to respect her wishes. Sure, she knows what I like, and I do lust after it, but I am willing to sacrifice that part of me for her. I posted elsewhere in this forum about it but thought I would mention it here as well. I would not want her to one day decide to be submissive and to start gaining on my behalf. As I know that deep down inside that she would not be doing it for herself, but for me. Sure, I might get off on it, but at what cost? Would she eventually learn to like it? (the human mind can rationalize itself into believing anything it wants to believe) Or would she eventually learn to resent me for it? That is a risk that I am not willing to take.

It is also a reality that I am not willing to create....oh you know, those assholes that secretly feed their partners, sabotage diets (buying double stuffed oreo's or some other fattening treat and conveniently placing it in view)....I would never inflict that upon my wife. I am sure that Karma would pay me for it dearly.

So to answer your question, as a man, I am do not prefer women to be submissive. I prefer them to have a mind of their own.

:) :) :) :) :bow: .

[Alicia Rose]

So to answer your question, as a man, I am do not prefer women to be submissive. I prefer them to have a mind of their own.

So submissive women can't have minds of their own?

And men don't like submissiveness?

Blah. I think I shall move to Zanzibar and be a cat.

=Divals

[boots]

I think a good part of this post has turned into another penis wrestling match to see who is more "sensitive" or "even handed."

We're not talking about subjugation here, we're talking about healthy, consenting, erotic role play. Some men like to be in control in the bedroom, and some women are sexually aroused by pleasing their lover and being controlled in the bedroom. For a lot of people those roles can be switched, with a dominant female and submissive male (and likewise for gay couples.) Some people on this board seem to get the idea that having a submissive or dominant partner means there is a lack of respect (outside of erotic humiliation) involved, or an unwilling and unsatisfied participant in the power exchange. There is nothing to say the dominant male or female doesn't consider his or her submissive partner to be an intellectual equal.

Some power exchange relationships play out outside the bedroom, e.g. opening doors, having choices made. This can be harmful if it's forced on the submissive partner, or a partner's submissiveness if taken advantage of (in that case, submissive tends to come from a poor self esteem.) But it can also be a perfectly healthy power exchange agreed upon by two willing partners. One who, though who both partners realize is physically and mentally able to carry out certain tasks and decisions, gives that responsibility over to a willing dominant partner. In some relationships the power balance might even alternate, with either partner becoming submissive or dominant at different times.

Again, the key to encouraging healthy alternative sexual relationships is to have a clear, open discussion about them, and NOT discourage people from expressing their sexual inclinations. This way, you can tell the difference between healthy relationship with an oppressive one, and some poor girl (or guy, if anyone was watching that show "the office" last season ;) ) doesn't pigeonhole herself as a "submissive" in a relationship where she's really just being abused or raped.

[Green Eyed Fairy]

Long and short of it? It's really up to the woman if any submissiveness is happening or not. Some women like it, some were raised that way, some of it is social conditioning, some just like it in the bedroom but aren't comfortable allowing others to make major decisions for them outside of the bedroom. Funny how it seems to be assumed that it's up to the man whether or not a woman is submissive. If all the women of the world said eff that and didn't act subservient at all, I doubt the human race would stop reproducing any time soon. ;)

[bmann0413]

Nah, not me... I feel as though there should be even and equal say in the relationship...

[boots]

Nah, not me... I feel as though there should be even and equal say in the relationship...

Thumbs up for a worthless post. Hooray!

[love dubh]

Thumbs up for a worthless post. Hooray!

Typical? Without explanation and unreflective? Perhaps. Worthless? I don't think so.

Oh, wait. I'm being uppity. :3

[bmann0413]

Well, I can't really say anything, since I've never been in a relationship before...

[mossystate]

bmann...you don't owe him an explanation...at all..

[boots]

bmann...you don't owe him an explanation...at all..

But doesn't he...

...

...

...?

G...

...

...ellipses replace real ideas and helpful contributions, you're right.

[fatgirlflyin]

Thumbs up for a worthless post. Hooray!

Did this thread get moved to Hyde Park?

[Rojodi]

There are far too men in this country that want a "submissive" wife/partner, but when told the truth - the submissive is really in charge - they bail, they want out! It takes trust to be submissive, you have to earn that trust first.

Roger

[mossystate]

But doesn't he...

...

...

...?

G...

...

...ellipses replace real ideas and helpful contributions, you're right.


LOL ( oops, I mean, Laugh Out Loud ). You were being an asshole to a young man who did not deserve it...........got it?

[boots]

LOL ( oops, I mean, Laugh Out Loud ). You were being an asshole to a young man who did not deserve it...........got it?

No, I don't. It was a shitty post, so it was well deserved. Get it?

You're as bad as the penis wrestling hot-heads, battling over territory for who's the most sensitive. Only with you it's sticking up for "the little guy."

It was a pointless post, and it ignored the entire thread that came before it. He might as well have responded to post asking if people prefer Coke vs. Pepsi with "well I think a woman should drink just as much of each." It's a stupid thing to say because it's a matter of personal choice. Not only that, but right after a bunch of other cock-sure cloud-sniffers took up three pages proclaiming the virtue of an even handed relationship. And not only THAT, but also after a post that went to great lengths to explain "hey, it's a matter of personal preference for BOTH parties involved."

Do you get it? Do you? Tell me you got it.

[Danyull]

I'm like a lost sheep, I need to be told plans and what to do if I ever expect to do anything, so I think I'd end up being the submissive one :doh:

[Green Eyed Fairy]

I find it quite ironic that someone that has complained about "abuse on the weight board" is now abusing others on the weight board. :doh:

[The Obstreperous Ms. J]

Let's ease off the Haterade.

Let's all kissy kissy and be friends, ok.


Love you,
J

[mossystate]

You're as bad as the penis wrestling hot-heads, battling over territory for who's the most sensitive. Only with you it's sticking up for "the little guy."

It was a pointless post, and it ignored the entire thread that came before it. He might as well have responded to post asking if people prefer Coke vs. Pepsi with "well I think a woman should drink just as much of each." It's a stupid thing to say because it's a matter of personal choice. Not only that, but right after a bunch of other cock-sure cloud-sniffers took up three pages proclaiming the virtue of an even handed relationship. And not only THAT, but also after a post that went to great lengths to explain "hey, it's a matter of personal preference for BOTH parties involved."
Do you get it? Do you? Tell me you got it.[/QUOTE]


Yeah, I merely said to lighten up and back off, and you on the other hand are going on and on about an innocent post...you go guy. If you think about it, and I bet you can, the OP did ask a question...his young guy answered it. Life should not always be so difficult. Oh, and your original post was a long-winded...' to each their own '. So, I think we both ' get ' the other...;)

Ms. J...I won't kiss anybody...well, maybe Green, because I owe her...:D

[boots]

I find it quite ironic that someone that has complained about "abuse on the weight board" is now abusing others on the weight board. :doh:

I was complaining about the same abuse that I further pointed out in this post, so it' not ironic at all.

[boots]

Yeah, I merely said to lighten up and back off, and you on the other hand are going on and on about an innocent post...you go guy. If you think about it, and I bet you can, the OP did ask a question...his young guy answered it. Life should not always be so difficult. Oh, and your original post was a long-winded...' to each their own '. So, I think we both ' get ' the other...;)

Ms. J...I won't kiss anybody...well, maybe Green, because I owe her...:D

Actaully, he DIDN'T answer it. You don't answer "what do you prefer" with "I don't think someone should prefer this."

[mossystate]

So, I've been spending alot of time chatting with my male friends recently, deciding to "crack the code' if you will to the hows and why's men decide to settle down or not, and what they look for in women.

One thing that stuck out for me was that, they basically wanted to have final say in all aspects of the relationship. They didn't necessarily want a doormat of a partner, but I guess someone who respected their opinion and in a sense give in to them.

Men? Is this so?

Ladies? Thoughts?


Boots, see where it says " they basically wanted to have final say in all aspects of the relationship "..?..then " Men? Is this so?"

See where the young man in question answered? Perhaps it was not how you yourself would answer, but, you still have that power..Snarf, nobody has taken it away from you.

Now, I am sure folks would like to get back to voicing their opinions and feelings about the topic.
:)

[boots]

Boots, see where it says " they basically wanted to have final say in all aspects of the relationship "..?..then " Men? Is this so?"

See where the young man in question answered? Perhaps it was not how you yourself would answer, but, you still have that power..Snarf, nobody has taken it away from you.

Now, I am sure folks would like to get back to voicing their opinions and feelings about the topic.
:)

Nope, I see where he ignored the rest of the post, and answered by telling people what he thought a relationship SHOULD be, not what he would want, but what it SHOULD be. I don't think women should dye their hair red in a relationship, I think both partners should be a dark brown.

LAME

[mossystate]

Right on, brother..I will leave you fighting the good fight.

[Jes]

I prefer Coke.

[boots]

Right on, brother..I will leave you fighting the good fight.

Hey, thanks. You're a dear.