Sha-ZAM!

[Miss Vickie]

There are lots of threads in this forum discussing the horrible complications, concerns, and side effects of WLS, with talk of all the health reasons for losing weight. It paints a pretty dire picture, particularly with some of the scare tactics some have used, prefering fiction to fact to make a point. But I had a moment yesterday that I wanted to share, and I figure this is the place. (If discussion of weight loss and a perceived improvement in appearance offends you, please do us both a favor and stop reading here. It's not my intention at all to offend anyone, and I think you all look gorgeous. This is just me sharing a personal observation about my own WLS experience and how I look).

So yesterday I was in a hurry (as usual), late for work, and blow drying my hair. I had my arms up, trying desperately to infuse volume into my thin, stick straight hair, and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I almost dropped the blow dryer.

"Damn", I thought. "I look goood." I looked at myself more carefully. I was wearing a tight fitting sweater with thin grey and white stripes and low rise flare jeans. First I noticed that I have a waist now, something I'd lost some years before. My hips look good, though I wish my butt were rounder, and my thighs no longer rub together. And as long as I wear a bra, my poor well loved and well used breasts look good, too. I thought, "I look hot!" and though I weigh more than I did at 16, I like my body way more now than I did then.

All this time, when I've looked at myself after my surgery, I still saw the fat girl, still doubted that the surgery worked, despite the obvious losses that registered on the scale and the comments of others. Yesterday was the first day I actually really SAW the loss for the first time. And it felt very very good. I could almost have the body of a much-younger woman, rather than the matronly figure I've had since high school. Of course, once you take clothes off, the illusion disappears and I look like what I am: an over 40 year old woman who's had three big babies and breastfed all of them, a woman who's had her share of surgeries and now some weight loss, so things aren't as toned as they could be. But with clothes on? Shazam! :D

It's so funny -- I've focused so much on the health reasons for my weight loss that I didn't really think too much about the fact that, to me, I really do look better. (And if that makes me a tool, so be it). Of course, I've certainly enjoyed shopping for clothes more, but until yesterday I didn't really see the changes in my body. (Size dysmorphia -- it's a weird thing).

Even though I've said if I didn't lose another pound I'd be happy because I felt better, I can truthfully say now that if I didn't lose another pound I'd be happy with how I look, too. I'm just over 200, at 5'2+", and this seems to be a good weight for me. I just wish I could have liked how I looked when I was 16, or 26, or even 36. But I'll enjoy it now. ;)

[TraciJo67]

I'm thrilled for you, Vickie. And I don't think there's anything at all wrong with celebrating how good you look and feel. I feel the same way, clothed. Like you, unclothed is another matter altogether. But then, it's not like I'm lining 'em up for pole dances, nor will that ever happen. Only Jerry gets to see me naked (which is a real privilege, I know :p).

It's nice to see you expressing such happiness with yourself, Vickie. And you *are* a hottie, as you apparently well know :kiss2:

[FitChick]

I am still somewhat mystified by the whole thing. I look in the mirror and SEE what I look like, and sometimes I need to view old pics from 5 yrs ago to believe that was really me.

I still cannot believe that I lost all this weight the way I did. You hear all the time, "Eat right and exercise" but I think a part of me really didn't believe it worked to make someone lose weight, probably because so few people ever did it and kept it off. So I just assumed it wouldn't do that for me. Plus, I knew how my mother struggled her whole life to lose, and I knew others seemed to find weight loss elusive, so I guess I just assumed it wouldn't do that for me, either. But I wanted to stay big because part of me wanted to shoot down the stereotype that fat people are not athletically active.

[RedHead]

That's awesome! I too have done the double take when looking in the mirror - or seeing a picture and saying "Who's that?" It's somewhat disconcerting

[FitChick]

It helps me a lot, and feels good, to be able to talk about this with others who have been through the same thing. For several years I felt alone in this. I appreciate this thread a lot. I don't feel so freaky anymore.

[Miss Vickie]

Thanks, guys. Yeah it's kind of weird, but I'm enjoying it; I'm just afraid I'll become insufferably vain, you know? (Please smack me around if I do). I think I'll feel a better after I'm more toned, particularly in my arms and legs. The working out is slow going, though, because of my anemia which I'm in the process of addressing with not one, not two, but THREE different doctors.

So Redhead, another Alaskan, eh? Can the board handle two red headed Alaskan chickies?? And is it as cold where you are as where I am? We're in the single digits here. Brrrrr. I'm definitely noticing the lack of insulation this year.

[RedHead]

Thanks, guys. Yeah it's kind of weird, but I'm enjoying it; I'm just afraid I'll become insufferably vain, you know? (Please smack me around if I do). I think I'll feel a better after I'm more toned, particularly in my arms and legs. The working out is slow going, though, because of my anemia which I'm in the process of addressing with not one, not two, but THREE different doctors.

So Redhead, another Alaskan, eh? Can the board handle two red headed Alaskan chickies?? And is it as cold where you are as where I am? We're in the single digits here. Brrrrr. I'm definitely noticing the lack of insulation this year.
Even though I just started, I think it's been extremely helpful to me as well. I am rather nervous about posting on any of the other "discussions" I don't want to get slammed.

Vickie - I'm in Anchorage - and it's 7 degrees right now.

I'm actually having the pannelectomey done April 26th to remove the excess skin from my stomach - I already work out 3 to 5 days a week and snowmachine practically every weekend.

[TraciJo67]

It helps me a lot, and feels good, to be able to talk about this with others who have been through the same thing. For several years I felt alone in this. I appreciate this thread a lot. I don't feel so freaky anymore.

I'm glad that we have this little corner of the world, too. Anita, I know that you didn't have WLS, so you probably haven't even heard of obesityhelp.com. That is a website with a message board that I used to frequent quite often, being that my experience was similar to others who had surgery and were rapidly losing weight. The problem is, the site is very anti-fat. Many of the regular posters are very obviously self-loathing, and/or they make ignorant comments about wanting to approach "educate" other fat people as to the benefits of WLS. The evil side of my personality would love to send 'em all over to Marilyn Wann's site - I doubt they'd emerge from the experience unscathed :D

I quickly lost patience for the subject matter at that particular site. I do still peruse it from time to time, looking for quick information about supplements; nowadays, I scan the boards for pregnant post-ops.

I don't think that there's anything inherently wrong with being fat, and I hate to see the ignorance displayed at some of the weight-loss "support" sites.

[FitChick]

Traci, That was the problem I was having....on one hand, I had things I needed to get off my chest re: emotional issues related to my unintended wt loss...but where to discuss it? On the kinds of sites you mentioned, the anti-fat attitude would make me sick (I actually did find one such site and it was horrible for me)...and I felt the fat acceptance sites would be good but the discussions were not always welcomed there either (this is the first one where I feel it is okay to talk about this.) The one site I did find was horrid--I never saw such shallow, superficial, materialistic women in my life! Everything from Botox to body sculpting to diets to you name it. Made me almost want a sex change. LOL!

But the fact of the matter is, mostly all women who lose weight wanted to, or did so because they hated being fat. We're sort of the minority in that, yeah we lost wt but we don't see being fat as "bad".

In another way I'm glad our discussions are here, because it enables the fat women and men here to see that losing weight doesn't automatically equate to a wonderful, happy time. Sometimes it does, but sometimes it doesn't. This enables them to see the realities.

[Miss Vickie]

Even though I just started, I think it's been extremely helpful to me as well. I am rather nervous about posting on any of the other "discussions" I don't want to get slammed.

Yep, I hear ya. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to share here. Nobody likes being slammed for opening themselves up and sharing their thoughts. It's nice if we can respect each other's paths, you know?

Vickie - I'm in Anchorage - and it's 7 degrees right now.

Me too. It was two degrees when I got off work this morning and my car was a little grumpy (as was I) to say the least.

I'm actually having the pannelectomey done April 26th to remove the excess skin from my stomach - I already work out 3 to 5 days a week and snowmachine practically every weekend.

We should talk sometime. I'm curious about who your doc is and the like. I'm figuring the working out will tone my arms and legs, but my tummy -- after pregnancies, and the like -- is a lost cause.

Ah, snowmachining. I'm so jealous. Now that's how to enjoy Alaska. :)

[FitChick]

Even though I just started, I think it's been extremely helpful to me as well. I am rather nervous about posting on any of the other "discussions" I don't want to get slammed.

Vickie - I'm in Anchorage - and it's 7 degrees right now.

I'm actually having the pannelectomey done April 26th to remove the excess skin from my stomach - I already work out 3 to 5 days a week and snowmachine practically every weekend.

Have you thought about the fact that you cannot exercise for 6 weeks post-operation? It was the main reason I originally decided not to get the skin removed. Do you envision it being hard to get back into it? Its my big worry because I use exercise not only to feel good physically, but to regulate my moods (I used to have bad mood swings until I began exercising 5 days/wk).

[RedHead]

I wish that there was an easier way of getting rid of the skin - but I work out like a maniac everyday and I still have the loose skin. Although I am extremely fortunate that I do not have any facial or neck wrinkles to speak of - Love my Mary Kay LOL

At 40 though - I expect it will start happening. I have a girlfriend that just had a facelift - she looks great - I am in no way there; but it's good to know there is always that option.

[RedHead]

No, I had a knee replacement done in August and I was up and running as soon as the 6 week mark hit!

Sometimes it's hard to work out though - like tonight I have an aerobics class in 45 minutes - do I want to go NO - will I go YES - will I have fun once I'm there - YES

I guess I'm being my own parent

[toni]

That is sooooooooooooo great Vickie!!! You should be proud of yourself :bow: , you have come a long way. You are one HOT MOMMA!!!

[LillyBBBW]

This is at the heart of one of the most important issues that face just about every person. At 350 I feel great about myself and for the most part I like what I see in the mirror. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Realistically I have to acknowledge that there are some people that my appearance will not appeal to.

That being said, a lot of people try to force size/self acceptance down each others throats but what if the person simply doesn't like what they see in the mirror? No amount of canoodling and "Foxy Momma" commentary is going to make them feel better if THEY themselves don't find the image they see in the mirror aesthetically pleasing or attractive. "Why can't my fat wife/girlfriend be happy the way she is?" may be summed up in the same reason why they can't switch gears and be attracted to someone who is not THEIR physical ideal. It's a twisted business.

I'm sorry I'm making this so wordy. I've had a hard time trying to express this thought in the past so I'm hoping what I'm saying now makes sense.

[Miss Vickie]

I'm really enjoying this thread. Thanks for all the support. :)

Redhead, I hope you're enjoying our brisk weather. It sure makes me not want to go out at all, but unfortunately, I have lots of errands to run today. :::shiver::: Spring can't come quickly enough. How was that aerobics class? I gotta get my butt to the gym today, but I don't waaaaaanaaaaa. ;)

Fitchick, I'm glad the thread is helpful to you. I think any time we make significant changes in our appearance, we run the risk of a kind of disconnect between how we expect to look and how we actually look. I never could understand how anorectics could see themselves fat at 70 pounds. While I still can't entirely "get it", given my own difficulties in visualizing how I really look, I can understand it a little better these days.

Toni, thank you dear. (blush blush blush) I hope things are good with you. Please keep us posted - in whatever way you're most comfortable - with how you're doing. And if I can help, lemme know.

LillyBBBW, you bring up some excellent points. I think it just goes to show that acceptance truly needs to come from within. My husband has been telling me for YEARS how gorgeous and sexy he thinks I am. I appreciate that (and am thankful -- it makes things easier since I think he's gorgeous and sexy as well) but my own acceptance journey has to come from ME. I think I'd come to accept my body, in a "this is what I have to work with, let's make the best of it" kind of way. But now I actually really LIKE how it looks, purely from an aesthetic point of view. Interestingly, I think other fat women are beautiful, sexy, and all that jazz. But on me? I don't think it's so purdy. Weird, huh? I think in so many ways, we're such products of our culture.

[RedHead]

Yup, my husband tells me the same thing - honey you're beatuiful just the way you are - I don't want you to lose anymore weight - I think your perfect.

But when I look in the mirror, that's not what I see - I am happy about the weight loss, but the skin in my stomach area just will not go away no matter how many crunches I do.

But Lilly, you're right - what you perceive as beautiful and attractive is not what someone else will. I've often thought that when I've seen someone who is severly disabled from a congenitial disease - but their husband or wife is whole, happy, supportive and totally in love. They have the gift - the gift of seeing beyond what's in front of you. The gift of looking at WHO the person is not what the person is.

It took me a long time to come to this - I was so defined by my weight - now how am I defined? I guess it's time fro Tinkerbell to leave Never Never Land sigh

[FitChick]

For me, I get/got a kick out of looking different. The more society tells me I "must" look a certain way, the more I try not to have that "look". I'm a tomboy at heart too, which gives me a freedom most other women don't have. I don't have to care what anyone thinks of me or my body, not even my husband because if he didn't like it, I could always Freecycle him or sell him on Ebay. (I find I like men better as friends anyway.)

The only person I have ever sought to please is myself, and so far I think I've done a good job at it.

[RedHead]

For me, I get/got a kick out of looking different. The more society tells me I "must" look a certain way, the more I try not to have that "look". I'm a tomboy at heart too, which gives me a freedom most other women don't have. I don't have to care what anyone thinks of me or my body, not even my husband because if he didn't like it, I could always Freecycle him or sell him on Ebay. (I find I like men better as friends anyway.)

The only person I have ever sought to please is myself, and so far I think I've done a good job at it.

FitChick - don't go all lollypop head on us - don't let society dictate the "norm" to you - only do what feels comfortable. I know how easy it is to think only about what others think.

I modeled for about 3 years as a plus size model - 18 to 22 size - I tell you I never felt sexier, but I wasn't satisfied; I got caught up in the "weight" you will only be "happy" if you're skinny hmmmmm okay not right - but so many of us think that -

I pray that you are not going down that road to self "flaggulation" in order to get what you think society doesn't want.

[FitChick]

FitChick - don't go all lollypop head on us - don't let society dictate the "norm" to you - only do what feels comfortable. I know how easy it is to think only about what others think.

I modeled for about 3 years as a plus size model - 18 to 22 size - I tell you I never felt sexier, but I wasn't satisfied; I got caught up in the "weight" you will only be "happy" if you're skinny hmmmmm okay not right - but so many of us think that -

I pray that you are not going down that road to self "flaggulation" in order to get what you think society doesn't want.

I just like being different, but it usually turns out that what is "different" is what I like better anyway.:D

[ChickletsBBW]

Vickie.. I think it's awesome that you're seeing the 'new' you.
It's good to see a positive post about WLS. Most people I know that have gotten WLS have done it for health reasons, however I know one person in particular that did it cuz she thought she was the fattest most disgusting person on earth.. and frankly.. now she looks terribly sickly.
I've often wondered how my mom actually sees herself now that she's lost about 100 lbs (in a year) from surgery.
I know she loves all the new clothes.. but she never says she feels she "looks" better although I've told her she does.
Only thing that makes me really mad (my mom is not perfect by any means here) is that she still dogs me for my size and how unhealthy i am at this size and how many problems i'm going to have etc etc... she means well but she has done it my entire life so mostly I drown her out.

I'm happy for your newly found waist and curvy hips.. now all ya gotta do is dance and bike ride to get some ass back.. hehe... j/k
anyway.. again I'm happy for you and glad you started this thread :)