Hygiene

[C Side BBW Lover]

I've had a couple (very few) female partners who were not quite as clean as they should be down there. And being such a fan of oral pleasuring, I have to admit that it greatly affects my pleasure. But even though the sexual relations with these women have been fantastic in general, and ongoing, I am not comfortable with addressing the issue with them, especially as things heat up.

What am I gonna do, stop things and say, "Phew!" Let me get a washcloth before we go another step further!"

I have sometimes suggested a shower beforehand, but many demur from that, obviously feeling that they are already "fresh as a daisy".

I don't want anyone to be insulted, but I'm sure you all agree that punctillious hygiene is essential for a full, completely satisfying sexual experience.

So: Any suggestions on how to subtly, yet effectively address this issue?

[love dubh]

I've had a couple (very few) female partners who were not quite as clean as they should be down there. And being such a fan of oral pleasuring, I have to admit that it greatly affects my pleasure. But even though the sexual relations with these women have been fantastic in general, and ongoing, I am not comfortable with addressing the issue with them, especially as things heat up.

What am I gonna do, stop things and say, "Phew!" Let me get a washcloth before we go another step further!"

I have sometimes suggested a shower beforehand, but many demur from that, obviously feeling that they are already "fresh as a daisy".

I don't want anyone to be insulted, but I'm sure you all agree that punctillious hygiene is essential for a full, completely satisfying sexual experience.

So: Any suggestions on how to subtly, yet effectively address this issue?

How about taking a shower together beforehand? It can be a nice bit of foreplay that addresses the hygiene issue that you found.

Though, personally, I'd rather my partner suggest a pre-game shower than have him suffering through what should be a pleasurable experience for both of us. I'm also highly anal about freshness down yon', so I'd take a shower anyway if I hadn't already that day.

[Sin_Mari]

A shower together is a great idea. :) And I'd prefer my partner say something too. It may be a little (or a lot) embarrassing to begin with, but not knowing and hearing about it later in some other way would be worse.

[AlethaBBW]

...Or you could help her to equip her bathroom with a bidet attachment for her toilet, a hand shower, a shower bench, and some of the other things that many BBWs need to maintain their personal hygiene but can't install by themselves...:blush:

[Bagalute]

I don't know...being overly concerned about your hygiene can also ruin the moment. Sometimes it just has to be dirty ;)

[Gingembre]

Yeah, but there's dirty, and then there's dirty!

[Green Eyed Fairy]

I think the shower together is a good one, too. Especially since it might make sure BOTH of you are smelling and feeling fresh ;)

[Sandie_Zitkus]

This whole thread just grossed me out so much!!

Wayne has a few stories about women he dated before me that nearly made me vomit. I'm such a stickler about being clean - I can even imagine this.:eek:

[Ample Pie]

Self righteous much?
---
To the OP, I would totally agree with the other posters. A shower together is a nice way to handle things of this sort. It can really be quite hard, once you reach a certain size, to reach things as well as you need--such that even when you do reach them, it's tough to know if you've been as thorough as you'd like/as you should.

I generally believe that honesty is the best policy but, in this case, I can see how out and out honesty might be really painful. So, a shower together and then eventually working up to full honesty might be the way to go.

[Fascinita]

I've had a couple (very few) female partners who were not quite as clean as they should be down there.

Hmmm... Really? Like they haven't showered in days, or how do you mean? Cuz I would think that just taking a shower every day would take care of things.

I'm going to suggest that you skip oral sex in these cases. If you're turned off, there's no sense in going ahead with it, right? You mention having other partners, so it doesn't sound like we're talking about women you're in committed relationships with, in any case. Perhaps if their odor turns you off, these are not women you'd want to "see" again--wink, wink.

I suppose it's possible that you're talking about women who are not particularly hygienic in general? But most people shower and groom normally... So maybe it's just a matter of a preference on your part? Some people's personal smells are stronger than others'... Still, if someone showers regularly, there's no reason it should be a "Phew" situation.

For instance, if I were one of these ladies, since I shower once a day and go on the assumption that this is enough for any normal human, if you and I were in bed and you told me I needed to shower again, I'd assume you were being too picky or had issues you weren't aware of or copping to. I'd also know at that point that we were probably incompatible. There's no way I have time to shower more than once a day normally--sure, when it's extra hot in the summer, maybe; or when the mood strikes, or whatever. But normally, once a day should be plenty for anyone.

A last possibility is that you've run across two women who had some sort of bacterial infection, which sometimes can cause a "fishy odor." The vagina and vulva are not foul-smelling places that people have to constantly deodorize. Yes, there is a natural odor and yes it's stronger in some people. I personally find it pleasant and alluring. Normally, showering once a day is all you need to keep a vagina nice and healthy clean. If there's a persistent, strong odor, it could indicate that there's a problem.

[ntwp]

Hmmm... Really? Like they haven't showered in days, or how do you mean? Cuz I would think that just taking a shower every day would take care of things.

I disagree strongly. A shower every day does not mean a person can't get all funky. With all the fat rolls in play on a big person, a BHM or BBW can shower in the morning and by the end of the day there are some unpleasant odors hiding in the folds. My BHM is around 370 lbs, with lots of folds and overhang, and after a long day and certain areas don't smell or taste the best.

A couple months into our relationship, I realized that although he had what I would consider good personal hygeine, at the end of the day he was kinda funky, and he was obviously unaware of this. He was sexually inexperienced so I wasn't surprised that he didn't realize the importance of smell/taste and what to do to help me out.

I understand the OP's dilemma because you don't want to embarass her or ruin the mood.

Well, I didn't want to offend my BHM either at first. The way I solved the problem is that a few days later in conversation about sex (a topic not too hard to bring up casually or intentionally if you're already engaging in it), I mentioned how when I get sweaty, I worry about not tasting or smelling good down there and asked him if he had noticed any bad tastes at all (In other words I pretended to show a concern or worry over my own personal hygeine, even though I knew I'd been cleaning up myself) He said "no." I mentioned that I try to make sure beforehand that I'm fresh by just using a washcloth and sometimes soap or even showering. I suggested that when we were going to have sex that he could help remind me to do that and that I'd remind him to do the same (implying that he must be doing that even though I knew he wasn't). This is now just something we do together when we know we're about to have sex. We enjoy showering sometimes, but you don't always have the time or energy to do this, so a washcloth or baby wipes can help too. Sometimes of course, sex is spur of the moment and I simply don't encourage oral sex during those times, or put up with the "fat fold funkiness."

This was a subtle way of reminding him to clean up and making him feel comfortable because we were "in this together" in a way. He became accountable for it without feeling like I was calling him out.

Sorry if that was TMI but hope it helps!

[Fascinita]

With all the fat rolls in play on a big person, a BHM or BBW can shower in the morning and by the end of the day there are some unpleasant odors hiding in the folds.

Hmmm... It's the end of the day. Let me check my folds...

Fresh and sweet as daisies!

<Shrug> I guess some folks are just very persnickety about this stuff. Others are more relaxed. To each his own.

[Jack Skellington]

You know, sometimes I do feel less than fresh.

[C Side BBW Lover]

Well, since so many people have jumped on the bandwagon (and I appreciate your input and candor), I guess I can and should clarify my issue slightly.

My partner(s) are all clean, and shower regularly, and prepare for "fun 'n games," generally speaking. But I find that there is usually a need for her to 'tinkle' before the festivities begin. And I presume that they presume a quick wipe is all that's needed. Unfortunately, it's not. A nice warm washcloth is the best answer, but I guess most don't feel the need to go that far. And even a wet, warm washcloth without soap is not always 100% effective.

And so when the rubber hits the road, (so to speak), the odor/taste of urine is there, and can't be ignored.

One poster said to skip that part of intimate relations. I laughed for an hour over that one! I could not, would not ever want to miss that experience! --I'm just trying to make it as enjoyable as possible, for both participants.

[CAMellie]

I, for one, welcome any input from my sexual partner if I'm less than fresh. I had issues when I was a smoker. It tended to alter the odor, and taste, of my emissions.
I'm also a pre-coital tinkler and ALWAYS use a warm washcloth when I'm done. I just consider it good manners since I would expect the same from my partner.
I'm also a big fan of joint showers. I have a detachable showerhead that comes in handy for cleaning rolls, folds, and intimate areas.
If *I* wouldn't go down on me...how could I expect someone else to?

[Fascinita]

And so when the rubber hits the road, (so to speak), the odor/taste of urine is there, and can't be ignored.

One poster said to skip that part of intimate relations. I laughed for an hour over that one! I could not, would not ever want to miss that experience! --I'm just trying to make it as enjoyable as possible, for both participants.

Well, this is something else altogether. I assumed you were talking about some kind of problematic vaginal odor, imagined or not.

OK. Here's what you say:

"Hon, do you mind washing your puss-puss, since you just peed? I want to taste just you cuz I love it so."

;) And that beats saying, "Phew! Get to washing!"

PS- Water and washcloth are OK, but douches can lead to irritarion and PID. Plus who wants to mask the wonderful natural smell and taste of things? http://www.4woman.gov/faq/douching.htm#D

[CleverBomb]

I think the shower together is a good one, too. Especially since it might make sure BOTH of you are smelling and feeling fresh ;)
And it saves the gas or electricity for the hot water, too!
Fun AND enviromentally friendly!

-Rusty
(Fondly remembering the Carter years...)

[Gingembre]

I'm also a pre-coital tinkler and ALWAYS use a warm washcloth when I'm done. I just consider it good manners since I would expect the same from my partner.

If *I* wouldn't go down on me...how could I expect someone else to?

Ditto...exactly.

[Sandie_Zitkus]

Self righteous much?
---
.

Is this directed at me? I need to know before I decide if responding is worth it.

[TearInYourHand]

My guess is that it probably was directed at you. Funny. You claimed to be so 'non-judgemental' in another thread?

I guess that is out the window!

[KnottyOne]

I generally believe that honesty is the best policy but, in this case, I can see how out and out honesty might be really painful. So, a shower together and then eventually working up to full honesty might be the way to go.

Honestly I feel honesty is the best way to go. I mean, the shower together is always hot, but if your kinda already in the moment and don't feel like moving, ya kinda have to be honest about future times. I mean, if its not bad swallow up, hold your breath and do it and then subtly mention it for next time. But I mean, I have been in situations where its just BAD. I mean... like your kissing the stomach/waist line and I'm just thinking, disaster. I mean... at that point being honest is the best, like dont be blunt, but tell them the truth, especially if they they can tell the tension about doing it. Gently bring it up, like dont be blunt like I have been a few times, that never ends well. So really, just be honest if the shower isnt gonna happen, thats all you can do. (And I mean... it always starting in a shower, its gonna get like... repetative haha)

[BothGunsBlazing]

My guess is that it probably was directed at you. Funny. You claimed to be so 'non-judgemental' in another thread?

I guess that is out the window!

She also claimed to be leaving, but you know how that goes, eh?

Oh and I totally agree with the shower thing. Good for gettin' nice and clean together and well, doing all sorts of dirty things in the shower anyway.

Hawt.

[mossystate]

I would think one should have a conversation long before they go back a second time...? Also..yeah...BOTH..last time I checked ( and I am hoping men have not changed too much since the last time..hehe ) men have skin..and folds...and things that rest and hang against other things...and nooks and crannies and cracks ;)

Could be possible that there are folks who are not as into the squeaky clean other are..that they do feel they are clean enough...does not make them weird or dirty..just makes them people you probably should not be with..etc.. Tallking about stuff usually works out well, one way or another.

[Tina]

Honestly I feel honesty is the best way to go. I mean, the shower together is always hot, but if your kinda already in the moment and don't feel like moving, ya kinda have to be honest about future times. I mean, if its not bad swallow up, hold your breath and do it and then subtly mention it for next time. But I mean, I have been in situations where its just BAD. I mean... like your kissing the stomach/waist line and I'm just thinking, disaster. I mean... at that point being honest is the best, like dont be blunt, but tell them the truth, especially if they they can tell the tension about doing it. Gently bring it up, like dont be blunt like I have been a few times, that never ends well. So really, just be honest if the shower isnt gonna happen, thats all you can do. (And I mean... it always starting in a shower, its gonna get like... repetative haha)
Heh. I have a friend who, when he was in Spain studying, hooked up with a woman there for a while who didn't really bathe much. He said he had to give her showers if he wanted to have clean sex.

I can sometimes skip a day, depending, but more than that and I can't stand it. And really, I think it would get old if I had to bathe the guy I was with every time before we have sex. I mean, it can be a nice way to start sometimes, but every time? Eh, no.

Good to see you around these parts again, Knotty. :)

[KnottyOne]

Heh. I have a friend who, when he was in Spain studying, hooked up with a woman there for a while who didn't really bathe much. He said he had to give her showers if he wanted to have clean sex.

I can sometimes skip a day, depending, but more than that and I can't stand it. And really, I think it would get old if I had to bathe the guy I was with every time before we have sex. I mean, it can be a nice way to start sometimes, but every time? Eh, no.

Good to see you around these parts again, Knotty. :)

Eh, ya know, I come and go as things I feel are pertinent to my experience show up haha.

But I totally hear you there, I love when my girl says we should take a shower together, it is great foreplay and a lot of fun, but it kinda makes it impossible for it to be spontaneious and just fun and random, it almost makes a fun aspect a chore. And I'm not gonna lie, I've been with a girl who bathed, but was quick about it so at times she wasn't the cleanest there so I kinda feel you friend's pain. He handeled it better then I did though, one day I went down and it was just like... BAD. Basically I just got up and said this isn't going down unless you shower now, and put my pants back on. It kinda made things weird but after she did clean it was some of the best hate sex ever haha

[ThikJerseyChik]

Showering or sharing a bath in a large sunken tub is not only refreshing but it's FUN! I love foreplay...soapy sliding slick hands all over - touching, rubbing, gliding in and out of places that need that special loving touch is just sooooo erotic to me.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Bring on the lather!

[ripley]

Guess you should just tell her...'cause if you ask her to shower every time she might wonder what's up.

Why do I keep picturing that Bruce Willis shower scene in 12 Monkeys?

[mossystate]

pssst...that's why he wouldn't tell her....just waitin for the right time...and, ones mothers clothing is sometimes in the wash...but..that's a whole other thread.................hmmmm...wonder if there are any Normans out here.....don't mind me..I just like to wander around all kinds of thoughts....:D

[William]

Hi

Suggest to her that she use a good sized Hand towel as a washcloth and she will be able to get to all those hard to reach places.

William


I've had a couple (very few) female partners who were not quite as clean as they should be down there. And being such a fan of oral pleasuring, I have to admit that it greatly affects my pleasure. But even though the sexual relations with these women have been fantastic in general, and ongoing, I am not comfortable with addressing the issue with them, especially as things heat up.

What am I gonna do, stop things and say, "Phew!" Let me get a washcloth before we go another step further!"

I have sometimes suggested a shower beforehand, but many demur from that, obviously feeling that they are already "fresh as a daisy".

I don't want anyone to be insulted, but I'm sure you all agree that punctillious hygiene is essential for a full, completely satisfying sexual experience.

So: Any suggestions on how to subtly, yet effectively address this issue?

[Lamia]

Showering is a great idea especially since I think fat is just so much more fun when it's all soapy and slippery. I let a guy go down on me once for like one minute. I had bathed and bathed and I still felt like I was dirty and that's all I could think of was grossing him out. I told him to stop that I just didn't feel right about it. He tried to make me comfortable with it, and he kept trying to go south. I only went on two more dates with him where he brought it up again and I nixed that idea. I would say you'd have to put it very delicately depending on how open they are about sex and their own bodies. I would definately want to know instead of some guy suffering through it.

[Green Eyed Fairy]

Something occurred to me.....maybe he should approach it how I might.....
I wouldn't make it about "I want to have sex with you but you stink/you're too dirty for me to enjoy it".
Instead, I would make it about me....and perhaps say "You know, I have my quirks...and before sex, I ALWAYS want ANY partner I have to shower- I cannot enjoy sex unless my partner washes first. (read I am saying that this goes for ANYONE I have sex with because *I* need it) I might get a little flirty about it and add "Showering together is fun foreplay for me- it really gets me aroused".
If he doesn't make it seem like THIS ONE PARTICULAR WOMAN has a stanky thang and just make it more about being a "personal preference", then it might go smoother....and it would definitely be less embarrassing/hurtful to her.

Lots of people prefer their partners to bathe/wash first....that, in itself, doesn't seem unreasonable or hurtful. Telling them they stink is hurtful though.....

[Sandie_Zitkus]

I'm feeling the love people.

First of all - there was no judgement, I stated an opinion. As a SSBBW I get that this can be a tough issue BUT the thought of getting a mouth full of urine while being intimate with someone - is - um - well - really nauseating. I don't think being fat or thin is an excuse for bad hygiene - especially when there are so many ways to handle this situation.

So - for those of you who wish to judge ME because of an opinion - hey go for it! If it makes you happy.

And Both Guns Blazing - passive aggressive much?? LOL

[CleverBomb]

Something occurred to me.....maybe he should approach it how I might.....
I wouldn't make it about "I want to have sex with you but you stink/you're too dirty for me to enjoy it".
Instead, I would make it about me....and perhaps say "You know, I have my quirks...and before sex, I ALWAYS want ANY partner I have to shower- I cannot enjoy sex unless my partner washes first. (read I am saying that this goes for ANYONE I have sex with because *I* need it) I might get a little flirty about it and add "Showering together is fun foreplay for me- it really gets me aroused".
If he doesn't make it seem like THIS ONE PARTICULAR WOMAN has a stanky thang and just make it more about being a "personal preference", then it might go smoother....and it would definitely be less embarrassing/hurtful to her.

Lots of people prefer their partners to bathe/wash first....that, in itself, doesn't seem unreasonable or hurtful. Telling them they stink is hurtful though.....
Good point -- perhaps difficult to manage in the situation, but definitely casting the suggestion as a general thing ("I have a shower fetish") rather than an individual thing ("Um, you really need a bath, m'kay?") is a much more tactful way to put it.

Of course, I'm all in favor of the, "Hey, I've got a great idea -- why don't we hop in the shower? It'll be hawt!" approach. ;)

-Rusty
(Has to stop thinking about accompanied showers, or will need an unaccompanied one using unpleasantly cold water :-))

[TearInYourHand]

I'm feeling the love people.

First of all - there was no judgement, I stated an opinion. As a SSBBW I get that this can be a tough issue BUT the thought of getting a mouth full of urine while being intimate with someone - is - um - well - really nauseating. I don't think being fat or thin is an excuse for bad hygiene - especially when there are so many ways to handle this situation.

So - for those of you who wish to judge ME because of an opinion - hey go for it! If it makes you happy.
And Both Guns Blazing - passive aggressive much?? LOL

(emphasis mine)

No, I'm not judging you. That was just my opinion, sweetie.:rolleyes:

[Sandie_Zitkus]

I didn't say you were. Was your name mentioned?

LOL


(emphasis mine)

No, I'm not judging you. That was just my opinion, sweetie.:rolleyes:

[CuteyChubb]

I happen to be one who really must have clean sex. I have been known to kick my guy out to the shower if he thought he could skip it and just sleep in the same bed w/me. It may be over board but smelling good and smelling good smells are important to me. If my partner needed to be told to bathe due to odor more than once, it'd be time to mosey on for me.

[CAMellie]

Self righteous much?

Is this directed at me? I need to know before I decide if responding is worth it.

My guess is that it probably was directed at you. Funny. You claimed to be so 'non-judgemental' in another thread?

I guess that is out the window!

She also claimed to be leaving, but you know how that goes, eh?

I'm feeling the love people.

First of all - there was no judgement, I stated an opinion. As a SSBBW I get that this can be a tough issue BUT the thought of getting a mouth full of urine while being intimate with someone - is - um - well - really nauseating. I don't think being fat or thin is an excuse for bad hygiene - especially when there are so many ways to handle this situation.

So - for those of you who wish to judge ME because of an opinion - hey go for it! If it makes you happy.

And Both Guns Blazing - passive aggressive much?? LOL

(emphasis mine)

No, I'm not judging you. That was just my opinion, sweetie.:rolleyes:

I didn't say you were. Was your name mentioned?

LOL

Well...this is getting pretting fucking old! :rolleyes:

[Sandie_Zitkus]

I'm the same way. There is sweaty working outside in the sun smell - which I like and smelly you aint had a shower in a couple days which nauseates me.

(this next part is not directed at you cuteychubb)


The thing that really bothers me here is how many threads about *what are you top 5 things you must have in a man* have there been on Dimensions and without fail *HYGIENE/BEING CLEAN* is always in the top 5 of everyones list. YET - telling a SSBBW that she needs to be clean in an intimate situation - well that's insulting.

Give me a break, I'm a SSBBW with back isues who had trouble for a short period - keeping myself clean. I couldn't bend the way I needed to. But I found ways to be clean - because it wasn't acceptable to me to smell bad.

Now, I am not going to discuss what I did - it's not appropriate here.

What's good for the FA is good for the SSBW! You want a clean partner? Be a clean partner.



I happen to be one who really must have clean sex. I have been known to kick my guy out to the shower if he thought he could skip it and just sleep in the same bed w/me. It may be over board but smelling good and smelling good smells are important to me. If my partner needed to be told to bathe due to odor more than once, it'd be time to mosey on for me.

[Surlysomething]

This thread CRACKS ME UP.


:doh:

[Mr_M]

I always (well, almost always) have a quick shower before sex. Hopefully your partner will do the same. Bad hygiene is a major turn-off. Peace.:)

[love dubh]

If certain requirements, like cleanliness, are too stringent for certain individuals, they need to declare an impasse in that relationship and move along. Simple as that.

@Knotty - I lol'd and remembered a particular situation.

[vcrgrrl]

I'm kind of surprised to hear this. I'm a neat freak, and there is no way I would engage in anything like this if I wasn't completely clean.

Maybe the thing to do is just not anything at all. If you are uncomfortable with certain smells at certain areas on the body, avoid them. If eventually the person asks why you've stopped certain activities, you can tell them why.

[KnottyOne]

@Knotty - I lol'd and remembered a particular situation.

I have literally no recolection of said situation, are you talking about when you spilled my piece all over our clothes?

[olwen]

Well, since so many people have jumped on the bandwagon (and I appreciate your input and candor), I guess I can and should clarify my issue slightly.

My partner(s) are all clean, and shower regularly, and prepare for "fun 'n games," generally speaking. But I find that there is usually a need for her to 'tinkle' before the festivities begin. And I presume that they presume a quick wipe is all that's needed. Unfortunately, it's not. A nice warm washcloth is the best answer, but I guess most don't feel the need to go that far. And even a wet, warm washcloth without soap is not always 100% effective.

And so when the rubber hits the road, (so to speak), the odor/taste of urine is there, and can't be ignored.

One poster said to skip that part of intimate relations. I laughed for an hour over that one! I could not, would not ever want to miss that experience! --I'm just trying to make it as enjoyable as possible, for both participants.


I haven't finished reading this thread, so if I'm being redundant ignore me.

The urinelike odor/taste you are experiencing may not be urine at all. It could just be that the pH of her vagina is a bit acidic and the combination of that and all the flora and fauna naturally there may have that taste to it. Also it's quite possible too for that odor/taste to be coming from the g spot area - it's known that that area secretes fluid that is similar to urine even tho it isn't urine. A woman doesn't have to be orgasming at the time either. Just aroused.

ETA: okay, now I've finished reading it. I'm for directness, but just not right before sex. Have the discussion while you're doing something else. I'm kinda neurotic about that too. I wouldn't have sex if I didn't feel clean. I just wouldn't be able to relax.

[pagan22]

I'm with everyone else. Take a shower with her. It's great foreplay.