PDA

View Full Version : Weight gain in the matrix


MurphysFAN89
02-24-2006, 03:01 PM
(BBW,XWG,Eating)
Im new to this its my first story. I am just looking for a little outside opinion if you have any comments or opinions i would love to hear them also let me know if I should post another chapter or not

Trinity walked down the halls of the nebacanezzer. It was the darker dark of earth the one where its supposed to be night. She entered the room the jack-in room. Silently as possible she set up a chair for herself. As she slid her rail thin body into the chair she cursed how little she weighed. Before escaping the matrix Trinity was a voluptuous 150 pound female who planned on growing to massive proportions with her boyfriend. Then all changed with that god forsaken red pill she thought it was a tic tac. “Now look at me” she thought “90 lbs of skin and bone” luckily that was all about to change.
With a jolt she found herself standing in an abandoned back alley she looked down but instead of the scrawny sack of bones from the ship there stood an absolutely massive contribution to the female form. Her enormous form looked poured into her skin tight black leather one piece out fit. Her cherubic round face was framed with short dark brown hair and soft gray eyes that could melt the coldest heart. Her neck was almost non existent due to a 2nd and 3rd chin that hung down below that two gargantuan breasts that would have hung down to the sides of her belly if it wasn’t for how her outfit pushed them straight out forming what looked to be a foot of cleavage and exposing her pale skin. Her large spherical stomach hung down covering her once bony lap all the way down to her dimpled knees where it swung back and forth like a pendulum whenever she moved. She tried to look behind her but was having trouble turning her head due to the amount of fat on her neck but is she could Trinity would have noticed her butt stuck out almost 3 feet behind her like to beach balls stuffed in her pants the jiggled as she took a tentative step forward. She felt her white and creamy thighs rub together and immediately her panties were soaked due to how this made her feel. She lifted her titanic arms and felt the flab wiggle back and forth under her once toned biceps.
Trinity smiled to herself extremely happy with the program she created to allow herself to live out her fantasy. She had created a matrix feed allowing herself to grow as big as she wanted. She also developed a watch that let her control how long she was in the matrix. Trinity turned the corner onto an almost abandoned street looking for a night club. Suddenly she felt a great surge as her stomach rumbled. The now near 600 pound beauty waddled into a nearby Mcdonalds huufing and puffing as smiled inwardly at the astonished look the teenage drama queen behind the counter gave her.
“Umm…I just don’t know what I should get” Trinity said rubbing her belly.
“Well a stair master might help a bit” The girl said under her breath.
“What was that dear” Trinity said
“Nothing ma’am what can I get for you” Trinity ignored the “fat cow” comment the teenager made under her breath.
“Well I guess I will just take two of everything and super size it please” Trinity said her mouth watering at the thought of all that food.
“Well that could take a while… you might want to go sit down we will bring it out to you” The girl sneered. Trinity sighed inwardly standing there had been murder on her feet and she dragged her body to a nearby booth and wedged herself in. A couple minutes later the girl brought out the food and Trinity dug in. The girl behind the counter kept glancing back at her with a disgusted look on her face. When Trinity noticed this she decided to put on a little show she began to shovel food into her mouth. She inhaled everything as fast as she could she deliberately spilled fry’s and ketchup down into her vast cleavage that rested on the table.
Finally gasping for breath Trinity finished the last of her food. She was a complete mess bits of food and condiments were caked across her face and covered her breasts. The girl looked over with an appalled expression on her face not trying to hide it any more. Trinity tried to stand up and leave but she discovered she was firmly wedged in the booth. “Umm…excuse me… Ms could you help me please I seem to be stuck”
The girl looked over shocked. Her mouth looked like it was trying to form words but she was just not able. Finally she said “I’ll be right there ma’am”. She walked over and grabbed Trinity’s hands and pulled. She pulled as hard as she could but there was no way to budge her. Breathing heavily the girl said “I’ll be right back I’m going to get some grease from the back”. She returned a moment later and began to rub the left over grease all over Trinity’s belly and breasts. Trinity felt herself getting hornier by the second she slipped one flabby hand under her belly and began to stroke her pussy. The girl finished lubing up Trinity and began pulling again. Ever so slightly Trinity started to slide out. As this was going on Trinity stroked her pussy faster and faster. With a sudden POP and a shuddering orgasm she was free. Trinity landed on the girl covering her entirely with her girth. She rolled off and looked down “Thank you very much Ms I’ll be on my way now” With that Trinity stood up and began to leave waddling and holding her enormous belly as it swayed back and forth.
Trinity got outside and looked around. She thought “well this was fun but I think its time I get back now. She looked at the watch that had started to dig into her swollen wrist. She hit the button that was supposed to jack her back out of the matrix. She waited for the sudden jerk pull with eyes closed, but it never came. She slowly opened her eyes and with a great sense of dread she noticed she could not get back out of the matrix. Dawn was breaking and with dawn came the flow of people and with the flow of people came agents. She looked down at her corpulent fleshy stomach and decided she was in no position to fight the police let alone agents. Trinity waddled as quickly as she could down the street her 600 pound jiggling quickly as she looked for shelter…(to be continued)

Mystic Rain
02-24-2006, 08:51 PM
@_@ Is this a story, or one huge paragraph? You have a nice start, but you really need to know how to end paragraphs, and begin a new one. Everything runs into each other.

coyote wild
02-25-2006, 12:31 AM
@_@ Is this a story, or one huge paragraph? You have a nice start, but you really need to know how to end paragraphs, and begin a new one. Everything runs into each other.

agreed. im sure its an awesome story, but i stopped reading because of this.

bentleydev
02-25-2006, 02:05 AM
*agrees with previous two posters*

Blackjack
02-25-2006, 02:40 AM
Glaring plot blunders:

It takes two people to jack someone in. She couldn't have done it alone unless she suddenly had stretchy arms or something to reach around and plug the jack into her neck- that's not really an easy thing to do. Imagine trying to scratch the back of your neck when you can't reach your arms farther back than your head.

Also, she wouldn't be in the Matrix if this was a program she wrote (which is in itself a questionable point, since she displayed no knowledge of programming in the films). The programs are sort of like the offline, single-player modes of video games, whereas the Matrix itself is the online part, the MMORPG, the Battle.Net. So she doesn't have anything to worry about if she's fat in the program, since there's nothing in there that she didn't add; and if she's in the actual Matrix, then she's bound enough by our natural laws to not suddenly be 600 pounds. And again, she'd need another person to help, an operator, if she was going into the Matrix.

Lastly, this seems like just a Matrix-flavored rehash of "A Visit to McDonald's to Remember (http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/Weight_Room/stories/macdonalds.html)" by Mona Clairee. That is a good story, but it doesn't try to complicate things with plot; it's just an erotic fantasy-type story; your story isn't falling nicely into either category.

coyote wild
02-25-2006, 10:15 AM
Glaring plot blunders:

It takes two people to jack someone in. She couldn't have done it alone unless she suddenly had stretchy arms or something to reach around and plug the jack into her neck- that's not really an easy thing to do. Imagine trying to scratch the back of your neck when you can't reach your arms farther back than your head.

Actually, this isn't completely impossible. Cypher was able to do it in the first movie. What's to stop Trinity from doing it? However, I don't think it would've been done the way it was done here. Besides, it's a fun WG story. It's not cannon or anything.

Also, she wouldn't be in the Matrix if this was a program she wrote (which is in itself a questionable point, since she displayed no knowledge of programming in the films). The programs are sort of like the offline, single-player modes of video games, whereas the Matrix itself is the online part, the MMORPG, the Battle.Net. So she doesn't have anything to worry about if she's fat in the program, since there's nothing in there that she didn't add; and if she's in the actual Matrix, then she's bound enough by our natural laws to not suddenly be 600 pounds. And again, she'd need another person to help, an operator, if she was going into the Matrix.

maybe it's a plot twist, that she was in her own program the whole time. and im sure the crews of the real world can create various hacks to aid them in the matrix. maybe it was a "fat hack" that trinity created, but that seems a little reaching. in this case you kind of have to sit back and accept it as it is.

Lastly, this seems like just a Matrix-flavored rehash of "A Visit to McDonald's to Remember (http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/Weight_Room/stories/macdonalds.html)" by Mona Clairee. That is a good story, but it doesn't try to complicate things with plot; it's just an erotic fantasy-type story; your story isn't falling nicely into either category.

i havent read A Visit to McDonald's to Remember (http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/Weight_Room/stories/macdonalds.html), but im sure he liked the story so much that he just wanted to give it his own twist to make it his(?) you can't really blame him for it. again, these are WG stories. he's not trying to earn a pulitzer.

at first, i was a little pissed when my first story, Debrah's Morph (http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/Weight_Room/stories/debrahs_morph.htm) was "ripped-off" (for lack of a better term) by this story: One Phat Picnic (http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/Weight_Room/stories/phat_picnic.html).

But it's not like ~Jim~ is going to get any sort of prize with his story while i get shafted or anything. its the Weight Room/Stories Board. you can't really worry about stuff like that here.

yes, all of this coming from the guy that suggested WG Story Awards. I have learned the error of my ways.

Florch
02-25-2006, 11:09 AM
Considering the amount of Weight Gain fiction that is fundamentally unrealistic, I don't see the point of trying to pick holes in the plot.

Nice story, I for one would like to read more. Paragraphs are there, but if you Tab at the start and leave a blank line after each paragraph it makes things easier to read. More commas would help too.

Blackjack
02-25-2006, 11:13 AM
i havent read A Visit to McDonald's to Remember (http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/Weight_Room/stories/macdonalds.html), but im sure he liked the story so much that he just wanted to give it his own twist to make it his(?) you can't really blame him for it. again, these are WG stories. he's not trying to earn a pulitzer.

Nonetheless, that story at least knew what it was- erotica, straightforward and blunt. This story (like too many others) doesn't seem to know whether to turn people on, or whether to get people all into the action and drama, or what.

That seems to be altogether too common among the early stories that people write- not knowing what they want to do with it. Although it certainly isn't an either/or situation, it is beneficial to decide what aspect you want to be most prominent.

Also, this story would be much easier to swallow if it wasn't Trinity, but another, original character. Trinity seemed to be content with fighting. The comment about her mistaking the red pill for a Tic-Tac... That's straight out of really bad fanfiction.

I'm not trying to say that the story has to be totally believable- some of my favorite WG stories have rapid, massive growth. But in those, it makes sense and it's got better description of the fat and all- not just one hastily scribbled paragraph that could've used more elaboration.

For a first attempt, it's average at best.

coyote wild
02-25-2006, 11:19 AM
The comment about her mistaking the red pill for a Tic-Tac... That's straight out of really bad fanfiction.

im pretty sure that was just a cheap matrix joke. this obviously isnt supposed to be taken seriously on any level. just good, fun stuff which to get your rocks off.

but yeah, this isn't "high-grade Wg Story" or anything. its just fun.

i agree with pretty much everything you're saying, i just dont think it necessarily needs to be pointed out.

Belly Lover
03-14-2006, 10:15 AM
I want more.

Blackjack
03-14-2006, 12:55 PM
I want more.

Do you ever say anything other than that? Think you might give constructive criticism once in a while?

And it might be a good idea if you didn't post on stories that are over a month old- longer in some cases- asking for more, more, more!

I honestly haven't seen you do anything other than demand.

Belly Lover
03-14-2006, 01:00 PM
Good point well actually it did seem good. It's just well seperate the paragraphs a bit more and make the story flow better.
Blackjack that better :D.