New here!!!

[ms73]

Heya, this is my first post and Im somewhat nervous about it all.

If its ok Ill tell you a little bit about myself. Im 34 and have 3 wonderful children. I was married for almost 15 yrs and 12 months ago my husband walked out on myself and the kids. It was mostly because of my weight, so my ego took a major battering.

Almost 6 yrs ago I started chatting online (I know very cliche hey) to a wonderful guy. We fast became friends and even my husband at the time spent some time chatting with him. It was just a really nice friendship. Absolutely nothing happened!!!! He was in a relationship and we just used to simply talk every now and then.

Fast forward to 12 months ago when my ex walked out, myself and this guy I was talking to noticed we were developing more serious feelings. I very quickly realised that I was deeply in love with him. When he reciprocated these feelings I was totally blown away. This man is absolutely amazing. Biggest problem is that he is in New Zealand and I am in Australia. He is comming over to Australia to live around Xmas time. Like I previously said I realise this all sounds very cliche and "online" romances often dont work out. But I have to say I know this man very well and we talk almost every day.

Now I guess to my dilema..He is 6ft3in about 230lbs and his body is amazing. He works out and boxes. He has an amazing chest and is in one word "HOT" He is in no way overweight but toally full of muscle... Im so nervous about being with him sexually and need to overcome my deep fears.

My ex put me down about my weight and unfortunately my new man stands to inherit these problems, which makes me feel just awful for him. He has seen me (all of me) and says the most beautiful things about my body. I so desperately want to believe him, but I was with my ex in total for almost 18 yrs and its very hard to let go of those old insecurities.

Please let me say again that I truely am very much in love with this man, he has accepted me and is totally in love with my kids, whom he talks to regularly also. He has had previous relationships and mostly all of them have been with thin women. Which makes me wonder why he wants to be with me. He tells me all the time how much he loves me and how beautiful I am and that he isnt with me for the way I look he is with me for the person I am. But he has stated many times that my body is something that is a big turn on for him.

Please advise me on how to be comfortable about all of this. I so badly want to be intimate with this man, but fear he wont like my shape IRL. He is always telling me not to be shy about it and that he will be as patient as need be and as gentle as possible. He knows I have fears and has grown to detest my ex for the things he used to say to me.

Sex with my ex wasnt fulfilling at all and all I want is a loving fulfilling sexual relationship with my new man.

Forgive me if this post is long and somewhat disjointed, Im terribly nervous.

[Jay West Coast]

Honestly, I'd be more concerned about the difficulties that come with a long-distance relationship, and the surreal nature of when you guys finally do get to spend time with each other. After being in love online for a while, there can be a sort of unfettered buildup that can make it a bit difficult to stay grounded.

That being said, I think you have to be willing to try to see yourself through his eyes. Look yourself in the mirror, and imagine the man you love seeing that and craving it. Imagine that once he sees your curves and your form, he wants nothing more than touch, caress, and absorb it. He was built in such a way that he'd want your shape more than anyone else's. Try to see it the way he sees it.

But beyond that, once you two are more accustomed to being intimate, it'll be more obvious and easy. You'll eventually get used to seeing that look in his eyes when you walk out of the shower, or changing into work clothes, or wearing a cute outfit. You'll see it. You'll feel it. You'll know why he loves the way you look so much.

I'm sure you'll never feel completely divorced from the way your ex made you feel; but that's natural, we all have our baggage. In the meantime, I'd have fun realizing that you've found a great guy, and that he'd have you no other way than the way you are.

Have fun! Let us know how it goes!

[Haunted]

I am involved with a beautiful woman whose husband put her down all the time we are also in a long distance relationship, and we also met online as friends about 6 years ago actually the only difference i see is i'm no body builder though she seems to think i'm pretty sexy.

Try not to fret too much about how he'll react. maybe he was an Fa in denial, and is just now starting to realize his attraction to Larger lovelier ladies. i know it took me along time to admit it to myself and even longer to admit it to my friends.

My girl is 300+ and there is nothing lovelier than feeling her fill the space in my arms when i hold her. or being mesmerized by her overwhelming presence, when ever i get on a tear about her size i run the risk of sounding like i only love her for her size. But there are so many things i love about her, but being so far away from her i think i focus on the physical because thats the one thing we can't have everyday.

I'd suggest you search back some of my previous posts i'm forever gushing about my Big Beautiful Baby

and good luck with your new guy

:wubu:I LOVE HER:smitten: I LOVE HER:smitten: I LOVE HER:smitten: SHE'S MY MISTY DAWN:kiss2:

[Haunted]

I wanted to add There's only one to find if your right!!! Or wrong !!

"are you scared to be, scared of what you see, are you scared to change, scared to rearrange, Here's you're chance, You haven't taken any chances yet!"
-Clawfinger (chances)

[Tad]

First of all, welcome to posting. I love it when people come out from the shadows.

Second, I think if you go searching on the main board you’ll find some older threads discussing the whole how to come to accept yourself thing, with examples and thoughts from women who have been through this process (I know searching can be a bit hit and miss, and with three kids your free time must be at a premium, but it really probably is the way to find the most advice).

One thing that I know I’ve read more than one woman say was that spending some regular time naked helped, just to be around their body uncovered. Even stronger, being naked in front of a full length mirror, especially if you normally avoid that. I think the idea is that anything begins to seem normal after a while, so the strength of reaction should be reduced with exposure, and as it reduces you hopefully find it easier to see yourself in a new way.

One idea that I had, which sounds interesting to me but which has zero supporting data, would be to write positive phrases on your body. Take a pen or a marker and write “beautiful” across your belly, “sexy” along one hip, “cute” on your inner thigh, or something like that. Places that nobody else will see right now. I think the very act of labeling your body that way could be interesting, and equally so walking around knowing that it is labeled that way.

Finally, if you look up cognitive behavioral therapy (on the web or through your local library), you will find advice on writing new scripts in your head. As I understand it the steps are basically: identify the critical voice and come to recognize when it is speaking (You may even recognize its source; that those are your ex-husband’s words, or your mother’s, or the tone is from the girl who used to tease you in high school, or even that is the voice of that part of you that is apologizing for all of those people). Next you keep track of how often that voice is speaking and what it is saying (actually writing it down may be useful). Then you start working at cutting it off with a firm “No!” or “Stop!” or whatever your word of choice is when you realize that voice is speaking (at first this will be hard, but over time you will probably be able to cut it off sooner and sooner). Finally you work at coming up with new scripts to run through your head whenever that voice would speak. Note that I’m no therapist, that summary is based on me reading a few things, so I’d absolutely not try any of that without reading more. I just wanted to outline what is involved.

[Krazykush]

Hi Ms73, *waving*:)

Welcome!...it feels a little weird sayin' that because I'm new myself.:blush:
I'm sure you will feel right at home as I'm startin' to.

Now about your post, you know, I instantly had a flashback when you said that your ex put you down about your weight. It made me think about my parents. They had been married for 30 years and went through I messy divorce almost four years ago. My dad always put my mom down. He talked about her weight, height, hair color, etc.ect. To this day she has very low self-esteem. I can definitely understand how you can feel the way that you do.

As to how to break out of that way of thinking?
From personal experience, it is usually a gradual thing.
For me, my first sexual experience with my ex boyfiend, who happened to prefer fat women was rather nerve wrecking. It didn't help matters that I still had a self loathing mentality bakc then, nor did it help that he was the spitting image of Terrence Howard.:p He was the type of guy that would constantly uplift me so much so, that I had no choice but to see myself in a different way. I see that your love interest is the uplifting sort, so that will more than likely work in your favor.

In conclusion, I think that you should be cautious of the fact that it is long distance, but if you are a romantic at heart like me, the force will guide you well.:bow: Also, take things slowly.

[flav]

oulala i don't understand all ,
but , welcome on board , and i'm happy because i'm not the last !:happy:

[ms73]

Thankyou so much to the people who responded to my post. I cannot tell you how much your kind words and advice have meant to me. Might sound silly but Ive ended up with a tear in my eye at the emoung of respect that is shown here.

edx....Alot of your ideas seem to have alot of merit and I actually plan on giving a few of them a go. I honestly think this basically comes down to my own issues from my past relationship more than it does for my future one. I think I have to learn to understand and accept myself before I can expect others to do the same. So again thanks so much for your advice, youre one smart cookie!!!

Haunted...Your lady is a very lucky woman to have someone so caring and loving of not only who she is but how she looks as well. Thanks for your advice as well, it came across as very genuine and heartfelt which meant the world to me.

Im not going to do personals do everyone, so just a big thankyou to everyone who took the time out to make me feel a little better and offer me some wonderful advice. This is definately a place I will be comming back to for more advice and words of wisdom.