Metaphysics, the "closet", and ownage

[bdog]

I just feel like posting because it helps to sort out some thoughts. I'll just warn you now that it's a long personal story.

Basically, I used to be fairly closeted and/or in denial about my preferences. I grew up thinking I was cool, and fat girls weren't. Both these things are subjective illusions that were quite limiting but I lived as though they were facts.

When I was about 20 or so some friends found some of my bbw pornography. They made fun of me, I was mortified, and it sucked. I liked fat girls, but I didn't accept this part of myself. I didn't own it, and thus I was vulnerable to outer attacks.

However, I think everyone gets to a point where the pain of being in the closet is just too great. You just reach that point where you say to yourself, "F@ck this. This is my life and I'm going to live it." It doesn't happen overnight, but gradually you just become more and more empowered. It's a wondeful feeling, like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

The really funny thing, though, is that the outer world reflects your inner change. And then I came across this amazing quote:

"Don't we live in the same objective world?" a disciple once asked his guru. "Yes," his master replied, "But you see yourself in the world, I see the world in myself. This minor perceptual shift makes all the difference between freedom and bondage."

I've read a lot of similar stories, but I just wanted to add my own. My friends know, and my myspace profile says so as well, and I just can't imagine it any other way.

[moonvine]

Guys who own their preferences are so hot. :D

[AnnMarie]

I agree with the ownership being hot comment.

As much as many FAs seek a confident fat girl who owns her body and lives with pride and confidence, the big girls want a man who owns his preference, and wears it with pride, which then translates to a beaming glow when he's with his girl.


It's the stuff dreams are made of!

[Boteroesque Babe]

Sounds like you have many of the big things figured out, bdog, and are well on your way to tackling the others. Awfully impressive for such a young man.

If other closeted guys are reading this, I'll add that embracing your preference (and all such secrets) defuses others' ability to taunt you with it. Had you snatched your porn away from your friends, gazed at it fondly, and explained to them in as graphic a way as necessary just what you love about fat girls, the joke likely would've been on them.

I realize you weren't yet able to do that, but I hope others reading this might consider owning their proclivities, and taking the power from their tormentors. (And maybe even finding a compadre in the process, or better, a cute fat girlfriend.)

[Carrie]

Some very insightful comments, bdog. I really enjoyed reading this.

It occurs to me that the process of "owning" one's preferences as an FA is not unlike a fat person's process of "owning" their bodies, their fatness. I found that once I really accepted my fat body, I became fairly impervious to others' opinions of me. When I walk around with the attitude, "Yep, I'm a fat girl - and a hot one at that," it's as if the idiots realize that they're not going to be giving me any breaking news by pointing out that I'm fat. When I used to walk around feeling apologetic for being fat, simply for taking up more space than other people, the anti-fat folks could sense that attitude and would promptly pounce, whereas now that I walk with confidence and without apology, that's much less likely to happen.

It sounds like you've been through similar experiences, and have had similar realizations as a former closeted FA. So yes, owning our preferences, our sexuality, and ourselves in general is bound to make for a happier, more fulfilled existence. The process is tough as hell, but so completely worth it.

Thanks for sharing your story. I hope it may help some others to embrace their own preferences and feelings. :)

[Ivy]

I agree with the ownership being hot comment.

As much as many FAs seek a confident fat girl who owns her body and lives with pride and confidence, the big girls want a man who owns his preference, and wears it with pride, which then translates to a beaming glow when he's with his girl.


It's the stuff dreams are made of!

Amen to that!! I will not date a man who won't own his preferences. I've been there, and I definately do not wish to go back there. If I'm going to be the proud, confident, self lovin' fat girl, then I need my man to be proud to be proud to be seen with me.

[bassplayer5]

Basically, I used to be fairly closeted and/or in denial about my preferences. I grew up thinking I was cool, and fat girls weren't. Both these things are subjective illusions that were quite limiting but I lived as though they were facts.


pretty much same here but I joined anyways.

[Jes]

bdog:

i saw your picture posted elsewhere earlier today and thought: Mrooowr! Dreamy.

Now, reading this, I must amend my earlier comment to be: Mrooowr! SUPER dreamy!

Jes

[Phalloidium]

I just feel like posting because it helps to sort out some thoughts. I'll just warn you now that it's a long personal story.

Basically, I used to be fairly closeted and/or in denial about my preferences. I grew up thinking I was cool, and fat girls weren't. Both these things are subjective illusions that were quite limiting but I lived as though they were facts.

When I was about 20 or so some friends found some of my bbw pornography. They made fun of me, I was mortified, and it sucked. I liked fat girls, but I didn't accept this part of myself. I didn't own it, and thus I was vulnerable to outer attacks.

However, I think everyone gets to a point where the pain of being in the closet is just too great. You just reach that point where you say to yourself, "F@ck this. This is my life and I'm going to live it." It doesn't happen overnight, but gradually you just become more and more empowered. It's a wondeful feeling, like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

The really funny thing, though, is that the outer world reflects your inner change. And then I came across this amazing quote:

"Don't we live in the same objective world?" a disciple once asked his guru. "Yes," his master replied, "But you see yourself in the world, I see the world in myself. This minor perceptual shift makes all the difference between freedom and bondage."

I've read a lot of similar stories, but I just wanted to add my own. My friends know, and my myspace profile says so as well, and I just can't imagine it any other way.

You've summed up my life in recent times. It is indeed a truly amazing paradigm shift, perhaps the most profound I've ever experienced.

[ataraxia]

I own and disown most of my preferences over time. I gain and lose them entirely, and sometimes even forget about them. About the only constant for me is my FA-ness.

Sorry, I didn't post here earlier - I really ought to give a look to any thread with "metaphysics" in the title.

[exile in thighville]

I just feel like posting because it helps to sort out some thoughts. I'll just warn you now that it's a long personal story.

Basically, I used to be fairly closeted and/or in denial about my preferences. I grew up thinking I was cool, and fat girls weren't. Both these things are subjective illusions that were quite limiting but I lived as though they were facts.

When I was about 20 or so some friends found some of my bbw pornography. They made fun of me, I was mortified, and it sucked. I liked fat girls, but I didn't accept this part of myself. I didn't own it, and thus I was vulnerable to outer attacks.

However, I think everyone gets to a point where the pain of being in the closet is just too great. You just reach that point where you say to yourself, "F@ck this. This is my life and I'm going to live it." It doesn't happen overnight, but gradually you just become more and more empowered. It's a wondeful feeling, like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

The really funny thing, though, is that the outer world reflects your inner change. And then I came across this amazing quote:

"Don't we live in the same objective world?" a disciple once asked his guru. "Yes," his master replied, "But you see yourself in the world, I see the world in myself. This minor perceptual shift makes all the difference between freedom and bondage."

I've read a lot of similar stories, but I just wanted to add my own. My friends know, and my myspace profile says so as well, and I just can't imagine it any other way.

word. i came out to the friends mature enough to handle it (and the wimmin of course) after high school graduation, and for the ones who weren't mature enough..well, one and i had a big fallout (fine with me, he wrote a term paper on why fat people should die. in the interests of sick humor that's fine with me of course but he's really antifat...and never had a gf before hehe). but yeah, these days i definitely own my preference even if i was open before but worried about being made fun of. anyone who didn't notice before must have figured out...if they're important enough to me, they've seen my myspace, which is overflowing with bbws (or seen the girls i date, ditto). i wear the FA badge as a point of pride and individuality, like i've acquired this highbrow taste 90% of guys are too stupid to figure out (in my opinion, anyone who's a breast man or ass man is halfway there and either in denial or in naivete). but yeah, owning is hot, and the bbws all know it. now if you'll excuse me i have to leave for class, "pot bellies are sexy" pin on my backpack in tow.

[exile in thighville]

Some very insightful comments, bdog. I really enjoyed reading this.

It occurs to me that the process of "owning" one's preferences as an FA is not unlike a fat person's process of "owning" their bodies, their fatness. I found that once I really accepted my fat body, I became fairly impervious to others' opinions of me. When I walk around with the attitude, "Yep, I'm a fat girl - and a hot one at that," it's as if the idiots realize that they're not going to be giving me any breaking news by pointing out that I'm fat. When I used to walk around feeling apologetic for being fat, simply for taking up more space than other people, the anti-fat folks could sense that attitude and would promptly pounce, whereas now that I walk with confidence and without apology, that's much less likely to happen.

It sounds like you've been through similar experiences, and have had similar realizations as a former closeted FA. So yes, owning our preferences, our sexuality, and ourselves in general is bound to make for a happier, more fulfilled existence. The process is tough as hell, but so completely worth it.

Thanks for sharing your story. I hope it may help some others to embrace their own preferences and feelings. :)


have i told you your signature is friggin awesome? jesus woman, when are we gonna get a room already? (an elbow room! snerk snerk)

[Jes]

have i told you your signature is friggin awesome? jesus woman, when are we gonna get a room already? (an elbow room! snerk snerk)


Dan, you should go on tour. Plot out a course of nubile posters and have your wicked way with them.

[Carrie]

jesus woman, when are we gonna get a room already?

Didn't I see that on a Hallmark card recently?





;)

[exile in thighville]

Didn't I see that on a Hallmark card recently?

arggggggggh..... hallmark's biting my steez? stupid poseurs with their pastel envelopes.

[exile in thighville]

Dan, you should go on tour. Plot out a course of nubile posters and have your wicked way with them.

i like that idea. i could get nominated for the Nubile Piece Prize.

[Jes]

i like that idea. i could get nominated for the Nubile Piece Prize.


I'm envisioning some kind of weird Dim Forum Ice Storm get together. Instead of throwing keys in a bowl, we'll all get naked and wrap ourselves in green towels. That's how we'll know one another in this great big wide world of ours.

[Jay West Coast]

I'm envisioning some kind of weird Dim Forum Ice Storm get together. Instead of throwing keys in a bowl, we'll all get naked and wrap ourselves in green towels. That's how we'll know one another in this great big wide world of ours.


<laughs>

You think I don't see these green-towel posts....but I DO!

<turns off computer and goes to bed>





JWC

[Jes]

<laughs>

You think I don't see these green-towel posts....but I DO!

<turns off computer and goes to bed>





JWC


You think I don't picture you without that green towel....but I DO!


Jes