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View Full Version : Regular Fa's V's Fa's with a twist?


mergirl
04-13-2009, 09:25 AM
I have been wondering for a while; How much having an added 'fetish' (for want of a better word) onto being an Fa eg. Also being a feeder, encourager etc. divides you from regular Fa's with no added twist?.
Do you think Fat people or other Fa's treat you differently if you have an added 'fetish'?
What are your feelings on this divide?
Do you think that there are ways that you think people could be better educated to added aspects that can come with being an Fa?.
Does the fetishistic side make you behave differently? ie. are you more defensive? etc.
You dont have to answer all these questions, they are just thoughts to get a discussion started or not! Just any of your thoughts on this really.

TotallyReal
04-13-2009, 09:51 AM
I know that there are FAs/BBWs who hate all things/anything to do with feeding and intentional weight gain, so I'm sure that there are FAs/BBWs who would hate me. I'm not open about being a feeder until basically I'm dating someone that I think might be into it, so I don't exactly wear it on my sleeve.

I don't really think education about feeding/weight gain culture is really going to help FAs/BBWs who are against it look at it with an open mind -- my feeling is that, if you are part of a subculture that is largely defined by a nontraditional sexual preference, and you spend your time talking about how people who have a slightly different nontraditional sexual preference within your own subculture are monsters, you're really not the kind of person I'm going to talk to, anyway.

A girl not being into eeding/weight gain isn't a deal-breaker for me, not by a longshot -- I date skinny chicks, even. But it's certainly my ideal, and I sympathize with those F/FAs for whom it is basically a prerequisite for them to be attracted to someone; as agitated as it makes me when I see others in the community rail against it, I'm sure it pisses them off a hundred times more.

It just amazes me, I guess, that a group can spend so much time trying to get equal recognition by society at-large, and then turn around and try to ignore or speak against an extremely common kink between two consenting adults that makes up so much of that group. Not so much here -- it's mostly feeder-friendly/feeder-apathetic, but there are more than a few fat groups who are very very against it.

I've always viewed it analogous to gay rights activists who speak out against bisexuals. By which I mean, I've always viewed it as hypocritical, intolerant and completely insane.

BothGunsBlazing
04-13-2009, 10:11 AM
I agree that I wish more people were tolerant of it, but I also think some make it very difficult to be. Like, I know it's not good to paint everyone with the same brush and say ALL FEEDERS BAD!

but the reality is this, the one person who is into feederism and actually can function isn't going to be the one messaging women with

HI
HOW MUCH DO YOU WEIGH
I WANT TO FEED YOU
HOW BIG ARE YOU WHEN STARTED GAIN WEIGHT
HELLO?
*messages from different name due to being blocked*
HI, WHY YOU AREN'T TALKING TO ME?
HELLO?
OK, YOU MUST BE EATING. I WILL WAIT.

*3 weeks later and 5,000 messages later*

u still eating baby?

multiply this by 100 men vs. the one or two decent guys who are into it that you'll meet and it can appear to be a tad lopsided.

Tad
04-13-2009, 10:28 AM
I view this a bit as being like a tomato based pasta sauce. They can vary wildly, while all having some of the same base flavors.

For myself, besides that dominant flavor of “FA” there would be aspects of: dig being chubby/fat myself, somewhat bi-sexual when it comes to being an FA, somewhat loosely anchored gender identity (especially when it comes to fat issues), gaining desires, turned on by weight gain in general, very unfortunate turn-ons from stereotypical “fat and lazy” lifestyle and inability to do things brought on by the same*, and probably a couple of other bits of flavoring that aren’t jumping to mind right now, and most likely a smidgen of a couple more that I’ve not even identified yet.

* This sort of thing is so much the antithesis to everything else I’m about that it really annoys me that it turns me on. For me it is really a “fantasy only” thing, but it won’t go away from my fantasies no matter how much I might wish it to. Actually, I have a suspicion that trying to make it go away most likely makes it more piquant.

HDANGEL15
04-13-2009, 10:31 AM
BGB, interesting from your vantage point for sure........BUT
as a FA of BHM Specifically, for some reason it seems *ASSumed* that I MUST BE A FEEDER and that I DESIRE GAINING CHAT 24 / 7 with all growing boys :doh:

for me that is not the case at all, I love the indulgent fantasy talk with someone *I KNOW*, but I tend to like very small BHM in general that have just begun gaining.....

:blush:

and in the same vain, get really sick of 100's of anonymous IM/PM's from boys afar dying to have me as their *ONLINE FEEDER*:eek: defenitely not something I have ever sought or verbalized on any posting..........<sigh>

altered states
04-13-2009, 11:35 AM
I'm into feeding, immobility, and other twisty FA-related stuff. I don't encourage or advocate those things, and don't interact online with people who do (at least directly), as I'm not really comfortable advocating or encouraging them. So the big issue I have is that while I don't mind people knowing I'm an FA, virtually no one in my real life knows about the "twisted" aspects of my sexuality.

I think a correlation can be made between gay rights and those into the twistier stuff that sometimes goes with it - leather, anonymous sex, club music, etc. Someone like my mom can see the outrageous gay pride parade on TV and say, "I'm sort of okay with them getting married, but why do they have to act like that in public?" It's sort of like, if we want fat admiration (for severe lack of a better term) to be accepted as a mainstream thing, how much should we accept among ourselves - and within ourselves - the less ready for prime time aspects?

Not that I have any answers - just putting it out there!

Tad
04-13-2009, 11:42 AM
Yah, what Tres Huevos said!

The Orange Mage
04-13-2009, 11:44 AM
I'm just a (mostly) normal FA cursed with weight gain fantasies.

mergirl
04-13-2009, 11:48 AM
I've always viewed it analogous to gay rights activists who speak out against bisexuals. By which I mean, I've always viewed it as hypocritical, intolerant and completely insane.

I think that would be more like people who only like fat speaking out against bi-sizuals. Which i havn't seen happen that much. I think it would be easier for someone who is gay to understand someone who is bi than for someone to understand a 'fetish' that they really have no understanding of.

TotallyReal
04-13-2009, 11:53 AM
I think that would be more like people who only like fat speaking out against bi-sizuals. Which i havn't seen happen that much. I think it would be easier for someone who is gay to understand someone who is bi than for someone to understand a 'fetish' that they really have no understanding of.

I didn't mean it as a one-to-one analogy, more of a general "How can you possibly speak out against a group that is so similar and makes up such a large part of your demographic"

exile in thighville
04-13-2009, 12:34 PM
It entirely depends on whether or not you understand what a fetish is and whether or not that makes you sick on principle.

MisterGuy
04-13-2009, 12:43 PM
Yeah, what Tres Huevos said. I'm "out" as far as liking fat women, but I'm firmly in the closet w/r/t my feederish tendencies--not to my gf, but to the world at large. I just think it's asking enough of people that they understand and accept that I like fatties, let alone trying to get them to get their heads around my wanting to turn skinnies into fatties and fatties into megafatties. Additionally, and probably more importantly really, I think like many folks, I'm not completely comfortable w/ the feeder/encourager stuff, and therefore feel less comfortable being public about it.

If I can go out on a limb, I daresay most guys who like women past, say, 200 lbs. probably have wg fantasies. It's hard to imagine otherwise since there's such an inherent "bigger is better" aspect to the preference. I'm just about certain that any guy into women >300 lbs. is for absolute certain into wg.

Jon Blaze
04-13-2009, 01:48 PM
Yeah, what Tres Huevos said. I'm "out" as far as liking fat women, but I'm firmly in the closet w/r/t my feederish tendencies--not to my gf, but to the world at large. I just think it's asking enough of people that they understand and accept that I like fatties, let alone trying to get them to get their heads around my wanting to turn skinnies into fatties and fatties into megafatties. Additionally, and probably more importantly really, I think like many folks, I'm not completely comfortable w/ the feeder/encourager stuff, and therefore feel less comfortable being public about it.

If I can go out on a limb, I daresay most guys who like women past, say, 200 lbs. probably have wg fantasies. It's hard to imagine otherwise since there's such an inherent "bigger is better" aspect to the preference. I'm just about certain that any guy into women >300 lbs. is for absolute certain into wg.

Not all of them, and I don't agree that being an FA is marked by the "Bigger is always better" paradigm.

MisterGuy
04-13-2009, 01:59 PM
Not all of them, and I don't agree that being an FA is marked by the "Bigger is always better" paradigm.

No, not all of them, like I said--"most," I think. I could be wrong. But if you take Curvage as an example--since I know you're on there some--wouldn't you agree that usually the guys into bigger girls are also into the WG aspect as well?

I honestly don't think I've ever run across a guy into SSBBWs who isn't also into WG, to some extent, although certainly many guys dating SSBBWs don't encourage their partner to gain for health/mobility reasons. I'm also not saying that all guys with this preference have no upper limit of what they like, but I do think WG, on some level, usually figures into their fantasy world.

I could be way off base here, and would be interested in others' opinions.

Tad
04-13-2009, 02:02 PM
I could be way off base here, and would be interested in others' opinions.

I don't contradict your thesis :p

ETA: I'm now saying you are right, just that I line up with what you were saying.

CCC
04-13-2009, 02:15 PM
Not all of them, and I don't agree that being an FA is marked by the "Bigger is always better" paradigm.

Agreed. I see much more of a distinction between simply being an FA and being into weight gain. It may be common that the two traits are found in the same person, but definitely not necessary. I for instance, wouldn't have any desire at all to see a woman I was with (who was already a size that I appreciated) get any bigger. If it happens it happens, but I wouldn't try to force it or get all happy in the pants every time she gained.
EDIT: yes, I understand you were saying "most," MisterGuy. I've never seen a poll on that (not a bad idea though?), so I can't really make an informed declaration about "most" either way.

I think that would be more like people who only like fat speaking out against bi-sizuals. Which i havn't seen happen that much.

But it has happened... I remember a thread not too long ago where people were putting down so-called bi-sizuals in a sort of snotty way, saying things like "You can't call yourself a true FA if you'd ever get with a skinny girl."


I'm not sure that I understood the original question, but assuming I did, I'd say that on the surface, and around here anyway, there is actually quite a bit of division. The constant arguments between the more vocal and obnoxious/creepy guys and the (usually) female members who call them out on their apparently poor behavior on the weight board seem to make that evident (the rebuttal always being, then, "If you don't like it don't come on the Weight Board!"). Not being into any extra fetishes inparticular, I can't really answer the other questions.

BeaBea
04-13-2009, 02:52 PM
I'm just about certain that any guy into women >300 lbs. is for absolute certain into wg.

For what its worth - that isnt my experience. It might be that my partners dont choose to share those fantasies with me because I am not into wg - but even very casual, clueless, drive-bys in chat dont seem to want to discuss gaining, feeding etc with me.

I didn't want to intrude but at 450lbs plus and a veteran of 12ish years online chat my experiences dont support your theory.

Tracey x

MisterGuy
04-13-2009, 02:56 PM
For what its worth - that isnt my experience. It might be that my partners dont choose to share those fantasies with me because I am not into wg - but even very casual, clueless, drive-bys in chat dont seem to want to discuss gaining, feeding etc with me.

I didn't want to intrude but at 450lbs plus and a veteran of 12ish years online chat my experiences dont support your theory.

Tracey x

That's why I put it out there--wanted to stimulate discussion, and genuinely curious about it. Cheers!

the hanging belly
04-13-2009, 10:37 PM
As both an FFA and a BBW, I'm wonding why the word 'fetish' is so shocking. To me it's just something that you have a very high preference for. If people like something about my body, but also like me for the person I am, then I have no problem with their fetish.

Saying that, I'm curious to see how much fun feeding is. I'd like to try it, but I want there to be limitations, and I'd want it to be just a trial run. I love to eat, and to eat a lot, but feeding just seems like taking it that one step further. I have no interest in feeding others, just like to be fed myself.

Also, I'm not an encourager. I don't want to have any part to play in somebody's weight gain. If they put on weight of their own accord, it would please me, but its something that has to be a personal decision in my own opinion, because I don't want to think that I'm contributing to potentially ruining somebody else's health. But if thats somebody's fetish then its fine, its just not my own. My fetish basically only goes as far as liking big guys and liking myself being big, but I don't want to be persuasive towards others, but I'm not going to hate anyone else for their own beliefs.

Hope that makes sense

Geektastic1
04-13-2009, 11:19 PM
I'm really simple and straightforward as far as being an FA goes. I can get turned on by and occasionally fantasize about mild weight gain fantasy, but that's really not my primary thing.

I mostly just see a good-looking woman with a hot fat shape and go WOW and want to grab and squeeze on the all that good fat stuff. It's really just a strong physical preference for me. I really love the sensuality and voluptousness of the fat female body. I'm not offended by people into feederism, though. Since I can appreciate mild weight gain fantasies, I can see why others like it. They're not all that different from me. Besides, I've got enough other non-fat-related kinks to be understanding.

Cors
04-14-2009, 01:46 AM
My FA desires are pretty plain. I like watching and touching fat bits and talking about them. I love preparing food for a partner and savouring their enjoyment, but I don't fantasize about weight gain at all. In fact, I don't even have a preference for a certain size or shape - as long as she is at least twice my size (96lbs), it is all good. I do wonder if I will feel more guilty about my preference if I have an extreme interest in weight gain or if I can only get off to women above a certain high weight (say, 600lbs) - I almost sympathise with people who are wired that way because it is more difficult for them to fulfil their fantasies.

I can generally relate to other FAs as long as they are respectful. As an FA and a woman who hates being objectified by men, I do feel embarrassed and angry about my "kind" whenever I see or hear about creepy compliments some FAs make. I do get defensive and indignant when confronted by an angry, self-loathing fat girl about why I like her fat and occasionally try to placate her by telling her that no, I don't want to fatten her up, call her my little piggy (she will have to beg pretty damn hard for that) and tell her how she is more than just a magic number or a bunch of fat rolls.

mergirl
04-14-2009, 03:28 AM
I didn't mean it as a one-to-one analogy, more of a general "How can you possibly speak out against a group that is so similar and makes up such a large part of your demographic"
Yeah, i see what you mean. I ment that i think it is easier to compare the gay/bi and Fa/Bi-fatual relationship than it would be to compare the Fa/Feeder one say. If you are gay/Fa, You will have at least some experience of understanding the 'Bi' perspective. I think there are many Fa's who have never had any feeding/gaining fantasies themselves so might find it hard to empathise with the members of the community who do. I do think any community should try to understand the different members within it and try to respect them.

If I can go out on a limb, I daresay most guys who like women past, say, 200 lbs. probably have wg fantasies. It's hard to imagine otherwise since there's such an inherent "bigger is better" aspect to the preference. I'm just about certain that any guy into women >300 lbs. is for absolute certain into wg.

My partner (and i hope she doesnt mind me saying) Is over 300lbs and i am absolutely certain i dont have any weight gain fantasies. (Well not where i would want 'her' to gain weight). I think some people just prefer different sizes of people. i have chatted to a guy on and off for about 8 years and he 'came out' to me as having feeder tendencies and he said he actually prefered to see weight gain on a smaller woman as opposed to being with a larger woman. So i guess, it just depends on the individual.

Dr. P Marshall
04-14-2009, 07:12 AM
I think there are many Fa's who have never had any feeding/gaining fantasies themselves so might find it hard to empathise with the members of the community who do.

I haven't read this whole thread, and I am still working on a more thorough answer, but I did want to throw something out there in relation to this point. Especially in light of the "FA guilt" thread. You may not understand the fetish, but most FAs at least understand having an attraction/getting turned on by something that they did not choose and have no control over and often feel conflicted by. I think if non fetishist FAs tried to think of it that way, not in terms of what we DO (or don't do) to other people, but as something we ARE (fetishists) it might help bridge the gap a little.

altered states
04-14-2009, 08:26 AM
If I can go out on a limb, I daresay most guys who like women past, say, 200 lbs. probably have wg fantasies. It's hard to imagine otherwise since there's such an inherent "bigger is better" aspect to the preference. I'm just about certain that any guy into women >300 lbs. is for absolute certain into wg.

I've always suspected most FAs have wg tendencies, and not even necessarily based on specific weight preferences. I've been slapped for suggesting such here on Dims, but that's still my hunch. FA erotica says it all: most sites/mags/vids/etc feature gaining-related material, be it eating, measuring, tight clothes, stuckage, etc.

For what its worth - that isnt my experience. It might be that my partners dont choose to share those fantasies with me because I am not into wg - but even very casual, clueless, drive-bys in chat dont seem to want to discuss gaining, feeding etc with me.

I didn't want to intrude but at 450lbs plus and a veteran of 12ish years online chat my experiences dont support your theory.

I think most FAs who wants to keep a woman's attention will suss out the situation before laying the wg stuff on her, for fear of offending. It's like if a guy is on the first couple of dates he won't mention he's into bondage or whatever.

BothGunsBlazing
04-14-2009, 08:36 AM
I think most FA erotica is based around gaining and eating fantasies because those are the hardest ones to actually obtain in real life if you're into it. Like, I've seen men go on about how .. well, I can get a girl, but getting her to eat and gain? yeah, not so easy.

I think most erotica tends to cater towards the not so easy to attain. Which gives some one all the more reason to be willing to pay for it. If I can't do this IRL, I can at least get my fix through this.

I don't know if it's true that most FAs are into WG as much as most FAs are into their partner being comfortable with their bodies around them and okay with eating whatever they want and not being self conscience, which usually leads to weigh gain.

mergirl
04-14-2009, 08:49 AM
I haven't read this whole thread, and I am still working on a more thorough answer, but I did want to throw something out there in relation to this point. Especially in light of the "FA guilt" thread. You may not understand the fetish, but most FAs at least understand having an attraction/getting turned on by something that they did not choose and have no control over and often feel conflicted by. I think if non fetishist FAs tried to think of it that way, not in terms of what we DO (or don't do) to other people, but as something we ARE (fetishists) it might help bridge the gap a little.
I think this is exactly right. To be honest, before i came here (the forums) my only experience of 'feeders' was in chat (where i think i first went about 8 years ago) and the constant 'do you want to gain?' 'how fat do you want to get' etc. That coupled with watching the Docu 'fat girls and feeders' and seeing the film 'feed' sort of confused me. I was confused because i have an on and off chat freind who kinna 'came out' as a feeder and he ..is a NICE guy! SHOCK!!! There are no good representations of feeders. I think it might even be hard to explain via television because people generally get board after about 2 seconds but still as with most things the story must be told.. so we get sensationalist stuff like tyra or 'fat girls and feeders'.
Its totally different now as since i joined the forums i have chatted with lots of people who i think are amazing who either identify as feeders or have a weight gain fetish. I have always had an interest in fetish/fantasy and the psychology of both, so really, even when i watched the sensationalist stuff i knew it just wasnt as simple or as 'shocking' as the shows have tried to portray and i now know this is the case.
I was actually trying to explain this to a friend recently (well more of an aquaintence really and they were drunk and anoying and actually on hindsite i shouldnt have engaged them) I was explaining about Fa's and he brought up feederism (because of the docu) and was asking if they were the same. I tried to explain the differences and i talked about the fact that for many with a fetish it is something that they cant help but feel/desire. He compared this to pedophellia, which right away i corrected (pretty pissed off by now), pointing out that, no, infact it is a concentual fetish, which half the time isn't even acted out and pretty much never to the extreme measures he was thinking (think the film feed). I was thinking about directing him here for a better understanding but decided not to inflict him on you all. He is a shite friend anyway and i only usually see him at weddings or parties. Anyway, my point was that it made me think about what a sensitive and taboo subject it really is and how sensitive feeders are here. (rightfully so) and if there were ways of bridging the gap (cheers Dr P) or if most feeders would just rather it wasnt really brought up or that anyone tried to explain it properly to the 'outside world'. You have my support always anyway, though that probably means not very much. lol. I just mean, i can and have bridged the gap but that has only been through talking to people here.

Dr. P Marshall
04-14-2009, 08:51 AM
I honestly don't think I've ever run across a guy into SSBBWs who isn't also into WG, to some extent, although certainly many guys dating SSBBWs don't encourage their partner to gain for health/mobility reasons. I'm also not saying that all guys with this preference have no upper limit of what they like, but I do think WG, on some level, usually figures into their fantasy world.

I could be way off base here, and would be interested in others' opinions.

Agreed. I see much more of a distinction between simply being an FA and being into weight gain. It may be common that the two traits are found in the same person, but definitely not necessary. I for instance, wouldn't have any desire at all to see a woman I was with (who was already a size that I appreciated) get any bigger. If it happens it happens, but I wouldn't try to force it or get all happy in the pants every time she gained.


I know this isn't exactly what misterguy meant, or I don't think so anyway, I will say that for some of us wg fetish can work before or after the fact. In other words, the person doesn't have to actually gain, but knowing that there HAS been a gain in the past(seeing them in old clothes that don't fit, etc, etc) can be a real turn on. And I've seen that type of thing from FA/FFA who don't identify as weight gain fetishists. So while it may not be true that all FA/FFAs who prefer 300 and up want gain in their partner, I do think there is a tendency to overall appreciate the gaining that made the person the size that they currently are. Again, I am hesitant to throw out theories about non-fetishists since I can't get in their head and I don't like when they theorize about me.:p So I will shut up for now. But it was just something I wanted to throw out there......that there is even more than one way to be attracted to weight gain.

mergirl
04-14-2009, 08:59 AM
I've always suspected most FAs have wg tendencies, and not even necessarily based on specific weight preferences. I've been slapped for suggesting such here on Dims, but that's still my hunch. FA erotica says it all: most sites/mags/vids/etc feature gaining-related material, be it eating, measuring, tight clothes, stuckage, etc.

.

See, i loved the weight stories. I used to read them years ago. It was the descriptions of fat that turned me on though. I wondered why such a large part of the basis on the stories were weight gain orentated, then i realised that a lot of things Fa's liked Fa's with weight gain fantasy would like too. Things like too tight clothes -Something which would excentuate fat but also be indicitive of gaining.
Fat people enjoying food-Could be sexy in a taboo way (because a lot of fat people hide the fact they eat), is a sensual act also could lead to weight gain.
Getting stuck places-Again this could just be indicitive of being fat and not necessaraly weight gain related.
There are loads more examples i'm sure. I know what you mean though..Why would people write mainly about gaining if they wernt into it. I'm sure many are but i think also that 'weight gain' seems to be a way of expressing 'fat' really well via description somehow. The stories really turned me on, not because of the gain but because of the descriptions of fat. Well, not the stories that go-then she ate a pill and was 1000lbs etc. (sorry if you actually wrote one like that btw.. but it just wasnt my cup of tea! lol)

mergirl
04-14-2009, 09:05 AM
I will say that for some of us wg fetish can work before or after the fact. In other words, the person doesn't have to actually gain, but knowing that there HAS been a gain in the past(seeing them in old clothes that don't fit, etc, etc) can be a real turn on. And I've seen that type of thing from FA/FFA who don't identify as weight gain fetishists. .

OH! Maby i AM a weight gain fetishist then!
I guess like any fetish/sexuality, there are sub groups within sub groups and definitions within definition. So in guess we just have to create some sort of structure or else we would disolve into nothing. (not us personally but the defining of us).
See, i didnt know this was a thing!! Hu..i dont FEEL any different.:confused::blush:
:happy:

Tad
04-14-2009, 09:35 AM
I think one of the confounding factors in the "Am I just an FA or do I like weight gain" discussion is that one of the ways someone could demonstrate that they love being fat is to show off their fat in ways similar to what one would do to show off a gain. Beyond that even, happily getting bigger is a type of evidence that you like being fat. So I think some of the gain stuff can probably push some buttons for people who are not attracted by gain for its own sake.

To me a better test of whether or not you are attracted to gain is if you see someone who is a distant aquaintance or a stranger who you see occasionally--say someone who works at a store you go into occasionally--has visibly gained a small amount of weight, do that cause some reaction in you? You have no idea if they like or not, if it was deliberate or not, and so on. But you can see that the clothes that fit a few months ago are now strained, so while their size is not all that much different they seem to have gained. If gaining is one of your hot buttons, it will be hard to pull your eyes away. If it is not, presumably you wouldn't much care.

Dr. P Marshall
04-14-2009, 09:46 AM
I think this is exactly right. To be honest, before i came here (the forums) my only experience of 'feeders' was in chat (where i think i first went about 8 years ago) and the constant 'do you want to gain?'...

I just saw this post. I love you mer, but how am I going to get my real life work done if you keep making me think.:p:wubu:

I freely admit that there are members of the group of "my kind" who make me uncomfortable/creep me out with their BEHAVIOR. But in terms of what goes through a fetishist's mind, or what they fantasize about, I really have no problem. To be honest, the people with the more extreme fantasies do not generate disgust from me, I actually really feel for them because I know that a fetish is something you can't control and I couldn't imagine having something go through your head that you couldn't possibly do in real life and that was the only or primary thing that aroused you.

I am speaking only for me, but I thought maybe I could explain how it works for me. I admit that I actually have a pretty hardwired, hardcore weight gain fetish. It's what really brought me to Dims. All gaining really excites me, and my ultimate fantasy would be pretty significant weight gain. But for me, what I will engage in is very different from what I get turned on by. The only way I can think of to explain my relationship to my fetish to a non-fetishist FA is to compare it to the feelings FAs often have about partner weight loss. You want what's best for the other person, you know what you would do to keep them happy goes against what your ultimate sexual desires are, you feel guilty about it, but you try to do the right thing for everyone in the situation and in order to not completely lose your mind/ruin your relationship to the person, you try not to beat yourself up all the time to the point that you become a thoroughly dysfunctional mess.

I would also add that, for me anyway, there is a division in the mind even as things are happening sometimes between the "Dr.P the person" part of my brain and my sexual brain. I will use a real example from my past to try to illustrate. I prefer larger BHM, but my ex was actually a smaller one. His weight would fluctuate and he had a very bad back problem, so when he was heavier, he struggled more. I hated watching him struggle at the higher weight, it almost brought me to tears when sometimes he actually needed help. BUT, I cannot deny that in terms of my sexual response, it was always much stronger when he had gained some weight recently. Don't think I didn't hate myself for that one. I did. He also wasn't happier with himself at the higher weight and he would get frustrated. One day, he snapped his belt. It just came right off. Now, in my head, I was already thinking about how to help him LOSE weight and get to where he would be happier and all of the things that he needed and it was all sincere. The thoughts in my head were sincere. The lower part of my body, however, was having a completely different response to the snapped belt. Even as a woman, I can always tell the difference when I'm really turned on and I very definitely was.

So that divide in the mind/body, that inability to control what turns you on, that I get completely no matter what the person's turn on may be. That is why even if I don't understand the most extreme turn ons among the fetishists, I at least feel that I understand how it feels to have them. Now what someone does and how they treat other people in real life and chat is a whole other issue. No fetish gives anyone the right to make another person uncomfortable, or to manipulate them, or to just be a clueless, callous horndog all the time. I have no problem with people calling out the fetishists who misbehave. But that should be true of non-fetishist FAs too. What I sometimes find hurtful and often resent is that there is a sense that only fetishists are creepy, or capable of dehumanizing someone. There is also a sense that many people think we can't control ourselves at all. And that's not fair. We are as diverse as any other segment of the FA population in who we are as people, what our moral compasses are and all of the other things that makes a person who we are. Sometimes around here I feel like being a fetishist means I have to reaffirm my humanity with my every breath and that seems like an unfair burden to put on an entire group of people. I think many fetishists are VERY aware of those in our midst who behave in an alarming manner, but I know I would never chat with some guy and dehumanize him by way of introduction, and I have a serious fetish, so I am inclined to believe that many other fetishists are like me as well. It's just that the creeps are the ones people think of because they are out there and in your face and they upset people and more people talk about them and focus on them.

I understand why other members of the community are leery of us, I just don't think it's fair. I think at the very least we deserve to be taken on a case by case basis. So when I see things about "good FA" and I know the person means a non fetishist, yeah, it actually hurts, to be honest. And half the time I know that person actually knows me on the boards and likes me and they don't mean me, but they need to realize, they do. I think a general sensitivity about over generalizing would be nice. I don't think anyone has to understand it, or agree with it, but I hope with this board and the chance to talk about it, other community members will at least start seeing us as individuals and not all the same. I don't deny there are some horrible things that happen in the fetishist world, but it doesn't happen with all of us. Many of us would never want to go there in a million years, but we may want to talk about it without always being lumped in with the guys you see on the exploitative talk shows.

I don't mean this in a hostile, or defensive way, either. I have felt very welcomed by this community and I think the non-fetishist/fetishist FA split is actually a real shame. In general we have a lot in common, especially issues like guilt and balancing desires with concern for our partners and all of the other things. I think the other FAs could accept us as fetishist/FAs without having to feel that they are condoning anything. You can always support and accept the people, even if you don't accept their desires and fantasies. I think that would make the fetishists who are thoughtful and caring feel more a part of the community and would leave the creeps alone where they belong instead of making a lot of perfectly nice people feel like monsters all of the time. That's just my theory, I could be wrong.:)

mergirl
04-14-2009, 09:47 AM
I think one of the confounding factors in the "Am I just an FA or do I like weight gain" discussion is that one of the ways someone could demonstrate that they love being fat is to show off their fat in ways similar to what one would do to show off a gain. Beyond that even, happily getting bigger is a type of evidence that you like being fat. So I think some of the gain stuff can probably push some buttons for people who are not attracted by gain for its own sake.

To me a better test of whether or not you are attracted to gain is if you see someone who is a distant aquaintance or a stranger who you see occasionally--say someone who works at a store you go into occasionally--has visibly gained a small amount of weight, do that cause some reaction in you? You have no idea if they like or not, if it was deliberate or not, and so on. But you can see that the clothes that fit a few months ago are now strained, so while their size is not all that much different they seem to have gained. If gaining is one of your hot buttons, it will be hard to pull your eyes away. If it is not, presumably you wouldn't much care.
hmmm.. see i think i wouldnt really care, unless they were really skinny to begin with and then looked fatter..Then i would totally think they were hotter..hmm erm ..i think. Actually, i feel a bit confused. I'm going to use rediculous figures here so excuse me..If someone was 50lbs and gained weight and became 140lbs.. i wouldnt be turned on because they would still be skinny.. Though if they were 140lbs and gained to 240 then i possibly would be. For me, i really dont think it is the 'gaining' but to be honest i think there is a thin (sic) line between fat admiration and love of gain, like you said, as they both tell the story of fat.

Tad
04-14-2009, 09:52 AM
Dr. P: as is far too often the case I can't rep you right now. Darn you for being so rep-worthy! But yes, YES, YES to pretty much everything in your post, and I really have nothing to add. You nailed it perfectly.

BTW: I have that same sort of weird double response thing going on all the time too. I've pretty much trained myself to keep it from causing visible physical reactions, but the two totally different mental reactions, oh yah.

Dr. P Marshall
04-14-2009, 09:52 AM
I think one of the confounding factors in the "Am I just an FA or do I like weight gain" discussion is that one of the ways someone could demonstrate that they love being fat is to show off their fat in ways similar to what one would do to show off a gain. Beyond that even, happily getting bigger is a type of evidence that you like being fat. So I think some of the gain stuff can probably push some buttons for people who are not attracted by gain for its own sake.

To me a better test of whether or not you are attracted to gain is if you see someone who is a distant aquaintance or a stranger who you see occasionally--say someone who works at a store you go into occasionally--has visibly gained a small amount of weight, do that cause some reaction in you? You have no idea if they like or not, if it was deliberate or not, and so on. But you can see that the clothes that fit a few months ago are now strained, so while their size is not all that much different they seem to have gained. If gaining is one of your hot buttons, it will be hard to pull your eyes away. If it is not, presumably you wouldn't much care.

Or when you hear someone say "wow, he's put on a lot" and you almost get whiplash trying to look at the guy.:p

mergirl
04-14-2009, 10:02 AM
So that divide in the mind/body, that inability to control what turns you on, that I get completely no matter what the person's turn on may be. That is why even if I don't understand the most extreme turn ons among the fetishists, I at least feel that I understand how it feels to have them. Now what someone does and how they treat other people in real life and chat is a whole other issue. No fetish gives anyone the right to make another person uncomfortable, or to manipulate them, or to just be a clueless, callous horndog all the time. I have no problem with people calling out the fetishists who misbehave. But that should be true of non-fetishist FAs too. What I sometimes find hurtful and often resent is that there is a sense that only fetishists are creepy, or capable of dehumanizing someone. There is also a sense that many people think we can't control ourselves at all. And that's not fair. We are as diverse as any other segment of the FA population in who we are as people, what our moral compasses are and all of the other things that makes a person who we are. Sometimes around here I feel like being a fetishist means I have to reaffirm my humanity with my every breath and that seems like an unfair burden to put on an entire group of people. I think many fetishists are VERY aware of those in our midst who behave in an alarming manner, but I know I would never chat with some guy and dehumanize him by way of introduction, and I have a serious fetish, so I am inclined to believe that many other fetishists are like me as well. It's just that the creeps are the ones people think of because they are out there and in your face and they upset people and more people talk about them and focus on them.


I just wanted to quote this because its a beautiful thing. Actually your whole post was but i wanted to say that i have had (regular/vanilla/whatever)Fa's and actually even bbws and bhms being right sleazebags to me in the past, i was just highlighting that the badly behaved fetishists were the only ones i had ever encountered, which is usually because they are the ones making the most noise. My dad actually said to me a while back (because apparently i am the oracle of lesbian behaviour) "how come when you see lesbians on the news, its always the agressive, man hating ones?" I said "Well maby its just because they are the loudest". I think this might be true, that the members of our communities and the ones that represent us least are usually the ones doing all the shouting for us.
Anyway, Dr P, i think you should quit your day job and become a chat show host or even a writer because you have a very elegant way of putting things across, which really opens peoples eyes to different ways of thinking and i think that is a rare skill. och, your creepy but i love you!! :happy::D

Dr. P Marshall
04-14-2009, 10:22 AM
I just wanted to quote this because its a beautiful thing. Actually your whole post was but i wanted to say that i have had (regular/vanilla/whatever)Fa's and actually even bbws and bhms being right sleazebags to me in the past, i was just highlighting that the badly behaved fetishists were the only ones i had ever encountered, which is usually because they are the ones making the most noise. My dad actually said to me a while back (because apparently i am the oracle of lesbian behaviour) "how come when you see lesbians on the news, its always the agressive, man hating ones?" I said "Well maby its just because they are the loudest". I think this might be true, that the members of our communities and the ones that represent us least are usually the ones doing all the shouting for us.
Anyway, Dr P, i think you should quit your day job and become a chat show host or even a writer because you have a very elegant way of putting things across, which really opens peoples eyes to different ways of thinking and i think that is a rare skill. och, your creepy but i love you!! :happy::D

I love you too.:wubu: And for me anyway, you will now be the official oracle of lesbian behavior in my mind.:p

altered states
04-14-2009, 01:03 PM
I don't know if it's true that most FAs are into WG as much as most FAs are into their partner being comfortable with their bodies around them and okay with eating whatever they want and not being self conscience, which usually leads to weigh gain.

It's two different impulses. What you're saying makes sense in a relationship (FA or non-) but when we dive into men's ids via erotica, the comfort of their partner goes out the window - alongside their partners most of the time.

I'm not saying all FAs are into WG, by the way. Just that a lot of them are, perhaps a majority, and certainly more than are willing to cop to it.

MisterGuy
04-14-2009, 01:06 PM
I know this isn't exactly what misterguy meant, or I don't think so anyway, I will say that for some of us wg fetish can work before or after the fact. In other words, the person doesn't have to actually gain, but knowing that there HAS been a gain in the past(seeing them in old clothes that don't fit, etc, etc) can be a real turn on. And I've seen that type of thing from FA/FFA who don't identify as weight gain fetishists. So while it may not be true that all FA/FFAs who prefer 300 and up want gain in their partner, I do think there is a tendency to overall appreciate the gaining that made the person the size that they currently are. Again, I am hesitant to throw out theories about non-fetishists since I can't get in their head and I don't like when they theorize about me.:p So I will shut up for now. But it was just something I wanted to throw out there......that there is even more than one way to be attracted to weight gain.

Yeah, this is exactly right. I can be just as turned on by the thought or knowledge that a woman who weighs 300 lbs. used to weigh 150. I don't have to witness the transformation, although that does it for me, too. In a sense that's what I meant by my blanket statement about FA wg fantasies--the fact of wg is so inherent to liking big people, even if you aren't expressly turned on by the gaining specifically, you are turned on by the result of it.

Also, a la what Tres Huevos said, if you look at most fatporn sites, even the ones that start off non-wg, eating, or feeding related--e.g. Mandy Blake-- usually start to include that stuff at some point, and I suspect the reason is market demand.

katherine22
04-14-2009, 01:22 PM
I view this a bit as being like a tomato based pasta sauce. They can vary wildly, while all having some of the same base flavors.

For myself, besides that dominant flavor of “FA” there would be aspects of: dig being chubby/fat myself, somewhat bi-sexual when it comes to being an FA, somewhat loosely anchored gender identity (especially when it comes to fat issues), gaining desires, turned on by weight gain in general, very unfortunate turn-ons from stereotypical “fat and lazy” lifestyle and inability to do things brought on by the same*, and probably a couple of other bits of flavoring that aren’t jumping to mind right now, and most likely a smidgen of a couple more that I’ve not even identified yet.

* This sort of thing is so much the antithesis to everything else I’m about that it really annoys me that it turns me on. For me it is really a “fantasy only” thing, but it won’t go away from my fantasies no matter how much I might wish it to. Actually, I have a suspicion that trying to make it go away most likely makes it more piquant.

Whatever you resist, persists. There is a difference in trying to explain a preference and indulging in a preference with your lover.

philosobear
04-14-2009, 02:21 PM
thanks for the amazing posts guys. I have so much to add that I can barely add anything at the moment. But yeah, as someone who represents the full house, FA, and someone turned on by weight gain both in myself and in another I can confirm that it feels TOTALLY WIERD and makes relating to the community as a whole much more complicated. The result is that I probably just don't post much and represent a very limited version of myself, because the truth is just much more complicated. And also, I have a conscience and am quite openly critical of a lot of what goes on on this site in my mind. And quite openly critical of what goes on in my mind as well. So I tend to keep shtum. Which probably isn't very generous or very contructive, but it's what I do.

Jon Blaze
04-14-2009, 08:08 PM
Agreed. I see much more of a distinction between simply being an FA and being into weight gain. It may be common that the two traits are found in the same person, but definitely not necessary. I for instance, wouldn't have any desire at all to see a woman I was with (who was already a size that I appreciated) get any bigger. If it happens it happens, but I wouldn't try to force it or get all happy in the pants every time she gained.
EDIT: yes, I understand you were saying "most," MisterGuy. I've never seen a poll on that (not a bad idea though?), so I can't really make an informed declaration about "most" either way.



But it has happened... I remember a thread not too long ago where people were putting down so-called bi-sizuals in a sort of snotty way, saying things like "You can't call yourself a true FA if you'd ever get with a skinny girl."


I'm not sure that I understood the original question, but assuming I did, I'd say that on the surface, and around here anyway, there is actually quite a bit of division. The constant arguments between the more vocal and obnoxious/creepy guys and the (usually) female members who call them out on their apparently poor behavior on the weight board seem to make that evident (the rebuttal always being, then, "If you don't like it don't come on the Weight Board!"). Not being into any extra fetishes inparticular, I can't really answer the other questions.

This. Over and over again. :bow:

I think there needs to be a distinction between ones preference and fetishes, regardless if they may or may not have some relation to a person, place, thing, body type, etc....

I don't think lumping us all together is going to make things any better.
There could be a lot of reasons for what looks like a vast majority, but I really don't believe that to be true. I'd say it varies (As said by CCC), and that maybe those that are fetishistic have to the potential to be boisterous about it if they are open.

But in regards to content: I tend not to be. Eating? Gaining? I almost always skip over that content, or I take the latter and pay no attention the gain. It's not my thing (No denial here: I'm just not into it), and I have no problem with those that are into, so long as I'm not lumped in.

I've joined probably.... 30 paysites? Maybe? I lost count. :p

That's all I'm saying. I don't think I'm a rare breed, but I also don't think being into those kinds of things is rare either. I think the trait is all over the place as I said, and I accept that FA conceptually can exist at what seems like drastically different extremes.

adam
04-16-2009, 11:21 AM
I'm very partial to fatness, weight, softness, rolls, cellulite, and jiggle in regard to BBWs/SSBBWs. I find all sizes of fat women attractive. I am indifferent to WG. I am not a feeder myself. I will not discourage eating as much as is wanted. I would encourage excersize. Squashing can be one of the great forms of excersize. So I suppose I'm a normally twisted
FA.

Hole
04-16-2009, 04:11 PM
I just like fat. I'm boring.:(Just a regular FFA.

Maybe we need a seperate forum for us.I feel marginalized. I have issues regarding this. You know what,make it a private forum because I don't want regular FAs reading about my demons.They don't understand.:mad:

mergirl
04-17-2009, 03:13 AM
I just like fat. I'm boring.:(Just a regular FFA.

Maybe we need a seperate forum for us.I feel marginalized. I have issues regarding this. You know what,make it a private forum because I don't want regular FAs reading about my demons.They don't understand.:mad:
I dont even know if this is a joke!! I hope so..

rollhandler
04-17-2009, 08:07 PM
I have been wondering for a while; How much having an added 'fetish' (for want of a better word) onto being an Fa eg. Also being a feeder, encourager etc. divides you from regular Fa's with no added twist?.
Do you think Fat people or other Fa's treat you differently if you have an added 'fetish'?
What are your feelings on this divide?
Do you think that there are ways that you think people could be better educated to added aspects that can come with being an Fa?.
Does the fetishistic side make you behave differently? ie. are you more defensive? etc.
You dont have to answer all these questions, they are just thoughts to get a discussion started or not! Just any of your thoughts on this really.

I believe that no matter your sexuality or gender there is a preference.

I also believe that for every preference there is a fetish attachment whether it be for:skinny/bbw/ssbbw/bhm/men/women as preferences but with big butts/hips/bellies/arms/legs/cankles/stretchmarks, long legs, hair color, penchant for certain activities, nationality, shape of figure, accent, etc. for fetish attachments to their preference.

My preference is fat women, my fetish is fat saggy bellies and strechmarks. The twist part of my FAness is watching a partner eat/overeat or gain of their own volition.

The only defensive posture I find myself exhibiting is when people group feeding and encouraging into the same bent and associate me with the wrong grouping.

I define the terms as:
feeder = has gaining of a partner and a goal in mind, and is willing to feed his/her partner him/herself to meet that goal. Needs the gain to be more or less active to be sexually satisfied with his partner. More dom/sub in nature

encourager = doesnt feed his partner but does encourage the behaviour of overeating to occur by his/ her own partners hand, but doesn't necessarily need the gain to be happy, he/she can watch the act of a partner eating and be eroticized simply by the act and some imagination. More passive

I define my fetish as encourager, so when I am called a feeder I get a bit defensive. In my mind there is a defined line that I do not cross nor do I wish to be associated with in terms of behaviour.

rollhandler
04-17-2009, 08:18 PM
I just like fat. I'm boring.:(Just a regular FFA.

Maybe we need a seperate forum for us.I feel marginalized. I have issues regarding this. You know what,make it a private forum because I don't want regular FAs reading about my demons.They don't understand.:mad:

If it isn't a joke it will serve as the best reason that some issues won't get discussed for fear of being mocked or ridiculed on an open to everyone board.
If it is a joke I find it in poor taste.
Just my opinion.
Rollhandler

mergirl
04-18-2009, 04:34 AM
I believe that no matter your sexuality or gender there is a preference.

I also believe that for every preference there is a fetish attachment whether it be for:skinny/bbw/ssbbw/bhm/men/women as preferences but with big butts/hips/bellies/arms/legs/cankles/stretchmarks, long legs, hair color, penchant for certain activities, nationality, shape of figure, accent, etc. for fetish attachments to their preference.

My preference is fat women, my fetish is fat saggy bellies and strechmarks. The twist part of my FAness is watching a partner eat/overeat or gain of their own volition.

The only defensive posture I find myself exhibiting is when people group feeding and encouraging into the same bent and associate me with the wrong grouping.

I define the terms as:
feeder = has gaining of a partner and a goal in mind, and is willing to feed his/her partner him/herself to meet that goal. Needs the gain to be more or less active to be sexually satisfied with his partner. More dom/sub in nature

encourager = doesnt feed his partner but does encourage the behaviour of overeating to occur by his/ her own partners hand, but doesn't necessarily need the gain to be happy, he/she can watch the act of a partner eating and be eroticized simply by the act and some imagination. More passive

I define my fetish as encourager, so when I am called a feeder I get a bit defensive. In my mind there is a defined line that I do not cross nor do I wish to be associated with in terms of behaviour.
Ahh.. see this was something i wondered about.
Is 'feeder' more sub/dom related and 'encorager' more passive.
Like does the hornyness aspect of being a feeder come from the act of being responsible for someones gain? or is it just different for different people.
As an encourager ..weight gain is the turn on..but its more of a turn on if the person gains of their own accord??
hmm is this kinna accurate?

rollhandler
04-18-2009, 06:14 AM
This. Over and over again. :bow:

I think there needs to be a distinction between ones preference and fetishes, regardless if they may or may not have some relation to a person, place, thing, body type, etc....

That's all I'm saying. I don't think I'm a rare breed, but I also don't think being into those kinds of things is rare either. I think the trait is all over the place as I said, and I accept that FA conceptually can exist at what seems like drastically different extremes.

As with any type of fetish there is always the mild end of the spectrum and the wild end. This is no different here with FA fetishes. I will make two examples; one within the fat community and one in bdsm to illustrate my point.
With Fas the spectrum that we admire:
a) barely there soft figures .................................. immobile

In the S&M fetish:
b) mild spanking ................................................. mutilation

In weight gain as a fetish the spectrum seems to be:
Visually or in fantasy imagining anything that indicates gain on one end.
Encouraging the gain, or feeding "hands on" with mild limits in the middle.
Feeding to imobility as a full time lifestyle at the other end of the spectrum.

If you place any fetish spectrum in a bell curve the ones in the middle seem to marginalize the mild end as not being puritan enough, while condemning the other extreme end as giving a bad name to the fetish. Both ends and all in between are valid in their belief and practice. To me it just seems to be a form of peer pressure to get others to be more like the majority and shame them as abnormal if they can't.

Every fetish has its spectrum, but it seems that only the extreme end gets noticed by outsiders who generalize to encompass the entire spectrum community of those who practice regardless of where they land in the spectrum and in some cases condemn them for their desires.
There is no wierd, only varying degrees of perceiving that which is normal.
Anything found commonly in nature, is normal.
Rollhandler

rollhandler
04-18-2009, 06:33 AM
Ahh.. see this was something i wondered about.
Is 'feeder' more sub/dom related and 'encourager' more passive.
Like does the hornyness aspect of being a feeder come from the act of being responsible for someones gain? or is it just different for different people.
As an encourager ..weight gain is the turn on..but its more of a turn on if the person gains of their own accord??
hmm is this kinna accurate?

I am not sure, for me the gain is secondary to the act of watching my partner eat, and I can find it just as erotic to look in her car and see bags of fast food trash on the floor and have my buttons pushed imagining that the 20 minute drive to/from work was too long to be without a snack. As an encourager I make absolutely sure that her ultimate favorite foods and snacks are in the house and easily accessable so that she is less likely to resist the added munching throughout the day, or by suggestions that she is more likely to go along with, such as suggesting her favorite dessert after a heavy meal or a slightly larger slice of cake on the plate for her. What is erotic to me is watching her and imagining the pounds add to her figure.
Rollhandler

Jon Blaze
04-18-2009, 01:56 PM
As with any type of fetish there is always the mild end of the spectrum and the wild end. This is no different here with FA fetishes. I will make two examples; one within the fat community and one in bdsm to illustrate my point.
With Fas the spectrum that we admire:
a) barely there soft figures .................................. immobile

In the S&M fetish:
b) mild spanking ................................................. mutilation

In weight gain as a fetish the spectrum seems to be:
Visually or in fantasy imagining anything that indicates gain on one end.
Encouraging the gain, or feeding "hands on" with mild limits in the middle.
Feeding to imobility as a full time lifestyle at the other end of the spectrum.

If you place any fetish spectrum in a bell curve the ones in the middle seem to marginalize the mild end as not being puritan enough, while condemning the other extreme end as giving a bad name to the fetish. Both ends and all in between are valid in their belief and practice. To me it just seems to be a form of peer pressure to get others to be more like the majority and shame them as abnormal if they can't.

Every fetish has its spectrum, but it seems that only the extreme end gets noticed by outsiders who generalize to encompass the entire spectrum community of those who practice regardless of where they land in the spectrum and in some cases condemn them for their desires.
There is no wierd, only varying degrees of perceiving that which is normal.
Anything found commonly in nature, is normal.
Rollhandler


That's not my argument. I'm arguing that the notion that there's an association between this particular spectrum of fetishes being associated with all or even a majority of FAs is foolish. Likewise, saying none of us are like this is also way off the mark.

BarbBBW
05-17-2009, 01:36 PM
subscribing :D

stan_der_man
05-18-2009, 01:14 AM
I have been wondering for a while; How much having an added 'fetish' (for want of a better word) onto being an Fa eg. Also being a feeder, encourager etc. divides you from regular Fa's with no added twist?.
Do you think Fat people or other Fa's treat you differently if you have an added 'fetish'?
What are your feelings on this divide?
Do you think that there are ways that you think people could be better educated to added aspects that can come with being an Fa?.
Does the fetishistic side make you behave differently? ie. are you more defensive? etc.
You dont have to answer all these questions, they are just thoughts to get a discussion started or not! Just any of your thoughts on this really.

In my mind, the problem with this whole discussion is what I believe to be the myth of “fetish”. Attempting to create a discussion comparing those who consider their preferences “fetish” against those who consider themselves to have no “fetish” is a vague foundation for comparison at best.

Simply look at the definition of fetish:
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fetish

The key to this definition seems to be "fixation”

“Fetishism” in the sexual context:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_fetishism

"the sexual arousal brought on by objects, situations or body parts not conventionally viewed as being sexual in nature"

Just with these definitions, fetish could be regarded as a “fixation” based on some criteria that is viewed as not being "conventional" by society... So if this conversation is to proceed in any rational sort of fashion, we must divide ourselves into groups of those who have preferences of an "unconventional" nature and those who have preferences of a "conventional' nature. Is a man who "admires" large breasts considered to have a "fetish"? By most definitions no, because breasts are "conventionally" considered to be "sexual in nature". But a man who "fixates" on breasts and has no interest in any other characteristics of this woman is just as unlikely to have a successful relationship with said woman than a "feeder" who "fixates" on bellies would have with a woman. It would seem to me that the basis for comparison in this conversation is for those who "fixate" and those who don't, than attempting to draw some comparison on something as vague as "fetish". The only true fetish is fetish itself and those who, for whatever reason, choose to define themselves as "fetishists". As a personal example - I like fat women, and I like how fat wobbles on BBWs and how it sloshes on SSBBWS... Does that make me a "fetishist"? Yes it does, but only if I fixate on wobbling and sloshing fat. The basis here for "fetish" is fixation. Fat can be viewed as a fetish if we either fixate on it, or if society doesn't consider fat "conventionally viewed as being sexual in nature". Fat can become "non-fetish" either if we don't fixate on it, or if society views fat as being something conventional or mainstream. Assuming that we here in Dimensions have a common goal of advocating fat as becoming mainstream (whatever fat may be, the physical aspect, the metaphoric aspect, whatever...) then the basis here for creating a class of people called "fetishists" is that of fixation. I think the word "fixation" speaks for itself for those who wish to define themselves as "fetishists".

I know Mergirl, that you probably intended this thread more for those "fetishists" who feel somehow alienated or singled out in some way, but I just wanted to add this to this conversation because I have yet to see this discussed in general and I think this is the root of what you are discussing here. It's probably fitting for me to toss this into the conversation because I'm probably viewed as one of Dim's most loudmouthed "vanilla squad" cheerleaders although I could probably be considered as "fetish" as any FA here.

For those who have been here for any amount of time, I'm sure you know that the "feeders" have been villainized for quite some time. It's really only been within the last few years (3-5 years?) that "feederism" and the discussion of "feederism" has become more commonly acceptable here in Dimensions and elsewhere. (I would say maybe since the weight board was created, and especially since it was divided into the sub-categories it now has.) Now it almost seems that everything weight gain related (whether it be unintentional weight gain, or intentional weight gain...) is defined as being that of "feederism". My point thus being how ridiculous this conversation is of there being a "divide" between "fetishist feeders" and "non-fetish vanilla types" when the whole topic of weight gain (whether intentional or unintentional...) is as ill-defined as it is, especially being that Dimensions is supposed to be the place where such things are best understood.

I know this is a whole thread by itself, and a digression to the topic of this thread… Just as an example… Whatever happened to the idea of purposeful weight gain (fat, instead of muscle) called “body building”? There are other forms of purposeful weight gain other than “feeding” such as what could be considered “recreational eating”, not just eating to gain weight for sexual purposes. I would even go so far to say that many of the people here who consider themselves “fetishists” base this idea of being attracted to weight gain on the premise that gaining weight is always unhealthful and that their attraction to weight gain is some sort of bad thing because weight gain is always unhealthful, or “bad” in some sort of way. What I’m trying to say is that there is so much uncharted territory here in our perceptions of fat, weight gain and those who are attracted to fat and weight gain, and to what extent, that this whole conversation is based on such an ill founded premise that it is ultimately pointless.

Returning to topic… Perhaps some of the friction between “feeders” and “non-feeders” is related to the fact that weight gain in general and the attraction to fat and someone gaining weight is still so ill defined in many ways, and the concepts of “fetish” and “feederism” are just muddying the waters even more?

LillyBBBW
05-18-2009, 04:44 AM
I just saw this post. I love you mer, but how am I going to get my real life work done if you keep making me think.:p:wubu:

I freely admit that there are members of the group of "my kind" who make me uncomfortable/creep me out with their BEHAVIOR. But in terms of what goes through a fetishist's mind, or what they fantasize about, I really have no problem. To be honest, the people with the more extreme fantasies do not generate disgust from me, I actually really feel for them because I know that a fetish is something you can't control and I couldn't imagine having something go through your head that you couldn't possibly do in real life and that was the only or primary thing that aroused you.

I am speaking only for me, but I thought maybe I could explain how it works for me. I admit that I actually have a pretty hardwired, hardcore weight gain fetish. It's what really brought me to Dims. All gaining really excites me, and my ultimate fantasy would be pretty significant weight gain. But for me, what I will engage in is very different from what I get turned on by. The only way I can think of to explain my relationship to my fetish to a non-fetishist FA is to compare it to the feelings FAs often have about partner weight loss. You want what's best for the other person, you know what you would do to keep them happy goes against what your ultimate sexual desires are, you feel guilty about it, but you try to do the right thing for everyone in the situation and in order to not completely lose your mind/ruin your relationship to the person, you try not to beat yourself up all the time to the point that you become a thoroughly dysfunctional mess.

I would also add that, for me anyway, there is a division in the mind even as things are happening sometimes between the "Dr.P the person" part of my brain and my sexual brain. I will use a real example from my past to try to illustrate. I prefer larger BHM, but my ex was actually a smaller one. His weight would fluctuate and he had a very bad back problem, so when he was heavier, he struggled more. I hated watching him struggle at the higher weight, it almost brought me to tears when sometimes he actually needed help. BUT, I cannot deny that in terms of my sexual response, it was always much stronger when he had gained some weight recently. Don't think I didn't hate myself for that one. I did. He also wasn't happier with himself at the higher weight and he would get frustrated. One day, he snapped his belt. It just came right off. Now, in my head, I was already thinking about how to help him LOSE weight and get to where he would be happier and all of the things that he needed and it was all sincere. The thoughts in my head were sincere. The lower part of my body, however, was having a completely different response to the snapped belt. Even as a woman, I can always tell the difference when I'm really turned on and I very definitely was.

So that divide in the mind/body, that inability to control what turns you on, that I get completely no matter what the person's turn on may be. That is why even if I don't understand the most extreme turn ons among the fetishists, I at least feel that I understand how it feels to have them. Now what someone does and how they treat other people in real life and chat is a whole other issue. No fetish gives anyone the right to make another person uncomfortable, or to manipulate them, or to just be a clueless, callous horndog all the time. I have no problem with people calling out the fetishists who misbehave. But that should be true of non-fetishist FAs too. What I sometimes find hurtful and often resent is that there is a sense that only fetishists are creepy, or capable of dehumanizing someone. There is also a sense that many people think we can't control ourselves at all. And that's not fair. We are as diverse as any other segment of the FA population in who we are as people, what our moral compasses are and all of the other things that makes a person who we are. Sometimes around here I feel like being a fetishist means I have to reaffirm my humanity with my every breath and that seems like an unfair burden to put on an entire group of people. I think many fetishists are VERY aware of those in our midst who behave in an alarming manner, but I know I would never chat with some guy and dehumanize him by way of introduction, and I have a serious fetish, so I am inclined to believe that many other fetishists are like me as well. It's just that the creeps are the ones people think of because they are out there and in your face and they upset people and more people talk about them and focus on them.

I understand why other members of the community are leery of us, I just don't think it's fair. I think at the very least we deserve to be taken on a case by case basis. So when I see things about "good FA" and I know the person means a non fetishist, yeah, it actually hurts, to be honest. And half the time I know that person actually knows me on the boards and likes me and they don't mean me, but they need to realize, they do. I think a general sensitivity about over generalizing would be nice. I don't think anyone has to understand it, or agree with it, but I hope with this board and the chance to talk about it, other community members will at least start seeing us as individuals and not all the same. I don't deny there are some horrible things that happen in the fetishist world, but it doesn't happen with all of us. Many of us would never want to go there in a million years, but we may want to talk about it without always being lumped in with the guys you see on the exploitative talk shows.

I don't mean this in a hostile, or defensive way, either. I have felt very welcomed by this community and I think the non-fetishist/fetishist FA split is actually a real shame. In general we have a lot in common, especially issues like guilt and balancing desires with concern for our partners and all of the other things. I think the other FAs could accept us as fetishist/FAs without having to feel that they are condoning anything. You can always support and accept the people, even if you don't accept their desires and fantasies. I think that would make the fetishists who are thoughtful and caring feel more a part of the community and would leave the creeps alone where they belong instead of making a lot of perfectly nice people feel like monsters all of the time. That's just my theory, I could be wrong.:)

I agree completely with ALL of this. Thank you for putting this to words Dr. P. :kiss2:

stan_der_man
05-18-2009, 11:10 AM
...

Sometimes around here I feel like being a fetishist means I have to reaffirm my humanity with my every breath and that seems like an unfair burden to put on an entire group of people.

...



I completely agree that all of us should treat each other as humans!



Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arousal brought on by objects, situations or body parts not conventionally viewed as being sexual in nature. Sexual fetishism may be regarded, e.g. in psychiatric medicine, as a disorder of sexual preference or as an enhancing element to a relationship.The sexual acts of fetishes are characteristically depersonalized and objectified, even when they involve a partner.[1]

Maybe the "fetishists" here aren't "fetish" after all if they like don't like to be dehumanized by others. That is somewhat of a contradiction in terms to the definition of a fetish. Perhaps what is often considered "fetish" here in Dimensions is simply activity of people who happen to find pleasure in certain quirky aspects of the human condition?

mergirl
05-18-2009, 11:15 AM
I completely agree that all of us should treat each other as humans!


Can't i treat you like a fat edible doormouse? If not then why?

stan_der_man
05-18-2009, 02:02 PM
Can't i treat you like a fat edible doormouse? If not then why?

Whatever turns you on Mer! :D Squeak squeak... munch munch... ;)

mergirl
05-18-2009, 02:25 PM
oh gosh... i'm wondering whether to change my quote to "squeak squeak munch munch"..
my, what a tease you are! ;)
Mousalicious!!:eat2:

furious styles
05-18-2009, 02:39 PM
what a twist!

http://img503.imageshack.us/img503/4800/040723mnightshyamalanbc.jpg

Tad
05-19-2009, 11:20 AM
I’m not sure if this is really the right thread for this comment, but it came to mind after re-reading Dr.P’s post that Lilly quoted above (thanks for bringing attention back to it, Lilly!).

One thing I learned quickly as a parent is that kids want attention, and a lot of the time will do whatever it takes to get it. They prefer good attention, but they will prefer bad attention to no attention.

I don’t suppose any of us ever totally outgrow that. Some of the people with particular sexual twists may just be jerks in general, but I wonder if some of the bad behavior comes from some of those people thinking that they have no chance of getting good attention around their particular kink? That is, they either never expect to meet someone who is really into it, and/or they don’t think they have the social and romantic skills to successfully start and maintain a relationship which would give their kink any room. At which point, if they can’t restrain their sexuality, they may use tactics that they know are not appropriate, just to get some sort of attention relating to their kink?

Which in some ways is no different from anyone else who is sexually frustrated and takes it out on those around them inappropriately, but I could imagine that the portion of people with a real kink who could end up feeling that way might be higher than amongst those with more vanilla preferences, or those with a more compliant (as in they can readily adapt to whatever their partner likes) sexual nature. There could even be cases where someone with a kink is getting their more regular needs met, but not the less usual ones, and lacking the maturity or control, they act out around the unmet part of their sexual nature.

So much as I’d hate to admit it, I could imagine that a higher proportion of people with strong sexual twists will behave badly around others with regard to those twists, as I don’t think any greater maturity or self-control get automatically handed out with a more twisted sexual nature.

Having said all of that, yes I also get tired of all being painted with the same brush. I recall more than once being in the old chat rooms when others started all complaining about feeders, how creepy they were, what horrible people they were. Eventually I’d point out that I’m a feeder, at least if you go by sexual desires. I’d quickly point out some differences between desires and actions and consensual and non-consensual practices, and there would be a round of “Of course we didn’t mean you! Obviously not everyone with those desires is a monster.” Then the chat room would usually be pretty quiet for a while for the next little while. I’m not sure that I ever really changed anyone’s actual opinions, but hopefully at least some became a little more careful with their words.

BarbBBW
05-19-2009, 11:35 AM
I’m not sure if this is really the right thread for this comment, but it came to mind after re-reading Dr.P’s post that Lilly quoted above (thanks for bringing attention back to it, Lilly!).

One thing I learned quickly as a parent is that kids want attention, and a lot of the time will do whatever it takes to get it. They prefer good attention, but they will prefer bad attention to no attention.

I don’t suppose any of us ever totally outgrow that. Some of the people with particular sexual twists may just be jerks in general, but I wonder if some of the bad behavior comes from some of those people thinking that they have no chance of getting good attention around their particular kink? That is, they either never expect to meet someone who is really into it, and/or they don’t think they have the social and romantic skills to successfully start and maintain a relationship which would give their kink any room. At which point, if they can’t restrain their sexuality, they may use tactics that they know are not appropriate, just to get some sort of attention relating to their kink?

Which in some ways is no different from anyone else who is sexually frustrated and takes it out on those around them inappropriately, but I could imagine that the portion of people with a real kink who could end up feeling that way might be higher than amongst those with more vanilla preferences, or those with a more compliant (as in they can readily adapt to whatever their partner likes) sexual nature. There could even be cases where someone with a kink is getting their more regular needs met, but not the less usual ones, and lacking the maturity or control, they act out around the unmet part of their sexual nature.

So much as I’d hate to admit it, I could imagine that a higher proportion of people with strong sexual twists will behave badly around others with regard to those twists, as I don’t think any greater maturity or self-control get automatically handed out with a more twisted sexual nature.

Having said all of that, yes I also get tired of all being painted with the same brush. I recall more than once being in the old chat rooms when others started all complaining about feeders, how creepy they were, what horrible people they were. Eventually I’d point out that I’m a feeder, at least if you go by sexual desires. I’d quickly point out some differences between desires and actions and consensual and non-consensual practices, and there would be a round of “Of course we didn’t mean you! Obviously not everyone with those desires is a monster.” Then the chat room would usually be pretty quiet for a while for the next little while. I’m not sure that I ever really changed anyone’s actual opinions, but hopefully at least some became a little more careful with their words.

Edx, I admire you for all your views on DIMS, and for thread such as this where you take the time to explain and try to info people of such "taboo's"( as I am eatting a BLT heheheh) I am not big into gaining, myself, I do gain till i get to 300 then lose again and then gain again on purpose. I enjoy it. Feeling the difference in my body size and shape! I have noticed, that some, not all the chat room peeps are quick to judge and put people down for their differences as well. And they dont wanna hear what you have to say, sooo true. But there are alot of peeps in there that are always welcoming as well. Not everyone has to agree or even be on the same page as some of us. But respect that fact we are all different people and the chat is there for everyone to enjoy! ANyways, EDX,.... :bow: to you sir!!

Chef
05-19-2009, 11:51 AM
I believe that no one is just plain FA, anyone has a twist here or there, and it could just be a dormant twist that hasn't been awakened yet, or is closeted until that FA realizes he/she isn't the only one that likes that twist. :)

I have been wondering for a while; How much having an added 'fetish' (for want of a better word) onto being an Fa eg. Also being a feeder, encourager etc. divides you from regular Fa's with no added twist?.
Do you think Fat people or other Fa's treat you differently if you have an added 'fetish'?
What are your feelings on this divide?
Do you think that there are ways that you think people could be better educated to added aspects that can come with being an Fa?.
Does the fetishistic side make you behave differently? ie. are you more defensive? etc.
You dont have to answer all these questions, they are just thoughts to get a discussion started or not! Just any of your thoughts on this really.

LillyBBBW
05-19-2009, 12:05 PM
I’m not sure if this is really the right thread for this comment, but it came to mind after re-reading Dr.P’s post that Lilly quoted above (thanks for bringing attention back to it, Lilly!).

One thing I learned quickly as a parent is that kids want attention, and a lot of the time will do whatever it takes to get it. They prefer good attention, but they will prefer bad attention to no attention.

I don’t suppose any of us ever totally outgrow that. Some of the people with particular sexual twists may just be jerks in general, but I wonder if some of the bad behavior comes from some of those people thinking that they have no chance of getting good attention around their particular kink? That is, they either never expect to meet someone who is really into it, and/or they don’t think they have the social and romantic skills to successfully start and maintain a relationship which would give their kink any room. At which point, if they can’t restrain their sexuality, they may use tactics that they know are not appropriate, just to get some sort of attention relating to their kink?

Which in some ways is no different from anyone else who is sexually frustrated and takes it out on those around them inappropriately, but I could imagine that the portion of people with a real kink who could end up feeling that way might be higher than amongst those with more vanilla preferences, or those with a more compliant (as in they can readily adapt to whatever their partner likes) sexual nature. There could even be cases where someone with a kink is getting their more regular needs met, but not the less usual ones, and lacking the maturity or control, they act out around the unmet part of their sexual nature.

So much as I’d hate to admit it, I could imagine that a higher proportion of people with strong sexual twists will behave badly around others with regard to those twists, as I don’t think any greater maturity or self-control get automatically handed out with a more twisted sexual nature.

Having said all of that, yes I also get tired of all being painted with the same brush. I recall more than once being in the old chat rooms when others started all complaining about feeders, how creepy they were, what horrible people they were. Eventually I’d point out that I’m a feeder, at least if you go by sexual desires. I’d quickly point out some differences between desires and actions and consensual and non-consensual practices, and there would be a round of “Of course we didn’t mean you! Obviously not everyone with those desires is a monster.” Then the chat room would usually be pretty quiet for a while for the next little while. I’m not sure that I ever really changed anyone’s actual opinions, but hopefully at least some became a little more careful with their words.

I've often sensed more of a 'nothing to lose' type of attitude with most of the guys I've run into online. Granted I hate chat and IM so I'm rarely on there at all these days. In the early days though when it was still a novlety to me I recall being hit up with these oddly blunt inquiries. It seemed to me that a lot of them were just dirty old men looking to get off behind the veil of the internet. Some though seemed to be sincere in their hope/faith there has to be a lid for every pot. Somebody out there is going to dig it. "I know they exist because 'Miss February' of Pr0n Weekly said she likes it so I'll keep looking." The fact that they go about it all the wrong way has more to do with a personal lack of finesse and not to do with the actual kink.

bmann0413
05-19-2009, 11:18 PM
I... honestly have been twisted so many times, I look like a pretzel. lol

I'm pretty much a normal FA in my opinion. However, I will say that I do have a small fetish with weight gain and the like. It kinda excites me to see a big gal get even bigger. But that's not the reason I'm an FA. I'm an FA because I can appreciate the curves of the woman instead of the fact they're gaining weight. And like I said before, I appreciate the beauty of a big woman, not the fat of a big woman.

I can be REALLY intellectual when given the chance. :D

Green Eyed Fairy
05-21-2009, 05:48 PM
I... honestly have been twisted so many times, I look like a pretzel. lol

I'm pretty much a normal FA in my opinion. However, I will say that I do have a small fetish with weight gain and the like. It kinda excites me to see a big gal get even bigger. But that's not the reason I'm an FA. I'm an FA because I can appreciate the curves of the woman instead of the fact they're gaining weight. And like I said before, I appreciate the beauty of a big woman, not the fat of a big woman.

I can be REALLY intellectual when given the chance. :D

I tried to rep you for that part Lloyd- but my meter has ran low again. Will have to come back for you :)

Jon Blaze
05-21-2009, 06:07 PM
Rep is done Greenie.

I'm still a boring plain whatever you want to call me. lol :kiss2:

Green Eyed Fairy
05-21-2009, 06:22 PM
Thanks Jon :)