BBW Confessions thread

[calauria]

she truly loves her kids, she has just never had anyone to learn how to be a mother from and had a pretty f...ed up teenagehood and late childhood what docs want to do is help her bridge the gap and find ways as a family they can actually get along better and have a healthier relationship and that is what I would wish for them to

Well, maybe all of this is a blessing in disguise then. She will learn the proper tools to be an effective parent. That is if she has the right attitude and not see it as an accusation, but see it as a learning experience.

[thirtiesgirl]

IC that I'm damn glad my final summer paycheck is coming in the mail tomorrow. My bank account is about down to its last dollar and I was a little freaked when I didn't see my paycheck in the mail today. I called the school district and payroll told me they'd just cut me a check today, so it should be in the mail tomorrow. Whew. I've got bills to pay, dammit, not to mention occasionally trying to have a life.

[CarlaSixx]

My mother is really not helping me with my online shopping addiction. She's telling me which wigs to buy, lol. At a time when I want to get some, this is really not helping when I should actually be SAVING my money instead of spending it all.

[CastingPearls]

I confess that I've been avoiding my family for weeks, have also put off routine bloodwork for months including a crucial thyroid work-up, and am heartbroken that my favorite internist (and a BBW) has left my doctor's office to work at a vet hospital and I'm forced to see an incompetent med tech or the fat-phobic main doctor who is going to force me to see the only disease specialist in the network who's a fucking sadist.

Also Zephyr has not returned home yet and I'm really really worried.

[superodalisque]

I confess that I've been avoiding my family for weeks, have also put off routine bloodwork for months including a crucial thyroid work-up, and am heartbroken that my favorite internist (and a BBW) has left my doctor's office to work at a vet hospital and I'm forced to see an incompetent med tech or the fat-phobic main doctor who is going to force me to see the only disease specialist in the network who's a fucking sadist.

Also Zephyr has not returned home yet and I'm really really worried.

maybe you can make an appointment with the vets office? ;) sorry i didn't mean to make light. i just want to make you smile:D

[CastingPearls]

maybe you can make an appointment with the vets office? ;) sorry i didn't mean to make light. i just want to make you smile:D
LOL Nevermind. I'm blaming gin today. LOL

[littlefairywren]

I confess that I've been avoiding my family for weeks, have also put off routine bloodwork for months including a crucial thyroid work-up, and am heartbroken that my favorite internist (and a BBW) has left my doctor's office to work at a vet hospital and I'm forced to see an incompetent med tech or the fat-phobic main doctor who is going to force me to see the only disease specialist in the network who's a fucking sadist.

Also Zephyr has not returned home yet and I'm really really worried.

Fingers crossed for Zephyr's safe return.

[aocutiepi]

Fingers crossed for Zephyr's safe return.

My fingers are crossed as well, dear.

[CastingPearls]

Thanks everyone.

[LovelyLiz]

Thanks everyone.

Also hoping Zephyr returns safely. Keep us posted.

IC that looking for a new apartment is a pain in the ass (I am moving to a bigger place, and for work reasons). But I'm feeling more hopeful today as I've broadened my search radius and found some other areas I might consider. Don't think I'll feel fully at ease though until all the moving is finished. Though I'm not feeling really crappy or anything, I think I'll feel better once the transition is done - since I know it's coming. Y'know?

[thirtiesgirl]

Ugh. IC, I'm hating men right now. Three days ago, on Wednesday, I had a guy write this to me on an online dating site: “I basically paid for membership just so I could write you. I love the way you look and for some reason I just feel like you're the one for me, as weird as that may sound. Let's try getting to know each other and see if my intuition is correct?”

So we spent most of Wednesday afternoon e-mailing back and forth, learning things about each other and having what I felt was a good conversation. We share similar taste in movies and music and he's a bigger music geek than I am, which is a pretty rare thing. I was feeling pretty hopeful about the connection and even told my therapist about it on Thursday, which is a big sign that I'm usually feeling happy and hopeful about something, if I tell my therapist about it.

I didn't hear from the guy at all on Thursday, though, which I thought was a little unusual. I sent him a brief e-mail on Thursday, just checking in to see how he was doing, and asking if he might be interested in talking on the phone. This morning, I received this e-mail response from him: “I hope this doesn't disappoint you too much, but I just expectantly went out on a date last night, and it went really well. I've tried in the past to meet multiple people at the same time and it is way too overwhelming and hard to deal with, so I'm going to hold off getting to know anyone else while I'm seeing where things go with the woman I went out with last night.”

I’m not sure what he means by “just expectantly went out on a date.” Does he mean “unexpectedly went out on a date”? Maybe they decided at the last minute to go out on a date, so it was unexpected? Or does he mean that he went on the date expectantly, not really sure what would happen?

Whatever the case, it obviously doesn’t matter now. There may not have even been any date and he just lost interest in me for whatever reason. I just hate the whole pretense some guys put into these things, telling me he paid for a dating site membership just so he could write to me, he thinks I’m “the one for him,” etc. I was really hoping it wasn’t a load of b.s. But I’ve been proven wrong again, as I have been so many times before. Why should I be surprised? Why should I hope for anything different?

[MizzSnakeBite]

Ugh. IC, I'm hating men right now. Three days ago, on Wednesday, I had a guy write this to me on an online dating site: “I basically paid for membership just so I could write you. I love the way you look and for some reason I just feel like you're the one for me, as weird as that may sound. Let's try getting to know each other and see if my intuition is correct?”

So we spent most of Wednesday afternoon e-mailing back and forth, learning things about each other and having what I felt was a good conversation. We share similar taste in movies and music and he's a bigger music geek than I am, which is a pretty rare thing. I was feeling pretty hopeful about the connection and even told my therapist about it on Thursday, which is a big sign that I'm usually feeling happy and hopeful about something, if I tell my therapist about it.

I didn't hear from the guy at all on Thursday, though, which I thought was a little unusual. I sent him a brief e-mail on Thursday, just checking in to see how he was doing, and asking if he might be interested in talking on the phone. This morning, I received this e-mail response from him: “I hope this doesn't disappoint you too much, but I just expectantly went out on a date last night, and it went really well. I've tried in the past to meet multiple people at the same time and it is way too overwhelming and hard to deal with, so I'm going to hold off getting to know anyone else while I'm seeing where things go with the woman I went out with last night.”

I’m not sure what he means by “just expectantly went out on a date.” Does he mean “unexpectedly went out on a date”? Maybe they decided at the last minute to go out on a date, so it was unexpected? Or does he mean that he went on the date expectantly, not really sure what would happen?

Whatever the case, it obviously doesn’t matter now. There may not have even been any date and he just lost interest in me for whatever reason. I just hate the whole pretense some guys put into these things, telling me he paid for a dating site membership just so he could write to me, he thinks I’m “the one for him,” etc. I was really hoping it wasn’t a load of b.s. But I’ve been proven wrong again, as I have been so many times before. Why should I be surprised? Why should I hope for anything different?

Ugh. Been there. (((hugs)))


-----------------

CP, any signs of Zephyr? Hope he comes back home.

[CastingPearls]

No sightings of him at all which scares me. He was sticking close to the house but not anymore, unless we can't see him in the woods he might have gotten scared off by a predator.

We had a have-a-heart trap but he knows how to NOT spring it so it doesn't work with him. He got out once before (our cats are Houdinis and can UNLOCK doors) but came home two weeks later when he was really hungry and missed us. We can't even leave food outside for him because of bears.

[Tau]

Ugh. IC, I'm hating men right now. Three days ago, on Wednesday, I had a guy write this to me on an online dating site: “I basically paid for membership just so I could write you. I love the way you look and for some reason I just feel like you're the one for me, as weird as that may sound. Let's try getting to know each other and see if my intuition is correct?”

So we spent most of Wednesday afternoon e-mailing back and forth, learning things about each other and having what I felt was a good conversation. We share similar taste in movies and music and he's a bigger music geek than I am, which is a pretty rare thing. I was feeling pretty hopeful about the connection and even told my therapist about it on Thursday, which is a big sign that I'm usually feeling happy and hopeful about something, if I tell my therapist about it.

I didn't hear from the guy at all on Thursday, though, which I thought was a little unusual. I sent him a brief e-mail on Thursday, just checking in to see how he was doing, and asking if he might be interested in talking on the phone. This morning, I received this e-mail response from him: “I hope this doesn't disappoint you too much, but I just expectantly went out on a date last night, and it went really well. I've tried in the past to meet multiple people at the same time and it is way too overwhelming and hard to deal with, so I'm going to hold off getting to know anyone else while I'm seeing where things go with the woman I went out with last night.”

I’m not sure what he means by “just expectantly went out on a date.” Does he mean “unexpectedly went out on a date”? Maybe they decided at the last minute to go out on a date, so it was unexpected? Or does he mean that he went on the date expectantly, not really sure what would happen?

Whatever the case, it obviously doesn’t matter now. There may not have even been any date and he just lost interest in me for whatever reason. I just hate the whole pretense some guys put into these things, telling me he paid for a dating site membership just so he could write to me, he thinks I’m “the one for him,” etc. I was really hoping it wasn’t a load of b.s. But I’ve been proven wrong again, as I have been so many times before. Why should I be surprised? Why should I hope for anything different?

What a giant twat. I'm so sorry - I also cannot stand the fake shit.

@CP - I hope your Zephyr has returned? *love*

@mcbeth - goodluck with the finding a place and then the move. Its exhausting but it also always feels like an adventure to me.

[Tau]

My room mates fiance is here from the US for a visit - he is the most devine boy. I'm so, so happy for her but confess that I can barely stand to be around them cos their joy makes me feel so unbearably alone :( I feel shrunken and small and forgotten, as bland and as unwanted as brown bread and milk. Its really hard feeling this way. I'm usually a very positive person and I love this girl from the bottom of my heart but I just cannot be around them. I can't wait till he leaves again - am so ashamed for even thinking that. Times like this I wish I lived alone because then I wouldn't be reminded that I am alone.

[MizzSnakeBite]

No sightings of him at all which scares me. He was sticking close to the house but not anymore, unless we can't see him in the woods he might have gotten scared off by a predator.

We had a have-a-heart trap but he knows how to NOT spring it so it doesn't work with him. He got out once before (our cats are Houdinis and can UNLOCK doors) but came home two weeks later when he was really hungry and missed us. We can't even leave food outside for him because of bears.

:( I hope your baby comes home.

My room mates fiance is here from the US for a visit - he is the most devine boy. I'm so, so happy for her but confess that I can barely stand to be around them cos their joy makes me feel so unbearably alone :( I feel shrunken and small and forgotten, as bland and as unwanted as brown bread and milk. Its really hard feeling this way. I'm usually a very positive person and I love this girl from the bottom of my heart but I just cannot be around them. I can't wait till he leaves again - am so ashamed for even thinking that. Times like this I wish I lived alone because then I wouldn't be reminded that I am alone.

(((hugs))) to you, sweetie. I can SO relate to this.

BTW, you are most certainly NOT bland!

[thirtiesgirl]

Ugh. Been there. (((hugs)))

What a giant twat. I'm so sorry - I also cannot stand the fake shit.

Thanks. I sent him this message this morning, after his "date" message: "Hmm, interesting. Makes me think that whole line about paying for a membership on Soulgeek to reply to my ad, how you thought we'd really be a good match, etc...was just a line. Next time, you might want to consider being a little more circumspect in your initial response to people if you're not really serious. Best of luck." And he had the audacity to respond in anger, trying to convince me he really is sincere, but it's obvious now what I really think of him, blah blah blah. As if I'd date him now and pretend to be happy playing second best.

CastingPearls, I really hope your kitty shows up. I'm hoping for the best.

My room mates fiance is here from the US for a visit - he is the most devine boy. I'm so, so happy for her but confess that I can barely stand to be around them cos their joy makes me feel so unbearably alone :( I feel shrunken and small and forgotten, as bland and as unwanted as brown bread and milk. Its really hard feeling this way. I'm usually a very positive person and I love this girl from the bottom of my heart but I just cannot be around them. I can't wait till he leaves again - am so ashamed for even thinking that. Times like this I wish I lived alone because then I wouldn't be reminded that I am alone.

Ugh. I can so identify with this. I've fortunately never had to experience it with a roommate (and seriously don't think I could; I'd have to get myself out of town for a few days and let them have the run of the apartment), but I've experienced it with friends. I try to be appropriate and happy for them, but my baser enviousness takes over and it becomes very difficult to be a better person.

[luscious_lulu]

Thanks everyone.

I've heard if you put something that smells strongly of you (shoes are a good choice) it helps to draw the cat home. A friend of mine who had her cat run away and tried it. It worked for her.

[CastingPearls]

I've heard if you put something that smells strongly of you (shoes are a good choice) it helps to draw the cat home. A friend of mine who had her cat run away and tried it. It worked for her.
Thanks Lulu. We're doing that. He ran away before so he knows the area, thankfully. For the first few days he did come to both the front and back doors to 'talk' to his brothers and sisters but he's always been skittish so he ran when we approached the door.

My biggest concern is predators out there because he's a lover not a fighter and wouldn't know to kill to eat, for example, one of our cats flushed out a field mouse--Zephyr gave it a piece of corn he found on the floor. We had a hamster, they were best friends, a squirrel broke into the basement, he pushed his toys under the door for his new friend to play with. I'm concerned he isn't eating (unless some instinctive kill switch kicks in) and worry about predators. He'd run right up to a coyote. I know him.

[spiritangel]

me being a bitch this morning keep sending the kids to their mother, and stuff I am not lifting a finger to help, got sent to ambers room at like 9pm last night oh yeah sooo over frozen food crap too, havent gotten out of bed yet, thinking of catching a taxi to town for a while to escape. but that means having to get up off the mattress on the floor and my hip is killing atm sigh

even put my fb status to seriously considering booking a ticket home for monday and not a peep from my cousin, sick of being treated like a 2nd class citizen. Seriously I mean they said they wanted an early night just wanted the loungeroom to themselves tv was full ball and all. Oh and I am being pretty much treated like I dont exist at pressent I mean if you want me to leave freaking tell me Id be only to happy to get the hell outta dodge want to type sooo much more but kids keep comming in and amber keeps swearing at the kids oh yay they are going

[MizzSnakeBite]

My mother. I'm beyond the end of my rope with her. I cannot take anymore insanity.

About to start crying; I'm so sick of it all.

[littlefairywren]

Ugh. IC, I'm hating men right now. Three days ago, on Wednesday, I had a guy write this to me on an online dating site: “I basically paid for membership just so I could write you. I love the way you look and for some reason I just feel like you're the one for me, as weird as that may sound. Let's try getting to know each other and see if my intuition is correct?”

So we spent most of Wednesday afternoon e-mailing back and forth, learning things about each other and having what I felt was a good conversation. We share similar taste in movies and music and he's a bigger music geek than I am, which is a pretty rare thing. I was feeling pretty hopeful about the connection and even told my therapist about it on Thursday, which is a big sign that I'm usually feeling happy and hopeful about something, if I tell my therapist about it.

I didn't hear from the guy at all on Thursday, though, which I thought was a little unusual. I sent him a brief e-mail on Thursday, just checking in to see how he was doing, and asking if he might be interested in talking on the phone. This morning, I received this e-mail response from him: “I hope this doesn't disappoint you too much, but I just expectantly went out on a date last night, and it went really well. I've tried in the past to meet multiple people at the same time and it is way too overwhelming and hard to deal with, so I'm going to hold off getting to know anyone else while I'm seeing where things go with the woman I went out with last night.”

I’m not sure what he means by “just expectantly went out on a date.” Does he mean “unexpectedly went out on a date”? Maybe they decided at the last minute to go out on a date, so it was unexpected? Or does he mean that he went on the date expectantly, not really sure what would happen?

Whatever the case, it obviously doesn’t matter now. There may not have even been any date and he just lost interest in me for whatever reason. I just hate the whole pretense some guys put into these things, telling me he paid for a dating site membership just so he could write to me, he thinks I’m “the one for him,” etc. I was really hoping it wasn’t a load of b.s. But I’ve been proven wrong again, as I have been so many times before. Why should I be surprised? Why should I hope for anything different?

God, what an ass! I hate being treated like we are a buffet. (((Hugs))) thirtiesgirl. Don't let it put you off, he is out there somewhere!

No sightings of him at all which scares me. He was sticking close to the house but not anymore, unless we can't see him in the woods he might have gotten scared off by a predator.

We had a have-a-heart trap but he knows how to NOT spring it so it doesn't work with him. He got out once before (our cats are Houdinis and can UNLOCK doors) but came home two weeks later when he was really hungry and missed us. We can't even leave food outside for him because of bears.

I sent a wee prayer up for Zephyr's safe return last night, Elaine. I hope someone hears me.

My room mates fiance is here from the US for a visit - he is the most devine boy. I'm so, so happy for her but confess that I can barely stand to be around them cos their joy makes me feel so unbearably alone :( I feel shrunken and small and forgotten, as bland and as unwanted as brown bread and milk. Its really hard feeling this way. I'm usually a very positive person and I love this girl from the bottom of my heart but I just cannot be around them. I can't wait till he leaves again - am so ashamed for even thinking that. Times like this I wish I lived alone because then I wouldn't be reminded that I am alone.

Tau, I have felt that same when I see friends in their little bubble of love. It hurts to see it, but don't be ashamed for feeling that way. I kinda think it is normal. Huggles to you.

me being a bitch this morning keep sending the kids to their mother, and stuff I am not lifting a finger to help, got sent to ambers room at like 9pm last night oh yeah sooo over frozen food crap too, havent gotten out of bed yet, thinking of catching a taxi to town for a while to escape. but that means having to get up off the mattress on the floor and my hip is killing atm sigh

even put my fb status to seriously considering booking a ticket home for monday and not a peep from my cousin, sick of being treated like a 2nd class citizen. Seriously I mean they said they wanted an early night just wanted the loungeroom to themselves tv was full ball and all. Oh and I am being pretty much treated like I dont exist at pressent I mean if you want me to leave freaking tell me Id be only to happy to get the hell outta dodge want to type sooo much more but kids keep comming in and amber keeps swearing at the kids oh yay they are going

You really need to get out of there, SA. For your own well being and sanity. Come home, pronto!

My mother. I'm beyond the end of my rope with her. I cannot take anymore insanity.

About to start crying; I'm so sick of it all.

(((Hugs))) my darling girl. My heart is with you :(


@mcbeth....best of luck finding the one that fits you right. Keep us posted :)

[aocutiepi]

Ugh. IC, I'm hating men right now. Three days ago, on Wednesday, I had a guy write this to me on an online dating site: “I basically paid for membership just so I could write you. I love the way you look and for some reason I just feel like you're the one for me, as weird as that may sound. Let's try getting to know each other and see if my intuition is correct?”

I've been there too. And his juvenile-ish angry response? He wasted YOUR time and dismissed it because may-or-may-not have had a date that went promisingly right after? I always felt that when that happened to me it was a classic case of I'm not into you for x reason... but they were too wimpy to say it. I'd honestly rather know that you didn't think we clicked for whatever reason other than, "I'm pursuing another relationship now." WTF? Especially since he paid "just for you."

Squishy hugs, thirtiesgirl. I still like to tell myself they aren't all bad. I almost have to reaffirm that daily, though. Frustrating.

My room mates fiance is here from the US for a visit - he is the most devine boy. I'm so, so happy for her but confess that I can barely stand to be around them cos their joy makes me feel so unbearably alone :( I feel shrunken and small and forgotten, as bland and as unwanted as brown bread and milk. Its really hard feeling this way. I'm usually a very positive person and I love this girl from the bottom of my heart but I just cannot be around them. I can't wait till he leaves again - am so ashamed for even thinking that. Times like this I wish I lived alone because then I wouldn't be reminded that I am alone.

My roommate in college would bring her fiance in to spend the night all of the time. It was really annoying because they were one of those sickly sweet couples. I had never even had a boyfriend at this stage in my life and it was just another one of those things that made me feel worse about my lack of love life. So I understand what you're going through!

But I must agree, you are completely NOT bland, at all... you are fabulous.

No sightings of him at all which scares me. He was sticking close to the house but not anymore, unless we can't see him in the woods he might have gotten scared off by a predator.

We had a have-a-heart trap but he knows how to NOT spring it so it doesn't work with him. He got out once before (our cats are Houdinis and can UNLOCK doors) but came home two weeks later when he was really hungry and missed us. We can't even leave food outside for him because of bears.

Still hoping for Zephyr's safe return, especially now that I know he's up against bears (potentially)...

me being a bitch this morning keep sending the kids to their mother, and stuff I am not lifting a finger to help, got sent to ambers room at like 9pm last night oh yeah sooo over frozen food crap too, havent gotten out of bed yet, thinking of catching a taxi to town for a while to escape. but that means having to get up off the mattress on the floor and my hip is killing atm sigh

even put my fb status to seriously considering booking a ticket home for monday and not a peep from my cousin, sick of being treated like a 2nd class citizen. Seriously I mean they said they wanted an early night just wanted the loungeroom to themselves tv was full ball and all. Oh and I am being pretty much treated like I dont exist at pressent I mean if you want me to leave freaking tell me Id be only to happy to get the hell outta dodge want to type sooo much more but kids keep comming in and amber keeps swearing at the kids oh yay they are going

Ugh. I've been reading your updates about the situation but I'm often terrible about finding things to say... but I just want you to know that you should never be treated or feel like you're being treated like a second class citizen.

1) You're not.
2) You deserve so much more.

I hope things get better. If not, I hope you follow through with your Facebook status... your sanity will thank you for it. You are a wonderful lady--don't forget it. Hugs to you, sweetie!

My mother. I'm beyond the end of my rope with her. I cannot take anymore insanity.

About to start crying; I'm so sick of it all.

Big hugs tonight for you, dear. Mothers can be the best and the worst--and it really cuts deep when they are the worst.


IC that looking for a new apartment is a pain in the ass (I am moving to a bigger place, and for work reasons). But I'm feeling more hopeful today as I've broadened my search radius and found some other areas I might consider. Don't think I'll feel fully at ease though until all the moving is finished. Though I'm not feeling really crappy or anything, I think I'll feel better once the transition is done - since I know it's coming. Y'know?

Moving is so stressful! I moved five times last year. I'm over the packing and unpacking and scouring the classifieds... for now. Best of luck with your search!

[aocutiepi]

Had dinner tonight with my best friend from college and went to see Charlie St. Cloud. Total girls night, obviously!

We were discussing the depression that's accompanying my sister's pregnancy because Rose knows more about babies than anyone else I know, being big sister to five, a babysitting extraordinaire, and working in the infant wing of the hospital while she was in grad school. I told her that it was taking a toll on me being my sister's go-to shoulder to cry on nearly every single day.

I told Rose that it was because for the first time in my adult life (and probably the first time in my life that I remember) I'm finally happy with who I am and where my life is going... pretty much everything. But it's still hard for me to feel so confidently on a moment to moment basis because I spent so many years conditioning a hate myself mentality. And then I feel like my sister sucks all of the happiness out of my life when I have to try to cheer her up--she's like a happiness parasite. I love her, but it's emotionally draining to constantly build her up--especially when I feel like she tears herself down over the most ridiculous of stuff.

Anyway, on point, IC that I think finding Dims is the reason why I am finally happy with who I am.

[CarlaSixx]

My friend just up and moved in with his new boyfriend of only a week and now I have only one friend left in my city and she isn't exactly the type of person I want to hang out with all that often. So I feel really lonely and know it's going to be Hell from here on in because I will never have anything to do and it's going to kill me. I don't know how to make friends and have nothing to do, anyways, that would get me to make any friends. I checked out the programs that schools in my city ould be offering to see if anything would interest me to attend and possibly make friends through that. Sadly, jewellery making and flower arrangement does not interest me in the least, so I am shit out of luck. I'm worried for my sanity. I've been crying all night about it. I hate being lonely and I'm now lonelier than ever.

[thirtiesgirl]

My friend just up and moved in with his new boyfriend of only a week and now I have only one friend left in my city and she isn't exactly the type of person I want to hang out with all that often. So I feel really lonely and know it's going to be Hell from here on in because I will never have anything to do and it's going to kill me. I don't know how to make friends and have nothing to do, anyways, that would get me to make any friends. I checked out the programs that schools in my city ould be offering to see if anything would interest me to attend and possibly make friends through that. Sadly, jewellery making and flower arrangement does not interest me in the least, so I am shit out of luck. I'm worried for my sanity. I've been crying all night about it. I hate being lonely and I'm now lonelier than ever.

Loneliness really sucks. I haven't had a close friend in my area since a group of women friends I knew decided to end their friendship with me over size acceptance in 2005, and then my club friend Kat took a job as a cruise ship youth entertainment host in late 2007. So I started using Meetup.com, a site where you can meet with groups of people specifically into your interests (or so the site claims). In all honesty, I haven't found a whole lot of groups that are geared toward my specific interests on the site, but I've joined dinner & movie groups, singles groups, that kind of thing, and I pick and choose which meet-ups I want to attend. I assume there are meetup groups in Canada, so I might recommend checking out that website and just seeing what you find. You search by entering your postal code or area, and then checking off what things you're interested in. Then the site gives you a list of all the groups in or near your area that might fit your interests. Then if you want, you join the groups online (like joining a Facebook group), and when they schedule a meet-up, it will be posted online and you'll get an e-mail. You can RSVP for the meet-up, yes or no, and decide if you want to go. I've found it's a good way to meet acquaintences (I haven't met any good friends through the site yet), and just get out and do things with other people that I don't do by myself (bowling, mini-golf, just going for coffee). Or if I don't want to see a movie by myself, I can usually find one of my meetup groups who is planning a meet-up for that movie.

[CarlaSixx]

I've actually checked out meetup.com and the only group around here is a cyclist group. Everything else is in big cities far away. So there really is nothing for me to do about this situation :(

[OneWickedAngel]

I've actually checked out meetup.com and the only group around here is a cyclist group. Everything else is in big cities far away. So there really is nothing for me to do about this situation :(

Not quite true...

You can't be the only one where you are who wants to do the things you're interested in. If you're not afraid of meeting strangers, and they will only be strangers to you for a very short while, start your own Meet-up group in your area! The easiest one to start is a movie meet-up. Meet an hour before the movie to chit-chat, get tickets, grub and see the movie. Or meet after the movie and have a cheapo dinner where you can discuss what you just saw. It's a great way to meet different people. Even if you don't meet your next best-friend (as I amazingly did) you now have, at the minimum, new acquaintances you can hang with at least for movies and it's incredible where it can lead from there. Half the crazy things I do is from word of mouth things I've learned about via mutual friends/acquaintances at meet-ups. You only get out of life what you're willing to put in it and this could be just the opportunity knocking for you.

[CarlaSixx]

It's too bad movies cost so damn much. More than I can really afford, especially since I don't like most of the movies that come out. I know... I'm rare, lol. But really... there's so very little that interests me and nothing to do as a group that it's damn near impossible to think of anything.

I don't live in a big city. Most of the population is on welfare as well, so no one can afford to do anything. You can cross my city from one side to the other doing 30mph in about 10 minutes, if not less. That's small. And we're far away from any other big cities. My only method of transportation is the city bus, and we only have 3 bus routes where the buses come only every 30 minutes until 7pm, where they go by only every hour until 11 when they shut down for the night.

So there really is NOTHING I can do to change this situation. When I only get about 40$ to spend a month and a movie outing basically costs me half of that... Yeah... Not doing that.

[CarlaSixx]

Also, everyone either has kids or wants to do something as a couple with their partner. Both of those being situations I don't want to deal with AGAIN because it is NOT pretty.

[MizzSnakeBite]

(((Hugs))) my darling girl. My heart is with you :(






Big hugs tonight for you, dear. Mothers can be the best and the worst--and it really cuts deep when they are the worst.



Thanks, Chicklet and aocutipi

It's too bad movies cost so damn much. More than I can really afford, especially since I don't like most of the movies that come out. I know... I'm rare, lol. But really... there's so very little that interests me and nothing to do as a group that it's damn near impossible to think of anything.

I don't live in a big city. Most of the population is on welfare as well, so no one can afford to do anything. You can cross my city from one side to the other doing 30mph in about 10 minutes, if not less. That's small. And we're far away from any other big cities. My only method of transportation is the city bus, and we only have 3 bus routes where the buses come only every 30 minutes until 7pm, where they go by only every hour until 11 when they shut down for the night.

So there really is NOTHING I can do to change this situation. When I only get about 40$ to spend a month and a movie outing basically costs me half of that... Yeah... Not doing that.

Also, everyone either has kids or wants to do something as a couple with their partner. Both of those being situations I don't want to deal with AGAIN because it is NOT pretty.

How about hair and costume making? I bet there's at least one person out there that is interested in those things. :)

[spiritangel]

Hugs Carla I totally hear all of that and wish there was something I could do to help


IC I am worried sick about the kids here, and that when I leave tommorrow I know they are gonna be told its their fault have been telling them aunty amanda has to go home for health reasons but yeah their mum will drill it in that it is their fault sigh

[Punkin1024]

spiritangel ~ Sounds like you've been stuck between a rock and a hard place too long! I am glad you've made the decision to go home, though I know you will worry over the children. (((((Hugs)))))

[CastingPearls]

All around hugs for everyone cos I really suck at multi-quoting. :)

[Punkin1024]

Hubby and I had to take a quiet day today. This week has been a real stinker of a week and he needed to rest and recoup. Lately, I've had to deal with so much at the office and home that I find myself escaping to the computer till late hours of the night. I've been so restless! When I do finally hit my head to the pillow it is usually 1 a.m. and I have to be up before 8 to get ready for work. I know I need to get out of this less sleep cycle but I just don't want to...yet. :doh:

[spiritangel]

I am home exhausted but wired, and have lots of pics of me eating on various trains to share lol including a croissant

[thirtiesgirl]

How about hair and costume making? I bet there's at least one person out there that is interested in those things. :)

This is not a bad idea. Carla, you could post an ad on Craigslist for free, advertising your costume making skills. I'm sure you'd find a few takers and make a few extra bucks by helping them.

[CastingPearls]

Last night, in the full throes of insomnia, I was minding my own bidness playing my little farm game on Facebook around 4AM, when I realized that I accidentally left my IM on after talking to a gf in Calgary. I get an IM from someone that went to the same high school although we were in different crowds, he was a year behind, etc. We were only friends on FB by coincidence because I was suggested by a mutual friend and he accepted thinking it was a request. Then he started a group and invited me, etc. Strange the way things happen.

High school wasn't a happy place for me. They were not the 'best years of my life'. Boys my own age were mostly nice but dating-wise largely ignored me. Actually, it was male teachers who found me appealing. So I dated older boys/men outside of school (jail bait) and basically became relatively unconscious of the lack of attention there. I flourished in my own little world.

Imagine my surprise when this guy who I have the vaguest memory of IMs me and begins to wax nostalgic on the deep lust and affection he had for me (but never said a word). I said, 'You don't even remember me.' He said, 'I remember black spandex, that ass, those eyes and that laugh.' Hmmm..he WAS paying attention. LOL He said, 'We all lusted after you but you were unattainable.' I said, 'WTF are you talking about? I didn't even get asked to prom. I recall you were King Shit.' He said, 'It's true. I was conceited but we were all in awe of you.'

I said, 'WTF is it with all you guys from the old neighborhood that whenever you have a few drinks or smoke a little weed and the wife isn't home you start remembering the glory days and contact ME? You all took thin girls to prom, fucked them, impregnated them, and married them and they all got fat anyway and now that you know the joys of fat sex you have to call me and what? Confess?'

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I was an object of lust but not suitably date-worthy to my own peers. I always knew the latter but had no inkling of the former. Whenever they contacted me they all claimed, '...but I was nice to you..' like it was a fucking gift.

This bullshit is one of the reasons why I don't go to class reunions.

[CarlaSixx]

This is not a bad idea. Carla, you could post an ad on Craigslist for free, advertising your costume making skills. I'm sure you'd find a few takers and make a few extra bucks by helping them.

The problem is that I DON'T have skills, lol. I can't use a sewing machine, and can't sew more than severely basic things. Making costumes is completely out of the question because I can't do it. Not that I haven't tried. I have a sea of wrecked fabrics and two battered sewing machines to prove it.

I just don't have much of any talent :(

[CarlaSixx]

High school wasn't a happy place for me. They were not the 'best years of my life'. Boys my own age were mostly nice but dating-wise largely ignored me. Actually, it was male teachers who found me appealing. So I dated older boys/men outside of school (jail bait) and basically became relatively unconscious of the lack of attention there. I flourished in my own little world.

Imagine my surprise when this guy who I have the vaguest memory of IMs me and begins to wax nostalgic on the deep lust and affection he had for me (but never said a word). I said, 'You don't even remember me.' He said, 'I remember black spandex, that ass, those eyes and that laugh.' Hmmm..he WAS paying attention. LOL He said, 'We all lusted after you but you were unattainable.' I said, 'WTF are you talking about? I didn't even get asked to prom. I recall you were King Shit.' He said, 'It's true. I was conceited but we were all in awe of you.'

I said, 'WTF is it with all you guys from the old neighborhood that whenever you have a few drinks or smoke a little weed and the wife isn't home you start remembering the glory days and contact ME? You all took thin girls to prom, fucked them, impregnated them, and married them and they all got fat anyway and now that you know the joys of fat sex you have to call me and what? Confess?'

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I was an object of lust but not suitably date-worthy to my own peers. I always knew the latter but had no inkling of the former. Whenever they contacted me they all claimed, '...but I was nice to you..' like it was a fucking gift.

This bullshit is one of the reasons why I don't go to class reunions.

Oh, do I ever relate. In high school, I started seeing guys in their 20s, and by 17 was enthralled by 2 men in their 30s, both of whom I started "seeing" when I turned 18. I never really saw guys from school pay attention to me. I wasn't tormented much for my weight in school, but no one seemed really "nice" about it, if you get what I mean. The ones who cared about me where not my age at all.

Now out of school, I get messages from people who were in my classes that say they wanna go out on a date or something, saying I am stunning, etc. I don't get it. They were always dating the sporty and popular girls in school, and suddenly when out of school, they wanna give me attention? It doesn't sit well with me. And when they live in another city and are trying to ask me out, that's even worse. I just hate it and ignore them entirely afterwards.

They've all said that in private, they all seemed to have a fascination with me. I don't think everyone was lusty, but maybe curious. And, really, it kind of hurts to hear that.

I wasn't hated in high school, everyone knew me, most people were good to me, but I wasn't textbook popular. They were my best years, but that isn't saying much. And they've been planning a reunion already. I really don't think I'll be attending if my life doesn't turn around, as I've just been going downhill since high school and am the only drop out of our grade.

[LovelyLiz]

snipped... They were my best years, but that isn't saying much. And they've been planning a reunion already. I really don't think I'll be attending if my life doesn't turn around, as I've just been going downhill since high school and am the only drop out of our grade.

Did you already get your GED, or whatever the high school equivalency is in Canada? Or can you take a class or go to continuing education or something?

I only ask that because taking classes can be a good way to get to know new people... (not that you were asking for my input...) :p

It can be really tough to make new friends, and I know it can feel like an uphill struggle at times; it just may take some time, and some trial and error. But sooooo many people are lonely in this world and are looking for friends! I think that's true in a town of 500 and definitely in a city of 3 million.

[CarlaSixx]

I'm only 3 credits away from a complete high school diploma, which takes less time to get than a GED and I've always been in pre-Uni courses, so for me, it would be a MAJOR step down and would make me feel like an idiot. I went to a school for GED students and my mother was a GED program creator. I know the work they do and it's so painfully low grade level to me (you have to understand, I was doing the same work in grade 3) and I just won't do it. Especially when it takes 9 months of doing grade 3 work before being allowed to take the test, when it takes 3 to 5 months to finish the high school credits. I just will NOT do the GED if my life depended on it.

And I have no motivation to finish the high school credits. Everyone who attends the schools that offer courses to adults have teens there during the day. Really immature and deliquent teens (which is what gets them there instead of staying in a real high school) and I am NOT going to put up with teenage bullshit drama any longer.

I have no reason to finish. There isn't anything for me to do. It's the only reason I haven't completed them already, and is the reason I dropped out. There is absolutely nothing I want to get into afterwards.

[luscious_lulu]

I am home exhausted but wired, and have lots of pics of me eating on various trains to share lol including a croissant

You're such a bad ass! I knew I liked you for a reason!

[CastingPearls]

I am home exhausted but wired, and have lots of pics of me eating on various trains to share lol including a croissant
Wonderful. Can't wait to see the pics!!!

[calauria]

Also, everyone either has kids or wants to do something as a couple with their partner. Both of those being situations I don't want to deal with AGAIN because it is NOT pretty.

How about goin away to school somewhere and live in the dorms?

[CarlaSixx]

How about goin away to school somewhere and live in the dorms?

I don't have any money to do it, and I haven't finished high school, so I can't get into college or University, nor do I want to, because there isn't any programs that I am interested in. I don't want to waste money like that.

[spiritangel]

I don't have any money to do it, and I haven't finished high school, so I can't get into college or University, nor do I want to, because there isn't any programs that I am interested in. I don't want to waste money like that.

hmm what about short courses at community colledge like learning to sew and make your own clothes it would help with the costume thing and they are usuallly pretty reasonable might have to cut down the wig buying a bit but would be very worth while or a costume design course??

[calauria]

I don't have any money to do it, and I haven't finished high school, so I can't get into college or University, nor do I want to, because there isn't any programs that I am interested in. I don't want to waste money like that.

Well, how about cutting back on expenses to save money to relocate? If you can't afford an apt. on your own try a finding a roommate through a roommate match service.

[CarlaSixx]

Well, how about cutting back on expenses to save money to relocate? If you can't afford an apt. on your own try a finding a roommate through a roommate match service.

I live off 40$ a month. There really isn't anything to cut down on. But I don't have any reason to relocate other than the fact that I don't like my city and none of my friends live here anymore. I'm not able to work, so I can't just up and go anywhere. Not only that, but I don't drive, so I really cannot up and go. I mean... how many people plan a whole life change around 40$ a month? I've never heard of it in my life.

Thing is... I don't ENJOY sewing. I just learned it really quick because I had hand-me-downs that were worn out and I needed to fix them myself. The only reason I did costume design in school is because I was too fat to get a part in any of the plays. I wanted to be centre stage, but fixing up the person who was going to be centre stage was my only option.

I do NOT enjoy being a "behind the scenes" worker. I HATE making things for others and not receiving proper credit for it.

[spiritangel]

I live off 40$ a month. There really isn't anything to cut down on. But I don't have any reason to relocate other than the fact that I don't like my city and none of my friends live here anymore. I'm not able to work, so I can't just up and go anywhere. Not only that, but I don't drive, so I really cannot up and go. I mean... how many people plan a whole life change around 40$ a month? I've never heard of it in my life.

Thing is... I don't ENJOY sewing. I just learned it really quick because I had hand-me-downs that were worn out and I needed to fix them myself. The only reason I did costume design in school is because I was too fat to get a part in any of the plays. I wanted to be centre stage, but fixing up the person who was going to be centre stage was my only option.

I do NOT enjoy being a "behind the scenes" worker. I HATE making things for others and not receiving proper credit for it.

Carla is there community theatre in your town? as that is free a great way to meet people of simmilar interests and also you may even get on stage (although sometimes takes a while of working your way up) but would be well worth looking into..............

[CarlaSixx]

Carla is there community theatre in your town? as that is free a great way to meet people of simmilar interests and also you may even get on stage (although sometimes takes a while of working your way up) but would be well worth looking into..............

I was part of one for two years, a french one, and there's an English one that only runs once a year. I've given up hope because the plays they put on never have characters that I can do. The french one always has old people characters (as all but 2 from the troupe are over 40) and they do not want to deal with piercings and tattoos. The English one always has ones with thin characters, like Anne of Green Gables and whatnot. I don't want to try once again because I always get the same reaction "Oh, well we don't have any roles for you, but we could always use an extra hand for makeup and costumes."

:doh:

I'm SO sick of that.

[calauria]

I live off 40$ a month. There really isn't anything to cut down on. But I don't have any reason to relocate other than the fact that I don't like my city and none of my friends live here anymore. I'm not able to work, so I can't just up and go anywhere. Not only that, but I don't drive, so I really cannot up and go. I mean... how many people plan a whole life change around 40$ a month? I've never heard of it in my life.

Thing is... I don't ENJOY sewing. I just learned it really quick because I had hand-me-downs that were worn out and I needed to fix them myself. The only reason I did costume design in school is because I was too fat to get a part in any of the plays. I wanted to be centre stage, but fixing up the person who was going to be centre stage was my only option.

I do NOT enjoy being a "behind the scenes" worker. I HATE making things for others and not receiving proper credit for it.

Not liking the city you live is a good enough reason to prepare to leave. Obviously, the city you live in now doesn't have what you need to have the quality of life that you want. Do you want to relocate or do you want to try to make things work there?

I'm not sure how disabitlity works in Canada. But, in a larger city where you would like to live, do they offer housing for the disabled? Also, does Canada offer disability payments? And, if so, would they allow you to work part time? Maybe you can do an internet search to see what resources are available for the disabled.
I've done all types of traveling and relocating with very little money. I'm a master at it, a master at planning it. It does take a lotof planning, focus, and perserverance, but it can be done. Plus, you don't have any children, so it would be a lot easier, once you know how to do it.

Just tell me what you want to do and I can help you find a way to get there.

[OneWickedAngel]

IC I've heard enough bullshit...

Step 1. Bang head against wall.
Step 2. If head does not hurt repeat Step 1, while bitching head does not hurt.
Step 3. If head does hurt, cease head banging, while bitching head does hurt.
Step 4. Repeat Steps 1 -3 as needed.

:mad:Grrrrr

[CarlaSixx]

Not liking the city you live is a good enough reason to prepare to leave. Obviously, the city you live in now doesn't have what you need to have the quality of life that you want. Do you want to relocate or do you want to try to make things work there?

I'm not sure how disabitlity works in Canada. But, in a larger city where you would like to live, do they offer housing for the disabled? Also, does Canada offer disability payments? And, if so, would they allow you to work part time? Maybe you can do an internet search to see what resources are available for the disabled.
I've done all types of traveling and relocating with very little money. I'm a master at it, a master at planning it. It does take a lotof planning, focus, and perserverance, but it can be done. Plus, you don't have any children, so it would be a lot easier, once you know how to do it.

Just tell me what you want to do and I can help you find a way to get there.

I am not on disability right now. I haven't gotten the complete work done and it will take 6 months to get everything done before I can apply for disability, and once I do, it takes 6 more months up to a full year before I see any results. So a year to go before I get any news about receiving disability.

They do have housing in Canada for those on disability, but it's usually REALLY bad places. They do also let people on it work up to a certain amount of money a month before they don't receive any payments, but I am medically unfit to work for maaaaany reasons, so actually getting a job is pretty much out of the question.

I don't think i'm leaving this rut anytime soon. A year or more to wait for medical stuff to go through? That's a lot like forever, and it's not a "fore sure" thing, either. There really doesn't seem to be any way out because of the chances of things going wrong are much higher than things going right.

Not only that, but I am living with a disabled mother that I'm supposed to take care of. If I leave, she gets no help, can't afford to hire help, and doesn't want forced help by the doctor's orders. She won't move out of this city, either. There's so much holding me back that I just hate it.

[calauria]

I am not on disability right now. I haven't gotten the complete work done and it will take 6 months to get everything done before I can apply for disability, and once I do, it takes 6 more months up to a full year before I see any results. So a year to go before I get any news about receiving disability.

They do have housing in Canada for those on disability, but it's usually REALLY bad places. They do also let people on it work up to a certain amount of money a month before they don't receive any payments, but I am medically unfit to work for maaaaany reasons, so actually getting a job is pretty much out of the question.

I don't think i'm leaving this rut anytime soon. A year or more to wait for medical stuff to go through? That's a lot like forever, and it's not a "fore sure" thing, either. There really doesn't seem to be any way out because of the chances of things going wrong are much higher than things going right.

Not only that, but I am living with a disabled mother that I'm supposed to take care of. If I leave, she gets no help, can't afford to hire help, and doesn't want forced help by the doctor's orders. She won't move out of this city, either. There's so much holding me back that I just hate it.

There maybe free or low cost legal assistance to help you obtain the disability. I'm pretty sure you will get it, since your doctor has diagnosed that you are unfit to work. So, now this leaves you with your mom's situation. Well, you are not able to take care of your mother, either, because you too are disabled. It might be hard to break it to your mom, but you are young and you have your own life to live. So, your mom may have to accept the Doctor ordered care. Either that or she has to move with you. Do you have relatives who live in the area who can go by and check to make sure that these people are taking care of your mom properly? I'm sure you do.

The more you stay in an unhappy situation the worse it is gonna become.

[CarlaSixx]

There maybe free or low cost legal assistance to help you obtain the disability. I'm pretty sure you will get it, since your doctor has diagnosed that you are unfit to work. So, now this leaves you with your mom's situation. Well, you are not able to take care of your mother, either, because you too are disabled. It might be hard to break it to your mom, but you are young and you have your own life to live. So, your mom may have to accept the Doctor ordered care. Either that or she has to move with you. Do you have relatives who live in the area who can go by and check to make sure that these people are taking care of your mom properly? I'm sure you do.

The more you stay in an unhappy situation the worse it is gonna become.

We don't talk to our family. Her sister is the only family member we have in Canada besides my father and brother. My grandparents are 81 years old and my aunt is in her 60s. It's just not really possible :(

My brother and father don't talk to us and are too abusive to call upon. They didn't help when she had cancer, they certainly will not help now. And they didn't help when her condition first started, which is why we moved out and away from them. So they're a no-go for sure.

Getting legal assistance won't help. I'll not only have to pay it back, but I don't have on paper that I'm not able to work for 2+years. Without it saying permanently unemployable, or at least 2 years unemployable, I will not get anything. And what I would be qualifying for is still in question (BPD) because obesity and general anxiety does not make enough of an argument to qualify for disability. I am being reassessed in 6 months from now, but I may not even get the full report by then, and the decision from the doctor may be that once again, he will only write down 1 year, and not 2+ years. Which means this hoping for a break will be all in vain.

[luscious_lulu]

Carla, I'm not going to suggest any solutions, as you'll just shoot them down. All I can say is you need to work on your perspective & the way you talk to yourself. You're caught in this negative whirlwind & until you decide you are capable of changing your situation, things/you won't change. If your current doctor/therapist hasn't suggested it yet, cognitive behavior therapy would probably help.

You may think I'm a total bitch for saying it, but I believe in being honest.

[Tau]

I am home exhausted but wired, and have lots of pics of me eating on various trains to share lol including a croissant

*SHOCK!!!HORROR!!!* You dared to eat on a train you irresponsible fatty you!!

[ashmamma84]

Carla, I'm not going to suggest any solutions, as you'll just shoot them down. All I can say is you need to work on your perspective & the way you talk to yourself. You're caught in this negative whirlwind & until you decide you are capable of changing your situation, things/you won't change. If your current doctor/therapist hasn't suggested it yet, cognitive behavior therapy would probably help.

You may think I'm a total bitch for saying it, but I believe in being honest.

I absolutely agree with this. If you're a total bitch that makes two of us.

Carla you are far too young to have such a cynical, negative outlook. I don't think anyone's situation is hopeless. Even if it's hard, a lot of times the attitude we take makes life and going through an already tough situation even more vapid. Instead of focusing on everything that's wrong with your life, try focusing on what's right and what you can change. It might not come to you immediately and that's okay. But to write off happiness, especially at 20, is doing yourself a big disservice.

Also, some help is better than no help at all. Even if it takes a year or two - so what? To everything there is a process; nothing is going to happen overnight so try to have some patience (this is the government after all.) So it might mean you need to start getting things in order like necessary paperwork, etc so you can get the help you need. Get the ball rolling. You aren't powerless. You can still fight the good fight. The faster you come to believe that, the better off the situation (and you) will be.

[OneWickedAngel]

Adding my two cents to Lulu's and Ashmamma's...

Carla our attitudes on life is everything, EVERYTHING.

We won't lie, you're correct in that there are many things you won't be able to do for quite a whille, that does not mean there are not things you can't do now. It will not be the fun/good things you want to do, but welcome to the not so fun part of adulthood, honey. There are gazillions of us doing and putting up with things we don't want to do/like, just so we can get the chance to do the things we do like. The sooner you face the world and get the ball slowly rolling past the bad things, the sooner you get to the good things. But nothing is going to get rolling if you stay holed-up ensrouded in your personal pity party of all the things you can't do. Ash is right you are simply too young to be so world weary. Sorry girl, but you haven't come close to earning that mantle yet. Tap into that fearless young woman who's not afraid to face the world with with purple hair and figure out what you can do tomorrow that's will get you one step closer. Even if that only thing is filling out more paperwork.

At the core, Carla, it really is as simple as:

"If you think you can, you will and if you think you can't, you're right."

[mszwebs]

Carla, I'm not going to suggest any solutions, as you'll just shoot them down. All I can say is you need to work on your perspective & the way you talk to yourself. You're caught in this negative whirlwind & until you decide you are capable of changing your situation, things/you won't change. If your current doctor/therapist hasn't suggested it yet, cognitive behavior therapy would probably help.

You may think I'm a total bitch for saying it, but I believe in being honest.

I absolutely agree with this. If you're a total bitch that makes two of us.

Carla you are far too young to have such a cynical, negative outlook. I don't think anyone's situation is hopeless. Even if it's hard, a lot of times the attitude we take makes life and going through an already tough situation even more vapid. Instead of focusing on everything that's wrong with your life, try focusing on what's right and what you can change. It might not come to you immediately and that's okay. But to write off happiness, especially at 20, is doing yourself a big disservice.

Also, some help is better than no help at all. Even if it takes a year or two - so what? To everything there is a process; nothing is going to happen overnight so try to have some patience (this is the government after all.) So it might mean you need to start getting things in order like necessary paperwork, etc so you can get the help you need. Get the ball rolling. You aren't powerless. You can still fight the good fight. The faster you come to believe that, the better off the situation (and you) will be.


Thirded. If that were a word.

You can't just say "life sucks blah blah blah" because honestly, LIFE WILL CONTINUE TO SUCK if you only don't make some kind of change, but if you don't allow yourself to believe that change is possible.

I just posted this as my facebook status, but it certainly applies here:


We can not transform our lives if we don't want to be transformed.

[calauria]

We don't talk to our family. Her sister is the only family member we have in Canada besides my father and brother. My grandparents are 81 years old and my aunt is in her 60s. It's just not really possible :(

My brother and father don't talk to us and are too abusive to call upon. They didn't help when she had cancer, they certainly will not help now. And they didn't help when her condition first started, which is why we moved out and away from them. So they're a no-go for sure.

Getting legal assistance won't help. I'll not only have to pay it back, but I don't have on paper that I'm not able to work for 2+years. Without it saying permanently unemployable, or at least 2 years unemployable, I will not get anything. And what I would be qualifying for is still in question (BPD) because obesity and general anxiety does not make enough of an argument to qualify for disability. I am being reassessed in 6 months from now, but I may not even get the full report by then, and the decision from the doctor may be that once again, he will only write down 1 year, and not 2+ years. Which means this hoping for a break will be all in vain.

I fourthly agree with the other ladies. Did your doctor diagnosed that you are also depressed, as well? If so, are you being treated? I'm not a doctor, but you sound really depressed and I think it is clouding your perception. You can only see the negatives. You don't even see the options you have in front of you. Which is very scary. It is very scary and dangerous to get to where you can't see hope.

Like I said, I'm not a doctor, but I think you need help with your mental state, like right now. I think you are in crisis, right now. Some people and some doctors don't take depression seriously. And, out of all the social problems there are, depression is almost always involved.
Is there a crisis line you can call?

[CarlaSixx]

I have been diagnosed with dysthymia, a type of depression, and have had the diagnosis re-assessed every year since I was 12. I am not, however, getting any treatment. Not by my choice. My doctor doesn't think meds will help, but I have been told to stay far away from alcohol, which has been difficult, but I've been doing great about that since November.

The psych I was seeing, but no longer am because I missed an appointment and am waiting to be re-added to the patient list, did not think I needed any kind of meds and wanted to take it slow. I don't outwardly show the signs of depression because I've had it for so long that I've learned how to just live with it, even if I don't want to. But I'm also not going to feign typical symptoms just to get the meds, either.

This has been a whirlwind thing for me since I was 10 years old. In and out of different treatments, and nothing helping at all. So I really don't know what can be done differently.

I know I have depression, and so does everyone who knows me, but the doctors seem to not think so.

[Punkin1024]

IC that I may be warming up to talking on the phone! My job includes answering "tech" type questions or being a "help" line to employees at outlying branches. The past few days, I've received compliments on my voice ("I love your voice!") and my positive attitude (Hello, sunshine! and "I love it when your the one that answers the my call."). I've been working on my phone skills and these compliments have made me feel wonderful!

[calauria]

I have been diagnosed with dysthymia, a type of depression, and have had the diagnosis re-assessed every year since I was 12. I am not, however, getting any treatment. Not by my choice. My doctor doesn't think meds will help, but I have been told to stay far away from alcohol, which has been difficult, but I've been doing great about that since November.

The psych I was seeing, but no longer am because I missed an appointment and am waiting to be re-added to the patient list, did not think I needed any kind of meds and wanted to take it slow. I don't outwardly show the signs of depression because I've had it for so long that I've learned how to just live with it, even if I don't want to. But I'm also not going to feign typical symptoms just to get the meds, either.

This has been a whirlwind thing for me since I was 10 years old. In and out of different treatments, and nothing helping at all. So I really don't know what can be done differently.

I know I have depression, and so does everyone who knows me, but the doctors seem to not think so.

Ah!! So, this explains it all! You may need to change doctors. Ok, when you start seeing the new doctor, be assertive and more adamant about trying medication, because obviously, not being medicated has not done any good. You might have to try several to find out which works best for you. Explain your history to him/her, be assertive about that non medication has not been good, has no way helped you and that you want to try medication. Don't take no for an answer.

But, maybe to quicken up the pace, try calling the crisis hotline. I'm not sure your mental state can wait that long, since you seem to not see any hope. Have you had any suicidal thoughts?

[CarlaSixx]

Ah!! So, this explains it all! You may need to change doctors. Ok, when you start seeing the new doctor, be assertive and more adamant about trying medication, because obviously, not being medicated has not done any good. You might have to try several to find out which works best for you. Explain your history to him/her, be assertive about that non medication has not been good, has no way helped you and that you want to try medication. Don't take no for an answer.

But, maybe to quicken up the pace, try calling the crisis hotline. I'm not sure your mental state can wait that long, since you seem to not see any hope. Have you had any suicidal thoughts?

Suicidal thoughts? Hmm... not as of late. Just feeling like I'm going to wither away in this place I live, but not thinking of killing myself, which is kinda new to me, lol. I think there's a crisis hotline but I don't think they can do much, really. I don't need to be hospitalized and I'm not suicidal, so they can't call up an ambulance and check me in.

[calauria]

Suicidal thoughts? Hmm... not as of late. Just feeling like I'm going to wither away in this place I live, but not thinking of killing myself, which is kinda new to me, lol. I think there's a crisis hotline but I don't think they can do much, really. I don't need to be hospitalized and I'm not suicidal, so they can't call up an ambulance and check me in.

Well, maybe they can be able to get your medication, sooner. Try them and see. Explain to them your history and be sure to tell them that the non medicational approach has done no good!! I mean, your doctor is not taking your condition seriously. I think you need to change doctors. Call the crisis hotline, be assertive, let them that you need help now and fast, because your condition has been neglected for far too long. No wonder you feel the way you feel.

[katherine22]

Suicidal thoughts? Hmm... not as of late. Just feeling like I'm going to wither away in this place I live, but not thinking of killing myself, which is kinda new to me, lol. I think there's a crisis hotline but I don't think they can do much, really. I don't need to be hospitalized and I'm not suicidal, so they can't call up an ambulance and check me in.


There is good treatment for depression. Research shows the best treatment is a combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with medication. Medication can get one over the hump but it is expensive and needs to be adjusted. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy can teach one to dispute thoughts that contribute to depression, as well as help with acceptance. There are many people who are in extreme emotional pain that live their values and have lives of meaning.

[LoveBHMS]

I'm not going to fifth or sixth this.

I'm not going to tell Carlasix to just give up, or agree with her that at 20 her life is over. On the other hand, none of us knows her or her situation, so sitting here behind the comfort of a computer screen giving advice and tossing out medical diagnoses about a situation we know nothing about is really not appropriate. Hitting somebody over the head about having a poor attitude, or insisting on a proper course of therapy for somebody you've never met is just unfair. While it is true depression can cloud judgement, she is still in the best position to asses her own situation. It seems to me at this point the most helpful thing anyone can do here is to just listen and let her know a helping hand is extended if she so wishes and to let her know help and advice are forthcoming if she wants them. For now I think we should just let her vent and offer a safe outlet for her feelings, and not possibly make her feel worse by criticizing her.

[luscious_lulu]

My post wasn't to beat her over the head or make her feel bad. It was about making her aware of her actions/words. I agree that the only person who can make a medical diagnosis is a doctor. Carla, can ensure that she is evaluated and if she is not happy with the diagnosis or treatment plan she can see another doctor.

Ultimately we are all responsible for our actions and our place in the world. We all have issues, but it's how we choose to act/react to what is given us. I suffer from major/chronic depression. I could sit at home and think the world cannot get better and spiral downward. I chose to get help and be proactive about my care. It wasn't easy, but I did it. Carla may not be able to work or do a myriad of other things, but she can take control of her life. She has that power. It may be scary or difficult, but she can do it.

People here have listened to her and offered support and advice. Carla keeps shooting those suggestions and ideas. I think the posts after mine are from people who care about what happens to her, but are frustrated with her view that the world sucks and there is nothing she can do about it.

Venting is fine, but when you put something out in the open you have to expect feedback. The feedback will not always be positive.

I want Carla to do well, I want her to be happy, I want her to succeed. I know to do this she needs to change the way she thinks/self talks regardless of her diagnosis. I hope she takes what has been said and uses it to help her improve her situation, not as a personal attack.

I think Carla is a good person, but she is in a bad place. Sometimes you don't realize how bad it's gotten until you are told or are given a different perspective. That was my intent.

[LoveBHMS]

I understand that, and in no way do I think anyone had ill intentions. I just think sometimes it can actually be more frustrating when people give you shit about your attitude or offer suggestions that may or may not be appropriate for your situation. I'm sure everyone means well, I'm just saying I think there are other ways to respond to her posts. She's not "shooting down" suggestions, she genuinely feels they are either not valuable or offered by people who don't know her personally or understand where she is in her life.

[Aust99]

My post wasn't to beat her over the head or make her feel bad. It was about making her aware of her actions/words. I agree that the only person who can make a medical diagnosis is a doctor. Carla, can ensure that she is evaluated and if she is not happy with the diagnosis or treatment plan she can see another doctor.

Ultimately we are all responsible for our actions and our place in the world. We all have issues, but it's how we choose to act/react to what is given us. I suffer from major/chronic depression. I could sit at home and think the world cannot get better and spiral downward. I chose to get help and be proactive about my care. It wasn't easy, but I did it. Carla may not be able to work or do a myriad of other things, but she can take control of her life. She has that power. It may be scary or difficult, but she can do it.

People here have listened to her and offered support and advice. Carla keeps shooting those suggestions and ideas. I think the posts after mine are from people who care about what happens to her, but are frustrated with her view that the world sucks and there is nothing she can do about it.

Venting is fine, but when you put something out in the open you have to expect feedback. The feedback will not always be positive.

I want Carla to do well, I want her to be happy, I want her to succeed. I know to do this she needs to change the way she thinks/self talks regardless of her diagnosis. I hope she takes what has been said and uses it to help her improve her situation, not as a personal attack.

I think Carla is a good person, but she is in a bad place. Sometimes you don't realize how bad it's gotten until you are told or are given a different perspective. That was my intent.

Well said Lulu... I understood what you were saying and I think Carla did too... everyone has been so supportive... :happy:

[Tau]

IC that I may be warming up to talking on the phone! My job includes answering "tech" type questions or being a "help" line to employees at outlying branches. The past few days, I've received compliments on my voice ("I love your voice!") and my positive attitude (Hello, sunshine! and "I love it when your the one that answers the my call."). I've been working on my phone skills and these compliments have made me feel wonderful!

Yay you!! I love phone compliments too - specially since interacting with people on that medium isn't always the easiest and most pleasant of tasks

[ashmamma84]

I'm not going to fifth or sixth this.

I'm not going to tell Carlasix to just give up, or agree with her that at 20 her life is over. On the other hand, none of us knows her or her situation, so sitting here behind the comfort of a computer screen giving advice and tossing out medical diagnoses about a situation we know nothing about is really not appropriate. Hitting somebody over the head about having a poor attitude, or insisting on a proper course of therapy for somebody you've never met is just unfair. While it is true depression can cloud judgement, she is still in the best position to asses her own situation. It seems to me at this point the most helpful thing anyone can do here is to just listen and let her know a helping hand is extended if she so wishes and to let her know help and advice are forthcoming if she wants them. For now I think we should just let her vent and offer a safe outlet for her feelings, and not possibly make her feel worse by criticizing her.

No we don't know the complete ins and outs of her situation, however we do know what has been put before us and it isn't the first time. I think it's natural to want to help someone who's hurting and frankly I don't think anyone is hitting her over the head - quite the opposite. This board of fat chicks are really pretty supportive of one another so sometimes that means being told things you don't necessarily want to hear. Its entirely different from criticizing, imo. If you just want to let her vent, then do that, but don't tell the other women what they should be doing when if fact they aren't berating her and just giving her a gentle nudge to take the reigns on some things.

Also, if she doesn't want anyone to comment - I'm sure she would let everyone know. So far there has been a dialogue going on and I don't know why there would be an objection to that.

[ashmamma84]

My post wasn't to beat her over the head or make her feel bad. It was about making her aware of her actions/words. I agree that the only person who can make a medical diagnosis is a doctor. Carla, can ensure that she is evaluated and if she is not happy with the diagnosis or treatment plan she can see another doctor.

Ultimately we are all responsible for our actions and our place in the world. We all have issues, but it's how we choose to act/react to what is given us. I suffer from major/chronic depression. I could sit at home and think the world cannot get better and spiral downward. I chose to get help and be proactive about my care. It wasn't easy, but I did it. Carla may not be able to work or do a myriad of other things, but she can take control of her life. She has that power. It may be scary or difficult, but she can do it.

People here have listened to her and offered support and advice. Carla keeps shooting those suggestions and ideas. I think the posts after mine are from people who care about what happens to her, but are frustrated with her view that the world sucks and there is nothing she can do about it.

Venting is fine, but when you put something out in the open you have to expect feedback. The feedback will not always be positive.

I want Carla to do well, I want her to be happy, I want her to succeed. I know to do this she needs to change the way she thinks/self talks regardless of her diagnosis. I hope she takes what has been said and uses it to help her improve her situation, not as a personal attack.

I think Carla is a good person, but she is in a bad place. Sometimes you don't realize how bad it's gotten until you are told or are given a different perspective. That was my intent.

This. Word for word.

[CarlaSixx]

I do understand the intent and am not mad at anyone for what they've said. Not in the least! It's nice to get support somewhere when I don't get any of it in RL. It's just hard to go from so many years of negative to a few days of positive and trying to keep up with that. It's not new to me to feel negative, because it runs in my family, and I live with a mother who deals with a negative outlook daily. Though, honestly, anyone living with her conditions will most likely have a negative outlook.

It's just impossible to go from how I feel to all of a sudden giddy with excitement and zest for life when there isn't much reason to be, and there isn't any proof of why I should be like that.

[nettie]

I do understand the intent and am not mad at anyone for what they've said. Not in the least! It's nice to get support somewhere when I don't get any of it in RL. It's just hard to go from so many years of negative to a few days of positive and trying to keep up with that. It's not new to me to feel negative, because it runs in my family, and I live with a mother who deals with a negative outlook daily. Though, honestly, anyone living with her conditions will most likely have a negative outlook.

It's just impossible to go from how I feel to all of a sudden giddy with excitement and zest for life when there isn't much reason to be, and there isn't any proof of why I should be like that.

Carla,
I haven't had much time for the boards lately, but I have been touched by your willingness to "talk" about your struggles. The other ladies here have shared some great wisdom (and that's one of the things I love most about Dims), and the only thing I would add is to remind you that our thoughts are just thoughts. We don't have to give them power. We don't have to act on them or dwell on them. When we get caught up in those negative thoughts, or "thought tornados", it becomes very difficult to see or believe in anything positive or hopeful. But we are also all born with wisdom, the innate ability to be emotionally healthy. If you can step back from those thoughts and clear your mind, the answers will come to you in time. And you will feel healthier and more at peace.

You are right. Not every day is going to be one of those where we feel that zest for life. But we can learn to navigate the rough seas when we find ourselves there. Over the past year, as I've dealt with my divorce, I've often relied on this principle of clearing my mind when I feel overwhelmed or hopelessness creeps in. And I've come through stronger, happier, and more peaceful than I've been in years.

And it's okay to let others help us, so I hope you are able to find a therapist who can guide you to feeling better.

((( Gentle Hugs )))

[gypsy]

I have been diagnosed with dysthymia, a type of depression, and have had the diagnosis re-assessed every year since I was 12. I am not, however, getting any treatment. Not by my choice. My doctor doesn't think meds will help, but I have been told to stay far away from alcohol, which has been difficult, but I've been doing great about that since November.

The psych I was seeing, but no longer am because I missed an appointment and am waiting to be re-added to the patient list, did not think I needed any kind of meds and wanted to take it slow. I don't outwardly show the signs of depression because I've had it for so long that I've learned how to just live with it, even if I don't want to. But I'm also not going to feign typical symptoms just to get the meds, either.

This has been a whirlwind thing for me since I was 10 years old. In and out of different treatments, and nothing helping at all. So I really don't know what can be done differently.

I know I have depression, and so does everyone who knows me, but the doctors seem to not think so.

Carla, I was diagnosed with dysthymia when I was 24 and the first thing my doctors did was get me on meds to help me cope. You should be getting a second opinion on that because I know from experience it's not a condition that just goes away on its own.

[Tau]

A day of mixed blessings. We were robbed today - 4th time this year - and I'm pissed and exhausted and scared and I'm buying a gun this weekend.

Then I just logged on to my gmail and not only did I just get paid for the book job i just completed I've been called into a meeting to discuss my portfolio with the events and comms manager of a major international organisation. I just... I'm so happy, just disbelieving and excited. What a crazy, amazing rollercoaster of a day. I NEED DRUGS!! :p

And finally - I'm feeling super emotional so please don't mock me for this. I want to say a big thank you to the ladies of this forum and the lovely FAs who read it and send just fantastic messages and rep. I've told you guys stuff I have told absolutely nobody else in my life. I've been given so much support and encouragement and good wishes - and this should actually be main board because a number of FAs - male and female - have since day one of me being here just been sending just positive vibes and energy my way and I want to say thank you for being so willing to share the good of yourself and your joy and hurts and advice and hugz, virtual they may be *smishes you all* There's so many people here i cannot wait to meet :D

[ashmamma84]

A day of mixed blessings. We were robbed today - 4th time this year - and I'm pissed and exhausted and scared and I'm buying a gun this weekend.

Then I just logged on to my gmail and not only did I just get paid for the book job i just completed I've been called into a meeting to discuss my portfolio with the events and comms manager of a major international organisation. I just... I'm so happy, just disbelieving and excited. What a crazy, amazing rollercoaster of a day. I NEED DRUGS!! :p

You and I need to take a girls trip away somewhere! You have been through SO much, chick!

I know how it feels to be robbed. Happened to me years ago and I was screaming, crying, cursing the life of the bastard who took my valuables. I understand, I really do. Make sure to go to the range to practice once you purchase your Smith and Wesson.

But! HOORAY on getting paid! And the meeting sounds great! Sounds like you're making moves on the career front! Congrats to ya'!

[OneWickedAngel]

Holy shit! (in the bad way) and
Holy shit! (in the good way).

Wow the conflict of emotions must be insane. I'm sorry you were robbed, I'm glad you're okay, I'm scared for you feeling it's come to the point where you feel you need to own a gun, but yeah you and the work front!

I say get your drink on girlie WITH FRIENDS!!! It's legal and even if you have a hangover in the morn, you won't think less of yourself. Depending on what you do while drunk that is - lol!

Major huggles either way!!!

[luscious_lulu]

I do understand the intent and am not mad at anyone for what they've said. Not in the least! It's nice to get support somewhere when I don't get any of it in RL. It's just hard to go from so many years of negative to a few days of positive and trying to keep up with that. It's not new to me to feel negative, because it runs in my family, and I live with a mother who deals with a negative outlook daily. Though, honestly, anyone living with her conditions will most likely have a negative outlook.

It's just impossible to go from how I feel to all of a sudden giddy with excitement and zest for life when there isn't much reason to be, and there isn't any proof of why I should be like that.

You are absolutely right, it won't happen overnight. It's going to take a lot of work. (((hugs)))

[luscious_lulu]

A day of mixed blessings. We were robbed today - 4th time this year - and I'm pissed and exhausted and scared and I'm buying a gun this weekend.

Then I just logged on to my gmail and not only did I just get paid for the book job i just completed I've been called into a meeting to discuss my portfolio with the events and comms manager of a major international organisation. I just... I'm so happy, just disbelieving and excited. What a crazy, amazing rollercoaster of a day. I NEED DRUGS!! :p

And finally - I'm feeling super emotional so please don't mock me for this. I want to say a big thank you to the ladies of this forum and the lovely FAs who read it and send just fantastic messages and rep. I've told you guys stuff I have told absolutely nobody else in my life. I've been given so much support and encouragement and good wishes - and this should actually be main board because a number of FAs - male and female - have since day one of me being here just been sending just positive vibes and energy my way and I want to say thank you for being so willing to share the good of yourself and your joy and hurts and advice and hugz, virtual they may be *smishes you all* There's so many people here i cannot wait to meet :D

(((hugs))) That is quite the day. I'm glad that something good has happened to balance out the negative. You are a great person and deserve the best. :kiss2:

[calauria]

A day of mixed blessings. We were robbed today - 4th time this year - and I'm pissed and exhausted and scared and I'm buying a gun this weekend.

Then I just logged on to my gmail and not only did I just get paid for the book job i just completed I've been called into a meeting to discuss my portfolio with the events and comms manager of a major international organisation. I just... I'm so happy, just disbelieving and excited. What a crazy, amazing rollercoaster of a day. I NEED DRUGS!! :p

And finally - I'm feeling super emotional so please don't mock me for this. I want to say a big thank you to the ladies of this forum and the lovely FAs who read it and send just fantastic messages and rep. I've told you guys stuff I have told absolutely nobody else in my life. I've been given so much support and encouragement and good wishes - and this should actually be main board because a number of FAs - male and female - have since day one of me being here just been sending just positive vibes and energy my way and I want to say thank you for being so willing to share the good of yourself and your joy and hurts and advice and hugz, virtual they may be *smishes you all* There's so many people here i cannot wait to meet :D

Sorry about the robbery.:( But congrats about the meeting!! Wishing you the best!! *hugs*

[CarlaSixx]

A day of mixed blessings. We were robbed today - 4th time this year - and I'm pissed and exhausted and scared and I'm buying a gun this weekend.

Then I just logged on to my gmail and not only did I just get paid for the book job i just completed I've been called into a meeting to discuss my portfolio with the events and comms manager of a major international organisation. I just... I'm so happy, just disbelieving and excited. What a crazy, amazing rollercoaster of a day. I NEED DRUGS!! :p


Sorry about the robbing :( That really sucks.

But YAAAAY for the second part! Wishing you all the best :) You don't need drugs :p the second part is drug enough, silly :happy:

[Isa]

A day of mixed blessings. We were robbed today - 4th time this year - and I'm pissed and exhausted and scared and I'm buying a gun this weekend.

Then I just logged on to my gmail and not only did I just get paid for the book job i just completed I've been called into a meeting to discuss my portfolio with the events and comms manager of a major international organisation. I just... I'm so happy, just disbelieving and excited. What a crazy, amazing rollercoaster of a day. I NEED DRUGS!! :p

And finally - I'm feeling super emotional so please don't mock me for this. I want to say a big thank you to the ladies of this forum and the lovely FAs who read it and send just fantastic messages and rep. I've told you guys stuff I have told absolutely nobody else in my life. I've been given so much support and encouragement and good wishes - and this should actually be main board because a number of FAs - male and female - have since day one of me being here just been sending just positive vibes and energy my way and I want to say thank you for being so willing to share the good of yourself and your joy and hurts and advice and hugz, virtual they may be *smishes you all* There's so many people here i cannot wait to meet :D

Sorry to hear about the robbery but extra happy on the job front, hope the good news continues to outweigh the bad.

[BBW4Chattery]

A day of mixed blessings. We were robbed today - 4th time this year - and I'm pissed and exhausted and scared and I'm buying a gun this weekend.

Then I just logged on to my gmail and not only did I just get paid for the book job i just completed I've been called into a meeting to discuss my portfolio with the events and comms manager of a major international organisation. I just... I'm so happy, just disbelieving and excited. What a crazy, amazing rollercoaster of a day. I NEED DRUGS!! :p



Tried to send you a rep but not sure that it went through... so ditto what the others have said... so sorry about the robbery... that's so awful. :(

congrats on the good news though!!

[Punkin1024]

A day of mixed blessings. We were robbed today - 4th time this year - and I'm pissed and exhausted and scared and I'm buying a gun this weekend.

Then I just logged on to my gmail and not only did I just get paid for the book job i just completed I've been called into a meeting to discuss my portfolio with the events and comms manager of a major international organisation. I just... I'm so happy, just disbelieving and excited. What a crazy, amazing rollercoaster of a day. I NEED DRUGS!! :p

And finally - I'm feeling super emotional so please don't mock me for this. I want to say a big thank you to the ladies of this forum and the lovely FAs who read it and send just fantastic messages and rep. I've told you guys stuff I have told absolutely nobody else in my life. I've been given so much support and encouragement and good wishes - and this should actually be main board because a number of FAs - male and female - have since day one of me being here just been sending just positive vibes and energy my way and I want to say thank you for being so willing to share the good of yourself and your joy and hurts and advice and hugz, virtual they may be *smishes you all* There's so many people here i cannot wait to meet :D

I am so, so sorry you were robbed. That is a horrible thing to have to work through - physically and emotionally. On the gun - I had a police officer friend ask me if I really believed I could use a gun on a human being (hubby was grumping because I wouldn't practice firing a rifle he'd purchased) - I said no - he told hubby to not waste the time showing me how to handle a gun. I'm telling you this story to say - please ask yourself that question before spending money and time on a weapon.

And...yea you on the good news on the book! You go girly! :D

[Tau]

Thanks so much ladies! :D

As for using the gun - I don't want to sound cold or anything but I know that I could point it at another human being and pull the trigger, no hesitation. I've been in several ugly situations and when it comes to my safety over somebody's who is attacking me - I always choose me :p I'm not trying to claim it will be easy - I cry when we slaughter cows at home - but I will do it.

[LovelyLiz]

IC I had some fun chemistry with a guy in an elevator today. He's quite big, really tall - maybe 6'3"? and probably about 400 lbs. I'd seen him around campus - since my brain unintentionally seem to keep tabs on all the fat people at my school (there aren't many of us). Anyway, we ended up in an elevator together, and I made a little conversation, and there was definitely a little spark there. Doubt anything will come of it, tho I will be friendly to him when I see him around campus. But it's just always fun to feel that chemistry, and to know it's possible to have that kind of spontaneous connection! :D Oh, and I have no idea why, but I decided to try and look smoking hot today. So I was wearing a dress, sassy earrings, and makeup when I encountered this mountain of a man. What luck! I'm usually looking like a bag lady when I run into guys. ;)

[aocutiepi]

IC I had some fun chemistry with a guy in an elevator today. He's quite big, really tall - maybe 6'3"? and probably about 400 lbs. I'd seen him around campus - since my brain unintentionally seem to keep tabs on all the fat people at my school (there aren't many of us). Anyway, we ended up in an elevator together, and I made a little conversation, and there was definitely a little spark there. Doubt anything will come of it, tho I will be friendly to him when I see him around campus. But it's just always fun to feel that chemistry, and to know it's possible to have that kind of spontaneous connection! :D Oh, and I have no idea why, but I decided to try and look smoking hot today. So I was wearing a dress, sassy earrings, and makeup when I encountered this mountain of a man. What luck! I'm usually looking like a bag lady when I run into guys. ;)

YUMMM. ;) Enclosed space, cute guy... chemistry... what's not to love?? Good for you!

[BrownDown09]

IC that I'm actually excited of going to school in the next few weeks so I can try on my make up and flirt with guys. Also, since I'm registering tomorrow, I'm going to go all out...I'm so lame ;)

[LovelyLiz]

IC that I'm actually excited of going to school in the next few weeks so I can try on my make up and flirt with guys. Also, since I'm registering tomorrow, I'm going to go all out...I'm so lame ;)

Do it! Hope it goes great, and go get your flirt on!!! ;) School is awesome (and boys are just a small part of that...lol)

[BrownDown09]

Thanks!! Freshman year in college didn't go so well, I was so shy and hardly talked to anyone. I'm going to change this school year, and not be quiet girl in the corner.
Education comes first though and.....boys come later on. :)

[LovelyLiz]

Thanks!! Freshman year in college didn't go so well, I was so shy and hardly talked to anyone. I'm going to change this school year, and not be quiet girl in the corner.
Education comes first though and.....boys come later on. :)

You have a great attitude. :) Feel free to PM me if you want to bounce some ideas or thoughts about college-related questions or thoughts or anything. I loved my undergraduate experience. Hope you end up loving yours too!

[crayola box]

What luck! I'm usually looking like a bag lady when I run into guys. ;)

Haha! Bag lady is in the eye of the beholder. There was a day last week where everyplace I went I was hit on, asked out or flirted with, at one point I started checking for hidden cameras cause six guys in one day is was just strange. Especially given the way I looked, it was laundry day and errand day so I was in old jeans, over sized t-shirt that's usually for working out, greasy hair in messy bun, flip-flops, no makeup, no jewelry, and pretty much focused on what I was doing. Lol maybe the "I have more important things to deal with vibe" came off as sexy confidence...or maybe men just have strange tastes :p

[Tau]

IC I had some fun chemistry with a guy in an elevator today. He's quite big, really tall - maybe 6'3"? and probably about 400 lbs. I'd seen him around campus - since my brain unintentionally seem to keep tabs on all the fat people at my school (there aren't many of us). Anyway, we ended up in an elevator together, and I made a little conversation, and there was definitely a little spark there. Doubt anything will come of it, tho I will be friendly to him when I see him around campus. But it's just always fun to feel that chemistry, and to know it's possible to have that kind of spontaneous connection! :D Oh, and I have no idea why, but I decided to try and look smoking hot today. So I was wearing a dress, sassy earrings, and makeup when I encountered this mountain of a man. What luck! I'm usually looking like a bag lady when I run into guys. ;)

Oh I do love mountainous men!! *happy sigh*

[Tau]

IC that I'm actually excited of going to school in the next few weeks so I can try on my make up and flirt with guys. Also, since I'm registering tomorrow, I'm going to go all out...I'm so lame ;)

Enjoy it! I miss my varsity days of crazy hair colour particularly badly

[BBW4Chattery]

I confess I think I'm built by Dr. Frankenstein.

I just saw a photo of me from the back and I'll be damned if I don't have a back FUPA above my ass. Who even knew that was possible?

It's like someone chopped me at the waist... and I'm fat on top, normal on bottom.

[mszwebs]

I confess I think I'm built by Dr. Frankenstein.

I just saw a photo of me from the back and I'll be damned if I don't have a back FUPA above my ass. Who even knew that was possible?

It's like someone chopped me at the waist... and I'm fat on top, normal on bottom.

OMG, I have to confess I'm DYING to know what this looks like and now I need to know if I have one too.

[thirtiesgirl]

IC I had to look up FUPA because I had no idea what it was.

IC I hate hate HATE internet dating. After my break-up last year with the last guy I'd met online, I swore to give it up and never spend time at it again. Which lasted about 2 months before I was online looking again. I recently joined a couple of dating sites for fat women and have been deeply disappointed with the selection of men in my area. From how they present themselves online, they don't seem very intelligent, don't have much to say for themselves (which usually tells me they're just looking for a casual hook-up), and most aren't what I'd consider good looking. I've received a few messages and 'flirts' from guys in other states, most of them over 50, which is a bit older than I'd prefer to date. Nor do I want to date anyone that long distance. It's just disappointing, and it sucks. I can't believe I'm seriously pursuing it again.

[calauria]

IC I had to look up FUPA because I had no idea what it was.

IC I hate hate HATE internet dating. After my break-up last year with the last guy I'd met online, I swore to give it up and never spend time at it again. Which lasted about 2 months before I was online looking again. I recently joined a couple of dating sites for fat women and have been deeply disappointed with the selection of men in my area. From how they present themselves online, they don't seem very intelligent, don't have much to say for themselves (which usually tells me they're just looking for a casual hook-up), and most aren't what I'd consider good looking. I've received a few messages and 'flirts' from guys in other states, most of them over 50, which is a bit older than I'd prefer to date. Nor do I want to date anyone that long distance. It's just disappointing, and it sucks. I can't believe I'm seriously pursuing it again.

I know, online dating Sucks with a capital S. I've given up on that nonsense.

[Tau]

IC I had to look up FUPA because I had no idea what it was.

IC I hate hate HATE internet dating. After my break-up last year with the last guy I'd met online, I swore to give it up and never spend time at it again. Which lasted about 2 months before I was online looking again. I recently joined a couple of dating sites for fat women and have been deeply disappointed with the selection of men in my area. From how they present themselves online, they don't seem very intelligent, don't have much to say for themselves (which usually tells me they're just looking for a casual hook-up), and most aren't what I'd consider good looking. I've received a few messages and 'flirts' from guys in other states, most of them over 50, which is a bit older than I'd prefer to date. Nor do I want to date anyone that long distance. It's just disappointing, and it sucks. I can't believe I'm seriously pursuing it again.

Online dating is the absolute pits but I find myself tempted to go back to it now and then. Right now I'm kind of resigned to being single forever. I had lunch with my aunt two weeks ago - she says to me: Men are useless - never get married. Just make a baby with somebody intellligent and live with just you and your offspring! I was like :p She's still reeling a little from a truly awful marriage so I tend to take what she says with a large helping of salt.

[Tau]

I confess I think I'm built by Dr. Frankenstein.

I just saw a photo of me from the back and I'll be damned if I don't have a back FUPA above my ass. Who even knew that was possible?

It's like someone chopped me at the waist... and I'm fat on top, normal on bottom.

LOL! I totally need a pic

[indy500tchr]

IC I had to look up FUPA because I had no idea what it was.

IC I hate hate HATE internet dating. After my break-up last year with the last guy I'd met online, I swore to give it up and never spend time at it again. Which lasted about 2 months before I was online looking again. I recently joined a couple of dating sites for fat women and have been deeply disappointed with the selection of men in my area. From how they present themselves online, they don't seem very intelligent, don't have much to say for themselves (which usually tells me they're just looking for a casual hook-up), and most aren't what I'd consider good looking. I've received a few messages and 'flirts' from guys in other states, most of them over 50, which is a bit older than I'd prefer to date. Nor do I want to date anyone that long distance. It's just disappointing, and it sucks. I can't believe I'm seriously pursuing it again.

IC I hate this too but I feel like dating sites are the only place I am going to find guys who are interested in me since I've NEVER in my 32 years of life had a guy IRL show interest in dating me.....ever. I've always been the "fun fat friend".

[thirtiesgirl]

IC I hate this too but I feel like dating sites are the only place I am going to find guys who are interested in me since I've NEVER in my 32 years of life had a guy IRL show interest in dating me.....ever. I've always been the "fun fat friend".

Yeah, this is very true for me. The only place I've met men, besides the internet, is at work. I mean, it's where we spend 8 hours a day, so it only makes sense that we might expect to meet someone there. But working in education, I really haven't met a lot of guys I'd want to date. Largely because there are so many more women in the profession, but also because most of the guys I've met in education are either married with kids; divorced and extremely bitter; or very nerdy, socially awkward types who do ok in the classroom when they're teaching their subject matter, but are not very good at functioning around other adults. I've also heard about the occasional player or two (I've heard a lot of stories over the years in LAUSD of some serious office hanky panky and bed hopping going on), but most of those guys seem to go for women who fit within the standard media-supported definition of what's "hot." Not that I'd want to date a player anyway, but the point is, there doesn't seem to be a lot of appreciation for fat women.

[indy500tchr]

Yeah, this is very true for me. The only place I've met men, besides the internet, is at work. I mean, it's where we spend 8 hours a day, so it only makes sense that we might expect to meet someone there. But working in education, I really haven't met a lot of guys I'd want to date. Largely because there are so many more women in the profession, but also because most of the guys I've met in education are either married with kids; divorced and extremely bitter; or very nerdy, socially awkward types who do ok in the classroom when they're teaching their subject matter, but are not very good at functioning around other adults. I've also heard about the occasional player or two (I've heard a lot of stories over the years in LAUSD of some serious office hanky panky and bed hopping going on), but most of those guys seem to go for women who fit within the standard media-supported definition of what's "hot." Not that I'd want to date a player anyway, but the point is, there doesn't seem to be a lot of appreciation for fat women.

This is my life right here. I am a teacher and have no options. There are 5 men in my building...3 are married with kids and 1 is gay and the other one I am old enough I could have been his babysitter when I was younger. I am not about to even venture into the "divorced daddy" category.

[CarlaSixx]

The past two years, I've only had the internet as a way to meet people who might be interested in me. And all the guys I've been with before were actually from other cities, even if we met in RL before talking over airwaves. The worst part is that everyone is from other cities and wants to meet within a week or two. Since I don't drive and don't have friends inside my city, I need to plan things around that. Either they would come down to meet me, or I'd wait for a friend to be able to give me a ride up to their city. Which can sometimes take almost 3 months. No guy wants that, so I've been rather alone. :(

[bobbleheaddoll]

ic i am getting married this week to a wonderful man i met where???

on the internet :)

the world is a big place...and you may not find your perfect someone in your own back yard. if you meet them and it is worth it you can make it happen.

[BrownDown09]

^Congrats!!!!

I didn't get to flirt, but this cute guy was eying me.

IC that I always wanted to write erotic literature....:wubu: and it will be ages for me to find the right man. Internet dating sucks for me....

[LovelyLiz]

ic i am getting married this week to a wonderful man i met where???

on the internet :)

the world is a big place...and you may not find your perfect someone in your own back yard. if you meet them and it is worth it you can make it happen.

The internet is also a big place. ;) Where did you meet him?

Congratulations! Give us the story!

[littlefairywren]

ic i am getting married this week to a wonderful man i met where???

on the internet :)

the world is a big place...and you may not find your perfect someone in your own back yard. if you meet them and it is worth it you can make it happen.

Oh how exciting! Congrats to the both of you, bobble. I hope you will be very happy :happy:

[Punkin1024]

ic i am getting married this week to a wonderful man i met where???

on the internet :)

the world is a big place...and you may not find your perfect someone in your own back yard. if you meet them and it is worth it you can make it happen.

I am so happy for you! And yes, please tell us your story.

[CarlaSixx]

IC stumbling upon 5 articles in 2 days about Daniel Radcliffe and his new dating life and plan made me wish very badly that he would find his way to me and be interested in me :p I'm totally dreaming, but that's frikkin funny how these things randomly pop up.

Example: Two local papers reported it, a tv show reported it, a Google search I did turned up another article and OUT Magazine published an article with him and OLJ and a friend told me to rush to check it out.

WTH? Lol. Oh how I wish this was a sign :rolleyes:

[bobbleheaddoll]

Not alot to tell girls...

Found him online. He lives about 1.5+ hours from me...went up for a date and fell head over heels by the second one...crazy..i know..me? the catch and release girl...lol.

been seeing each other every spare moment since (the constant commuting is tough on both of us, but so worth it)...he is super sweet and adores me (he sends the best mushy text messages every day) :) i adore him too :smitten: not to mention he is bhh...big handsome hotness. :eat2:
he gets along well with my daughter and my family really likes him. his family is wonderful and has really taken us in...

so rather than wait for no apparent reason, we decided to tie the knot. this week. lol. going to atlanta for the weekend for a mini-honeymoon. will be a grand adventure!

see girls...it can happen. be positive and get out there and date! you have to date a ton of maybies before you find the one...trust me. but just remember...they are only dates...go out just expecting a fun time and you will have one. :) when you find the right one you will know it without doubt.

be who you are and love yourself. the right someone will notice and love you too!

thanks for all of your support and best wishes.
michelle

[MisticalMisty]

ic i am getting married this week to a wonderful man i met where???

on the internet :)

the world is a big place...and you may not find your perfect someone in your own back yard. if you meet them and it is worth it you can make it happen.

YAY! Congrats :)

[jdsumm]

Not alot to tell girls...

Found him online. He lives about 1.5+ hours from me...went up for a date and fell head over heels by the second one...crazy..i know..me? the catch and release girl...lol.

been seeing each other every spare moment since (the constant commuting is tough on both of us, but so worth it)...he is super sweet and adores me (he sends the best mushy text messages every day) :) i adore him too :smitten: not to mention he is bhh...big handsome hotness. :eat2:
he gets along well with my daughter and my family really likes him. his family is wonderful and has really taken us in...

so rather than wait for no apparent reason, we decided to tie the knot. this week. lol. going to atlanta for the weekend for a mini-honeymoon. will be a grand adventure!

see girls...it can happen. be positive and get out there and date! you have to date a ton of maybies before you find the one...trust me. but just remember...they are only dates...go out just expecting a fun time and you will have one. :) when you find the right one you will know it without doubt.

be who you are and love yourself. the right someone will notice and love you too!

thanks for all of your support and best wishes.
michelle

Congrats and best wishes!!! I am so happy for you! Thanks for the encouragement :)

[thirtiesgirl]

ic i am getting married this week to a wonderful man i met where???

on the internet :)

the world is a big place...and you may not find your perfect someone in your own back yard. if you meet them and it is worth it you can make it happen.

I agree that the internet is a big place that offers lots of possibilities, but I live in Southern California. Many men here have different physical standards than in other parts of the US. Not all, of course, but many. I'm not looking for men in other states because if I do leave California, I want to leave on my own terms, not because I'm moving somewhere else for a guy. If the relationship doesn't work out, I'm stranded in a city and state where I may not want to be because it's not a choice I made solely for myself. Congratulations on finding your partner online. I think it's great and I'm glad you found success. But consider that not everyone else shares your experience because we live in different places and may want different things.

[CastingPearls]

Not alot to tell girls...

Found him online. He lives about 1.5+ hours from me...went up for a date and fell head over heels by the second one...crazy..i know..me? the catch and release girl...lol.

been seeing each other every spare moment since (the constant commuting is tough on both of us, but so worth it)...he is super sweet and adores me (he sends the best mushy text messages every day) :) i adore him too :smitten: not to mention he is bhh...big handsome hotness. :eat2:
he gets along well with my daughter and my family really likes him. his family is wonderful and has really taken us in...

so rather than wait for no apparent reason, we decided to tie the knot. this week. lol. going to atlanta for the weekend for a mini-honeymoon. will be a grand adventure!

see girls...it can happen. be positive and get out there and date! you have to date a ton of maybies before you find the one...trust me. but just remember...they are only dates...go out just expecting a fun time and you will have one. :) when you find the right one you will know it without doubt.

be who you are and love yourself. the right someone will notice and love you too!

thanks for all of your support and best wishes.
michelle
I love mushy text messages.

I'm so so happy for you. Best of luck.

[BBW4Chattery]

LOL! I totally need a pic

At first, I was sort of completely terrified by the picture... but you know what, why not share it, this is my back fat situation and it traumatized me. I learned my lesson... don't look if you don't want to find out what's back there...

Also, have lots of replies for the online dating thing i'm going to type out now... Sending major hugs everyone's way.

[CarlaSixx]

I have a feeling that even though it took 3 times of taking this book out of the library to finish it, it's been a "Godsend" for me, finally hearing someone who's thoughts and past so closely reflect my own, and seeing how much others helped her... Kind of gives me faith that it might work out for me, too.

[BBW4Chattery]

IC I hate this too but I feel like dating sites are the only place I am going to find guys who are interested in me since I've NEVER in my 32 years of life had a guy IRL show interest in dating me.....ever. I've always been the "fun fat friend".

First, sending hugs, I understand the fun fat friend role very well.

I remember the first few guys who showed interest in me... I wasn't able to really connect that they were actually attracted to me b/c I was so used to not being the object of anyone's affection. I hated it when guys weren't interested and it freaked me out when they were... bleh.

Anyway, sending hugs, I've been there and it's a screwed up place to be...

Online dating is the absolute pits but I find myself tempted to go back to it now and then. Right now I'm kind of resigned to being single forever. I had lunch with my aunt two weeks ago - she says to me: Men are useless - never get married. Just make a baby with somebody intellligent and live with just you and your offspring! I was like She's still reeling a little from a truly awful marriage so I tend to take what she says with a large helping of salt.

I tell my best friend (who is extremely intelligent, 170 iq) that I want him to give me a baby so I can have a chance at a smart offspring. :) I don't know if I'm resigned to being single forever but I certainly have NEVER planned a wedding in my mind... I have no fantasies about the white dress, attendants, favors, or reception.

Yeah, this is very true for me. The only place I've met men, besides the internet, is at work. I mean, it's where we spend 8 hours a day, so it only makes sense that we might expect to meet someone there. But working in education, I really haven't met a lot of guys I'd want to date. Largely because there are so many more women in the profession, but also because most of the guys I've met in education are either married with kids; divorced and extremely bitter; or very nerdy, socially awkward types who do ok in the classroom when they're teaching their subject matter, but are not very good at functioning around other adults....

Please send me your nerdy, socially awkward ones... those are my favorite... my heart melts. I keep thinking if I just go back and work in the school system, I'll surely find myself a partner... I'll send you postage, just poke holes in their boxes and they'll be fine...

[QUOTE=bobbleheaddoll]
ic i am getting married this week to a wonderful man i met where???

on the internet

the world is a big place...and you may not find your perfect someone in your own back yard. if you meet them and it is worth it you can make it happen./QUOTE]

CONGRATULATIONS!!! That's awesome! The mushy text messages part makes me go "awwwww." :) Thank you for the warm fuzzies.

Hugs to everyone struggling. I just made (another) new okcupid profile last night. Chances are... I delete it within the week after the first crazy makes contact.

[Aust99]

Yeah, this is very true for me. The only place I've met men, besides the internet, is at work. I mean, it's where we spend 8 hours a day, so it only makes sense that we might expect to meet someone there. But working in education, I really haven't met a lot of guys I'd want to date. Largely because there are so many more women in the profession, but also because most of the guys I've met in education are either married with kids; divorced and extremely bitter; or very nerdy, socially awkward types who do ok in the classroom when they're teaching their subject matter, but are not very good at functioning around other adults. I've also heard about the occasional player or two (I've heard a lot of stories over the years in LAUSD of some serious office hanky panky and bed hopping going on), but most of those guys seem to go for women who fit within the standard media-supported definition of what's "hot." Not that I'd want to date a player anyway, but the point is, there doesn't seem to be a lot of appreciation for fat women.

This is my life right here. I am a teacher and have no options. There are 5 men in my building...3 are married with kids and 1 is gay and the other one I am old enough I could have been his babysitter when I was younger. I am not about to even venture into the "divorced daddy" category.
Thirded.... same situation here... dammed teaching profession... lol

[Tracyarts]

" Please send me your nerdy, socially awkward ones... those are my favorite... my heart melts. "

Me too. I may not have a physical "type" but OMG, I was always drawn to the shy, nerdy guys like a moth to a flame! I rarely had much luck with them though until I met my husband. For some reason as much as I was interested in them, they hardly ever showed any interest in return.

Tracy

[thirtiesgirl]

Please send me your nerdy, socially awkward ones... those are my favorite... my heart melts. I keep thinking if I just go back and work in the school system, I'll surely find myself a partner... I'll send you postage, just poke holes in their boxes and they'll be fine...

" Please send me your nerdy, socially awkward ones... those are my favorite... my heart melts. "

Me too. I may not have a physical "type" but OMG, I was always drawn to the shy, nerdy guys like a moth to a flame! I rarely had much luck with them though until I met my husband. For some reason as much as I was interested in them, they hardly ever showed any interest in return.

Tracy

I'm not just talking about shy, nerdy guys here. I like shy, nerdy guys, too, but if they have deep-seated control issues, social anxiety disorder, or obvious symptoms of Aspergers disorder, they're really not good relationship material. I'm talking about guys who have taught world history for the past 15 years and can't have a meaningful conversation with another adult without turning it into a history lecture. Algebra teachers who can't leave the dumb math jokes in the classroom and turn everything into a math puzzle or word problem. This isn't just shyness and a little social awkwardness. These guys literally have no concept of how to have a conversation with another adult because they have no awareness, or very little awareness, of another person's feelings. That can be fine when teaching in the classroom, but it doesn't translate well to interpersonal relationships, and that's not the kind of guy I want to build a relationship with.

[luscious_lulu]

I've been chatting with a guy on msn for the past week or so. We have a date next weekend. :wubu:

[fat9276]

I've been chatting with a guy on msn for the past week or so. We have a date next weekend. :wubu:


Yay! Hope it goes great!:D

[thirtiesgirl]

IC I think I'm going to remain single forever. "Flirts" received today on the most recent dating site where I set up a profile: one from a black guy, username MC-something-or-other, who actually lives in Los Angeles (as opposed to the many "flirts" I receive from guys who live out of state), with 6 kids, currently living with 4 of them. Yeah...no. Two, a guy from Kentucky (see, what'd I tell you about the out of state thing?) claiming to be 55, who looks more like he's in his mid-/late-60s, and looks kind of like a bearded Colonel Sanders (maybe it's the Kentucky thing) in a Hawaiian shirt. Another no. Third "flirt" from a guy calling himself "Swamifun," east Indian with no hair in a pastel polo shirt, holding a cat in his lap, who claims he works in construction. I'd say that seems highly doubtful. To borrow a phrase from Giggles in the chat room, I think he has "a little sugar in his poo."

Where is my sweet, nerdy guy who maybe works in a helping profession - a social worker, a counselor or something...maybe works on his graphic novel in his spare time or plays bass in his band after work, has guitars, glasses, samplers and too many Stereolab CDs? Is that too much to ask? Even in a city where every hipster indie boy seems to go for the heroin-chic body type of girls like youtube star Cory Kennedy?

[AnnMarie]

IC I believe that you get from the universe what you put out to the universe. Life proves this to me every day. It's a good thing. :)

[calauria]

IC I think I'm going to remain single forever. "Flirts" received today on the most recent dating site where I set up a profile: one from a black guy, username MC-something-or-other, who actually lives in Los Angeles (as opposed to the many "flirts" I receive from guys who live out of state), with 6 kids, currently living with 4 of them. Yeah...no. Two, a guy from Kentucky (see, what'd I tell you about the out of state thing?) claiming to be 55, who looks more like he's in his mid-/late-60s, and looks kind of like a bearded Colonel Sanders (maybe it's the Kentucky thing) in a Hawaiian shirt. Another no. Third "flirt" from a guy calling himself "Swamifun," east Indian with no hair in a pastel polo shirt, holding a cat in his lap, who claims he works in construction. I'd say that seems highly doubtful. To borrow a phrase from Giggles in the chat room, I think he has "a little sugar in his poo."

Where is my sweet, nerdy guy who maybe works in a helping profession - a social worker, a counselor or something...maybe works on his graphic novel in his spare time or plays bass in his band after work, has guitars, glasses, samplers and too many Stereolab CDs? Is that too much to ask? Even in a city where every hipster indie boy seems to go for the heroin-chic body type of girls like youtube star Cory Kennedy?

All the replies I get are from a bunch of sex addicts. I'll probably be single forever and I really don't care. I'm just done!! LOL!!

[thirtiesgirl]

All the replies I get are from a bunch of sex addicts. I'll probably be single forever and I really don't care. I'm just done!! LOL!!

I keep saying the same thing, but perhaps stupidly, I keep going back. I don't know why I do it. I wish I could stop.

...Well, that's not entirely true. I do know why I do it, if I'm completely honest with myself. It's the stupidest reason of all. I don't want my mother to win. She can't win. She's spent all of her life trying to poison me against men and make me just like her: fearful and mistrustful of men, almost to the point of hatred. She may have her reasons, although she's certainly never shared them with me. But she hasn't had a man in her life since she was in her 40s, which was when she adopted me, and she's 85 now. So if she does have reasons to fear and mistrust men, those reasons happened a long time ago in her past and she's had plenty of time to work through them. Which she hasn't done. Her sexual repression and mistrust of men are deeply ingrained and a constant in her life.

Which is why she can't win. I can't be like her. I can't emulate her pattern of repression and mistrust and consider myself an emotionally, psychologically healthy individual. Which is why I continue to look, to not completely give up on the dating scene. To my own detriment, perhaps, but I don't know any other way to be.

I made the mistake of sharing real feelings with my mom on the phone today, not something I've done in many years because she's old and sick and when I tell her how I truly feel, it always results in an argument. She has untreated borderline personality disorder and literally can't identify with anyone's feelings but her own. The arguments aren't good for her in her poor health, so I try to avoid them. But I slipped up today and it resulted in an argument in which she made fun of my degree and my profession. She's a sad, bitter old woman who has alienated too many people around her, and that's definitely not what I want to become. But with her as my only pattern of observation, it's incredibly difficult to make other choices. Continuing to internet date is my one stab in the dark at trying to live a different life, to beat her at her own game and not become what she's become.

[CarlaSixx]

I'm the only one in my family without a life. Or a love life. And the only one who will openly admit to having a mental health problem and seeking help for it. Yet I'm the one who's having the worst time of their life.

I don't see how that is fair. They're as happy with their lives as pigs in mud, dating and everything (even my parents), and yet are so effed up in the brain that they're too embarassed to even admit it, and here I am, making more effort for personal change than I ever had, and I'm the one struggling to keep myself alive and amused.

W.. T.. Ffffffffff!!!

[mossystate]

Little sad around the edges today...and some of the reasons are very silly and worthless to care about...but...still I care. * clicks ruby slippers *

[Dmitra]

Some days I feel like a hiker jumping around the bottom of the Grand Canyon trying to get the attention of a cosmonaut in the space station, romance-wise.

[Tau]

At first, I was sort of completely terrified by the picture... but you know what, why not share it, this is my back fat situation and it traumatized me. I learned my lesson... don't look if you don't want to find out what's back there...

Also, have lots of replies for the online dating thing i'm going to type out now... Sending major hugs everyone's way.

Thanks for sharing! I just wanted to say that I don't think you should be traumatised. We're all brainwashed into thinking only one kind of human shape is the right or beautiful kind - and that's nonsense. I remember the first time I saw the fat rolls on my neck :p Chick I was like this :eek: I went around covering my neck up, totally devastated that I'd been inflicting my fat head onto the world :p And then when I joined the whole fat online community and realised that, shock!!horror!!! not only was I not the 'right shape' for potential sexual partners in the community I was also - wait for it - NOT FAT ENOUGH!! *iz ded from laughing* I was just bleak. There will always be some stupid mythical standard of looks that we have to look up to. You're an awesome person BBW4Chattery - just do you.

[littlefairywren]

I've been chatting with a guy on msn for the past week or so. We have a date next weekend. :wubu:

Oooh, good luck with the date!! :)

[Tau]

I keep saying the same thing, but perhaps stupidly, I keep going back. I don't know why I do it. I wish I could stop.

...Well, that's not entirely true. I do know why I do it, if I'm completely honest with myself. It's the stupidest reason of all. I don't want my mother to win. She can't win. She's spent all of her life trying to poison me against men and make me just like her: fearful and mistrustful of men, almost to the point of hatred. She may have her reasons, although she's certainly never shared them with me. But she hasn't had a man in her life since she was in her 40s, which was when she adopted me, and she's 85 now. So if she does have reasons to fear and mistrust men, those reasons happened a long time ago in her past and she's had plenty of time to work through them. Which she hasn't done. Her sexual repression and mistrust of men are deeply ingrained and a constant in her life.

Which is why she can't win. I can't be like her. I can't emulate her pattern of repression and mistrust and consider myself an emotionally, psychologically healthy individual. Which is why I continue to look, to not completely give up on the dating scene. To my own detriment, perhaps, but I don't know any other way to be.

I made the mistake of sharing real feelings with my mom on the phone today, not something I've done in many years because she's old and sick and when I tell her how I truly feel, it always results in an argument. She has untreated borderline personality disorder and literally can't identify with anyone's feelings but her own. The arguments aren't good for her in her poor health, so I try to avoid them. But I slipped up today and it resulted in an argument in which she made fun of my degree and my profession. She's a sad, bitter old woman who has alienated too many people around her, and that's definitely not what I want to become. But with her as my only pattern of observation, it's incredibly difficult to make other choices. Continuing to internet date is my one stab in the dark at trying to live a different life, to beat her at her own game and not become what she's become.

Thats hard about your mother *big hugz* Just a question - have you tried a dating agency. My friends and I went to a few speed dating/ meet up events organised by a matchmaking agency in Joburg. Unfortunately we were absolutely the wrong demographic but if you find one that caters to what you're looking for in terms of things like age, profession, earning power etc you could have better luck than just being online. What was also cool about the dating agency is that you meet these people face to face, most of them aren't just there to score or have sex because they've committed money to it and you can get a real feel for the person, much better than you would online. At the one we went to there was dancing and food and games too so it was really good for mixing people together. We just didn't fit so it didnt work at all for us :p

[thirtiesgirl]

Thats hard about your mother *big hugz* Just a question - have you tried a dating agency. My friends and I went to a few speed dating/ meet up events organised by a matchmaking agency in Joburg. Unfortunately we were absolutely the wrong demographic but if you find one that caters to what you're looking for in terms of things like age, profession, earning power etc you could have better luck than just being online. What was also cool about the dating agency is that you meet these people face to face, most of them aren't just there to score or have sex because they've committed money to it and you can get a real feel for the person, much better than you would online. At the one we went to there was dancing and food and games too so it was really good for mixing people together. We just didn't fit so it didnt work at all for us :p

I've tried speed dating once and didn't like it, but I have occasionally considered using a matchmaking type of agency. Not a matchmaker, per se, but a dating agency that, like you wrote, provides a specific service to match people with others who share their interests, fit what they're looking for, etc. I've done some online browsing for a few in my area, but I'm too broke right now to afford their services. They're not inexpensive. I'm a little afraid, though, that if I were to meet with the dating service people, they'd try to tell me to change my looks, lose weight, look more "socially acceptable" or I'll "never find a date." That kind of b.s. In browsing dating agencies online, most of the ones I found seemed a little too 'vanilla,' and not very open-minded to people with more non-standard personal style and perhaps a slightly twisted outlook on life that differs from the norm. That could just be my assumption, though. I haven't tried it, so I can't know for sure. Once my summer break is over and I'm getting a regular paycheck again, I may have to give it a chance.

[luscious_lulu]

I suck at flirting

[spiritangel]

I suck at flirting

me too think we need a how to flirt thread so the experts can fill us in :-D


IC I woke up feeling like the cat who swallowed the cream, that whole stretchy I have spent the night snuggling with someone feeling woke up in an amazing mood as well.

the weird part no one but me here and I am single ?????

[thirtiesgirl]

I suck at flirting

You and me both. I do ok online when I have time to think of a response and it's just verbal flirting, but in person? Fuhgedaboutit. Funnily enough, a lesbian friend of mine is one of the best women I know at flirting with men. She isn't big on the verbal sparring type of flirting. She may tease a guy a little, but she doesn't overdo it. She always makes sure she stands or sits as close to a guy as she can, looks him in the eye, smiles a lot, and maintains a lot of gentle physical contact - like constantly touching his hand or arm. She'll touch her hair occasionally, too, or subtly play with the neckline of her top, or touch her bracelets if she's wearing any. I've observed her do it at clubs and bars and she has guys practically eating out of her hand (so to speak). I've tried to emulate her, but it just doesn't come naturally to me and I feel very uncomfortable doing it. I have no suaveness when it comes to that kind of thing.

[Jes]

I absolutely agree with this. If you're a total bitch that makes two of us.

.

No. 3 here. Yikes. And I do mean YIKES. I don't think I've ever encountered someone who so staunchly comes from a place of No as I've just read here. Never in my whole life.

Ever heard of Butch Lumpkin? He plays an amazing game of golf and is a full-time tennis pro at the club near his house. And he DOESN'T HAVE ANY ARMS.

[OneWickedAngel]

I suck at flirting

You and me both. I do ok online when I have time to think of a response and it's just verbal flirting, but in person? Fuhgedaboutit. Funnily enough, a lesbian friend of mine is one of the best women I know at flirting with men. She isn't big on the verbal sparring type of flirting. She may tease a guy a little, but she doesn't overdo it. She always makes sure she stands or sits as close to a guy as she can, looks him in the eye, smiles a lot, and maintains a lot of gentle physical contact - like constantly touching his hand or arm. She'll touch her hair occasionally, too, or subtly play with the neckline of her top, or touch her bracelets if she's wearing any. I've observed her do it at clubs and bars and she has guys practically eating out of her hand (so to speak). I've tried to emulate her, but it just doesn't come naturally to me and I feel very uncomfortable doing it. I have no suaveness when it comes to that kind of thing.


Oh man, I have almost the exact opposite situation. When I see ads for "How To Flirt" classes/courses the concept truly befuddles. Flirting comes so blessed naturally to me, I do so without even thinking most times. I have to make a concerted effort to NOT come off as flirtatious, when I truly don't want it to look as such.

[thirtiesgirl]

Oh man, I have almost the exact opposite situation. When I see ads for "How To Flirt" classes/courses the concept truly befuddles. Flirting comes so blessed naturally to me, I do so without even thinking most times. I have to make a concerted effort to NOT come off as flirtatious, when I truly don't want it to look as such.

I'm curious. Did you see older women, like role model women to you, engage in naturally flirtatious behavior around men when you were younger? In my case, I didn't. My mom had a deep mistrust of men, almost to the point of hatred. There weren't any men in her life during the 20 years I lived in her house, and certainly none after. So I never observed how she acted around men, aside from a general passivity around the husbands of some of her friends. I always thought that if my mom hadn't mistrusted men and had more men in her life, I might have ended up with some ability to flirt; if not expertly, at least more than I do now.

[luscious_lulu]

I'm actually not bad in person, but online I totally suck @ it. Thankfully the guy I'm chatting with is uber flirty & is making it easier for me.

[CarlaSixx]

Oh man, I have almost the exact opposite situation. When I see ads for "How To Flirt" classes/courses the concept truly befuddles. Flirting comes so blessed naturally to me, I do so without even thinking most times. I have to make a concerted effort to NOT come off as flirtatious, when I truly don't want it to look as such.

I have the same problem, apparently. I used to be called a flirt in high school and a guy I liked called me a "tease with a capital T!" :eek: Needless to say, I was shocked because I didn't understand HOW I was a flirt. Up until high school I was always one of the guys and assumed my way of acting around them was like that. I guess they weren't used to girls who can put up with the immature potty jokes of men and took that as flirting or something :rolleyes:

I still get called a flirt but I don't see how I am one! I don't talk in a flirtatious manner and I don't use words like "hun, sweetie, etc." Those things would feel too forced. But they call me a flirt, anyways.

I never had female role models growing up. Most of my teachers were men and the only woman around me was my mother. She was a very shy and reserved type. To this day, I am still her total opposite. So I know that if I actually do have any flirting skills, it didn't come from her.

I didn't have any female friends until mid ninth grade, and even then, it was because I was friends with the guys these girls wanted to date. Story of my life, actually :rolleyes:

Oh... and I don't like when guys act too flirty, either. Ick. Words like "hun, sweetie, etc" totally turn my stomach. I'm not a girly girl in the least bit, lol.

[CastingPearls]

Oh man, I have almost the exact opposite situation. When I see ads for "How To Flirt" classes/courses the concept truly befuddles. Flirting comes so blessed naturally to me, I do so without even thinking most times. I have to make a concerted effort to NOT come off as flirtatious, when I truly don't want it to look as such.
Flirting is as natural to me as breathing. When I was younger I had no idea that it wasn't the same for everyone else. I have a friend who's painfully shy and so beautiful inside and out and I try to encourage her. But what might be second nature to me is agonizing and frustrating to her.

[mossystate]

I'm actually not bad in person, but online I totally suck @ it. Thankfully the guy I'm chatting with is uber flirty & is making it easier for me.

I just don't think there is one definition of ' flirting '. I mean, I see people who flirt and it seems so over the top - like they read somewhere how to do it. There are so many subtle actions and vibes that every person gives out...well, unless they are robots or beyond shy...and even then, you just never know what your audience will pick up on. I know that in one-on-one conversations with some men online, they have told me that there is something about me that defies all defintions of flirting...but they have felt they have been hit by a bus with Flirting shown as its destination. lol I am no Blanche Devereaux...my 'flirting ' is more subtle. I am sure you do fine.

[fatgirlflyin]

IC that I ended a relationship today and I called my mom immediately so that I can't go back on my decision during a moment of weakness.

Not sure how I feel yet, kinda numb...

[MizzSnakeBite]

I just don't think there is one definition of ' flirting '. I mean, I see people who flirt and it seems so over the top - like they read somewhere how to do it. There are so many subtle actions and vibes that every person gives out...well, unless they are robots or beyond shy...and even then, you just never know what your audience will pick up on. I know that in one-on-one conversations with some men online, they have told me that there is something about me that defies all defintions of flirting...but they have felt they have been hit by a bus with Flirting shown as its destination. lol I am no Blanche Devereaux...my 'flirting ' is more subtle. I am sure you do fine.

I don't know how well I flirt.

I've been told by a couple guys I'm "sensual." What ever the f- that means.

IC that I ended a relationship today and I called my mom immediately so that I can't go back on my decision during a moment of weakness.

Not sure how I feel yet, kinda numb...

(((hugs)))

[mossystate]

I don't know how well I flirt.

I've been told by a couple guys I'm "sensual." What ever the f- that means.


Yeah, I think the whole notion of ' flirting ' might be silly more than anything? Eh, I don't know. Maybe like the whole ' sexy ' thing, people should just be themselves and not worry...cuz the defintions are always changing.

[MizzSnakeBite]

Yeah, I think the whole notion of ' flirting ' might be silly more than anything? Eh, I don't know. Maybe like the whole ' sexy ' thing, people should just be themselves and not worry...cuz the defintions are always changing.

Yup.

When they tell me that, I just shake my head, 'cause I have no idea what they exactly mean. lol I'm just being me.

ETA: Plus, I'm not entirely sure I'd want to be all flirty and such. I'd be afraid to put out some signals that aren't exactly my intentions. IF that makes any sense. lol

[OneWickedAngel]

I'm curious. Did you see older women, like role model women to you, engage in naturally flirtatious behavior around men when you were younger? ..snip..
No, no role models at all. Almost all of the older women around me growing up were evil, man-haters (yes including my mother) or obvious prostitutes; I'm serious. It's all a product of learning by (opposite) example and me just being me.

Flirting is as natural to me as breathing. When I was younger I had no idea that it wasn't the same for everyone else. I have a friend who's painfully shy and so beautiful inside and out and I try to encourage her. But what might be second nature to me is agonizing and frustrating to her.
^^^THIS ^^^ This entire paragraph is me exactly on flirting.

Yeah, I think the whole notion of ' flirting ' might be silly more than anything? Eh, I don't know. Maybe like the whole ' sexy ' thing, people should just be themselves and not worry...cuz the defintions are always changing.
The Moss has spoken: quoted for truth!

Yup.

When they tell me that, I just shake my head, 'cause I have no idea what they exactly mean. lol I'm just being me.

ETA: Plus, I'm not entirely sure I'd want to be all flirty and such. I'd be afraid to put out some signals that aren't exactly my intentions. IF that makes any sense. lol
It makes perfect sense.

IC that I ended a relationship today and I called my mom immediately so that I can't go back on my decision during a moment of weakness.

Not sure how I feel yet, kinda numb...
MAJOR HUGS. It gets a little worse before it gets better, but we do it does get better after a while.

[thirtiesgirl]

No, no role models at all. Almost all of the older women around me growing up were evil, man-haters (yes including my mother) or obvious prostitutes; I'm serious. It's all a product of learning by (opposite) example and me just being me.

Damn. Well, I guess my theory is shot to hell. I guess it's just me. I suck at interpersonal flirting and always will. It's not how I am around guys irl. Again, online, relatively anonymously, I can be good at verbal flirting. But in person, it's just not how I am.

[AnnMarie]

IC that I ended a relationship today and I called my mom immediately so that I can't go back on my decision during a moment of weakness.

Not sure how I feel yet, kinda numb...

Oh... E... THE relationship? or "a" relationship? I hope you're ok, honey.... Good thoughts your way.

:(

[MisticalMisty]

Oh... E... THE relationship? or "a" relationship? I hope you're ok, honey.... Good thoughts your way.

:(

Ditto what AM said E. Good luck.

[luscious_lulu]

IC that I ended a relationship today and I called my mom immediately so that I can't go back on my decision during a moment of weakness.

Not sure how I feel yet, kinda numb...

(((hugs)))

[fatgirlflyin]

Oh... E... THE relationship? or "a" relationship? I hope you're ok, honey.... Good thoughts your way.

:(

THE and I will take all the good thoughts you can send my way.

[mossystate]

Sorry, ella.:(

[calauria]

IC that I ended a relationship today and I called my mom immediately so that I can't go back on my decision during a moment of weakness.

Not sure how I feel yet, kinda numb...

I'm so sorry. *hugs*

[calauria]

My type of flirting is kinda goofy and silly. I don't think guys even take me seriously because it's so ridiculous!! LOL!! I have a streak of immaturity, but I really enjoy pulling harmless pranks on cute guys. The expressions on their faces are priceless!!:)

[littlefairywren]

I just don't think there is one definition of ' flirting '. I mean, I see people who flirt and it seems so over the top - like they read somewhere how to do it. There are so many subtle actions and vibes that every person gives out...well, unless they are robots or beyond shy...and even then, you just never know what your audience will pick up on. I know that in one-on-one conversations with some men online, they have told me that there is something about me that defies all defintions of flirting...but they have felt they have been hit by a bus with Flirting shown as its destination. lol I am no Blanche Devereaux...my 'flirting ' is more subtle. I am sure you do fine.

That makes a lot of sense. I love flirting and being flirty, but the audience makes all the difference in whether it goes over well or not.

I have been told that I am good at it, but I personally am not aware of when I do it sometimes, and that has gotten me into some odd situations. But then if I focus on flirting with someone I am really into, I feel kind of daft lol.


IC that I ended a relationship today and I called my mom immediately so that I can't go back on my decision during a moment of weakness.

Not sure how I feel yet, kinda numb...

(((Hugs)))

[Tau]

@Ella - sending love and smishes

[Tau]

I suck at flirting - like totally suck. I'm either completely oblivious, stricken dumb with terror or exchanging nudie pics with said individual. I need some kind of middle ground :p.

[Ruffie]

I confess I am feeling a little sorry for myself for a decision I made earlier this year. Its going to be my birthday soon and our 25th anniversary after that. We discussed it and rather than have a party or go on a trip for the anniversary we decided to put the money into the much needed repairs on our house. We have had to replace eaves troughs, redo bedrooms, get new interior doors custom made for the house(old house have to have things custom milled) and so on. Now I am wishing that we could have done something cause its kind of anti climatic to not celebrate 25 years together and we don't even have the money to do anything other than a dinner out as hubby doesn't work for the summer(Educational Associate in a school) and we were using the savings for the rennos and extra living expenses. It hit me last night when my friend invited me to her brothers 25th anniversary party today, and I declined cause I hadn't originally been invited so would feel like a crasher but then realized it was also cause I would not feel too great knowing I wouldn't be able to do the same in three weeks time. I know I am being a big baby and this will pass but for now...*Puts on her pity party hat*

[luscious_lulu]

I confess I am feeling a little sorry for myself for a decision I made earlier this year. Its going to be my birthday soon and our 25th anniversary after that. We discussed it and rather than have a party or go on a trip for the anniversary we decided to put the money into the much needed repairs on our house. We have had to replace eaves troughs, redo bedrooms, get new interior doors custom made for the house(old house have to have things custom milled) and so on. Now I am wishing that we could have done something cause its kind of anti climatic to not celebrate 25 years together and we don't even have the money to do anything other than a dinner out as hubby doesn't work for the summer(Educational Associate in a school) and we were using the savings for the rennos and extra living expenses. It hit me last night when my friend invited me to her brothers 25th anniversary party today, and I declined cause I hadn't originally been invited so would feel like a crasher but then realized it was also cause I would not feel too great knowing I wouldn't be able to do the same in three weeks time. I know I am being a big baby and this will pass but for now...*Puts on her pity party hat*

(((hugs)))

[LovelyLiz]

I confess I am feeling a little sorry for myself for a decision I made earlier this year. Its going to be my birthday soon and our 25th anniversary after that. We discussed it and rather than have a party or go on a trip for the anniversary we decided to put the money into the much needed repairs on our house. We have had to replace eaves troughs, redo bedrooms, get new interior doors custom made for the house(old house have to have things custom milled) and so on. Now I am wishing that we could have done something cause its kind of anti climatic to not celebrate 25 years together and we don't even have the money to do anything other than a dinner out as hubby doesn't work for the summer(Educational Associate in a school) and we were using the savings for the rennos and extra living expenses. It hit me last night when my friend invited me to her brothers 25th anniversary party today, and I declined cause I hadn't originally been invited so would feel like a crasher but then realized it was also cause I would not feel too great knowing I wouldn't be able to do the same in three weeks time. I know I am being a big baby and this will pass but for now...*Puts on her pity party hat*

Consider me a guest at your pity party. Sorry, Ruffie! :( Life totally sucks sometimes.

[spiritangel]

I confess I am feeling a little sorry for myself for a decision I made earlier this year. Its going to be my birthday soon and our 25th anniversary after that. We discussed it and rather than have a party or go on a trip for the anniversary we decided to put the money into the much needed repairs on our house. We have had to replace eaves troughs, redo bedrooms, get new interior doors custom made for the house(old house have to have things custom milled) and so on. Now I am wishing that we could have done something cause its kind of anti climatic to not celebrate 25 years together and we don't even have the money to do anything other than a dinner out as hubby doesn't work for the summer(Educational Associate in a school) and we were using the savings for the rennos and extra living expenses. It hit me last night when my friend invited me to her brothers 25th anniversary party today, and I declined cause I hadn't originally been invited so would feel like a crasher but then realized it was also cause I would not feel too great knowing I wouldn't be able to do the same in three weeks time. I know I am being a big baby and this will pass but for now...*Puts on her pity party hat*

Hugs could you mayby do something like a bring a plate and whatever alcahol you want to drink thing?? say youd preffer that to pressies or some such??

just a thought

big squishy hugs

[littlefairywren]

I confess I am feeling a little sorry for myself for a decision I made earlier this year. Its going to be my birthday soon and our 25th anniversary after that. We discussed it and rather than have a party or go on a trip for the anniversary we decided to put the money into the much needed repairs on our house. We have had to replace eaves troughs, redo bedrooms, get new interior doors custom made for the house(old house have to have things custom milled) and so on. Now I am wishing that we could have done something cause its kind of anti climatic to not celebrate 25 years together and we don't even have the money to do anything other than a dinner out as hubby doesn't work for the summer(Educational Associate in a school) and we were using the savings for the rennos and extra living expenses. It hit me last night when my friend invited me to her brothers 25th anniversary party today, and I declined cause I hadn't originally been invited so would feel like a crasher but then realized it was also cause I would not feel too great knowing I wouldn't be able to do the same in three weeks time. I know I am being a big baby and this will pass but for now...*Puts on her pity party hat*

(((Hugs))) Ruffie

[ashmamma84]

IC someone I really respected and admired is not who I thought she was. Very disappointing. And as much as I hate to say it, a lot of her credibility went down the drain. She was so put together in most areas of her life, or so I thought and now as more things come to light I really have a hard time believing much about her. If I could tell her and be honest I'd say to her - be careful what you say and do - you never really know who's watching. Oh and what's done in the dark, will surely come to light (and the shine might not be so flattering).

[Ruffie]

Hugs could you mayby do something like a bring a plate and whatever alcahol you want to drink thing?? say youd preffer that to pressies or some such??

just a thought

big squishy hugs

Thanks to everyone for the hugs and support!
Spiritangel thank you for the suggestion, but with the house in the middle of renovations and the resulting stuff piled up because of it not sure that could be an option(done in three weeks is tight) as the place is rather a mess right now.

[Ruffie]

IC someone I really respected and admired is not who I thought she was. Very disappointing. And as much as I hate to say it, a lot of her credibility went down the drain. She was so put together in most areas of her life, or so I thought and now as more things come to light I really have a hard time believing much about her. If I could tell her and be honest I'd say to her - be careful what you say and do - you never really know who's watching. Oh and what's done in the dark, will surely come to light (and the shine might not be so flattering).

Ashmamma I am sorry to hear about what came to light for you. It is disappointing to have someone misrepresent themselves to you but remember this they are letting themselves down far more than they let you down. You probably saw the good in this person and chose to see the best and put away the other hints along the way. Shows how big your heart is girl!

[BBW4Chattery]

Tried to rep all with hugs, ran out of rep, stay strong sweet ladies.

[Punkin1024]

I confess I am feeling a little sorry for myself for a decision I made earlier this year. Its going to be my birthday soon and our 25th anniversary after that. We discussed it and rather than have a party or go on a trip for the anniversary we decided to put the money into the much needed repairs on our house. I know I am being a big baby and this will pass but for now...*Puts on her pity party hat*

Ruffie - you don't know how much I totally understand how you feel. Next time, really think about what you really, really want (have fun)! Trust me, I've been there, done that and I'm still in pity party mode! Sometimes, life has a way of really, really putting a damper on romance and celebrations. ((((HUGS)))))

[CarlaSixx]

I went out to a friend's place for a lil party earlier tonight. It was just the kind of fun I needed. I also had my first ibt of alcohol in awhile and my first hit of weed in Gawd knows how many years. And strangely... none of it affected me. I wanted it to, and it didn't. Bummer. But it was good adult fun (clean besides alcohol and weed, too). I really did need some time to laugh, and I'm glad it happened with the people that were there. But I just wish substances would actually affect me like it does others. Well... sometimes I wish it. They seem to have a lot more fun. Or maybe they're just acting like it? I dunno.

[luscious_lulu]

IC That I liked he offered to come take care of me while I'm sick. *blushes*

[littlefairywren]

IC That I liked he offered to come take care of me while I'm sick. *blushes*

Awww, that sounds so sweet :happy:

[LovelyLiz]

IC That I liked he offered to come take care of me while I'm sick. *blushes*

Did you let him?

Hope you're feeling better soon. :)

[thirtiesgirl]

IC That I liked he offered to come take care of me while I'm sick. *blushes*

Sounds like a good one.

[luscious_lulu]

So far he's been really sweet. I didn't take him up on his offer.

[BBW4Chattery]

So far he's been really sweet. I didn't take him up on his offer.

Hugs and hope you feel better soon!

[luscious_lulu]

Hugs and hope you feel better soon!

THANK YOU!

[LovelyLiz]

Oh perfect, I'll try those first... thank you!

No problem. I made both of those - because I was doing a TON of online dating earlier this year, and really wanted to commiserate too! ;)

Also, judging from those thread titles, apparently I really like colons. Go, subtitles! :::::::::

[BBW4Chattery]

No problem. I made both of those - because I was doing a TON of online dating earlier this year, and really wanted to commiserate too! ;)

Also, judging from those thread titles, apparently I really like colons. Go, subtitles! :::::::::

Thanks, they're perfect. I am reading both right now with a glass of wine.

I do a whole lot of online looking. Ha. Not much dating.

[Punkin1024]

IC that often times (lately), I sometimes wish I weren't an old married lady. Especially feeling the "old" part. Eventually, I get over it, but right now, I'm not in a very good place emotionally and psychologically. Most people in my life don't realize this about me. I just don't have anyone I can share these thoughts with but in here.

[littlefairywren]

IC that often times (lately), I sometimes wish I weren't an old married lady. Especially feeling the "old" part. Eventually, I get over it, but right now, I'm not in a very good place emotionally and psychologically. Most people in my life don't realize this about me. I just don't have anyone I can share these thoughts with but in here.

I am sorry you are hurting, Ella. Soft (((hugs))) :(

[spiritangel]

IC that often times (lately), I sometimes wish I weren't an old married lady. Especially feeling the "old" part. Eventually, I get over it, but right now, I'm not in a very good place emotionally and psychologically. Most people in my life don't realize this about me. I just don't have anyone I can share these thoughts with but in here.

Huggles I have those moment where I look at myself and feel way old is why I dont take pics on those days

Try and remember that you are wonderful and have a lot of wonderful memories for the time you have been here

[mermaid8]

i confess that sometimes i starve myself all day just because i believe that food equals fat.

i confess that weeks will go by without me even looking in a single mirror.

i confess that there are times when my insecurity is so bad that i loose all train of thought, get dizzy, feel nauseau, and extreme anxiety.

:(

[spiritangel]

i confess that sometimes i starve myself all day just because i believe that food equals fat.

i confess that weeks will go by without me even looking in a single mirror.

i confess that there are times when my insecurity is so bad that i loose all train of thought, get dizzy, feel nauseau, and extreme anxiety.

:(

Hugs please dont torture yourself, it is hard when surrounded by a world that is very very anti fat to realise the inner truth of how amazing and wonderful we are, please please read through some of the threads I do hope Dimms is the start of your journey to self acceptance as it is so sad to hear of you doing these things to yourself

oh and looking in the mirror and starting to see how beautiful you are is another great tool on the road to self acceptance

[luscious_lulu]

IC that often times (lately), I sometimes wish I weren't an old married lady. Especially feeling the "old" part. Eventually, I get over it, but right now, I'm not in a very good place emotionally and psychologically. Most people in my life don't realize this about me. I just don't have anyone I can share these thoughts with but in here.

(((hugs)))

[Ruffie]

IC that often times (lately), I sometimes wish I weren't an old married lady. Especially feeling the "old" part. Eventually, I get over it, but right now, I'm not in a very good place emotionally and psychologically. Most people in my life don't realize this about me. I just don't have anyone I can share these thoughts with but in here.

I have been there a time or two and I think most people who are married and aging take a look at themselves, For me it was the fact I went through a lot in my marriage and my husband is the only man I ever slept with. I would wonder when we were going through tough times what would have happened if I had stayed single and pursued my education, I wondered what it would have been like to be with another man and then realized that as I got older if I were to suddenly become single there would be no line up around the block for my attention. I cannot believe as I said to my best friends daughter that I will be married 25 years. I remember planning our parents 25th and 40th anniversaries and never imagining that I would be there myself. But here I am I made it. I have a job I love, a hubby, kids both biological and those that chose me as their mom, a home and great friends. I just have to focus on my blessings when I have feelings of sadness and eventually they pass. I hope that you are able to also focus on the positive in your life and feel better *hugs*

[gypsy]

THE and I will take all the good thoughts you can send my way.

*hugs* Ella...

[BrownDown09]

IC that I want to go out and do stuff but a little hesitant because of my size
IC that the people here in dims are so awesome and informative about anything. :)

[Fat.n.sassy]

I confess I fantasize about being with someone who appreciates fat women. I love my husband but he tolerates my fat (forget looking at me with desire) and would like me to lose weight.

Now that I've read posts by men who actually appreciate fat women, I'm sighing and wishing! :wubu:

[nettie]

IC that while I was sick this weekend I finally started using the Instant Play from Netflix and spent hours watching MST3K, Season One of WKRP, and foreign films.

[Punkin1024]

Thank you ladies for all the hugs and positive thoughts. I'm feeling better about myself today. Did my walk and I'm working on putting a positive spin into my self-talk and private thoughts. I love this place!

[Green Eyed Fairy]

i confess that sometimes i starve myself all day just because i believe that food equals fat.

i confess that weeks will go by without me even looking in a single mirror.

i confess that there are times when my insecurity is so bad that i loose all train of thought, get dizzy, feel nauseau, and extreme anxiety.

:(

I confess that this was how I felt/thought many years ago.


Things can get better Mermaid.

[mermaid8]

I confess that this was how I felt/thought many years ago.


Things can get better Mermaid.

what helped you? what clicked for you?

[mermaid8]

Hugs please dont torture yourself, it is hard when surrounded by a world that is very very anti fat to realise the inner truth of how amazing and wonderful we are, please please read through some of the threads I do hope Dimms is the start of your journey to self acceptance as it is so sad to hear of you doing these things to yourself

oh and looking in the mirror and starting to see how beautiful you are is another great tool on the road to self acceptance

i know and your so right, it is torture that's why i am here. i am trying to find out what worked for other women and maybe one or more of those things will work for me.

[spiritangel]

IC I feel emboldened and empowered by the comming spring, more comfortable in my own skin that I haver have and like I am truly stepping into my personal power and not hiding my inner light and I love it

[Punkin1024]

IC I feel emboldened and empowered by the comming spring, more comfortable in my own skin that I haver have and like I am truly stepping into my personal power and not hiding my inner light and I love it

HUGS! This is so nice to see at the end of my day. Good for you!

[spiritangel]

HUGS! This is so nice to see at the end of my day. Good for you!

thanks Punkin1024

[CarlaSixx]

I almost forgot I had laundry left in the dryers downstairs in my basement. I almost went to bed forgetting about the fact that 2 full dryers were left down there. I had left my clothes down there for 2 whole hours! :eek: I have no idea where the HELL my mind was! But thankfully I remembered just in time. That could have been pretty ugly.

And yeah... I do my laundry really late at night. Apparently it's good for the environment, lol. So I was told at a Green Con. I've been doing it for 2 years thanks to that :) My buiding actually had put a momentary ban on late night laundry runs because of me, but when a bunch of overnight worker folks complained and I went to them with the facts of laundry at night, they lifted the ban and changed the locks back to being suited for everyone's front door key. They also switched to high efficiency washers and dryers :D So yay!

But yeah... thank GAWD I remembered it at the last minute or mom and I would have been screwed come morning and Gawd knows in how many ways! :eek:

[LovelyLiz]

IC it is currently 95 degrees in my apartment where I do not have air conditioning of any kind. But it's less than 3 weeks until I move into an apartment WITH A/C!!!! Looking forward to that in a BIG way.

[Jes]

i loose all train of thought, get dizzy, feel nauseau, and extreme anxiety.

:(

well that sounds like lack of food too, right?

do you have a therapist? can you find one? do you go to a church? is there someone there who can help?

the truth of the matter is that no one can help us, or should want to help us, more than we want to help ourself. Sharing your feelings here is a good start and you will find people who understand you, for sure, but working with a good therapist versed in body issues would be a really strong help to you, i think.

good luck.

[thirtiesgirl]

IC it is currently 95 degrees in my apartment where I do not have air conditioning of any kind. But it's less than 3 weeks until I move into an apartment WITH A/C!!!! Looking forward to that in a BIG way.

I can so identify. A/C is a must almost anywhere in LA. When I moved to the South Bay in '07, I thought I could get away without it. I spent one summer sweating it out with at least 8 fans in my apartment, but couldn't get cool. I bought my own A/C and had it installed the following year. I wasn't going to go through that again.

[LovelyLiz]

I can so identify. A/C is a must almost anywhere in LA. When I moved to the South Bay in '07, I thought I could get away without it. I spent one summer sweating it out with at least 8 fans in my apartment, but couldn't get cool. I bought my own A/C and had it installed the following year. I wasn't going to go through that again.

Yeah, I guess we're different in that respect - I've lived here since 1995 and usually don't have A/C. There are usually just handful of nights a year when it's really irksome - like last night. But usually I can adapt to it pretty well. I always tell myself I am one with the natural world. ;) (But I still use fans!!) Even when I am somewhere with a window/wall unit, I really will hardly ever use it. It's just nice to have on these very hot nights where at midnight it's still 80 degrees...

[mermaid8]

well that sounds like lack of food too, right?

do you have a therapist? can you find one? do you go to a church? is there someone there who can help?

the truth of the matter is that no one can help us, or should want to help us, more than we want to help ourself. Sharing your feelings here is a good start and you will find people who understand you, for sure, but working with a good therapist versed in body issues would be a really strong help to you, i think.

good luck.

well those feelings aren't always from lack of food because they don't always happen on days when i don't eat properly, they happen even when i eat balanced and healthy.

no, i do not have a therapist and there are plenty in and around my neighborhood that i could go to for counsel. i am catholic, but after going to catholic schools from age 5 until age 18 and hearing their, "oh god gives the crosses to those who can bare them" speeches i'd rather seek a more rational approach (although i still believe in all that the catholic faith has to offer, i would rather leave this problem to a rational approach).

you have a valid point, a therapist probably would help me work through my issues, but you see...i'm just too afraid to go to one. i'm afraid of my family finding out (they freak out over the littlest things and judge like crazy) and what if i couldn't handle working through my issues while trying to go to school, i would just die (not literally) if i failed at school (i have a fear of failure). i guess what i am saying is that i would go, but fear stops me.

[BBW4Chattery]

IC i'm finally letting the week's stress out one silent little tear at a time in the dark, on my couch, at 2 am... sucks a little but I'm glad it's coming out of me.

[littlefairywren]

IC i'm finally letting the week's stress out one silent little tear at a time in the dark, on my couch, at 2 am... sucks a little but I'm glad it's coming out of me.

Sometimes a good cry is just what we need. Hope it helps (((hugs)))

[luscious_lulu]

IC I'm equal parts frustrated, angry & sad.

Things didn't work out with the guy I was chatting with, I'm bitter about work & I'm tired of being sick.

Oh, I'm also whiny.

[CastingPearls]

Sometimes, all we have to go on, is an internet hug and kiss.
Sometimes, it is enough.
For now.
<sigh>

[HappyFA75]

I've been chatting with a guy on msn for the past week or so. We have a date next weekend. :wubu:

I hope it goes very very well Lulu!! :happy:

[HappyFA75]

IC I'm equal parts frustrated, angry & sad.

Things didn't work out with the guy I was chatting with, I'm bitter about work & I'm tired of being sick.

Oh, I'm also whiny.

There will be another, Lulu. Sorry to hear it did not work out. :(

Also, doesnt sound "Whiny." You are understandably disappointed, and venting your frustration. Not being whiny! :)

[luscious_lulu]

There will be another, Lulu. Sorry to hear it did not work out. :(

Also, doesnt sound "Whiny." You are understandably disappointed, and venting your frustration. Not being whiny! :)

Thanks

Things not working out with the guy actually bother me the least. It's work and being sick that is really getting to me.

[CarlaSixx]

IC I've been mulling around with the idea of legally changing my name for about 3 years now, especially considering that the price to do so isn't all that high. The one thing stopping me is how my mother would react to it.

I've been wanting to legally change my name to what my username here is ever since I was in grade 12. I first started in grade 10 wanting to change my last name, but then the year later when I figured my real name didn't suit me anymore, I was on a quest to find a new first name. In grade 12, it hit me in a dream. And my friends started calling me "Carla Sixx" when I did something worthy of a rockstar biography, lol. And that's when I decided it would be the perfect name, and have been stuck on it ever since.

The closest I have come to a name change is having it be my performance name and getting "Sixx" tattooed on my wrist, but I really do want to make it legal that way.

[mossystate]

For many years, I had wanted to change my last name to my Mom's birth last name. I wanted to honor her ( even though even that name is not truly hers, thanks to the stoopid crap of a man's last name being viewed as top dog ). I still think about doing it, but I will probably just keep the one I have.

However, when I finally open my Etsy jewelry shop, the name will include my Mom's birth last name. I can't say what it will be, since I still need to register it there .

[thirtiesgirl]

I've often thought about changing my last name. I was adopted and have a very difficult relationship with my adoptive mother. She never married, so she carries her family name. Over the years, I've realized what a troubled, repressed family they are, and not one I want to be associated with by name if I can help it. I don't know my bio parents, and haven't made any efforts to find them yet (largely due to the cost of finding them), but I've always thought that if I ever found my bio mom and was able to establish a cordial relationship with her, I might want to change my last name to hers.

[luscious_lulu]

Things just get better <sarcasm>. I haven't had my period in six months, I thought I was never going to have it again and I was looking forward to it. Six more months and I'd officially have reached menopause... All for naught... The bitch is back... :mad:

[CarlaSixx]

Things just get better <sarcasm>. I haven't had my period in six months, I thought I was never going to have it again and I was looking forward to it. Six more months and I'd officially have reached menopause... All for naught... The bitch is back... :mad:

My mom gets one every year to year and a half. She got tested to see if she actually was in menopause since she's over 50, and they've told her each time that no, she wasn't. It frustrates her because she never knows when it'll hit and can't do much about it.

As for last names, I don't speak to my father's side of the family because I cannot speak Spanish (they're in Central America) and I don't talk to anyone on my mother's side because they're rich snobby people. So I really don't like the association with either name, but at the same time, I know how much my mother faught for it. I'm gonna wait it out and see because I always wanted to change my last name if I got married, so I'll see if I meet anyone by the time I'm 25, which is only 4 years away, lol.

[spiritangel]

I've often thought about changing my last name. I was adopted and have a very difficult relationship with my adoptive mother. She never married, so she carries her family name. Over the years, I've realized what a troubled, repressed family they are, and not one I want to be associated with by name if I can help it. I don't know my bio parents, and haven't made any efforts to find them yet (largely due to the cost of finding them), but I've always thought that if I ever found my bio mom and was able to establish a cordial relationship with her, I might want to change my last name to hers.

I am also adopted, have an extremely complex family tree, so for anything I do that isnt an officual document I use my first and middle name like for my bears and readings and the like and drop my sirname, I like the energy better than having to choose from about 4 different sirnames mine so often go by Amanda Christina

hugs hope you find your way through the maze my sister and I are currently looking for our birthmother wich if we find her and she wants to meet us should be illuminating to say the least

[thirtiesgirl]

My mom gets one every year to year and a half. She got tested to see if she actually was in menopause since she's over 50, and they've told her each time that no, she wasn't. It frustrates her because she never knows when it'll hit and can't do much about it.

My period schedule is much the same as your mom's, Carla, although I'm not near menopause or even pre-menopause yet. I've been tested for PCOS and always gotten negative results, so I don't know what my issue is. My period's always been irregular, though, even when I was a kid. I started off with regularity, and then I'd get it every other month...every two or three months, and so on, until I'm now to the point where I maybe get it once or twice a year. I was on birth control for several years, and of course had regular periods then. But since I stopped using BC, it's back to the irregularity. I just always make sure I have something in my purse, since I never know when it's going to show up. In fact, I just had a surprise two weeks ago when my period showed up after nearly a year of nothing. I was actually kind of happy for it to show up because I sometimes worry about how things are going with my lady parts, even though my doctor assures me everything's ok.

[LovelyLiz]

IC that things are a bit rough in my family now, and I have been numbing myself this week more than dealing with the feelings. Just over a week ago we buried my mom's sister, who was only 57. Then this past week my mom had a g-tube (feeding tube) put in because she's starting cancer radiation on her mouth/neck next week, and the pain from all the surgeries has made it hard for her to eat over the past several months, and the radiation will only make the pain worse. She's already lost about 40 pounds, and tho she's still somewhat fat, it's sad to see her getting smaller (since it's from the pain of the cancer surgeries; I wouldn't mind her shrinking otherwise). We went swimming when she was visiting a couple weeks ago (on her way back from seeing my aunt die), and she put on her swimsuit that she hadn't worn in a while, and it just hung off of her. It was heartbreaking.

And I'm an only child, and not really connected to my father, so my mom is kind of it for me in terms of close family. We have a good relationship.

I'm not usually one to run away from my feelings, but I've been so busy settling into a new job, finishing a summer course, doing research for a professor, and getting ready to move that I have just felt overwhelmed. But I hope now that I've allowed myself to see how much this other stuff is bothering me, I will deal with it and move through it, instead of letting it bubble beneath the surface.

[spiritangel]

IC that things are a bit rough in my family now, and I have been numbing myself this week more than dealing with the feelings. Just over a week ago we buried my mom's sister, who was only 57. Then this past week my mom had a g-tube (feeding tube) put in because she's starting cancer radiation on her mouth/neck next week, and the pain from all the surgeries has made it hard for her to eat over the past several months, and the radiation will only make the pain worse. She's already lost about 40 pounds, and tho she's still somewhat fat, it's sad to see her getting smaller (since it's from the pain of the cancer surgeries; I wouldn't mind her shrinking otherwise). We went swimming when she was visiting a couple weeks ago (on her way back from seeing my aunt die), and she put on her swimsuit that she hadn't worn in a while, and it just hung off of her. It was heartbreaking.

And I'm an only child, and not really connected to my father, so my mom is kind of it for me in terms of close family. We have a good relationship.

I'm not usually one to run away from my feelings, but I've been so busy settling into a new job, finishing a summer course, doing research for a professor, and getting ready to move that I have just felt overwhelmed. But I hope now that I've allowed myself to see how much this other stuff is bothering me, I will deal with it and move through it, instead of letting it bubble beneath the surface.

McBeth that is such a huge load, you are very strong to be coping as well as you are, it is heartbreaking to watch anyone you love and care about go through the horror of the big c, much love to you and yours and many many hugs

[littlefairywren]

IC that things are a bit rough in my family now, and I have been numbing myself this week more than dealing with the feelings. Just over a week ago we buried my mom's sister, who was only 57. Then this past week my mom had a g-tube (feeding tube) put in because she's starting cancer radiation on her mouth/neck next week, and the pain from all the surgeries has made it hard for her to eat over the past several months, and the radiation will only make the pain worse. She's already lost about 40 pounds, and tho she's still somewhat fat, it's sad to see her getting smaller (since it's from the pain of the cancer surgeries; I wouldn't mind her shrinking otherwise). We went swimming when she was visiting a couple weeks ago (on her way back from seeing my aunt die), and she put on her swimsuit that she hadn't worn in a while, and it just hung off of her. It was heartbreaking.

And I'm an only child, and not really connected to my father, so my mom is kind of it for me in terms of close family. We have a good relationship.

I'm not usually one to run away from my feelings, but I've been so busy settling into a new job, finishing a summer course, doing research for a professor, and getting ready to move that I have just felt overwhelmed. But I hope now that I've allowed myself to see how much this other stuff is bothering me, I will deal with it and move through it, instead of letting it bubble beneath the surface.

I really feel for you, mcbeth. Sending positive thoughts, and healing prayers to you and your family. (((Hugs))) for your sweet mother :(

[Punkin1024]

IC that things are a bit rough in my family now, and I have been numbing myself this week more than dealing with the feelings. Just over a week ago we buried my mom's sister, who was only 57. Then this past week my mom had a g-tube (feeding tube) put in because she's starting cancer radiation on her mouth/neck next week, and the pain from all the surgeries has made it hard for her to eat over the past several months, and the radiation will only make the pain worse. She's already lost about 40 pounds, and tho she's still somewhat fat, it's sad to see her getting smaller (since it's from the pain of the cancer surgeries; I wouldn't mind her shrinking otherwise). We went swimming when she was visiting a couple weeks ago (on her way back from seeing my aunt die), and she put on her swimsuit that she hadn't worn in a while, and it just hung off of her. It was heartbreaking.

And I'm an only child, and not really connected to my father, so my mom is kind of it for me in terms of close family. We have a good relationship.

I'm not usually one to run away from my feelings, but I've been so busy settling into a new job, finishing a summer course, doing research for a professor, and getting ready to move that I have just felt overwhelmed. But I hope now that I've allowed myself to see how much this other stuff is bothering me, I will deal with it and move through it, instead of letting it bubble beneath the surface.

I am so sorry you're going through a rough time. Hugs and prayers for your continued strenth. You are one plucky lady, I know you'll come through this stronger then before.

[jdsumm]

IC that things are a bit rough in my family now, and I have been numbing myself this week more than dealing with the feelings. Just over a week ago we buried my mom's sister, who was only 57. Then this past week my mom had a g-tube (feeding tube) put in because she's starting cancer radiation on her mouth/neck next week, and the pain from all the surgeries has made it hard for her to eat over the past several months, and the radiation will only make the pain worse. She's already lost about 40 pounds, and tho she's still somewhat fat, it's sad to see her getting smaller (since it's from the pain of the cancer surgeries; I wouldn't mind her shrinking otherwise). We went swimming when she was visiting a couple weeks ago (on her way back from seeing my aunt die), and she put on her swimsuit that she hadn't worn in a while, and it just hung off of her. It was heartbreaking.

And I'm an only child, and not really connected to my father, so my mom is kind of it for me in terms of close family. We have a good relationship.

I'm not usually one to run away from my feelings, but I've been so busy settling into a new job, finishing a summer course, doing research for a professor, and getting ready to move that I have just felt overwhelmed. But I hope now that I've allowed myself to see how much this other stuff is bothering me, I will deal with it and move through it, instead of letting it bubble beneath the surface.

(((Hugs))) to you mcbeth. I will keep you in my prayers.

[BrownDown09]

IC that things are a bit rough in my family now, and I have been numbing myself this week more than dealing with the feelings. Just over a week ago we buried my mom's sister, who was only 57. Then this past week my mom had a g-tube (feeding tube) put in because she's starting cancer radiation on her mouth/neck next week, and the pain from all the surgeries has made it hard for her to eat over the past several months, and the radiation will only make the pain worse. She's already lost about 40 pounds, and tho she's still somewhat fat, it's sad to see her getting smaller (since it's from the pain of the cancer surgeries; I wouldn't mind her shrinking otherwise). We went swimming when she was visiting a couple weeks ago (on her way back from seeing my aunt die), and she put on her swimsuit that she hadn't worn in a while, and it just hung off of her. It was heartbreaking.

And I'm an only child, and not really connected to my father, so my mom is kind of it for me in terms of close family. We have a good relationship.

I'm not usually one to run away from my feelings, but I've been so busy settling into a new job, finishing a summer course, doing research for a professor, and getting ready to move that I have just felt overwhelmed. But I hope now that I've allowed myself to see how much this other stuff is bothering me, I will deal with it and move through it, instead of letting it bubble beneath the surface.

So sorry you're going through tough times, sending positives thoughts your way.

[aocutiepi]

well those feelings aren't always from lack of food because they don't always happen on days when i don't eat properly, they happen even when i eat balanced and healthy.

no, i do not have a therapist and there are plenty in and around my neighborhood that i could go to for counsel. i am catholic, but after going to catholic schools from age 5 until age 18 and hearing their, "oh god gives the crosses to those who can bare them" speeches i'd rather seek a more rational approach (although i still believe in all that the catholic faith has to offer, i would rather leave this problem to a rational approach).

you have a valid point, a therapist probably would help me work through my issues, but you see...i'm just too afraid to go to one. i'm afraid of my family finding out (they freak out over the littlest things and judge like crazy) and what if i couldn't handle working through my issues while trying to go to school, i would just die (not literally) if i failed at school (i have a fear of failure). i guess what i am saying is that i would go, but fear stops me.

The college I went to offered free on-site therapy and free-to-low-cost off-site therapy and your family/friends didn't have to know. It's something you can look into if you go to school. *Hugs*

[Ruffie]

IC that things are a bit rough in my family now, and I have been numbing myself this week more than dealing with the feelings. Just over a week ago we buried my mom's sister, who was only 57. Then this past week my mom had a g-tube (feeding tube) put in because she's starting cancer radiation on her mouth/neck next week, and the pain from all the surgeries has made it hard for her to eat over the past several months, and the radiation will only make the pain worse. She's already lost about 40 pounds, and tho she's still somewhat fat, it's sad to see her getting smaller (since it's from the pain of the cancer surgeries; I wouldn't mind her shrinking otherwise). We went swimming when she was visiting a couple weeks ago (on her way back from seeing my aunt die), and she put on her swimsuit that she hadn't worn in a while, and it just hung off of her. It was heartbreaking.

And I'm an only child, and not really connected to my father, so my mom is kind of it for me in terms of close family. We have a good relationship.

I'm not usually one to run away from my feelings, but I've been so busy settling into a new job, finishing a summer course, doing research for a professor, and getting ready to move that I have just felt overwhelmed. But I hope now that I've allowed myself to see how much this other stuff is bothering me, I will deal with it and move through it, instead of letting it bubble beneath the surface.

Aww *Virtual Hug* You know when life is piling so much on your plate its really ok to take your time to deal. Like you said when you are ready you will take those things off your plate one at a time when it is the right time. Just make sure you take some time for you to be able to think, cry, hell just recharge. Cause taking care of you is tope priority so you can be good for everyone else.

[LovelyLiz]

McBeth that is such a huge load, you are very strong to be coping as well as you are, it is heartbreaking to watch anyone you love and care about go through the horror of the big c, much love to you and yours and many many hugs

I really feel for you, mcbeth. Sending positive thoughts, and healing prayers to you and your family. (((Hugs))) for your sweet mother :(

I am so sorry you're going through a rough time. Hugs and prayers for your continued strenth. You are one plucky lady, I know you'll come through this stronger then before.

(((Hugs))) to you mcbeth. I will keep you in my prayers.

So sorry you're going through tough times, sending positives thoughts your way.

Aww *Virtual Hug* You know when life is piling so much on your plate its really ok to take your time to deal. Like you said when you are ready you will take those things off your plate one at a time when it is the right time. Just make sure you take some time for you to be able to think, cry, hell just recharge. Cause taking care of you is tope priority so you can be good for everyone else.

Thanks so much, ladies! Hugs back to all of you. :) It's nice to be able just to vent sometimes, and know that other people feel for you, y'know? Thanks for being the caring people you are!

[Lovelyone]

IC that things are a bit rough in my family now, and I have been numbing myself this week more than dealing with the feelings. Just over a week ago we buried my mom's sister, who was only 57. Then this past week my mom had a g-tube (feeding tube) put in because she's starting cancer radiation on her mouth/neck next week, and the pain from all the surgeries has made it hard for her to eat over the past several months, and the radiation will only make the pain worse. She's already lost about 40 pounds, and tho she's still somewhat fat, it's sad to see her getting smaller (since it's from the pain of the cancer surgeries; I wouldn't mind her shrinking otherwise). We went swimming when she was visiting a couple weeks ago (on her way back from seeing my aunt die), and she put on her swimsuit that she hadn't worn in a while, and it just hung off of her. It was heartbreaking.

And I'm an only child, and not really connected to my father, so my mom is kind of it for me in terms of close family. We have a good relationship.

I'm not usually one to run away from my feelings, but I've been so busy settling into a new job, finishing a summer course, doing research for a professor, and getting ready to move that I have just felt overwhelmed. But I hope now that I've allowed myself to see how much this other stuff is bothering me, I will deal with it and move through it, instead of letting it bubble beneath the surface.

I don't know you personally, but i am going to add you to my prayers. I know just how difficult it is to live a normal everyday life when you are watching someone you love going through this kind of experience. I went through a similar experience with my mom.

I'd like to make a small suggestion to you--that you find and keep a portion of your day just for yourself (even if its just ten or fifteen minutes). For me it was 30 minutes that I spent reading, listening to my favorite music, scrap booking, or sitting on a park bench watching the ducks swimming in the pond. Also, at the end of every day I wrote out a list of ten things that happened during my day that I could be thankful for, no matter how small those things were--and believe me I had to scramble to find ten things on some days. I found that putting the focus on all the positive things that happened during the day instead of dwelling on the negative, helped to give me a different more enlightening perspective on things that were happening.

I know at times it seems selfish to take those minutes for yourself but it can also be mind clearing, and for me was almost like recharging my batteries so that I could deal with everything that seemed to be overwhelming me. I read in a book that its hard to do things for others when you aren't taking good care of yourself. I believe that this also includes mentally and emotionally. At times I felt so emotionally drained that I didn't really feel as if I had anything more to give to anyone. I found these small moments to be rejuvenating and they truly helped me to keep a balance to my day and not to become so overwhelmed. I hope that you can find a balance to your life as well.

[Tau]

IC that things are a bit rough in my family now, and I have been numbing myself this week more than dealing with the feelings. Just over a week ago we buried my mom's sister, who was only 57. Then this past week my mom had a g-tube (feeding tube) put in because she's starting cancer radiation on her mouth/neck next week, and the pain from all the surgeries has made it hard for her to eat over the past several months, and the radiation will only make the pain worse. She's already lost about 40 pounds, and tho she's still somewhat fat, it's sad to see her getting smaller (since it's from the pain of the cancer surgeries; I wouldn't mind her shrinking otherwise). We went swimming when she was visiting a couple weeks ago (on her way back from seeing my aunt die), and she put on her swimsuit that she hadn't worn in a while, and it just hung off of her. It was heartbreaking.

And I'm an only child, and not really connected to my father, so my mom is kind of it for me in terms of close family. We have a good relationship.

I'm not usually one to run away from my feelings, but I've been so busy settling into a new job, finishing a summer course, doing research for a professor, and getting ready to move that I have just felt overwhelmed. But I hope now that I've allowed myself to see how much this other stuff is bothering me, I will deal with it and move through it, instead of letting it bubble beneath the surface.

I am sending all the prayer and love I have your way and your moms way. I hope the radiation works for your mom and that she quickly returns to full strength. And McBeth this is a huge one so be gentle with yourself and deal with it any way you need to - even if for now you leave it at just a bubble under the surface *huge hugz*

[Tau]

Totally bitchy rant: my roomies have had their boyfriends over for the past 2 weeks and I like these boys but dear God I need my space back. tonight I thought I had the place to myself for the first time in a friggin month and in walk two totally new German dudes who're sleeping over cos they heading off to Cape Town on Tuesday. I genuinly cannot deal right now :mad: I want to be able to walk around the house I'm fucking paying for naked without worrying that I'm going to trip over strange men on my way to the bathroom!! And the fucking mess! Ugh! Now I'm going to have to tell people off and I am not in the mood to get angry and do the whole boring girly confrontation thing. After my lease is over I AM NEVER SHARING ACCOMODATION WITH ANYFUCKINGBODY AGAIN *mutters* I'm actually too damn old for this crap.

[luscious_lulu]

IC that things are a bit rough in my family now, and I have been numbing myself this week more than dealing with the feelings. Just over a week ago we buried my mom's sister, who was only 57. Then this past week my mom had a g-tube (feeding tube) put in because she's starting cancer radiation on her mouth/neck next week, and the pain from all the surgeries has made it hard for her to eat over the past several months, and the radiation will only make the pain worse. She's already lost about 40 pounds, and tho she's still somewhat fat, it's sad to see her getting smaller (since it's from the pain of the cancer surgeries; I wouldn't mind her shrinking otherwise). We went swimming when she was visiting a couple weeks ago (on her way back from seeing my aunt die), and she put on her swimsuit that she hadn't worn in a while, and it just hung off of her. It was heartbreaking.

And I'm an only child, and not really connected to my father, so my mom is kind of it for me in terms of close family. We have a good relationship.

I'm not usually one to run away from my feelings, but I've been so busy settling into a new job, finishing a summer course, doing research for a professor, and getting ready to move that I have just felt overwhelmed. But I hope now that I've allowed myself to see how much this other stuff is bothering me, I will deal with it and move through it, instead of letting it bubble beneath the surface.

That's a lot to deal with. (((Hugs)))

I agree with Lovelyone, you need to take some time every day and do whatever lifts your heart/soul. You can also come here to vent and purge when you need.

[MizzSnakeBite]

IC that things are a bit rough in my family now, and I have been numbing myself this week more than dealing with the feelings. Just over a week ago we buried my mom's sister, who was only 57. Then this past week my mom had a g-tube (feeding tube) put in because she's starting cancer radiation on her mouth/neck next week, and the pain from all the surgeries has made it hard for her to eat over the past several months, and the radiation will only make the pain worse. She's already lost about 40 pounds, and tho she's still somewhat fat, it's sad to see her getting smaller (since it's from the pain of the cancer surgeries; I wouldn't mind her shrinking otherwise). We went swimming when she was visiting a couple weeks ago (on her way back from seeing my aunt die), and she put on her swimsuit that she hadn't worn in a while, and it just hung off of her. It was heartbreaking.

And I'm an only child, and not really connected to my father, so my mom is kind of it for me in terms of close family. We have a good relationship.

I'm not usually one to run away from my feelings, but I've been so busy settling into a new job, finishing a summer course, doing research for a professor, and getting ready to move that I have just felt overwhelmed. But I hope now that I've allowed myself to see how much this other stuff is bothering me, I will deal with it and move through it, instead of letting it bubble beneath the surface.

I'm so sorry to hear this. :( It always seems like things sort of just happen all at once. Try to take some time for yourself. (((hugs)))

Totally bitchy rant: my roomies have had their boyfriends over for the past 2 weeks and I like these boys but dear God I need my space back. tonight I thought I had the place to myself for the first time in a friggin month and in walk two totally new German dudes who're sleeping over cos they heading off to Cape Town on Tuesday. I genuinly cannot deal right now :mad: I want to be able to walk around the house I'm fucking paying for naked without worrying that I'm going to trip over strange men on my way to the bathroom!! And the fucking mess! Ugh! Now I'm going to have to tell people off and I am not in the mood to get angry and do the whole boring girly confrontation thing. After my lease is over I AM NEVER SHARING ACCOMODATION WITH ANYFUCKINGBODY AGAIN *mutters* I'm actually too damn old for this crap.

Ugh. I'd be livid too.

[Punkin1024]

Totally bitchy rant: my roomies have had their boyfriends over for the past 2 weeks and I like these boys but dear God I need my space back. tonight I thought I had the place to myself for the first time in a friggin month and in walk two totally new German dudes who're sleeping over cos they heading off to Cape Town on Tuesday. I genuinly cannot deal right now :mad: I want to be able to walk around the house I'm fucking paying for naked without worrying that I'm going to trip over strange men on my way to the bathroom!! And the fucking mess! Ugh! Now I'm going to have to tell people off and I am not in the mood to get angry and do the whole boring girly confrontation thing. After my lease is over I AM NEVER SHARING ACCOMODATION WITH ANYFUCKINGBODY AGAIN *mutters* I'm actually too damn old for this crap.

You go girl!! There comes a point in time where you just gotta put your foot down!

[thirtiesgirl]

Hugs to you mcbeth. It sounds like you're in the thick of it. I wish you strength through this tough time.

[spiritangel]

IC I am having a very blue day so far woke up wonky after a weird dream kinda woke up in the middle of it to, and feel very meh for no apparent reason hoping I can snap myself out of it

[Punkin1024]

IC I am having a very blue day so far woke up wonky after a weird dream kinda woke up in the middle of it to, and feel very meh for no apparent reason hoping I can snap myself out of it

I've experienced the very same thing several times in my life. It's really a strange feeling waking up in the middle of an emotional, weird dream. So, I'm commiserating with you. Sometimes I don't know whether it's good to walk around all day feeling like you are in another world or not. Sometimes its a good thing...I think. Hope you're feeling yourself soon. ;)

[spiritangel]

I've experienced the very same thing several times in my life. It's really a strange feeling waking up in the middle of an emotional, weird dream. So, I'm commiserating with you. Sometimes I don't know whether it's good to walk around all day feeling like you are in another world or not. Sometimes its a good thing...I think. Hope you're feeling yourself soon. ;)

hugs thanks sooo much, I am lucky a good friend called me and we talked it out she is psychic as well wich sure helps, and I feel a lot better about it still feel exhuasted wich is funny considering how much sleep I got and am happily emersing myself into bear and chore mode becuase I want at least 7 more bears for my upcomming show in november hoping for more than that though always feel like the more I have the more I may sell

and yes it is a very weird feeling especially as I dont dream often but when I do its like I am living that moment fully.

[CarlaSixx]

IC for some reason I hate it when people undershoot my weight and size. I had a discussion with my mother about it today and I was very frustrated because even her answers made no sense to me.

I was telling her how much it frustrates me that people undershoot my weight by almost 100lbs (they guess me around 250 HA!) and when I tell them to guess my clothing size, they undershoot it by at least 3 dress sizes! But I don't see why.

Like how this one lady I know was shopping for home decor at a store and stopped beside me to tell me that my hair looked nice. I saw she was the same size as me. I actually asked her if I looked it and she responded "Gosh no. You look much smaller than me." And it made me get a wrinkle, lol. I told her to guess my dress size and she put me at a 24. I was crushed deep down for some reason, knowing my real size is a 30 and so is hers. When I told her, she refused to believe it. And I don't get WHY.

My mother explained that even though I'm wearing a large size, I wear my clothes differently than others. Low rise actually sits at my natural waist, about 4 inches above my belly button, though it's meant to sit much lower. Also, the way my shirts drape plays a role in it. It's not form fitting to show sausages, but it's also not too baggy nor too airy (think pixi hem stuff). I have a really flat stomach... it's muscular on top and hanging at the bottom, so it doesn't look as fat as it could, I guess.

So basically my mother was saying that since I have a lot of muscle, I'm built more solid, and look smaller even though I wear the same size. But how does that make sense? People can see a circumference. A 5x is a 5x. There's no way to undershoot that. Or is there?

:(

I know I'm overthinking it but it really bothers me! I would much rather if the image in the mirror and in the eyes of others matched the numbers on my tags and scale. I don't know why. People would kill to look smaller than they are, and yet... I'm totally hating it. I feel so.... Photoshopped, lmao!!! :p

[CarlaSixx]

and yes it is a very weird feeling especially as I dont dream often but when I do its like I am living that moment fully.

Oh man... I wish I didn't dream often. I don't remember a single night in all my life where I haven't dreamed. And they vividness of them would scare most people. I do wake up sometimes having to ask my mother if I did or said a certain something just to make sure it was a dream. Luckily it's always been but it's still scary. I almost never feel like I'm rested because my dreams always feel like I'm living them. The worst is when my dreams are very physically active, because I wake up sore all over. I don't kick or run in my sleep (although I do have mild RLS) but I wake up feeling like I did all the activities in my dreams. Sometimes I even wake up with cuts and scrapes on my arms, legs, and hands with no reason. My mother can't even explain it and this has happened to me ever since I was a little child.

I'd gladly trade night time experiences with anyone who would like to dream, lol.

[nettie]

Just .... (((( big hugs )))) for everyone. I've gotten way behind in reading, and you all have been through so much lately. Much peace and love being sent your way.

[Tau]

I'm sitting in the office, trying to work, but all I want to do is go home, curl into bed and read my books. Everyone and everything feels like a mission to pay attention to - I just want to lose myself in that other world - its so much more entertaining then my current reality *wistful sigh*

[thirtiesgirl]

IC for some reason I hate it when people undershoot my weight and size. I had a discussion with my mother about it today and I was very frustrated because even her answers made no sense to me.

I was telling her how much it frustrates me that people undershoot my weight by almost 100lbs (they guess me around 250 HA!) and when I tell them to guess my clothing size, they undershoot it by at least 3 dress sizes! But I don't see why.

Like how this one lady I know was shopping for home decor at a store and stopped beside me to tell me that my hair looked nice. I saw she was the same size as me. I actually asked her if I looked it and she responded "Gosh no. You look much smaller than me." And it made me get a wrinkle, lol. I told her to guess my dress size and she put me at a 24. I was crushed deep down for some reason, knowing my real size is a 30 and so is hers. When I told her, she refused to believe it. And I don't get WHY.

My mother explained that even though I'm wearing a large size, I wear my clothes differently than others. Low rise actually sits at my natural waist, about 4 inches above my belly button, though it's meant to sit much lower. Also, the way my shirts drape plays a role in it. It's not form fitting to show sausages, but it's also not too baggy nor too airy (think pixi hem stuff). I have a really flat stomach... it's muscular on top and hanging at the bottom, so it doesn't look as fat as it could, I guess.

So basically my mother was saying that since I have a lot of muscle, I'm built more solid, and look smaller even though I wear the same size. But how does that make sense? People can see a circumference. A 5x is a 5x. There's no way to undershoot that. Or is there?

:(

I know I'm overthinking it but it really bothers me! I would much rather if the image in the mirror and in the eyes of others matched the numbers on my tags and scale. I don't know why. People would kill to look smaller than they are, and yet... I'm totally hating it. I feel so.... Photoshopped, lmao!!! :p

I get where you're coming from Carla. I sometimes have that issue when I describe myself as fat to people who don't know about size acceptance or they're not on board with it. They'll say things like, "oh, you're not fat! You're just plump." Or "you're not fat, you just need to lose a few pounds." When I've discussed clothing sizes with them, they often can't believe what size I really wear and try to downplay it by telling me I don't look like I wear "that size."

What I've learned is that in their minds, they think they're being complimentary. In their minds, "fat" is a bad word and they still attribute all the negative connotations they've been taught to the word. Wearing a certain size or being a certain weight is "bad" in their minds, so they're trying to be complimentary by telling us that we really don't look like we weigh "that much" or wear such a large size. It's a backhanded compliment, yes, but their intent really isn't to be hurtful.

However, it does minimize who we are and how we choose to define ourselves. Which is why I usually speak up when people try to downplay my fatness or the size I wear. I'll usually say something like, "fat isn't a bad word to me. It's just a descriptor of my size. It doesn't mean I'm slovenly, lazy or unattractive. I understand if you have a problem with the word and I don't expect you to use it, but I'd hope you'd allow me to define myself with the words I choose." Or "my weight (or clothing size) is just a number to me and doesn't say anything about who I am as a person. I understand you're trying to be complimentary by trying to minimize my weight (or clothing size), but I'd feel more complimented if you'd accept me as I am."

[CarlaSixx]

Thing is, though, that people aren't just being complimentary. They honestly think I'm a different size than I am. Even my mother can't properly tell and can't seem to believe I wear the size I do. And she lives with me! lol. She can't believe I'm heavier and yet wear smaller clothes than her. Well... sort of. She can't believe I'm heavier, and can't believe I'm close to her size is more like it lol.

[OneWickedAngel]

Thing is, though, that people aren't just being complimentary. They honestly think I'm a different size than I am. Even my mother can't properly tell and can't seem to believe I wear the size I do. And she lives with me! lol. She can't believe I'm heavier and yet wear smaller clothes than her. Well... sort of. She can't believe I'm heavier, and can't believe I'm close to her size is more like it lol.

Carla your physical weight and your physical dimensions (size) or two very different things. It sounds like you and I have the same issue. Though we are fat, we're more muscle underneath. As such our dimensions bely our weight. I know women my weight who are sizes above me clothing wise. I also know one woman who is less than thirty pounds lighter than I, but because she's a body builder (and is 6'1"), she looks sizes smaller, though we're only a size apart. I didn't believe it either until I went shopping with her. She has to have everything tapered to fit her disgustingly small waist, but for her shoulders, arms and thigh yes, we're just a size apart.

I guess the question to ask is why? Why does someone not being able to guess somewhere near your proper size gets to you so?

I personally find it amusing. I am guaranteed a stuffed-animal when the travelling carnivals come around. No barker has come within forty pounds of correctly guessing my weight yet. I get off the scale, collect my stuffed animal, smile sweetly and walk away.

[CarlaSixx]

I really don't understand why it gets to me. :( I wish I did, to be honest. Would it drive me to really become the size they think I am? Would I feel less like a freak if I looked more the size I really am? I really don't know. The weird part is that being as short as I am, usually fat looks even fatter. So from what I have come to know, my situation makes absolutely no sense.

[littlefairywren]

I really don't understand why it gets to me. :( I wish I did, to be honest. Would it drive me to really become the size they think I am? Would I feel less like a freak if I looked more the size I really am? I really don't know. The weird part is that being as short as I am, usually fat looks even fatter. So from what I have come to know, my situation makes absolutely no sense.

I am just under 5' 1" so I am a shorty like you, Carla. So fat on me looks more fat, than on someone who is taller obviously. No one can correctly guess my weight either, but that could be for many reasons. They are a bad guesser, the way my own body carries the weight (all in my hips, butt and thighs), the way my clothes fit etc.

In the end, whether or not a stranger works out how much I weigh does not matter so much. I just happen to think they are clever if they get it right. And it could just be that, yes, they are being polite. Wait until you get to a certain age, and someone suggests you look older than you are lol.