clever questions..funny stuff

[swamptoad]

CLEVER QUESTIONS


Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those =
little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE=20
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2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a =
peeing section in a swimming pool?
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3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and =
the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make =
the Tennessee Titans?=20


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4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that =
one enjoys it?=20
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5. There are three religious truths:=20
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.=20
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the =
Christian faith.=20
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at =
hotels.=20

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6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from =
Holland called Holes?=20
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7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?=20

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8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?=20

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9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale =
bread to begin with?=20

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10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a =
person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?=20

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11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?=20

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12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it =
follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys =
deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners =
depressed?=20

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13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? (I =
like this one)

[swamptoad]

I dunno if any of this is inappropriate or should be deleted...I just thought it was kinda funny to share.

[Webmaster]

I dunno if any of this is inappropriate or should be deleted...I just thought it was kinda funny to share.

Pretty funny actually. Gave me some good chuckles. Maybe that's the difference between a strict subject board and a community. These boards seem to foster a sense of community, and humor always has a place in a community.

[Sandie_Zitkus]

This one:

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?=20

Made me laugh out loud!

[waitingforsuperman]

Pretty funny actually. Gave me some good chuckles. Maybe that's the difference between a strict subject board and a community. These boards seem to foster a sense of community, and humor always has a place in a community.


yeah, the joke about christians could hurt some people's feelings...

[swamptoad]

yeah....anything that can possibly be deemed inappropriate...moderators, or webmaster could you please edit....my apologies :(

but for the most part it wasn't offensive...plus i didn't write this stuff of course....I just forgot to proofread it better, thats all


Happy... some of the cleverness gave some of you a chuckle *grins*

[ataraxia]

It's great. One of the only truths of my life is "Never take anything too seriously to laugh at it".

[Zoom]

What time is it at the South Pole?

[waitingforsuperman]

at the south pole, as with the north pole, all time zones, as well as the international date line, meet. it is therefore two days at the same time, and all hours within those two days.

[ataraxia]

The pole is the closest thing on Earth to a mathematical singularity - it's a conceptual singularity. In physical reality there is no difference in the status of time one step from the pole and right at it. (But then, in physical reality there is no such thing as measurement of time, or measurement at all, for that matter.)

The conceptual singularity is a fascinating thing - a case where our minds, and the collusion between those minds, create something that those very same minds cannot properly comprehend. It is like a person who "disappears in a poof of logic".

If ever you needed a proof that the subjective trumps the objective, this would be a fine example.

[Deidrababe]

Things I've often wondered about myself!

1.) Why is it that when someone is being put to death by leathal injection, they use alcohol to sterilize the injection site?

2.) If a person died in outer space and was ejected to spend eternity in space, just floating around, would thier body decay? Don't you need oxegyn to decay a body?

Can you tell I have WAY too much time on my hands????

Deeds

[swamptoad]

hehehe *interesting*

[Wayne_Zitkus]

Here's some for you:

1. When his friends asked him what it tasted like, how did the first person to eat chicken describe it?

2. If you're in a spaceship traveling at the speed of light and turn on the headlights, what happens?

:D

[ataraxia]

2.) If a person died in outer space and was ejected to spend eternity in space, just floating around, would thier body decay? Don't you need oxegyn to decay a body?

Unwanted serious answer:
You actually need GERMS to decay something. So since a corpse has germs on the inside, it would partially decay, from the inside out, until the vaccuum and radiation got to the germs.

The body would, of course, dry up like a mummy, and might very well fall out of its orbit and burn up on re-entry (think about THAT next time you see a shooting star)! I even have the perfect image for this:
http://www.pbfcomics.com/temporary/PBF018ADTheFirstSnowflakeofWinter.jpg

[ataraxia]

Here's some for you:

1. When his friends asked him what it tasted like, how did the first person to eat chicken describe it?

2. If you're in a spaceship traveling at the speed of light and turn on the headlights, what happens?

:D
1. Probably something like "unga-bunga". :D

2. Let's just say you might want to put a snowplow on the front of the ship for those kind of situations. ;) (Seriously, if you hit the speed of light time would stop from your perspective, so you couldn't push the "on" switch :eek: )

[Totmacher]

Oooh, a pontificating thread! My fave.

Things I've often wondered about myself!

1.) Why is it that when someone is being put to death by leathal injection, they use alcohol to sterilize the injection site?

2.) If a person died in outer space and was ejected to spend eternity in space, just floating around, would thier body decay? Don't you need oxegyn to decay a body?

Can you tell I have WAY too much time on my hands????

Deeds

1) Incase the executionee survive the first two shots he won't get infected and sue for twice as many counts of cruel and unsual punishment.

2) You would near-instantly be freeze and vacuum dried. Essentially you'd spend eternity as Deeds-jerky.

at the south pole, as with the north pole, all time zones, as well as the international date line, meet. it is therefore two days at the same time, and all hours within those two days.

Actually, at the poles. It's a (roughly) twelve hour spread around GMT from where you are. So it's only one day starting at whatever time it is in Samoa and ending at whatever time it is in Alaska. Interestingly enough, except for the contributions of india, and a handful of islands, the minutes would be correct.

Here's some for you:

1. When his friends asked him what it tasted like, how did the first person to eat chicken describe it?

2. If you're in a spaceship traveling at the speed of light and turn on the headlights, what happens?

:D

1. Not gonna touch this one. Ataraxia nailed it.

2. Same that happens when you're in the SR-71 and crank the stereo: (you can not fly something that cool without power metal) People behind you notice, people infront of you don't until you pass. Inside your frame of reference, the ship, everything would look normal, but outside, where everything is staying still, time would appear to have stopped. Not sure how that works 'cause everybody outside would see time inside the ship as being stopped... This is about where my brain shuts off when trying to figure out relativity.

Without further ado...
Anyone know why you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?

[Fat Gary NYC]

What time is it at the South Pole?

Time to make the donuts... :eat2:

[swamptoad]

perspective:

Is it better to be a smart feller or a fart smeller?

How about slow as a hurd of turtles or turd of hurdles?

Do pregnant Mommies have babies, or do babies have pregnant Mommies?

oxymorons:

Why is Greenland ice...and why is Iceland green?

When did war become civil..as in the Civil War? *if you think about what the word civil means.*

[Wayne_Zitkus]

Why is Greenland ice...and why is Iceland green?
It was one of the first eamples of marketing. They were both colonies of Denmark - they named Iceland "Iceland and" Greenland "Greenland" to entice settlers to sail past Iceland and go on to Greenland. Where they found nothing but ice.....


When did war become civil..as in the Civil War? *if you think about what the word civil means.*
The war itself is not civil - "civil" refers to the fact that the was is internal to one country, as opposed to one country fighting another.