When is something shallow?

[StarMoon]

At what stage is a preference to be considered shallowness? I have always wondered and so I leave this open topic for discussion.

[moore2me]

At what stage is a preference to be considered shallowness? I have always wondered and so I leave this open topic for discussion.

Starmoon,

It would help me discuss "preferences" being shallow if you give me more info on what kind of preferences you are asking about. Just a few examples . . .

Chocolate or vanilla?
Kind of sandwich?
Blond or brunette?
Favorite comedian?
Preference as to color, or writer, or country to live in, or type of mate or boyfriend or girlfriend, or breed of dog, or religion, etc. . . . . .

[stan_der_man]

Starmoon,

It would help me discuss "preferences" being shallow if you give me more info on what kind of preferences you are asking about. Just a few examples . . .

Chocolate or vanilla?
Kind of sandwich?
Blond or brunette?
Favorite comedian?
Preference as to color, or writer, or country to live in, or type of mate or boyfriend or girlfriend, or breed of dog, or religion, etc. . . . . .


I'm with you on this one Moore2... I think we need more specifics... For example swimming pools... I would consider a swimming pool less than 4 feet deep to be shallow (that's 1.2192 m for the Canadians and Europeans amongst us...) My preference for swimming pools would be for them to be at least 8 feet deep (just double the meters if you really need to know...) As for shallow, many people people throughout the United States consider people from the Los Angeles area to be shallow. THAT IS NOT TRUE! What was I talking about...? Oh yes... shallow... hmmmmmm.... I suppose shallow is something in which a person doesn't invest their heart and soul into... a superficial and fleeting preference which wavers as the wind changes direction... Ooh... the microwave just went ding... din-din is ready. bye

[moore2me]

Stan,
Love the hat. I think the ropes on the sides are an excellent idea in case a strong wind comes along that would mess up your hair. As to pools being shallow, I find anything more shallow than 4 ft just not deep enough to float this beachmaster.

Now as to you guys in Calif., we don't think of y'all as shallow. We think of y'all as weird - that's why it's called Hollyweird - Land of Fruits and Nuts. I think the problem is the radiation from inner earth leaking thru the San Andreas and other fault lines. This radiation then infiltrates into your minds and causes the stored data to be corrupted. (If you want I can run a couple of virus detector scans on your motherboard to spot and fix any bad places.)

Say hi to Mt Maiden & Junior for me.

[StarMoon]

Oh sorry I mean in the realm of relationships especially in dating

[Carl1h]

I would say that a shallow preference (when it comes to dating) would be a preference that is not considered or honest.

For example, if all of one's friends are FA's and one then chooses (or prefers, if you will) to go out with a fat person solely to gain the approval or envy of the FA friends, that would be shallow. It isn't really your own preference, it's someone else's that is being indulged.

[gangstadawg]

I would say that a shallow preference (when it comes to dating) would be a preference that is not considered or honest.

For example, if all of one's friends are FA's and one then chooses (or prefers, if you will) to go out with a fat person solely to gain the approval or envy of the FA friends, that would be shallow. It isn't really your own preference, it's someone else's that is being indulged.

i can agree with that. i would also say somebody that SOLEY dates a person on physical looks without considering that person personality as well. and many people have learned the hard way that thats not a good idea to do.

[Melian]

When you are truly interested in a relationship, you strive to understand the many facets of your partner. When you refuse to delve past some superficial characteristic (weight, career, wealth, beauty, etc), to me, this is the definition of "shallow."

[Ruffie]

When someone makes any sort of a relationship all about them and their needs and wants without an eye to what the other person requires to be happy. Also when people are so caught up in material things that they cannot see the true gifts of life (friend and family) I would define them as shallow.

[frankman]

At what stage is a preference to be considered shallowness? I have always wondered and so I leave this open topic for discussion.

Preferences aren't shallow, people are. Imho, it's when the preference is the only thing that counts. For instance, if you don't care what a person's like and you only care he/she is a blonde, that'd be shallow.

And vanilla.
Vanilla is shallow.

[Ernest Nagel]

A Carl Sagan take on shallowness:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9KT4M7kiSw&NR=1&feature=fvwp

I actually do feel this is highly relevant to the OP's query, although I'm both too ambivalent and lazy to go into why. Anyone else please feel free to have a go. Thanks to Adm. Snackbar btw for reminding me of this. :bow:

And what an appropriate conversation to have in "Dimensions", lol.

[Donna]

When someone makes any sort of a relationship all about them and their needs and wants without an eye to what the other person requires to be happy. Also when people are so caught up in material things that they cannot see the true gifts of life (friend and family) I would define them as shallow.

Regarding the bolded sentence; I believe that is more of a selfish/narcissistic behavior than a shallow one. And in a way, selfishness is worse than shallowness when it comes to relationships. Selfishness is generally one-sided, with one person giving and the other taking to the detriment of the giver. Most shallow-based relationships are pretty even (granted my experience is limited.) I know a couple right now who are together for purely shallow reasons. There is no deep connection, no desire for a deep connection, but the two of them are blissfully happy together and each one of them is happy to be the other person's accessory.

Regarding the OP's question, I would have to agree that a preference really cannot be shallow, it is how one acts on said preference that makes one shallow. My attraction to big men, for example, is a preference. But it isn't enough to sustain a relationship. In my eyes, if someone is simply with someone because of a particular physical trait (whether that be the size of their waist or their wallet) then they are with that person for shallow reasons. I think shallowness and objectification are strongly related for the same reasons.

[Ernest Nagel]

Regarding the bolded sentence; I believe that is more of a selfish/narcissistic behavior than a shallow one. And in a way, selfishness is worse than shallowness when it comes to relationships. Selfishness is generally one-sided, with one person giving and the other taking to the detriment of the giver. Most shallow-based relationships are pretty even (granted my experience is limited.) I know a couple right now who are together for purely shallow reasons. There is no deep connection, no desire for a deep connection, but the two of them are blissfully happy together and each one of them is happy to be the other person's accessory.

Regarding the OP's question, I would have to agree that a preference really cannot be shallow, it is how one acts on said preference that makes one shallow. My attraction to big men, for example, is a preference. But it isn't enough to sustain a relationship. In my eyes, if someone is simply with someone because of a particular physical trait (whether that be the size of their waist or their wallet) then they are with that person for shallow reasons. I think shallowness and objectification are strongly related for the same reasons.

I'd def concur with your statements, Donna. Shallowness is kind of a judgmental term for someone with a very narrow or limited perspective on a another human being. For a selfish person the point of view is irrelevant. They simply don't care about other people. Narcissists do care but only about how much other people care about them. JMO

[katherine22]

I'd def concur with your statements, Donna. Shallowness is kind of a judgmental term for someone with a very narrow or limited perspective on a another human being. For a selfish person the point of view is irrelevant. They simply don't care about other people. Narcissists do care but only about how much other people care about them. JMO


Someone is shallow when one fails to appreciate the complexity of another human being. To be shallow may stem from laziness, narcissism or the limitations of being shallow.

[HereticFA]

At what stage is a preference to be considered shallowness? I have always wondered and so I leave this open topic for discussion.

Shallowness is in the eye of the beholder.

[gangstadawg]

Shallowness is in the eye of the beholder.

i totally agree.

[joswitch]

At what stage is a preference to be considered shallowness? I have always wondered and so I leave this open topic for discussion.

when it is not deep... :bow:
:p

see also the "Are FAs shallow" thread on the FA board

[gangstadawg]

when it is not deep... :bow:
:p

see also the "Are FAs shallow" thread on the FA board

this thread?

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=61982

[joswitch]

this thread?

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=61982

Yes. THAT thread. Oh the humanity!:eek: