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chicken legs
02-16-2010, 05:43 PM
I seem to have just picked up on a trend here on Dims.

Its the closet FA/FFA admirer. It likes they want you to be into them sexually and not mention the fact that you are a FA/FFA or lie about where you actually meet or that they look up FA/FFA's to hook up with. Whats with the double standard? As a FA/FFA have you encountered this?

exile in thighville
02-16-2010, 07:51 PM
i have no problem introducing my significant other to my friends and family

i'm just deathly afraid of them finding out that i'm sexually attracted to her

curvyms
02-16-2010, 08:26 PM
I dated someone who always took me out to dinner, everything we did centered around food. Then I realized he was trying to plump me up. I later learned of his attraction to BBW and SSBBW's but he would never come out and admit it especially to his family. he lives in the closet still to this day. I would not be surprised if he was a member on here too!

name2come
02-16-2010, 08:35 PM
I seem to have just picked up on a trend here on Dims.

Its the closet FA/FFA admirer. It likes they want you to be into them sexually and not mention the fact that you are a FA/FFA or lie about where you actually meet or that they look up FA/FFA's to hook up with. Whats with the double standard? As a FA/FFA have you encountered this?

Lying about where you meet would be a VERY different issue when dealing with the kinds of places fat people tend to meet FAs as there is a lot of lingering social shame over such meetings. I don't agree with it, but it is WAY different than being ashamed that your partner finds you sexually attractive.

I mean, I get that this phenomenon exists, but I think it can also be wildly overdiagnosed. Especially compared to the lenient standards I think most here would agree about when someone is a closet FA. Wanting to private about your sexuality is something a LOT of people feel, and its nothing unique to fat people and their admirers. The standards you list are MUCH higher than I think people here would usually have for FA's being out of the closet, and reasonably so.

Again, I'm sure there are fat people who do, genuinely, feel shame about being with a partner who sexually desires them. Its sad and unfortunate, but I'd readily concede it is a likely reality for some people. By your standards for diagnosis are much too strict. I think few thin people would expect to discuss the detailed nature sexual attraction to their partner in mixed company. Its a shame that so often this component is simply presumed absent in couplings involving fat people, but while I have no issue with openness, I'm not sure its always a cure-all in that context, either. I'm open with my partners about my sexuality and frankly all of my friends know because I've told them and my family knows because they aren't stupid. But I wouldn't expect a partner to explain to her friends and family that I'm sexually attracted to her. That's not a normal behavior outside of fat person/fa pairings, so I can hardly think it expected just for us. I think that would be an awkward way of counter negative presumptions about our sexual interest in each other. It would seem more natural to be outwardly affectionate in as organic a way as the individuals desired. Which is something I imagine is extremely common among fat people and their admirerers.

Gspoon
02-16-2010, 09:05 PM
Being afraid of liking someone of the opposite sex is... stupid.

If a gay couple can admit that they are openly gay and are sexually attracted to one another, then said closeted admirer has no spine if they still do not show the courage to show off their S.O.

Being closeted is not the best solution. Be proud of who you are, instead of thriving on self loathing.

chicken legs
02-16-2010, 09:05 PM
LOL...

Its not the closet FA/FFA I am talking about..

Its the Admirer of the FA/FFA who seemed to be ashamed that they are with a FA/FFA. The BHMS/BBW's who dont want their friends and family to know that they seek out FA/FFA's, that they come to these type of sites to be admired by us FA/FFA's, and like to date FA/FFA's. Are we really that bad?

name2come
02-16-2010, 09:45 PM
LOL...

Its not the closet FA/FFA I am talking about..

Its the Admirer of the FA/FFA who seemed to be ashamed that they are with a FA/FFA. The BHMS/BBW's who dont want their friends and family to know that they seek out FA/FFA's, that they come to these type of sites to be admired by us FA/FFA's, and like to date FA/FFA's. Are we really that bad?

Like I said before, your standards for what you call "closeted" are MUCH more strict than is generally used for FA's, so I'm not sure its really fair at all to explain such behavior on fat people being ashamed of their admirers. I think you are drawing that conclusion with a considerable lack of evidence. I'm sure it exists, but none of what you posited as a proof of such shame seems remotely fair to me which would lead to the phenomenon being radically over assigned.

chicken legs
02-17-2010, 12:03 AM
Like I said before, your standards for what you call "closeted" are MUCH more strict than is generally used for FA's, so I'm not sure its really fair at all to explain such behavior on fat people being ashamed of their admirers. I think you are drawing that conclusion with a considerable lack of evidence. I'm sure it exists, but none of what you posited as a proof of such shame seems remotely fair to me which would lead to the phenomenon being radically over assigned.

I haven't drawn any conclusions yet. However, I get the impression that sometimes FA/FFA are being tooled for affection and when the person feels better about themselves the Fa/FFA gets dropped, or is looked down upon for liking them durning their "chunky phase" should they decide to lose weight, or that people will think their settling for dating a FA/FFA if it comes to light that they are dating a FA/FFA.

Tau
02-17-2010, 02:48 AM
Does this actually happen? I know of people who are hesitant to announce to the world that they met their SO on the internet, fat dating sites, Dims, FF, whatever. But people who are actually ashamed of the fact that their SO desires them and loves their fat bodies as they are!! ... I don't know chick - seems a bit far fetched. Why on earth would anybody be ashamed of somebody who adores them?? Where you met them might make you blush but that they love you as you are?? How can love and acceptance be a cause for any kind of shame?

I think there might be fat men and women who are ashamed of themselves and their own bodies and so project their own self-hatred onto a partner that loves and desires what they despise. Thats a relationship doomed to failure anyway so if thats what you mean I'd say said FA/FFA shouldn't waste another moment in a situation that is so damaging to both parties.

gow
02-17-2010, 04:19 AM
Does this actually happen? I know of people who are hesitant to announce to the world that they met their SO on the internet, fat dating sites, Dims, FF, whatever. But people who are actually ashamed of the fact that their SO desires them and loves their fat bodies as they are!! ... I don't know chick - seems a bit far fetched. Why on earth would anybody be ashamed of somebody who adores them?? Where you met them might make you blush but that they love you as you are?? How can love and acceptance be a cause for any kind of shame?

I think there might be fat men and women who are ashamed of themselves and their own bodies and so project their own self-hatred onto a partner that loves and desires what they despise. Thats a relationship doomed to failure anyway so if thats what you mean I'd say said FA/FFA shouldn't waste another moment in a situation that is so damaging to both parties.

There is DEFNINTELY no shame in liking larger FEMALES!! .. Once the opinion of other people means nothing, THEN the "Relationship" can PROSPER! :)

missy_blue_eyez
02-17-2010, 10:24 AM
I think there might be at men and women who are ashamed of themselves and their own bodies and so project their own self-hatred onto a partner that loves and desires what they despise. Thats a relationship doomed to failure anyway so if thats what you mean I'd say said FA/FFA shouldn't waste another moment in a situation that is so damaging to both parties.

Agree with the above :)

From the experience of a pretty happy fat chick, whom met her S.O here on Dims, Im not ashamed of having somebody who loves me and is sexually attracted to me because of my size. Somebody I work with made a comment the other day about how she thought her boyfriends brother must be mad to be dating a 'chunky' girl as she put it, and she also commented on how silly the brother and his large girlfriend looked together, because he was slender and she was very large. I did a double take and said to her something along the lines of 'Did it ever occur to you that he likes her that way? Not every man wants a skinny girlfriend. Look at me, Im more than likely ALWAYS bigger than most men I date, and if you must know, my fella loves a big girl, he wouldnt have me any other way' she looked at me puzzled and replied 'dosent he want you to lose weight? Dont you think he would prefer you slim? Isnt that strange?' I asked her why she thought it was strange, and she was stumped and said something like 'I dunno, dosent every man want a skinny girl?'. At that moment I couldnt have been prouder to announce that my boyfriend is a big fat, fat girl lover..........:blush:

Melian
02-17-2010, 11:21 AM
I seem to have just picked up on a trend here on Dims.

Its the closet FA/FFA admirer. It likes they want you to be into them sexually and not mention the fact that you are a FA/FFA or lie about where you actually meet or that they look up FA/FFA's to hook up with. Whats with the double standard? As a FA/FFA have you encountered this?

I can't speak for Dims relationships (never having been involved with anyone from the site), but this has happened to me IRL. There have been 1-2 guys who wanted to date me, but then suddenly changed their minds when they discovered that I was an FFA. After we got together and they realized that I was not only aroused by their fat, but would love it if they got fatter, they decided that I had a problem.

Their choice, I suppose, but I thought it was pretty lame. I wasn't asking them to gain or even tell anyone that I was an FFA - all they had to do was enjoy the sex :rolleyes:

LoveBHMS
02-17-2010, 11:43 AM
Why on earth would anybody be ashamed of somebody who adores them?? Where you met them might make you blush but that they love you as you are?? How can love and acceptance be a cause for any kind of shame?

.

If you don't believe this, go back and read over some old threads on here about "FA vs Non FA" and others where there are whole arguments over whether or not somebody would even be with an FA in the first place. Additionally there any number of posts from women saying they'd been with an FA previously but now don't want one because the FA only cares about fat or they "only want to be liked for themselves and not their fat". It's totally acceptable on here for a fat person to say they don't want to be with an FA and to say whatever mean stuff and sweeping generalizations they want to make.

Cors
02-17-2010, 12:09 PM
I think there might be fat men and women who are ashamed of themselves and their own bodies and so project their own self-hatred onto a partner that loves and desires what they despise. Thats a relationship doomed to failure anyway so if thats what you mean I'd say said FA/FFA shouldn't waste another moment in a situation that is so damaging to both parties.

Well said! My ex is fat and hated her size more than anything. She told me she felt special when she learned that I appreciated her looks, but that soon turned into disgust when she found out that my exes before her were also fat and that I prefer fat partners in general. She said something to the effect of not wanting to be seen as "yet another one of my disgusting fat girlfriends" and I am sure she'd cringe if her friends find out.

name2come
02-17-2010, 02:17 PM
I haven't drawn any conclusions yet. However, I get the impression that sometimes FA/FFA are being tooled for affection and when the person feels better about themselves the Fa/FFA gets dropped, or is looked down upon for liking them durning their "chunky phase" should they decide to lose weight, or that people will think their settling for dating a FA/FFA if it comes to light that they are dating a FA/FFA.

Okay, now you're talking about something completely different.

First, you suggested evidence of shame of FAs would be a fat person not advertising their partner's sexual attraction to them, but thats not something anyone does so I fail to see why it would be expected of fat people. Lying about meeting someone online or at a BBW dance is almost always going to be about the social stigma around those kinds of meeting places, not the nature of the sexual attraction underlying. A lot of people feel the same way about meeting on eHarmony. Calling that evidence of FA shame is just reading WAY too much into something.

Now, you've suggested something completely different. Fat partners who try to manage self-loathing with a desire for sexual gratification at the expense of respecting their partners. Again, I'm sure this exists, but you were suggesting a "trend" here at this site and you're not really providing any evidence of that. I've seen it pop up a couple of times, but not at the level of a trend.

What I do see a lot of is a very uncritical approach to the sexuality of FA's but this is practiced by FA's and fat people alike. Many fat people presume our sexuality should go away when they want it to. Many FA's, though, feel the same. They feel that ultimately their sexuality is wrong and while they enjoy the sexual gratification themselves, they exhibit a sense that they don't deserve it. FA's refuse to empathize with the political concerns of fat people, preferring to just let it be a sexual attraction. Doing so, however, earns them little respect for their sexuality. Nor should it. Unless FA's act like this is more than just thinking someone is hot, no one should respect it beyond such a base level. If that's all this is going to be to an FA, that's all they can expect it to be to a fat person. As long as FA's tacitly agree that being fat is bad, they'll never find their sexuality respected because they don't really respect it themselves. That so many FA's are so doggedly uncritical in examining their own selves is a shame, but its not the fault of anyone else until FA's decide to change.

Jon Blaze
02-18-2010, 03:27 PM
If you don't believe this, go back and read over some old threads on here about "FA vs Non FA" and others where there are whole arguments over whether or not somebody would even be with an FA in the first place. Additionally there any number of posts from women saying they'd been with an FA previously but now don't want one because the FA only cares about fat or they "only want to be liked for themselves and not their fat". It's totally acceptable on here for a fat person to say they don't want to be with an FA and to say whatever mean stuff and sweeping generalizations they want to make.

Ba da bing ba dah boom.

chicken legs
02-18-2010, 09:08 PM
Why on earth would anybody be ashamed of somebody who adores them?? Where you met them might make you blush but that they love you as you are?? How can love and acceptance be a cause for any kind of shame?

I think there might be fat men and women who are ashamed of themselves and their own bodies and so project their own self-hatred onto a partner that loves and desires what they despise. Thats a relationship doomed to failure anyway so if thats what you mean I'd say said FA/FFA shouldn't waste another moment in a situation that is so damaging to both parties.

Society looks down on FA's because they think we are weird so I think that might be were some of shame comes from. Now add that to someone who isn't comfortable in their own skin, like you said, and you have a receipe for disaster.

I think this story...In her chair (http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/forums/showthread.php?t=42624)..really illustrates my point.

Like Melian said, irl they think we have a problem with liking their fat.

chicken legs
02-18-2010, 09:23 PM
Okay, now you're talking about something completely different.

First, you suggested evidence of shame of FAs would be a fat person not advertising their partner's sexual attraction to them, but thats not something anyone does so I fail to see why it would be expected of fat people. Lying about meeting someone online or at a BBW dance is almost always going to be about the social stigma around those kinds of meeting places, not the nature of the sexual attraction underlying. A lot of people feel the same way about meeting on eHarmony. Calling that evidence of FA shame is just reading WAY too much into something.

Now, you've suggested something completely different. Fat partners who try to manage self-loathing with a desire for sexual gratification at the expense of respecting their partners. Again, I'm sure this exists, but you were suggesting a "trend" here at this site and you're not really providing any evidence of that. I've seen it pop up a couple of times, but not at the level of a trend.

What I do see a lot of is a very uncritical approach to the sexuality of FA's but this is practiced by FA's and fat people alike. Many fat people presume our sexuality should go away when they want it to. Many FA's, though, feel the same. They feel that ultimately their sexuality is wrong and while they enjoy the sexual gratification themselves, they exhibit a sense that they don't deserve it. FA's refuse to empathize with the political concerns of fat people, preferring to just let it be a sexual attraction. Doing so, however, earns them little respect for their sexuality. Nor should it. Unless FA's act like this is more than just thinking someone is hot, no one should respect it beyond such a base level. If that's all this is going to be to an FA, that's all they can expect it to be to a fat person. As long as FA's tacitly agree that being fat is bad, they'll never find their sexuality respected because they don't really respect it themselves. That so many FA's are so doggedly uncritical in examining their own selves is a shame, but its not the fault of anyone else until FA's decide to change.


I think its a case of "why do we hurt the one we love (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/200905/darling-why-do-we-hurt-the-one-we-love) I really like this qoute.."Sometimes lovers hurt their beloved in order to show their independence......Since the beloved is a major source of happiness, this person is also a major threat to our happiness: more than anyone else, the beloved can ruin it."

I don't think its the Fa's (in general) who have to change but those that we admire need to accept that we are truely attracted to them.

chicken legs
02-19-2010, 12:23 AM
Agree with the above :)

From the experience of a pretty happy fat chick, whom met her S.O here on Dims, Im not ashamed of having somebody who loves me and is sexually attracted to me because of my size. Somebody I work with made a comment the other day about how she thought her boyfriends brother must be mad to be dating a 'chunky' girl as she put it, and she also commented on how silly the brother and his large girlfriend looked together, because he was slender and she was very large. I did a double take and said to her something along the lines of 'Did it ever occur to you that he likes her that way? Not every man wants a skinny girlfriend. Look at me, Im more than likely ALWAYS bigger than most men I date, and if you must know, my fella loves a big girl, he wouldnt have me any other way' she looked at me puzzled and replied 'dosent he want you to lose weight? Dont you think he would prefer you slim? Isnt that strange?' I asked her why she thought it was strange, and she was stumped and said something like 'I dunno, dosent every man want a skinny girl?'. At that moment I couldnt have been prouder to announce that my boyfriend is a big fat, fat girl lover..........:blush:


You handled that really well.

chicken legs
02-19-2010, 12:35 AM
I get the feeling that its the cultural differences I am picking up on more than anything. Among the Black, Hispanic, and Italian cultures its not seen as unusual to be with someone who loves curves. An example is, whenever I hit on a person from those backgrounds I usually get a more positive response than when I give the(hey, hi you doin';)) look to a White person..they usually respond with a :confused:...lol

CurvaceousBBWLover
02-21-2010, 01:48 PM
There is DEFNINTELY no shame in liking larger FEMALES!! .. Once the opinion of other people means nothing, THEN the "Relationship" can PROSPER! :)

EXACTLY! You hit the nail on the head.

joswitch
02-21-2010, 03:42 PM
@OP - ten years back my second gf was a neurotic cute chubby girl. Socially or in public she made great efforts to push me back into the FA closet. She would be upset if I stuck up for a passing fat girl someone said something snide about, cos she didn't want to be thought of as fat. So it's not just Dims - anyone strongly invested in identifying as "I'm not a fat person" or who does not see their body as a whole, but instead sees their fat as an unwelcome 'extra' - tends to be FAphobic. ... It's a pain in the arse but what can you do about it?

Carrie
02-21-2010, 04:58 PM
So it's not just Dims - anyone strongly invested in identifying as "I'm not a fat person" or who does not see their body as a whole, but instead sees their fat as an unwelcome 'extra' - tends to be FAphobic. ... It's a pain in the arse but what can you do about it?
Seek out people who ARE comfortable with their bodies and with having a partner who feels the same? Dunno, just a thought. :p

All kidding aside, we do exist. I get exasperated sometimes when I see FAs griping about this kind of thing, because it's like, hellooooo, we're out here! Stop trying to convince reluctant fatties they're beautiful when there are fatties out there who already know it.

PeanutButterfly
02-21-2010, 05:02 PM
I'm always afraid of this when admitting to a big guy that I find them attractive. Even now I use the word "big" instead of "fat" because in main stream society "fat" is not always the best word choice. Most people don't want to be seen as or confronted about being fat even if they are, so when you tell someone "I like fat guys/girls" theres that uh oh moment where their mind races to "she thinks I'm fat!!!" haha. Even if they've known it themselves for years, its entirely different to hear a significant other admit that they know it too (like it's been some secret all this time). So yeah Chickenlegs, I totally know what you mean. It can be really frustrating. The only thing that can be done is to find someone who's comfortable enough with themselves to let you love them properly.

joswitch
02-22-2010, 04:25 AM
@Carrie - yes, good point... (altho I meant "what can you do about other peoples 'phobias'?". My bad, shoulda been clearer) ... And yes thats one thing I learned from that experience... So for the last ten years that's what I've done... And 2 out of 3 of my LTRs in that span were with BBWs who were ok with themselves and with my wanting them... Such peeps are very thin on the ground around here, tho... Ho hum...

missy_blue_eyez
02-22-2010, 05:22 AM
I used to be one of those self-loathing fatties, and I can honestly say that to have my 'fatness' thrust in my face regularly by a partner would have probably my worst nightmare. Even though a fat loving partner would have been doing it out of sheer adoration, it would have just pushed me right over the edge. I think, personally, if somebody is going to go on a journey of self-acceptance, they have to tackle it in their own time, on their own terms, being coerced into it could end up in disaster I think.

I also think, when your in that state of self-loathing, if you are so adamantly self deprecating about yourself, you look for people who kind of support your view, in some warped way to validate what you feel, even though you hate it. I used to do it. I would constantly barage an ex boyfriend of mine with 'Oh my god, Im so fat and disgusting, and I know your grossed out by me arent you, arent you?! And no matter how much he would tell me he loved me as I was, I would never ever ever believe it. So I honestly do agree with what Carrie said, 'Stop trying to convince reluctant fatties they're beautiful when there are fatties out there who already know it.'

If someone wants to change, they can only do it themselves..........

Alan
02-22-2010, 06:13 AM
So I honestly do agree with what Carrie said, 'Stop trying to convince reluctant fatties they're beautiful when there are fatties out there who already know it.'
If someone wants to change, they can only do it themselves..........


Don't Worry...if she were "Reluctant"...I would NOT be with her :D...:happy:

BigJohn23
08-11-2012, 02:07 AM
I seem to have just picked up on a trend here on Dims.

Its the closet FA/FFA admirer. It likes they want you to be into them sexually and not mention the fact that you are a FA/FFA or lie about where you actually meet or that they look up FA/FFA's to hook up with. Whats with the double standard? As a FA/FFA have you encountered this?

I'm dating a girl who is a FA I have no problem at all if people know she is a FA, I'm never to worried about what people think. But many times I've had girls who didn't want anyone to know they were dating me which really sucks. I'm 6'5 500 pounds I'm way to be big to be someones secret;)

chicken legs
08-12-2012, 04:21 AM
I'm dating a girl who is a FA I have no problem at all if people know she is a FA, I'm never to worried about what people think. But many times I've had girls who didn't want anyone to know they were dating me which really sucks. I'm 6'5 500 pounds I'm way to be big to be someones secret;)

The last two guys I flirted with went on diets..wth

eazyridinmojo
08-12-2012, 05:28 AM
im a closeted bbw adinire im scared what family and friends think. i mean my dream girl is a ssbbw. this my story if you guys dont mind me sharing....


im 23 and i adimire ssbbws and bbws since day one. i remember as a kid seeing bbws and admiring them, i always love them since i was 8, i remember as a kid i would google bbws and ssbbws and glimpse their bodies and i attract i was to them.
my dream girl was always a bbw i can feed, take care and love. i love big girls with all my heart the fatter they are the more sexy i find them attract. i mean when i see a 500+ gal i cant help but love them, watching a girl eat and just feel proud of herself has always been sexy.
the girl i would love to be with will always has to be a ssbbw and mean a ssbbw, 600+ who needs to be love, thats girl i want to be, a BIG girl who needs to feel love and be shown it. someone who can eat as munch as she can and dont be afraid. thats the girl i want, fuck skinny girls give me a big fat thick whatever u call it gal.

BigJohn23
08-12-2012, 10:17 PM
The last two guys I flirted with went on diets..wth

I don't even know what that is! Haha When I was born I was 23 & half inches tall & weighed 10 pounds, I was born to be big & thats the way I'm staying;)

BigJohn23
08-12-2012, 10:19 PM
im a closeted bbw adinire im scared what family and friends think. i mean my dream girl is a ssbbw. this my story if you guys dont mind me sharing....


im 23 and i adimire ssbbws and bbws since day one. i remember as a kid seeing bbws and admiring them, i always love them since i was 8, i remember as a kid i would google bbws and ssbbws and glimpse their bodies and i attract i was to them.
my dream girl was always a bbw i can feed, take care and love. i love big girls with all my heart the fatter they are the more sexy i find them attract. i mean when i see a 500+ gal i cant help but love them, watching a girl eat and just feel proud of herself has always been sexy.
the girl i would love to be with will always has to be a ssbbw and mean a ssbbw, 600+ who needs to be love, thats girl i want to be, a BIG girl who needs to feel love and be shown it. someone who can eat as munch as she can and dont be afraid. thats the girl i want, fuck skinny girls give me a big fat thick whatever u call it gal.

spend your whole life worrying about what other people think you will never find true happiness. If someone judges you because you like big girls then you don't need them in your life. Be brave & yell I love fat chicks so the whole world can hear it!!!:)

BriannaBombshell
08-14-2012, 12:36 AM
spend your whole life worrying about what other people think you will never find true happiness. If someone judges you because you like big girls then you don't need them in your life. Be brave & yell I love fat chicks so the whole world can hear it!!!:)

All I can say is ...AGREED!

BigBrwnSugar1
08-17-2012, 08:52 PM
All I can say is ...AGREED!
I second that- be a real man and be seen with us in public. Hate these f*cking wimps who want to fool around with you but only in the privacy of their bedrooms. You bastards!!!!!

LifeTraveller
08-18-2012, 06:11 AM
I'd love to quote several of you here, but I'm not all that good with this. .so I'll suffice to say, this is indeed a great thread.

I'll also admit to being "closeted" for a brief time, thankfully it was brief, the first step out into the light is always the most frightening. . Even so, no matter how hard you try to avoid people who want to make comments you'll never totally escape them. You learn how to deal with them. . or you can go back in the closet.

There are lots of things in life that are uncertain, but that doesn't mean you have to hide from it. . You can go places and do things with your love be they BHM/BBW you just have to be willing to do it!

I've heard pride is a sin. . yet where is there fault in being proud of the BBW/BHM you have fallen for. Fact is, you honor them with your pride of them. Being out in public with them shows that pride in it's full potential. . I for one say go for it. .

I meant to keep this shorter but oh well. . ;)

BriannaBombshell
08-19-2012, 07:34 PM
Even as a fat woman though I can understand this, BUT:

It wasn't until recent years that I started to love my body and be proud of who I am. I feared the public eye and what people were saying about me, the stares and so on. These all stem from judgments about my size as a child and as an adult (like most of us). When I realized AND BELIEVED that I am a big, beautiful, sexy, all around attractive woman my fears started to fade. I was wasting MY LIFE for so long and it made sick to think that is was all because of FEAR OF OTHERS JUDGMENTS.

We aren't ALL here on this planet to be thin, fit, athletic, victoria secret models. Could you imagine how BORING life would be if we were all the same size? We are here to love, learn from our mistakes, laugh, and appreciate what time we have in this life.

I love my body, truly love it. There isn't a varicose vein I want to rid myself of or a roll out of place. THIS IS ME, and people who want to judge me based on my body will never get to know the beautiful personality inside! Too bad for them!!!

Point being I do understand the fears of society and judgement but honestly and whole heartily, anyone out there who is ashamed of who they are attracted to, or how they look, STOP, THINK, and LISTEN TO YOUR HEART. Not your brain, not society, not America's Next Top Model, but your Heart! Those people you fear are judging you have their own insecurities, and my mama told me that long ago! Besides, do you really want judgmental people in your life? Or people who love and appreciate you for who you are?

That Guy You Met Once
08-26-2012, 08:06 AM
I can't speak for Dims relationships (never having been involved with anyone from the site), but this has happened to me IRL. There have been 1-2 guys who wanted to date me, but then suddenly changed their minds when they discovered that I was an FFA. After we got together and they realized that I was not only aroused by their fat, but would love it if they got fatter, they decided that I had a problem.

Yeah, I've been there. A girl I had a crush on recently told me that I must "have serious issues" if I would be sexually attracted to someone mainly because of her size. My first girlfriend told me that once, too. It was right around the time we broke up.

I'm just going to second all the people saying to avoid the shit out of relationships with people like that. You can keep them as friends, but don't expect them to understand this aspect of you, and be ready to cut them out of your life if they start treating you like a mental case.

I've noticed that once you reach the point where you're open and experienced enough with talking about your FAism to mention it to potential dates (hint, don't use that term) you'll be able to weed out a lot of the ones who shouldn't be with an FA/FFA way faster.

They'll be the ones who start talking about diet plans or gastric bypass the minute you mention you like fat girls/guys.

happyfatlover
10-17-2012, 02:53 AM
I used to feel ashamed in public although I love my wife dearly, but this shame is long gone. When we met, she was chubby, but not really fat. I have always loved her. As she gained weight massively (about 120 lbs), I got more and more excited and I discovered that I am a FA. I loved here also because she's fat just as she loves me because of my eyes. These "becauses" are not exclusive of course.

Some people reveal what they think: They think I want her to lose weight and that I love her despite her weight. And I reply: No, I love her also because she's fat and she replies the same. That honesty sort of shocks people, but at least they shut up and our self-esteem grows.

I truly have become proud of being married to a BBW.

ODFFA
10-17-2012, 10:55 AM
We aren't ALL here on this planet to be thin, fit, athletic, victoria secret models. Could you imagine how BORING life would be if we were all the same size? We are here to love, learn from our mistakes, laugh, and appreciate what time we have in this life.

Exactly!
Love the whole post, but this part in particular. It would honestly be quite a shame if everyone had the same body type. Even as an FFA that personally finds the size difference between a girl and a guy specifically attractive, I can't imagine all guys being big and all girls being tiny and skinny. Who would I be to enforce such a standard on the rest of the world anyway?!

But for this thread, I guess that's a bit of a rabbit trail :p so let me add that I actually love being with a BHM in any kind of setting that's more public. I would imagine it might be a bit different for male FAs, but I've never gotten any flak for it... but I have some good comebacks handy, juuust in case.

Londonbikerboy
10-17-2012, 11:27 AM
I get quite saddened about how comfortable so many people feel in publicly making negative comment about weight. My ex would be accosted by friends and family asking rather insensitive questions about me. I can understand how difficult it can be to come out as a FA, how some may fear the negative views of their peers...... but lets not let the judgemental, narrow minded masses dictate how we live.

BigBrwnSugar1
10-19-2012, 09:13 AM
All of this closeted business pisses me off. How would you feel if the tables were turned and someone was embarrassed to be seen with YOU in public? Pretty crappy, right? Grow up, stop being a child and worrying about what other people think of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you can't do it then leave us alone.

ssbbwfan1983
10-19-2012, 08:26 PM
Don't be a coward. If you have friends that make fun of you or cannot respect you enough, despite not understanding you, to be happy for you, then they're not friends enough. I proudly show off my BBW wife in public, my friends know my preference, and my douchebag cousin makes fun of me for it, but again, that's why he's the D-Bag, right? You can let other people dictate your life, or you can live your life and be happy on your own terms.

CastingPearls
10-19-2012, 08:31 PM
nevermind....

Blockierer
10-20-2012, 06:24 AM
im a closeted bbw adinire im scared what family and friends think. i mean my dream girl is a ssbbw. ......
This closet thing of FAness is ridiculous, nothing else. I can assure you millions of men are into chubby or fat women. You are not alone with your desire for a fat partner.

BigBrwnSugar1
10-20-2012, 02:00 PM
This! Thank you!!!!