FA Myths Thread #11

[Jon Blaze]

"FAs are somehow more "evolved", intelligent, empathetic and courageous than everyone else."

One note: Please make suggestions for future threads in the myths and misconceptions thread. Try to stay on topic.

Other than that: BEGIN!

[kioewen]

Oh, nice. So Cors suggests a topic that invites bashing of men who admire full-figured women, and it gets a thread?

Isn't it rather convenient (or to put it another way, isn't it unjust) that the topic excludes FFAs, in a board that is called the "FA/FFA forum"?

Or does the topic suggester believe, or wish to imply, that FFAs are actually "more evolved, intelligent, empathetic and courageous than everyone else," but FAs are not?

[ConnieLynn]

People are people. A label is not a magic cape, any more than it is a reason to hate.

[Jon Blaze]

Oh, nice. So Cors suggests a topic that invites bashing of men who admire full-figured women, and it gets a thread?

Isn't it rather convenient (or to put it another way, isn't it unjust) that the topic excludes FFAs, in a board that is called the "FA/FFA forum"?

Or does the topic suggester believe, or wish to imply, that FFAs are actually "more evolved, intelligent, empathetic and courageous than everyone else," but FAs are not?

:doh:
-Just because I say "FA" in the thread does not mean it is exclusive to male FAs. All of the threads are for everyone. So if it relates to FFA myths, then people are able to chime in. I'm one of the people that feels no need to say this at times, because the differentiation isn't always necessary.

-Secondly: There's a huge difference between being confident in your preferences and thinking it somehow makes you better than others. FAs and FFAs of all types are guilty of this thinking, and it's a myth because there's no proof that this somehow makes us better.
To relate it in how I wanted it to be: This is bridged by the myth that FAs are more caring, and care more about personality stemming from the view of others that FAs are not physically attracted to the people they are with. These are all myths.

Thirdly:
This is the second thread in a row where I've seen you start an outlandish rant accusing someone of wrongdoing. You are making mountains out of mole hills, and this time your misinterpretation while on topic was out of line. I will kindly ask you to cease these actions, or at the very least think before you express yourself. I tend to be liberal about this board because I don't believe it should be heavily censored (If at all), but continue these actions, and I will ban you. All right?

[kioewen]

:doh:
This is the second thread in a row where I've seen you start an outlandish rant accusing someone of wrongdoing. You are making mountains out of mole hills, and this time your misinterpretation while on topic was out of line. I will kindly ask you to cease these actions, or at the very least think before you express yourself. I tend to be liberal about this board because I don't believe it should be heavily censored (If at all), but continue these actions, and I will ban you. All right?

Very well.

[kioewen]

There's a huge difference between being confident in your preferences and thinking it somehow makes you better than others. FAs and FFAs of all types are guilty of this thinking, and it's a myth because there's no proof that this somehow makes us better.

This is one opinion, but what I find interesting in these myth discussions is that in many cases, some opinions have been ventured that the myths might neither be completely true or false, but could have kernels of truth in them, whether these truths are favourable or unfavourable to FAs.

Likewise, in this case, I think the myth could be true in some aspects -- though not as a blanket statement, of course. However, I think looking for conclusive "proof" in this or any similar topic would be difficult, because really, what could be "proof" of any aspect of human behaviour? Even clinical surveys can, of course, be false; so all that we're left with is competing and/or overlapping theories.

[CastingPearls]

This is one opinion, but what I find interesting in these myth discussions is that in many cases, some opinions have been ventured that the myths might neither be completely true or false, but could have kernels of truth in them, whether these truths are favourable or unfavourable to FAs.

Likewise, in this case, I think the myth could be true in some aspects -- though not as a blanket statement, of course. However, I think looking for conclusive "proof" in this or any similar topic would be difficult, because really, what could be "proof" of any aspect of human behaviour? Even clinical surveys can, of course, be false; so all that we're left with is competing and/or overlapping theories.
I don't think anyone is looking for proof. None of these threads are scientific. There is nothing extrapolated and the polls when we have them are informal. This is a message board and the point of it is discussion. You can agree or dissent. To jump to conclusions about someone else's intent from one post especially in light of their posting history however speaks volumes about you more than about the person who suggested the myth.

[Cors]

Oh, nice. So Cors suggests a topic that invites bashing of men who admire full-figured women, and it gets a thread?

Isn't it rather convenient (or to put it another way, isn't it unjust) that the topic excludes FFAs, in a board that is called the "FA/FFA forum"?

Or does the topic suggester believe, or wish to imply, that FFAs are actually "more evolved, intelligent, empathetic and courageous than everyone else," but FAs are not?

Oh, it is definitely meant to include FFAs as well and should have been corrected to read FAs and FFAs. ;)

Sorry for the confusion!

[Fat Brian]

There are a few different things that need to be addressed in this question.

We first have to separate fat fetishists from people who want to be with a fat partner whether they identify as an FA/FFA or not. Just because someone has a fetish for fat doesn't mean they can function in a relationship with a fat person. Pure fetishists often don't have what it takes to make a relationship last over the long term. Also, just because a person doesn't identify as an FA does not mean they aren't attracted to larger partners, a great deal of people who like larger partners haven't come into contact with the SA community for whatever reason. A person who is attracted to fat people who accepts it and isn't conflicted about it may never search out a community to talk to, I was already married to my BBW wife before I ever heard about the SA community and I only found out about through seeing the book Fat?SO! at the library.

Second, just because someone identifies as an FA doesn't mean they are a better person than someone who doesn't. The attraction to fatness goes across almost all personality types and there are bound to be some winners and some losers among the bunch. People who have the attraction but don't accept it can treat their partners poorly because they dislike that aspect of themselves. Calling yourself an FA isn't a coat of shining armor, you still have to treat your partner or potential partner with respect

Just being attracted to fat people doesn't make you a better person, but if you open yourself up to learn about other people and learn empathy you might become a better person.

[kioewen]

I don't think anyone is looking for proof. None of these threads are scientific. There is nothing extrapolated and the polls when we have them are informal. This is a message board and the point of it is discussion. You can agree or dissent.
Yes, this is my view as well. "Proof" was referenced in the following statement, to which I was responding:

it's a myth because there's no proof that this somehow makes us better.

With respect, there will never, can never, be anything that rises to the level of "proof," so it seems a impossible standard against which to measure the truth or weakness of any myth, proposition, or opinion.



As for the following contention, here is where the idea of a "better person" needs to be broken down into different components -- because what makes a person "better" will be, of course, open to endless interpretations, and what one person considers "better," another will not.

Second, just because someone identifies as an FA doesn't mean they are a better person than someone who doesn't.

The O.P. helpfully suggested specific categories: "evolved, intelligent, empathetic and courageous." One would have to deal with each in turn.

To take the last point, "courageous," it is certainly possible that open admirers of full-figured women are more "courageous" than someone who is in the closet about his/her preference. "Courage of one's convictions," and all that.

Does it make such a person "better" as a whole? Hard to say -- how does one even measure such a thing? But does it make them better in one specific aspect (courage)? Yes, perhaps it does.

[BitsySpider]

It's a preference for a body type, of all the words listed I understand how this makes someone more "intelligent" the least. That's like saying people who prefer redheads are more intelligent than those who prefer brunettes, which as I'm sure we can all agree is complete bunk. Large people are not automatically smarter than thin people (and vice versa) so it's not even though one could argue that being in a relationship with a bigger individual is more mentally stimulating.

Edit to add: People perform courageous and empathetic acts in life all the time. Who is to say the FA who has to 'come out of the FA closet' carries more of these traits than a nonFA who may also carry out these traits but in a different manner. Who's to say who is "more" or "better" for it? Especially since there's many FAs who don't even have to deal with backlash from friends and family with having a larger partner in the first place and they just carry on with their life as normal. Are these individuals now less empathetic and courageous, even if they have outside situations away from their sexuality that may call for these characteristics?

Liking a fuller figured body is an aesthetic preference. No one is better or worse than anyone else for their tastes in their partner's looks (despite what 'society' says, taste is entirely personal).

[Webmaster]

"FAs are somehow more "evolved", intelligent, empathetic and courageous than everyone else."

Probably not. It has been suggested over the years that an unusual number of FAs are engineering, rational types, but while I know a good number of engineers who are FAs, I never saw that assertion quantified or proven in any way.

So as far as I am concerned, more likely than not, FAs simply represent a cross section of the general population, just like most other groups.

[Tad]

Good topic, Cors! (and Kioewen, 2 quick points: 1- Cors is an FA (FFA is you prefer), and 2- One of the points of this series of threads was to cover myths FA may have about themselves—it was as much to disillusion FA as it was to clear things up about them to others, that is why it is on this board).

I think there are two premises that tend to lead people to think FA must be somehow more evolved than the average person. They would be:

1- Big folk are naturally attractive, but because most people are brainwashed by society they refuse to recognize this.
2- If you care about appearances you’ll of course go only for the more socially acceptable bodies; to do otherwise indicates higher motives.

I think that there could be a kernel of truth to both of those, in that for some people, in some cases, those may apply. However to me I think the dominant reason FA want fat partners is because that is what turns them on. Sex drive is a powerful thing! We may jump through all sorts of mental hoops to justify liking what we like, but for most FA, being attracted to fat partners comes first, and any broader framework supporting those choices comes later.

So, is being attracted to a fat partner somehow more noble than being attracted to a thin partner? I’d say nah, horny is horny.

However, I do think that anytime one ends up taking the road less travelled--even if what leads them that way is mostly hormones—it creates an opportunity to broaden perspectives, build empathy, and otherwise grow as a person. An opportunity only, not everyone will take advantage of it, and there are plenty of other opportunities where people can gain similar, if not stronger, growth of this kind. But I like to think that their interests will make FA, on average, a little more sensitive and respectful of differences and personal choices.

[JulianDW]

However, I do think that anytime one ends up taking the road less travelled--even if what leads them that way is mostly hormones—it creates an opportunity to broaden perspectives, build empathy, and otherwise grow as a person. An opportunity only, not everyone will take advantage of it, and there are plenty of other opportunities where people can gain similar, if not stronger, growth of this kind. But I like to think that their interests will make FA, on average, a little more sensitive and respectful of differences and personal choices.

Thats a good point; while a preference for a certain body type might not automatically make you more 'evolved' than another person, it can certainly open your eyes up to things you may not have seen otherwise.

[KHayes666]

Depends on what you mean by "courageous".

Some of the F/A's I've seen are completely gutless, ass-kissing, fellow male bashing "yes men" that have no problem shouting invectives at someone only to run and hide when being attacked in return. In fact, I've seen more of these cowards in the community than I ever saw in my earlier years going clubbing with my friends where everyone tried to fall over each other to ask "the hot girl" to dance. What is so "courageous" about attacking another male and then keeping your mouth shut when a woman does something dumb and or not right?

However, if you mean courageous in saying "I prefer fat partners" in public or something then I'd have to agree that it is courageous to go against society in favor of something unique. If that's what you meant then please excuse my first paragraph. I think its pretty courageous to stand up for what you like in the face of people who scoff at you for it.

[Dr. P Marshall]

It has been suggested over the years that an unusual number of FAs are engineering, rational types, but while I know a good number of engineers who are FAs, I never saw that assertion quantified or proven in any way.


I've always wondered if that is more of an issue of which F/FAs are likely to seek out a community such as this to explore their FAness. In other words, I wonder if more scientifically minded/technical people are more likely to be fat admirers or if it's just that more scientifically minded/technical fat admirers will want to analyze and think about their FAness, because that's how they approach most things, they think them over and analyze them. On the other hand, the more artistically minded FAs may express and explore their FAness through their writing, painting, etc. I notice a lot of the writers who are prolific in the library, for example, don't post a lot in the FA analysis/theory type of threads. I know as a writer myself, I often "work out" any issues in my life through writing. It could be that's the difference. Don't know, just a theory.

As for the topic, I don't think we're more or less intelligent, we're just a cross section of people and I think we're as diverse as any other. As for courageous or enlightened, I think KHayes' point that it has a lot to do with how the FA lives his or her life is valid. I don't think the traits are innate, just that a courageous person is more likely to live as an FA and not worry about what other people say, same thing with enlightened. I don't think it makes you more enlightened to find fat people attractive, but to live your life honestly, without bending over backwards to conform to societal standards is a sign of enlightenment. But it's not unique to fat admirers, either. As for the empathy, I agree with Tad, we are given a great deal of opportunity to be more empathetic, but again, it's up to the individual FA whether or not he or she actually becomes more empathetic.

[Dr. Feelgood]

[QUOTE=Dr. P Marshall;1761038I wonder if more scientifically minded/technical people are more likely to be fat admirers or if it's just that more scientifically minded/technical fat admirers will want to analyze and think about their FAness, because that's how they approach most things, [/QUOTE]

At the risk of being flamed, let me suggest another possibility here. One of my heroes is Temple Grandin, who is an engineer and is autistic. Several times in her writings she has pointed out that a great number of engineers score high on the autism scale. To grossly oversimplify, autism involves seeing things in a different, more detailed way than most people: Dr. Grandin has said that an autistic person sees all the leaves on a tree. Most of us don't "see" what's in front of us: we categorize it as belonging to a certain concept, and we "see" our (blurry) mental picture of the concept (This is why people who are asked to draw a tree come up with something that looks like a lollipop. There is a book called Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain that discusses ways for the artist to get away from concepts and simply draw what is there; it's hard to do). We say that FA's and FFA's see the beauty in fat people that others cannot see; I wonder if a lot of them are a little further towards the autistic end of the perception spectrum* and are in fact picking up details that others ignore by reducing a fat person to a concept and not seeing what is there? :confused:

*I am aware that this is true for me.

[musicman]

more scientifically minded/technical fat admirers will want to analyze and think about their FAness, because that's how they approach most things, they think them over and analyze them.

That is certainly true, plus the fact that sci/tech/engineering people tend to care less about what society thinks of them. In school, most of them were never the "cool kids", and they value that kind of superficial approval for exactly what it's worth (i.e. NOTHING). Hence, an FA who leans to sci/tech/eng is more likely to be an open FA, which is the main type of FA we see here. Other than that, I don't know any reason why sci/tech/eng people are more likely to be FAs.

[KHayes666]

That is certainly true, plus the fact that sci/tech/engineering people tend to care less about what society thinks of them. In school, most of them were never the "cool kids", and they value that kind of superficial approval for exactly what it's worth (i.e. NOTHING). Hence, an FA who leans to sci/tech/eng is more likely to be an open FA, which is the main type of FA we see here. Other than that, I don't know any reason why sci/tech/eng people are more likely to be FAs.

I don't mean this to sound rude, I may not be able to say this correctly so bear with me here. This is also just opinion its not a fact.

I believe that the sci/tech/eng boys gravitate toward bbw's because that's who they interact with on a day to day basis. On a friday night the "cool kids" are off hanging out while the non-cool kids are home watching tv or chatting online. Don't get me wrong, I know bbws that are out watching the football games or getting into trouble themselves but from what I read most of the girls in the community (opinion not fact) are the type to stay home and watch tv while chatting online. With that said, a sci/tech/eng kid will be associating with bbw's and will probably date one. Now he may not particularly like the option at first but once he starts enjoying the anatomy of a bbw he'll most likely wise up (again opinion not fact). Like I said, its not that there aren't girls who are into full contact sports and can talk the ear off a "cool kid" about it, but from what I've seen the girls around here tend to lean toward the geeky type.

I will say this though and I won't apologize for it. Just because someone is a tech nerd and someone else is a football player doesn't make him more intelligent than the other. It means they're both very good at what they do individually. The tech nerd may be able to erase viruses and change around executable files but he wouldn't know how to run a flag pattern the same way a football player can crack a cover 4 defense but has no chance in hell of installing antivirus software manually. Also, how does being good at chemistry or biology make someone more intelligent than a man who can fix cars? The true intelligent ones are the guys (and girls) that can do it all.

Anyway back to the original point. The Dr's point about how a tech nerd not caring about society is why they're F/A's is valid, I also think they became F/A's because of who was available to them in terms of friends and romantic interests.

[Fat Brian]

At the risk of being flamed, let me suggest another possibility here. One of my heroes is Temple Grandin, who is an engineer and is autistic. Several times in her writings she has pointed out that a great number of engineers score high on the autism scale. To grossly oversimplify, autism involves seeing things in a different, more detailed way than most people: Dr. Grandin has said that an autistic person sees all the leaves on a tree. Most of us don't "see" what's in front of us: we categorize it as belonging to a certain concept, and we "see" our (blurry) mental picture of the concept (This is why people who are asked to draw a tree come up with something that looks like a lollipop. There is a book called Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain that discusses ways for the artist to get away from concepts and simply draw what is there; it's hard to do). We say that FA's and FFA's see the beauty in fat people that others cannot see; I wonder if a lot of them are a little further towards the autistic end of the perception spectrum* and are in fact picking up details that others ignore by reducing a fat person to a concept and not seeing what is there? :confused:

*I am aware that this is true for me.

I have often wondered if I am slightly autistic. I tested with a very high IQ as a child and have always had an innate ability to understand mechanical things. I didn't talk until I was almost two but when it did it was with whole sentences. I played with Legos as a child an would build complex machines of my own design and four wheel drive vehicles with working suspensions. I also have the difficulty socializing and reacting appropriately in social situations. The more I learn about the varying degrees of autism the more it seems to apply to me.

[musicman]

I don't mean this to sound rude, I may not be able to say this correctly so bear with me here. This is also just opinion its not a fact.

I believe that the sci/tech/eng boys gravitate toward bbw's because that's who they interact with on a day to day basis. On a friday night the "cool kids" are off hanging out while the non-cool kids are home watching tv or chatting online. Don't get me wrong, I know bbws that are out watching the football games or getting into trouble themselves but from what I read most of the girls in the community (opinion not fact) are the type to stay home and watch tv while chatting online. With that said, a sci/tech/eng kid will be associating with bbw's and will probably date one. Now he may not particularly like the option at first but once he starts enjoying the anatomy of a bbw he'll most likely wise up (again opinion not fact). Like I said, its not that there aren't girls who are into full contact sports and can talk the ear off a "cool kid" about it, but from what I've seen the girls around here tend to lean toward the geeky type.

I will say this though and I won't apologize for it. Just because someone is a tech nerd and someone else is a football player doesn't make him more intelligent than the other. It means they're both very good at what they do individually. The tech nerd may be able to erase viruses and change around executable files but he wouldn't know how to run a flag pattern the same way a football player can crack a cover 4 defense but has no chance in hell of installing antivirus software manually. Also, how does being good at chemistry or biology make someone more intelligent than a man who can fix cars? The true intelligent ones are the guys (and girls) that can do it all.

Anyway back to the original point. The Dr's point about how a tech nerd not caring about society is why they're F/A's is valid, I also think they became F/A's because of who was available to them in terms of friends and romantic interests.

Thank you for not wanting to sound rude. Neither do I, but you somehow read a lot of things in my post that weren't there. Perhaps you meant to respond to someone else's post. I don't recall mentioning football players, computer viruses, chemistry or biology, or anything about the superiority of "tech nerds". I don't know where you got all that. For the record, I would probably include a person who is passionate about fixing cars in the tech category.

My only point was that people who care less about society's opinion are more likely to be open about their sexual preferences.

That said, I have to disagree with your suggestion that tech nerds (or whoever we are talking about) somehow "became" FAs because they couldn't get dates with skinny women. Many FAs never wanted to date skinny women, because we felt no sexual attraction to them. Beyond that, your words strongly imply that fat women are merely a second choice after skinny women. I know you don't believe that, because it's a tremendous insult to fat women. (Re-read your post if you don't see that implication.) You might want to clarify your post.

[KHayes666]

Thank you for not wanting to sound rude. Neither do I, but you somehow read a lot of things in my post that weren't there. Perhaps you meant to respond to someone else's post. I don't recall mentioning football players, computer viruses, chemistry or biology, or anything about the superiority of "tech nerds". I don't know where you got all that. For the record, I would probably include a person who is passionate about fixing cars in the tech category.

My only point was that people who care less about society's opinion are more likely to be open about their sexual preferences.

That said, I have to disagree with your suggestion that tech nerds (or whoever we are talking about) somehow "became" FAs because they couldn't get dates with skinny women. Many FAs never wanted to date skinny women, because we felt no sexual attraction to them. Beyond that, your words strongly imply that fat women are merely a second choice after skinny women. I know you don't believe that, because it's a tremendous insult to fat women. (Re-read your post if you don't see that implication.) You might want to clarify your post.

Like I said, I didn't word it correctly. My bad

[Elfcat]

This is the "damning with faint praise" bit, intended to promote the idea that an FPL is not really an FPL, that someone who acts attracted to a fat person is doing so for other reasons. One set of reasons they opine are negative, but others go to this idea of being "noble", "able to see past the fat", and all this other nonsense.

[Azrael]

This is the "damning with faint praise" bit, intended to promote the idea that an FPL is not really an FPL, that someone who acts attracted to a fat person is doing so for other reasons. One set of reasons they opine are negative, but others go to this idea of being "noble", "able to see past the fat", and all this other nonsense.

Yea I've heard of this one but I've also heard the one where they say that you're "true to yourself" and make it seem as if we're somehow better than other men for liking what you like.

I mean, while it's true it's not the social norm I would think that most guys would go after what they're attracted to not what society deems as "acceptable" regardless of their preference.

[kioewen]

I would think that most guys would go after what they're attracted to not what society deems as "acceptable" regardless of their preference.

Given the many discussions that have come up here about people being "in the closet" about their preferences, or the cases of full-figured women who have said that men want to date them basically "in secret," I don't think this is the case. In fact, I suspect the opposite -- that many, possibly most people are very largely governed by "what society deems as acceptable" when it comes to whom they get involved with, and that a vastly smaller minority follow their heart, especially the further away from the media/society-approved standard their inclinations take them.

[MrRabbit]

"FAs are somehow more "evolved", intelligent, empathetic and courageous than everyone else."
Judging by the reactions and comments I often see from some fellow FAs (not necessarily on these boards) I doubt this... :rolleyes:

To add to what has been discussed in the recent replies: I am an engineer and I think I may have some autistic traits, so I seem to be fitting the stereotype ;)

[Dr. P Marshall]

At the risk of being flamed, let me suggest another possibility here. One of my heroes is Temple Grandin, who is an engineer and is autistic. Several times in her writings she has pointed out that a great number of engineers score high on the autism scale. To grossly oversimplify, autism involves seeing things in a different, more detailed way than most people: Dr. Grandin has said that an autistic person sees all the leaves on a tree. Most of us don't "see" what's in front of us: we categorize it as belonging to a certain concept, and we "see" our (blurry) mental picture of the concept (This is why people who are asked to draw a tree come up with something that looks like a lollipop. There is a book called Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain that discusses ways for the artist to get away from concepts and simply draw what is there; it's hard to do). We say that FA's and FFA's see the beauty in fat people that others cannot see; I wonder if a lot of them are a little further towards the autistic end of the perception spectrum* and are in fact picking up details that others ignore by reducing a fat person to a concept and not seeing what is there? :confused:

*I am aware that this is true for me.
This is interesting. I wonder what the percentages would be if someone studied it? Although, I'm not any of those things and I'm an FFA, but I have two male FA in my family and one definitely is a very technical/computer genius type. I'll get in even more trouble than you and theorize further.:p If that's true that many FA and FFA are borderline autistic or outright autistic, it could explain a lot about the stories of strange behavior and lack of social skills that are presented as stereotypical of fat admirers. Again, this is just theory, and it certainly doesn't cover all of us, nor am I saying all engineers, etc. have bad social skills, or that bad FA behavior is excusable, etc, etc, etc, CMA.:p

[olwen]

"FAs are somehow more "evolved", intelligent, empathetic and courageous than everyone else."

One note: Please make suggestions for future threads in the myths and misconceptions thread. Try to stay on topic.

Other than that: BEGIN!

I've never once heard anyone say that FAs are more evolved, intelligent, empathetic or courageous than everyone else. Where the heck did this myth come from anyway?

They're just people. Same as everyone else.

[*Goofy*Girl*]

"FAs are somehow more "evolved", intelligent, empathetic and courageous than everyone else."

Definitely not true. I've met all kinds. From broke, lazy, dumb scumbags to intelligent, wealthy businessmen.

It was the same way when I was thin.

[Power_Metal_Kitsune]

I really think that FAs' lack of social contact because of the autism thing is what leads them to date and/or approach fat women or fat men because the fat person is more likely to not have much experience in the arena of dating experience, so they don't know that the person's inappropriateness is what drives away potential dates, leading them to seek out fat people because they perceive us as friendlier, more tolerant, and in general, someone that won't know that the person is eating with his/her hands (like the last FA I dated) or that they left no tip (one before that) or that they are cheap, horrifically ugly or old or want something.

I don't hate them for it but the fact is, if these people could get Megan Fox or Chris Hemsworth, they'd do it like anyone else. Yes, we may have pretty faces, great personalities, intelligence, senses of humor, but in the long run, when the Firewind concert comes on Oct 16, I will remain dateless for that just like the last 4 concerts I went to, getting no numbers, not even one drunk wackjob hitting on me, and being instantly "friend zoned" by any decent-looking guy I know or ever meet and no male interest of any kind, one comes down to a conclusion: Nobody normal wants to date a fat person. And if they do, it's because they like our personality not our looks.

And that is why I no longer bother with my appearance over being clean and keeping my hair out of my face. Worrying about my appearance as a fat woman is like being a falling tree in the woods: No one is there to see it or hear it.

[Fat Brian]

I really think that FAs' lack of social contact because of the autism thing is what leads them to date and/or approach fat women or fat men because the fat person is more likely to not have much experience in the arena of dating experience, so they don't know that the person's inappropriateness is what drives away potential dates, leading them to seek out fat people because they perceive us as friendlier, more tolerant, and in general, someone that won't know that the person is eating with his/her hands (like the last FA I dated) or that they left no tip (one before that) or that they are cheap, horrifically ugly or old or want something.

I don't hate them for it but the fact is, if these people could get Megan Fox or Chris Hemsworth, they'd do it like anyone else. Yes, we may have pretty faces, great personalities, intelligence, senses of humor, but in the long run, when the Firewind concert comes on Oct 16, I will remain dateless for that just like the last 4 concerts I went to, getting no numbers, not even one drunk wackjob hitting on me, and being instantly "friend zoned" by any decent-looking guy I know or ever meet and no male interest of any kind, one comes down to a conclusion: Nobody normal wants to date a fat person. And if they do, it's because they like our personality not our looks.

And that is why I no longer bother with my appearance over being clean and keeping my hair out of my face. Worrying about my appearance as a fat woman is like being a falling tree in the woods: No one is there to see it or hear it.

There are some people who date fat people for the reasons you mentioned but I'm not one of them. I chose a fat partner because I actually (GASP!) wanted a fat partner. I enjoy and prefer to be with a fat woman and would not leave her if a thin woman became available. I'm not perfect, but I'm not so broken that I view my partner as less than a person and treat her with respect. I'll say it again, there are no negative, shameful, closeted, or disrespectful parts to my fat girl love, and I'm not the only one.

I'm not with a fat person because its all I could get, if I had wanted a thin person I could have had one, they aren't unicorns, I see them everyday. Each person has their own attractions and turn offs and their own traits, you just have to find someone who likes what you've got and you like them back, its nothing more than that.

[Russ2d]

This "myth" does not exist, except in this thread.

I have always been an FA, I never wanted to date a thin woman, and I am not autistic.

Yes I have a science background but that means nothing. In my experience FAs come from all walks of life just like any other group.

[*Goofy*Girl*]

I don't hate them for it but the fact is, if these people could get Megan Fox or Chris Hemsworth, they'd do it like anyone else.


I USED TO think that way. And true, there are SOME people that masquerade as FA's when they are in fact not.

However, there are some men that I have spoken with that said they find a skinny body repulsive, unfeminine, and not a turn on at all. So no, they definitely wouldn't go for Megan Fox.

[Power_Metal_Kitsune]

I USED TO think that way. And true, there are SOME people that masquerade as FA's when they are in fact not.

However, there are some men that I have spoken with that said they find a skinny body repulsive, unfeminine, and not a turn on at all. So no, they definitely wouldn't go for Megan Fox.

Okay, but they also usually don't go for Gabourey Sidibe either. Sorry, but maybe like 1 out of 1,000 men is a chubby chaser, but the rest are just settling. Sad but true, and that is why I don't even get attracted to anyone anymore. Why bother with it when there aren't enough potential dates to go around? So I can spend money I don't have buying makeup, perfume, and clothes to impress other fat women who will have the same deluded idea that we all look so pretty that the (largely non-existent) FA's will all come out of the woodwork and we will be barraged with so many suitors we won't know what to do?

It's nice for you that you believe that. It really is, but wait until you are shot down by any and all men you are attracted to anywhere and always the sexless fat friend, never the girlfriend. You'll eventually get the idea.

Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

[disconnectedsmile]

Definitely not true. I've met all kinds. From broke, lazy, dumb scumbags to intelligent, wealthy businessmen.

It was the same way when I was thin.

people are people (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzGnX-MbYE4).

[disconnectedsmile]

Denial is not just a river in Egypt.
back at ya, kiddo.
sorry life's been terrible to you. hope things pick up one day.

[GentleSavage]

I'm so empathetic to the point where a psychic actually told me I was psychic because of my obscene empathy levels, and all I had to do was awaken them (basically pay attention to that part of myself).

But I don't really think I'm more evolved or anything. A psychic just told me I was psychic... or whatever. It was a creepy day/rest of the semester after that.

off topic...

[CastingPearls]

Nobody normal wants to date a fat person. And if they do, it's because they like our personality not our looks.

And that is why I no longer bother with my appearance over being clean and keeping my hair out of my face. Worrying about my appearance as a fat woman is like being a falling tree in the woods: No one is there to see it or hear it.

Do you believe this to be real or is this part of a myth construct because there are plenty of normal people who want to date (heh I originally typed 'eat') fat people. Do you really think no one notices fat women in a positive way? Finds them attractive? Alluring? Sexy? That's not my experience and I find it hard to believe that's your experience too unless you deliberately make yourself unattractive (not saying you do at all) but the last part of your post is rather confusing or defeatist. And depressing. And for the record, I HAVE been rejected or dismissed PLENTY but I still get plenty of attention too. Maybe it's not your appearance but your attitude?

I'm really not knocking you but trying to figure this out. I'm genuinely curious.

EDT: Like Disconnectedsmile said: I really hope things get better for you.

[disconnectedsmile]

...because there are plenty of normal people who want to date (heh I originally typed 'eat') fat people.

FA myth: not all FAs eat fat people.

[CastingPearls]

FA myth: not all FAs eat fat people.
I don't see why not. We're delicious. ;)

[Dr. P Marshall]

I really think that FAs' lack of social contact because of the autism thing is what leads them to date and/or approach fat women or fat men because the fat person is more likely to not have much experience in the arena of dating experience, so they don't know that the person's inappropriateness is what drives away potential dates, leading them to seek out fat people because they perceive us as friendlier, more tolerant, and in general, someone that won't know that the person is eating with his/her hands (like the last FA I dated) or that they left no tip (one before that) or that they are cheap, horrifically ugly or old or want something.

Nobody normal wants to date a fat person. And if they do, it's because they like our personality not our looks.

I'm not trying to jump on your case, at all, I'm not. I realize each individual's experience may vary, but the above is a really unfair characterization of fat admirers. I'm one of the female FAs and I know a lot of the fat admirers from here, male and female, fat and thin and I'll tell you, there are plenty of attractive, smart, funny, talented, kind fat admirers who are good catches for anyone, but they truly only want fat partners. I also know from FA to FA conversations, that many fat admirers have had a type of attraction to fat people long before they were of a sexual age. Many of us enjoyed looking at fat people more than thin from childhood, it's an aesthetic as well as sexual attraction for some of us. But I think it's really unfair to fat admirers and fat people to say that only a weirdo or loser would want a fat partner and that's how your post comes across. I'm sorry if you've had bad experiences, but that's not all that is out there. Really.:) (smiley face to prove I am being friendly and not getting on your case:p)

[joswitch]

I really think that FAs' lack of social contact because of the autism thing is what leads them to date and/or approach fat women or fat men because the fat person is more likely to not have much experience in the arena of dating experience, so they don't know that the person's inappropriateness is what drives away potential dates, leading them to seek out fat people because they perceive us as friendlier, more tolerant, and in general, someone that won't know that the person is eating with his/her hands (like the last FA I dated) or that they left no tip (one before that) or that they are cheap, horrifically ugly or old or want something.

I don't hate them for it but the fact is, if these people could get Megan Fox or Chris Hemsworth, they'd do it like anyone else.*snip*

I would've cheerfully stepped over one hundred nekkid Megan Foxes to reach any one of the gorgeous cute fat girls I've had awesome LTRs with.



Yes, we may have pretty faces, great personalities, intelligence, senses of humor, but in the long run, when the Firewind concert comes on Oct 16, I will remain dateless for that just like the last 4 concerts I went to, getting no numbers, not even one drunk wackjob hitting on me, and being instantly "friend zoned" by any decent-looking guy I know or ever meet and no male interest of any kind, one comes down to a conclusion: Nobody normal wants to date a fat person. And if they do, it's because they like our personality not our looks.

And that is why I no longer bother with my appearance over being clean and keeping my hair out of my face. Worrying about my appearance as a fat woman is like being a falling tree in the woods: No one is there to see it or hear it.

^That's what's known as a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Personal hygiene is definitely on my list of "must haves" for prospective gfs... and I reckon it's a priority for a number of other fellas too...

[joswitch]

Okay, but they also usually don't go for Gabourey Sidibe either. Sorry, but maybe like 1 out of 1,000 men is a chubby chaser, but the rest are just settling. Sad but true, and that is why I don't even get attracted to anyone anymore. Why bother with it when there aren't enough potential dates to go around? So I can spend money I don't have buying makeup, perfume, and clothes to impress other fat women who will have the same deluded idea that we all look so pretty that the (largely non-existent) FA's will all come out of the woodwork and we will be barraged with so many suitors we won't know what to do?

It's nice for you that you believe that. It really is, but wait until you are shot down by any and all men you are attracted to anywhere and always the sexless fat friend, never the girlfriend. You'll eventually get the idea.

Did you get fired from the Samaritans?


Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

Funny you should say that - I've sailed down the Nile, on a felucca.
All the big girls on the trip got hit on like crazy out there.

Also - All of my BBW exes are happily dating / paired off.

Whenever I saw a cute BBW out in Spain, she was with her bf / husband.

YMMV.

[joswitch]

I don't see why not. We're delicious. ;)

I am unable to rep you.;):D

[olwen]

I'm not trying to jump on your case, at all, I'm not. I realize each individual's experience may vary, but the above is a really unfair characterization of fat admirers. I'm one of the female FAs and I know a lot of the fat admirers from here, male and female, fat and thin and I'll tell you, there are plenty of attractive, smart, funny, talented, kind fat admirers who are good catches for anyone, but they truly only want fat partners. I also know from FA to FA conversations, that many fat admirers have had a type of attraction to fat people long before they were of a sexual age. Many of us enjoyed looking at fat people more than thin from childhood, it's an aesthetic as well as sexual attraction for some of us. But I think it's really unfair to fat admirers and fat people to say that only a weirdo or loser would want a fat partner and that's how your post comes across. I'm sorry if you've had bad experiences, but that's not all that is out there. Really.:) (smiley face to prove I am being friendly and not getting on your case:p)


I think you both have a point. While it's true that not only losers and weirdos will want fat people, somehow, it's the losers and the weirdos who seek us out half the time. Maybe they figure they have nothing else to lose so why not. I dunno, but I've met more than one guy like that in my lifetime. (That fat people are more accepting of flaws is a myth too.)

And the ones who aren't overly weird, sad, and pathetic are often just too fucking scared to actually try to date you. The decent, normal, forthright, kind ones do exist, but they are few and far between and a fat person could go half their lives before meeting even one person suitable enough to be in a relationship with.

[tonynyc]

I don't see why not. We're delicious. ;)

and scrumptious :wubu: :wubu: :wubu:

[bettylulu]

Okay, but they also usually don't go for Gabourey Sidibe either. Sorry, but maybe like 1 out of 1,000 men is a chubby chaser, but the rest are just settling. Sad but true, and that is why I don't even get attracted to anyone anymore. Why bother with it when there aren't enough potential dates to go around? So I can spend money I don't have buying makeup, perfume, and clothes to impress other fat women who will have the same deluded idea that we all look so pretty that the (largely non-existent) FA's will all come out of the woodwork and we will be barraged with so many suitors we won't know what to do?



I dress nicely, wear make up and put on perfume, not because I'm trying to attract a man (I'm married), but because I like doing those things and they make me feel good about myself. When I was single, and actually even now that I am married, the times that I was approached by men was when I was relaxed and having fun with my friends or whoever I was with and didn't care about getting hit on. If I was focused on "Gotta find a man!" it was like I was coated in cooties and no one would even talk to me.

You've obviously had a really rough time in relationships and I am truly sorry for that. I know it's cliched, but you really won't convince someone to care about you until you care about yourself. I hope things get better for you.

I saw a clip of Gabi Sidibe on the red carpet before the Oscars just about charm the pants off of Gerard Butler, so I wouldn't write her off so quickly.

[kioewen]

Okay, but they also usually don't go for Gabourey Sidibe either. Sorry, but maybe like 1 out of 1,000 men is a chubby chaser, but the rest are just settling.

Correct observation, but false conclusion. A useful perspective on this is provided by a topic suggestion by Jack Secret in the "FA Myths and Misconceptions - Suggestions Thread"

FA's think all fat women are beautiful. [MYTH]

as well as a poll that appeared on this forum a while back, "Face or Figure?" which was won by the "face" option.

Even the most ardent FAs at not attracted to weight alone. It is a major factor in their attraction, but not the only factor. This doesn't make them false FAs; rather, it just means that weight is a significant but not exclusive factor in attraction.

FA=/= FOA. That is, "Fat Admirer," of which there are many, is not the same as "Fat Only Admirer," of which there are few.

[Fox]

I've never once heard anyone say that FAs are more evolved, intelligent, empathetic or courageous than everyone else. Where the heck did this myth come from anyway?

They're just people. Same as everyone else.

I think an FA once said that being an FA allows him to sympathize more with fat people than he would be if he wasn't FA and some weight bigot was all like "OH SO YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME CAUSE YOU LIKE NASTY FATTIES!" I'm sure this rumor started like that. I wouldn't take it personally.

[TimeTraveller]

To add to what has been discussed in the recent replies: I am an engineer and I think I may have some autistic traits, so I seem to be fitting the stereotype ;)
I can't speak for other FAs, only myself. I am pleasantly surprised to see how many engineers here love fat women. Great minds think alike.

Maybe I do have more empathy than the average man. I remember being fascinated by the fattest girl in 2nd grade and feeling empathy because I could see it took more effort for her to move around than all the thin girls. Over the years as she blossomed into a voluptuous supersize beauty I could see she was so heavy she had to brace herself to stand up, but she did it in one fluid motion and after she was on her feet she carried her fat with style and grace and seemed genuinely happy with herself. She & I don't regard obesity as a disability but it does make life more complicated. We turned out to be personally compatible and we dated in high school. We also dated others from time to time, which only made it more clear that we were meant for each other. By then I cared so much about her I married her. More than 30 years of marriage later, it only gets better. I want her to be happy, and I try to be aware of her needs, desires, abilities and limitations.

I doubt I was particularly courageous for liking such a fat girl. You don't need to be courageous when you simply don't care what anyone thinks. But sometimes I had to make a stand. My parents were very anti-fat, and I could ignore it only so much. My mother said I shouldn't date anyone so fat because it was unhealthy. My father said no son of his would date a fat girl, and he tried to break us up. He went so far as to call her mother to demand she keep her daughter away from me! I came very close to a full-out fist fight with my father. He probably could have beat the crap out of me, but I would have at least torn out a piece of him, so he backed down. My father still tried to persuade me whenever possible to date a nice petite cutie instead, but he no longer actively interfered. He did refuse to attend our wedding though. Oh well, his loss.

[KHayes666]

I really think that FAs' lack of social contact because of the autism thing is what leads them to date and/or approach fat women or fat men because the fat person is more likely to not have much experience in the arena of dating experience, so they don't know that the person's inappropriateness is what drives away potential dates, leading them to seek out fat people because they perceive us as friendlier, more tolerant, and in general, someone that won't know that the person is eating with his/her hands (like the last FA I dated) or that they left no tip (one before that) or that they are cheap, horrifically ugly or old or want something.

I don't hate them for it but the fact is, if these people could get Megan Fox or Chris Hemsworth, they'd do it like anyone else. Yes, we may have pretty faces, great personalities, intelligence, senses of humor, but in the long run, when the Firewind concert comes on Oct 16, I will remain dateless for that just like the last 4 concerts I went to, getting no numbers, not even one drunk wackjob hitting on me, and being instantly "friend zoned" by any decent-looking guy I know or ever meet and no male interest of any kind, one comes down to a conclusion: Nobody normal wants to date a fat person. And if they do, it's because they like our personality not our looks.

And that is why I no longer bother with my appearance over being clean and keeping my hair out of my face. Worrying about my appearance as a fat woman is like being a falling tree in the woods: No one is there to see it or hear it.

How did I miss this before? Anyway....

Yeah, I think Megan Fox is fucking gorgeous. If I wasn't taken already and she came on to me you better believe I'd be taking her up on her offer. Same goes with Kim Kardashian, Heather Hunter or Alexandra Silk. All gorgeous.

I like thin girls and I'm not autistic (I got tested when I was younger). I also like big girls too and contrary to what you say...I tip well, eat with silverware (or plastic if I'm at a cookout), far from cheap, not horrifically ugly, not old (yet) or want to get in anyone's pants (besides my fiance of course).

I'm far from normal but even if I was, I'd still date a fat woman. You make it sound like dating someone for their personality is a bad thing. Would you rather a guy look at your ass and say "hey baby" rather than a guy looking you in the eye and listening to what you have to say?

What fat women do you know that has no dating experience? I know a lot of fat women with more experience than a lot of thin girls I know. You just haven't been to the right places to where dating is quite common amongst the larger folk.

I have no idea who you dated in the past but are you really going to judge the behavior of thousands of F/A's because one guy ate like a slob and the other tipped like a (radio edit)? You do make one point, a lot of guys claim to be F/A's but really aren't. Fortunately though, there are a lot of guys (including myself) that are very real. Just have to find one of those types.

Oh and who the hell came up with the myth that F/A's find all fat women attractive? That's not true at all.

[bbwsrule]

Just read this Myth for the first time. Never heard it before and I dismissed it at first, but the posts have made me think a bit. A couple of random thoughts about this (and some of the posts):

1. I was always an FA from the start. It was an arousal thing, not a
"who can I get to date me" thing. Back in the 60's/70's there were
a lot fewer big girls.

2. I suppose you might say something similar about gays, who have had
a big uphill acceptance and (in most cases) self-image battle. There
seem to be some occupational trends for gays (as far as I can tell
w/o being part of that community). Many of them are into aesthetic
and artistic professions, and geeky things as well.

3. I'm spending time in N.C. these days and there are a lot of big women
around here. There are no tech jobs around here to speak of so I
don't think many of their men are engineers. A lot of blue collar types
of one description or another seem to have larger partners.

Bottom line -- I don't really think so but don't know enough to be sure.

4. Still can't believe how intrusive and crass some people can be about
nosing into personal preference for larger partners. Glad my parents
said nothing about any of my choices. Sorry to those who had to
endure otherwise.

[Fox]

Okay, but they also usually don't go for Gabourey Sidibe either. Sorry, but maybe like 1 out of 1,000 men is a chubby chaser, but the rest are just settling. Sad but true, and that is why I don't even get attracted to anyone anymore.

It saddens me you think this way. There are many men who love big women and are attracted to them both inside and out, whether they are normal or autistic. Though I have grown up with autism and I'm definitely not the most regular FA ever, but I am actually more physically attracted to bigger people, and it really has nothing to do with just settling. Also, I think Gabourey Sidibe is a very beautiful woman and I highly doubt she has trouble getting men.

Why bother with it when there aren't enough potential dates to go around? So I can spend money I don't have buying makeup, perfume, and clothes to impress other fat women who will have the same deluded idea that we all look so pretty that the (largely non-existent) FA's will all come out of the woodwork and we will be barraged with so many suitors we won't know what to do?

It's nice for you that you believe that. It really is, but wait until you are shot down by any and all men you are attracted to anywhere and always the sexless fat friend, never the girlfriend. You'll eventually get the idea.

I know it may seem difficult for you to believe that fat women could be seen as physically attractive, because of what you've been through and what you been taught, but there is quite a big community of FAs who dream about being in a relationship with a girl like you, and they are much easier to find than they use to be, thanks to the internet. :happy:

Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

I think you are in denial yourself with this issue. Really. Coming to a website full of FAs and BBWs, trying to tell them their community isn't real? That would be like going to a mosque and telling them Allah doesn't exist. Well... Sort of..

Regardless, this site is full of people who are willing to help you accept you for who you are. Just try to stay positive and don't be afraid to ask questions and talk to other Dims members if there is anything you want to know. Somewhere out there, there's a FA waiting to meet a sweet girl like you, and sicne you've entered the BBW community, you should at least make an attempt to find him. I'm sure you won't regret it. :)