Being 60

[Webmaster]

I turned 60 early this year. And I must say that sort of shook me more than any other "milestone" birthdays. Turning 30, 40 or 50 were non-events, and I never felt any different. It seemed like the time between my early 30s and late 50s was one long plateau where everything was more or less the same.

But 60 is different. Pretty much all my life I was always seen as the young gun who achieved things ahead of time. But at 60 the young gun days and years are now definitely over.

Physically, I've been incredibly fortunate. No aches, no pains and just a little wear here and there (and even that more self-imposed than by nature). I weighed 150 when I played ball in college, I weigh 152 now. My hair, though it began turning gray in my early 30s, is largely still accounted for. I am a runner. I do 5 and 10ks. And fairly advanced dives. What affects me most healthwise are those stupid reading glasses and an eye injury that happened when I was 19.

I can't recall ever having had a conventional midlife crisis. I did have a red Porsche 928 for a few years 20+ years ago, but the impetus for getting it was a fascination with its speed and mechanicals rather than the more common use of flashy vehicles.

On my 60th birthday I descended into the big tank at the Georgia Aquarium and swam with hammerhead and other sharks. It was a great start to a new era of my life. But this one does feel different. My mailbox gets bombed with AARP literature. Though it's been years since I needed medical attention, my health insurance premiums are going through the roof. I have lines in my face that were never there before.

I also feel a strange sense of detachment from what's going on in the world. Like I don't care because it's no longer my game. Whatever they do, I am no longer really part of it. I've had my decades in participating shaping the world, but that is now in the past for me. I realize that's an irrational feeling. My mom is 90 and, apart from physical wear and tear, exactly the same person she was 30 years ago. My dad wasn't that lucky. So I hope I take after her.

I look back over my career and wonder if I should have done it differently. Sometimes I feel like I accomplished a lot in my 60 years, other times I feel like I blew it. Some of my friends will get 100% of their salaries as pensions forever. None of that for me. Some accumulated wealth. I didn't; it's just too damn hard to save much these days.

I fear that I have become quite cynical. I snort in disgust when I see yet another investment banker commercial telling me how they care so much about me and my family. Yeah, sure. That is why they make trillions and obscene bonuses, whether the market goes up or down, when pretty much whatever I eve tried with investments in my life worked for the brokers and banks much better than for me. Politicians? All the same. Greed, idiocy, stupid games is often all I see.

I also look back and wish I could undo the mistakes I made, and do it all over. Sometimes I feel like life is like a trial run, a boot camp that gets you ready to do it right and for real the second time around. Only, there's no second time. This is it. And whatever chances and opportunities I have had, at 60, the window is now closing.

I've always made my own destiny. And apart from not getting a pension, I'd probably do it over again that way. No one can fire me, and I can likely keep doing what I am doing or quite some time. But what if some day I can't anymore? That is scary.

Sometimes I wonder what is ahead for me. This past year, at age 60, I've been diving with sharks, giant manta rays, whale sharks, explored wrecks, researched night time fluorescence underwater, traveled a lot, did some pretty extreme stuff. I probably wrote a hundred detailed product and technology reviews. How long will I be able to continue doing all this?

Then I think of my mom who is half again as old as I am, and seems happy as a clam (not sure why clams are supposed to be so happy, but anyway). And I look at my son who is a quarter as old as I am, and who is just a total joy. Still, I feel like I passed some pivotal milestone.

I remember when as a child I thought of the year 2000 and that by then I'd be 49 years old. No one could be that old. It seemed inconceivable. Or when the Beatles sang about being 64. That was inconceivable, too. I mean, in my formative years the word of the day was not to trust anyone over 30. Hah.

I remember the first time someone called me "sir" on account of my age, not just out of politeness or social etiquette. That felt weird as it was when I ran into a guy with whom I had been discussing the finer points of tuning race cars online. Online we were buddies. In real life I was "sir."

Some day, most who are younger than I am will be where I am now. I have a lot to be thankful for, and life certainly worked out in unexpected ways.

[Dr. Feelgood]

Then I think of my mom who is half again as old as I am, and seems happy as a clam (not sure why clams are supposed to be so happy, but anyway).

The original expression was "happy as a clam at high tide." Since people go clamming when the tide is out, high tide means the clams are safe (though I am not convinced that they appreciate this implication).

[jcas50]

I turned 60 a year plus ago. It did hit me that things are different now. For example, Wednesday I was at Universal Studios in Orlando and I went on the dragon roller coaster. When it was done I decided that this is something 60 year olds shouldn't be doing. I think about retirement all the time. Will I do it at 62? 65? 66? 70? I am thinking 65 may be the magic number.

But yes, I think that some of my era has passed in many ways. It is time to enjoy the next phase of life. It is no longer time to go back and relive the past.

[Ned Sonntag]

http://i224.photobucket.com/albums/dd240/nedsonntag/DODpg1_600w.jpg Hmmm:rolleyes: I'd like to make my own:blush: Destiny:batting::smitten:... in a test tube:eek: with cybernetic appz:bounce:!!

[Theresa48]

Being in my sixties has been much like my forties and fifties with one physical exception: my joints are feeling the effects of my weight and it is much harder to get up off a couch, chair, bed or walk the long distances I used to without pain.

Also, emotionally, I feel the "end" of things that I once took for granted. Went to a science workshop with my much younger colleagues to learn about how technology is enhancing the way we teach. I was thinking about how exciting it will be to use the iPads, Smartboards, etc. in my classroom and how we are on the cusp of paradigm shift and I won't be around to carry it through. That made me very sad.

Other than that, the "essential me" is the same. :)

[Theatrmuse/Kara]

Theresa..........I HATE using Smartboard. LOL!

[Theresa48]

Kara, I used to hate it myself. They are bulky and cumbersome...take up a lot of room in a small area. Then, we mounted them onto the wall and they are not half bad to use. :) Hope you have a Merry Christmas!

[Webmaster]

Smartboard as in interactive whiteboard? If so, the technology looks interesting to me, though I must admit that with certain technologies, I wonder if they actually offer a tangible benefit, or if we're simply doing about the same thing (and sometimes less) with needlessly complex and expensive technology. The answer isn't always easy.

On another issue, have you guys noted that folks treat you differently once they learn of your age? As soon as I posted in this thread and spoke of my thoughts and experiences of getting older, one particularly nasty person began taking age-related potshots at me. Charming.

[Theatrmuse/Kara]

How dare someone come into the Conrad's own website, which he created with his own sweat , money and tears and do that! However, yes, I have noticed some folks treating me differently once they know my age.

Ehhhhhhhhhhhh............if they only KNEW us. LOLOL! Hugs, Kara

[Theresa48]

I've noticed that, too, Conrad. In education some things are made more complicated than they need to be. Where I am, technology isn't 100 percent reliable so when I build a lesson around it or the smartboard, I have to have a back up plan in case the computer goes bonkers or the server is down. Seems like it is sometimes twice the work.

I also can't imagine anyone taking age related pot shots at you. You are so active and living life to its fullest (opinion of mine reached by what I have read about you) whoever it is must not know you and is a petty person.

Also, people do tend to treat me differently when they know how old I am. They talk with a condescending tone which irritates me.

Kara, how true! If only they knew who we are and what we've done/experienced and know.
:) In my case, they would be downright shocked. LOL

[Webmaster]

Yesterday, my son celebrated his 16th birthday. I really, really wonder how he sees the world. We're close, but there are things we don't talk about because he doesn't seem to want to, and so I don't push. I have no memory of my own 16th birthday, but when I look at my diaries from those days (yes, still have them), I assume some of the same stuff must be going through his mind.

I often wonder how he sees me, and if it's in any way similar to the way I saw my dad. It has got to be different somehow as I was 45 when he was born whereas my own dad was only 32 when I was born.

These days I often think about time. I don't feel different at all and do the same stuff I've always done, but time very clearly moves on. How long can you ride it before you become just a spectator?

[moore2me]

Yesterday, my son celebrated his 16th birthday. I really, really wonder how he sees the world. We're close, but there are things we don't talk about because he doesn't seem to want to, and so I don't push. I have no memory of my own 16th birthday, but when I look at my diaries from those days (yes, still have them), I assume some of the same stuff must be going through his mind.

I often wonder how he sees me, and if it's in any way similar to the way I saw my dad. It has got to be different somehow as I was 45 when he was born whereas my own dad was only 32 when I was born.

These days I often think about time. I don't feel different at all and do the same stuff I've always done, but time very clearly moves on. How long can you ride it before you become just a spectator?

I can answer this last question as it related to my horse back riding activities. I rode for years and fell off for years. Eventually, the time came when falling off was no longer an acceptable risk, nor was it fun to hit the ground at the speed of a run, nor was it fun to have a nasty half broke nag try to knock me off with a tree branch. In short, I became a spectator when the risk outweighed the good parts.

Being sixty is not that bad tho – at least while I still have my wits about me even as a spectator. It was a little tough a few years ago when I realized that I had hit my professional peak and was headed downhill. I did not have full control over this situation, but it still hit me like a ton of bricks and made me feel like an old used shoe. But that’s behind me now and I have moved on to pester new people and try to wake up on the right side of the ground mornings.

I have a lot of respect for my ancestors’ hard way of life and intend to do the best job I can to carry out the gift of life they gave me. I also look forward to turning over the tasks and heartaches of daily life along with the joy to the younger folks in my family. There’s not room around our earth for everyone to stay permanently – mother nature knows what she’s doing when she lets the young take over and try their hands at running the place.

As to leaving a legacy or having a great career – it is a nice thing to accomplish if the fates will allow it. Conrad, I think your contributions to size acceptance are solid and appreciated around the world by thousands. Your kindness in creating and maintaining this website is a great favor to our community. I for one have certainly enjoyed talking to people around the world (even tho some might say” lecturing” is a more accurate word) for most of my discussions.

You are also known for your writing technical articles on cameras, high tech equipment, and scuba diving. When I goggled your name, these were the main hits I got.

[Webmaster]

I can answer this last question as it related to my horse back riding activities. I rode for years and fell off for years. Eventually, the time came when falling off was no longer an acceptable risk, nor was it fun to hit the ground at the speed of a run, nor was it fun to have a nasty half broke nag try to knock me off with a tree branch. In short, I became a spectator when the risk outweighed the good parts.

Interesting commentary about being a participant or just a spectator. From my vantage point, there's a difference between doing something and then simply losing interest or moving on, or stop doing it because we no longer can. I've done numerous challenging things in my life that at some point came to an end not because it just became too much, but because something else happened or the fascination had just played itself out. What worries me is the subtle point where necessity dictates, and no longer choice. I want to know that point and be aware of it, not just assume it's there and use it as an excuse.

Being sixty is not that bad tho – at least while I still have my wits about me even as a spectator. It was a little tough a few years ago when I realized that I had hit my professional peak and was headed downhill. I did not have full control over this situation, but it still hit me like a ton of bricks and made me feel like an old used shoe. But that’s behind me now and I have moved on to pester new people and try to wake up on the right side of the ground mornings.

One of the good things about running your own business is that there's no age discrimination and no pressure and push from those younger than you. My professional experience and knowledge simply continues to grow and accumulate, so I have full control over that situation. I also love what I am doing completely and can't see a point where I'd stop loving it.

I have a lot of respect for my ancestors’ hard way of life and intend to do the best job I can to carry out the gift of life they gave me. I also look forward to turning over the tasks and heartaches of daily life along with the joy to the younger folks in my family. There’s not room around our earth for everyone to stay permanently – mother nature knows what she’s doing when she lets the young take over and try their hands at running the place.

I have mixed feelings about that. Whatever little family I ever had lives many thousands of miles away on another continent, so my circle here is very small.

As to leaving a legacy or having a great career – it is a nice thing to accomplish if the fates will allow it. Conrad, I think your contributions to size acceptance are solid and appreciated around the world by thousands. Your kindness in creating and maintaining this website is a great favor to our community. I for one have certainly enjoyed talking to people around the world (even tho some might say” lecturing” is a more accurate word) for most of my discussions.

Hard to say how it'll all play out. NAAFA likely would have closed its doors several times in the past had I not propped them up financially. And I spent a small fortune on giving BBW Magazine another four years' worth of life, which perhaps made a small difference in the lives of plus-size women beyond the range SA usually reaches. I don't plan on stopping what I am doing anytime soon, but for one reason or another, I feel unusually introspective at this particular point in my life.

You are also known for your writing technical articles on cameras, high tech equipment, and scuba diving. When I goggled your name, these were the main hits I got.

Yes, tech is my passion and one of the tangible benefits of having recognized very early on the impact computers would have on almost all aspects of life. I built a computer from scratch in high school with a soldering iron and thousands of wires, abandoned architecture rather than yielding to a boneheaded professor of architecture who said computers would never have a place anywhere in architecture (in his it was mostly female students). I was the first to forego the usual IBM Selectric and do my dissertation entirely on a mainframe wordprocessor. Later I baffled an employer by replacing a hugely expensive mainframe monitoring program with a simple spreadsheet. And my 16-year-old still comes to me if he has any question about the latest gizmos. I love tech. Every part of it. I just regret that I never managed to cash in with one of my projects. I came close a couple of times, but I am just not enough of a salesman.

[Webmaster]

One of the really good things of this age is that falling asleep works so much better. I vividly recall times in my life, often years at a time, when falling asleep was a frustrating experience. Sleep just wouldn't come, and the later it got, the more tense and anxious I became. These days, falling asleep works wonderfully well. I always stay up fairly late, around midnight, but when I am ready to go, bang, gone. I like that.

[katherine22]

One of the really good things of this age is that falling asleep works so much better. I vividly recall times in my life, often years at a time, when falling asleep was a frustrating experience. Sleep just wouldn't come, and the later it got, the more tense and anxious I became. These days, falling asleep works wonderfully well. I always stay up fairly late, around midnight, but when I am ready to go, bang, gone. I like that.

What remains surprizing about being 63 is that I didn't expect to have as much energy as I do. I sleep about 7 hours a day, enjoy my work and never feel tired. I am happy that there remains a quickness to my step. I enjoy engaging with young people and appreciate their desire to talk with me. I feel blessed to have had rich experience and am grateful that I remain curious about life. I still desire more experiences. The good news about being older is seeing the patterns to life and not being easily thrown by the unexpected. I have less need for perfection and find amusement in the most ordinary occurrences. I have gained the courage to be more self-expressive and care less if I am not understood. My self-understanding holds more weight. I enjoy my own company for a host of reasons.

[Webmaster]

Well, the last four months weren't fun. That's because my dear father-in-law, at age 88, got gravely ill and spent the last few months of his life between hospital, ICU and intense nursing care. And then died. That was very hard.

It also made me revisit the whole getting older thing. Compared to my departed father-in-law and my 85-year-old mother-in-law, I am still a whole generation removed from all that. I have no aches or pains, enjoy all the same stuff I always have (like scuba diving, racing my cars, adoring fat girls) can do all the same stuff I always have, and everything is just fine.

Except that it's different. For the longest time it felt like all those passing decades were just like one long plateau, with things staying pretty much the same. In a way, those years all felt like getting onto the highway of life in my early 20s and then blasting down those endless straights. But now, all of a sudden, it weirdly feels like the exit ramp is near. Not the exit ramp as in a certain end-of-the-road, but exit ramp to normal adult life as we know it.

Like, I never intend to retire, and really can't, not having the kind of cushy pension that comes from having spent one's working life with the government or some big company. I haven't. But, oddly, the thought has taken hold in my mind that folks retire at 65 or so, and from then on it's sort of living on bonus time, like you may just drop dead at an early age (like a lot of folks I know have), or you may soldier on for another few decades, which is a long time to be on bonus time, like almost as long (my mom is 91 and pretty much as she always was) as the "adult" life you just left behind.

So that's all strange and scary. I mean, hustling to get a bit of a nest egg, which is almost impossible these days as it is, is one thing if there's only a few years to go, but a totally different thing if you march on for another two or three decades.

Really, this is SO weird.

[Theatrmuse/Kara]

Sorry to hear of your losses, Chief. I am right there with you but with added health issues and now will be moving back Virginia to take care of my 91 year old father. Will send 3 weeks here in Asheville, NC and the next 2 weeks with Dad....this will be alternating. I feel a bit shell shocked and disorientated.
Onward and upward, Hugs, Kara

[Dr. Feelgood]

There are benefits. For instance, you can smoke a cigar without anyone telling you it will shorten your life.