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Old 03-10-2009, 10:25 AM   #31
Celestial Ceece
SSBBW Singer
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Vermont
Posts: 202
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Default Yes...Bad Experiences

Originally Posted by mergirl View Post
Do you think that ssbbw's keep themselves seperate conciously or subconciously in the queer and Fat/fat community for some reason?
Do you think its a small minority of people who are less accepting of ssbbws but then the ssbbw will feel like shit because of a few bad experiences?
It is an interesting debate. I love ssbbws and bbws alike and can see no reason why one group should feel more or less accepted over the other (especially in a group geared towards size acceptance).
Do you have specific experiences where you know you were being treated differently because you are a ssbbw as opposed to a plain ole bbw? It seems here on dims that i encounter more Fa's who like ssbbws.. though thats something i could be wrong about.
Okay this is interesting that you bring up the question of whether or not some SSBBW's isolate themselves or stand on the sidelines due to past experiences. I think that this does happen to a certain extent. BUT...there are also some people who have the preference for smaller women, and I think it happens more in the fat queer community (I'm talking NOLOSE specifically). I know several SSBBW's who are also femme, who have been rejected by whomever, because that person wanted a smaller partner, or the SSBBW was too big.

One experience I had was at NOLOSE. This really attractive (possibly popular) femme was attractive to me. She had a crush on another BBW - a chubby one. That BBW didn't like femmes though, so she spent the night sulking about how cute this other woman was, but she couldn't hook up with her because chubby BBW femme girl was into butches - or at least wanted a butch that night. So I flirted with HER (the chubby rejectee) and she totally blew me off. I found out from another SSBBW that she had the same experience with the same woman the prior year.

Now I can't think of any other times where I was left out because I was SSBBW at NOLOSE...because the first year I had an attitude and was shy. The second year, I was flamingly big, beautiful and queer. I danced, I sweated my ass off (not literally though) and I was just BOLD. I made out with a hot butch chick at a fool-around party (adult version of truth or dare basically)...the next night I had a one-nighter with a person of my choosing. I had several chicks and t's of all shapes and sizes flirting with me and I realized that if/when I project that positive, confident vibe, I get hit on so much more.

But I think that was an interesting point - that attitude can and does play a role in how a person is perceived, and sometimes, whether or not they get flirted with or picked up or whatever. I've also found that at "normal" straight bars, I get hit on quite a bit too. Maybe it is the beer goggles, or maybe it is because a lot of people who don't identify as FA like fat chicks. Again, it is about being confident and projecting a positive attitude. Still, there are some people who just prefer non-SSBBW's and that's fine with me. There are plenty of folks out there who WOULD and DO like chicks like me.
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take" -Wayne Gretzky
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