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Old 04-25-2006, 10:52 PM   #19
Robin Rocks
Strange as angels
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Music City, USA
Posts: 121
Robin Rocks can now change their title

I've been hesitant to post about this because I don't want to get any flack but for myself and my daughter, I've had to do what I'm doing.

I've had a problem with weight since I was about 10 years old. I've tried so many diets and they've all failed me. I guess I shouldn't label it as a problem so to speak but I can recall so many of the names I've been called, the looks I've gotten, the list goes on. It wrecked my self-esteem. Then I started having back problems after I had my daughter.

A few years ago I found the internet and learned that it's ok to be fat as long as you're healthy. Back problems aside, I was healthy. Low sugar, perfect blood pressure, etc. I gained so much confidence just knowing I wasn't really alone in all this. It was amazing to find so many people that were like me in alot of ways.

Over the last couple years, I've felt my health declining. I've been afraid to go to the doctor (my PA is great but I was scared I'd find out stuff I didn't want to know). I now have knee pain. Over the last couple weeks I've been experiencing some weird pain in my right ankle that radiates around to the top of my foot.

Because of the above and so much more I've not posted, I'm now waiting for approval from my insurance company to have the lap-band procedure. I've known for a long time that going the route of the gastric bypass just wasn't for me but I kept thinking that maybe something would change and I'd want to have it done. Nothing ever changed. Then I started reading more and more about the lap-band procedure and am convinced, for myself, this is one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself. And to be honest, I'm not just doing it for me. I have a beautiful 15 year old daughter and I'm doing it for her too. Not once has she ever disapproved of me because of my weight. She's never been embarrassed to be seen with me (well except when she's being a teenager ). None of her friends have ever made fun of me. I just want to be around when she graduates from high school and then college. I want to be there when she gets married one day. Unfortunately, at the rate I'm going, I'm not sure how far I will make it. I feel like this surgery may be a lifesaver.

And again, I just want to reiterate that I've not come to this decision lightly. I've been on so many diets and yet I'm almost 400 pounds. My current weight has kept me from doing so many things I enjoy. Just recently, I was invited with some friends to go on a private tour of the Coliseum in Nashville. As some may know, I'm a HUGE (literally, haha) Titans fan. This would have been such a thrill and was quite an honor to be even be able to do something like that. However, because of my weight and the fact that it's harder and harder to walk just a short distance, I didn't go and made some lame excuse as to why I couldn't. This is just one of many, many, many things I've stopped doing in my life based on my weight.

Of course, I'm scared but to be honest, I'm also very excited too. I'm pretty sure I won't have the surgery til after the first of June, but that's ok. I know that my insurance covers it and just to know the wheels are turning has me almost giddy. I finally feel like I may get my life back. (Please know that I'm not implying that anyone else doesn't have control of their lives based on their weight because I know the exact opposite is true for so many of you).

I'm sure I've rambled more than enough for tonight. And I know I don't post as eloquently as most but I just wanted to try to get my general thoughts across.
The only Bush I trust is my own!
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