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Old 04-04-2009, 02:31 PM   #52
yourpersonalpenguin
 
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Rancho Cordova, CA
Posts: 66
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I don't know how this thread got dragged back up after 7months, but I might as well post.

I have always been overweight, my entire life! usually only slightly overweight. By 13 I was 5'1"(still am ) and 160pds. I kept that weight for quite a while, but in middle school I had to fight to keep it there. I wasn't eating much and walked everywhere. I didn't feel good about my weight and due to other things in my life I sunk into a depression. Well at 15 I wanted a slight change. A friend showed me gaiaonline where I found SnS(soft and sexy). There they embraced you whether you wanted to stay the same or lose. From there I found a tiny starter site that didn't go anywhere and from there i found PAWG now known as animexpansion. I got a lot of attention there which I was surprised by. I found out about FA's and BBW. I actually met the father of my child there. He liked my curves and I was enthused. I wore tight clothing for him and ate more. We ended up making a baby together and I put on 22pds with the pregnancy. I LOVED being pregnant! After I had her I lost 26pds. From 16 to 18 I fluctuated back and forth between 160 to 180pds. Unfortunately my beauty was defined by my man more than I even knew. When I moved out of my parents house(august 2007) I was able to eat what I wanted, when I wanted, and how much I wanted. The pounds started coming(in 12months 50pds, in 18months a total of 65pds, so move our at 170, today 235pds). Well apparently my baby daddy only liked chubby girls, not big girls. For many other reasons I'm sure, he stopped loving me and I was forced to break up with him(April 2008). When we broke up he told me I had gotten TOO fat and I had disgusting cellulite. I got very depressed and I began looking at myself in a full length mirror every day for about 10min nude. I kept looking for this cellulite he was talking about. I continued eating because I needed to. In a deep depression I won't eat, so by continuing to eat I was keep my moods semi-normal. I had a few friends keep suggesting FF(fantasyfeeder) so I finally joined in late July/early August 2008. I met some cool people and met up with some friends IRL. I started slowly feeling better about myself. Well one day in December 2008 I was doing my routine check of my body continuing to look for this "nasty" cellulite. Well that day something clicked inside of me and I asked myself "what am I looking for? and what I am looking for just isn't there, BUT what IS there is beautiful." Before that day I couldn't bare to take a photo of myself. After I started taking pics and posting them on FF. It was my official way I saying I am confident about my body. I really think I am beautiful. I mean we all have our days and sometimes when I take pictures and look at them I can't believe it's me, because it shocks me that I am that pretty, but most days I feel really good about my body. So I found out I am a BBW in December 2008.
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