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Old 04-13-2009, 02:26 PM   #53
shellbelle
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: nyc
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this is a really good question for me to answer right now. i'm sorry if my response doesn't make a lot of sense... the truth is, it's something i'm thinking a lot about lately, and yeah, so my thoughts and ideas about it are relatively jumbled.

i rarely ever discuss being fat outloud. for the most part, in my daily life and in my social interactions with people, i rarely ever even think about being fat because it's so streamlined into my identity, and i guess i'm not a very body conscious person. for the most part, i feel like a lot of my issues with my weight and fatness aren't internal, but are mostly affected by external problems. stupid things like not fitting into TINYTINYTINY desks at my school, other people's awful attitudes, and here's one that probably goes without saying: shopping. at the core of myself, i think i'm a beautiful person, but sometimes, after a day where it doesn't seem like the world was meant for me to (literally) fit into it, that can mentally wear on how i look at myself. i don't think this is a hurdle i'll ever really get over because i don't think the problem is ME. i think that we live in a pretty anti-fat world, and as an incredibly active person, i'll have a hard time avoiding that. it's definitely going to take time and life experience for me to learn how to cope with that, and i don't expect it to happen overnight, if at all. so long story short, would i take the skinny pill? depends on how awful of a day i've had.

but for the most part, besides all that crap, yeah, i think i'm pretty much hot shit as is.
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