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Old 05-10-2009, 11:51 PM   #5
James
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Originally Posted by fa_man_stan View Post
My "coming out" so to speak really took place over many years...
I can relate to that experience. For me, the process really began via the internet (about 10 years ago) where I first realized that I wasn't a unique oddity or alone in my aesthetic. This gave me the basis of confidence to begin to discuss things with my parents and close friends.

Whilst my parents were initially horrified, labeling my aesthetic as a passing phase that I would 'hopefully' outgrow, the reaction of my friends was nowhere near as negative as I'd presumed it might be.

I think 'outness' can be defined as the degree of comfort feels in one's skin... essentially 'being oneself'. In my early 20s, as with most people, my sense of self began to develop and I think it was critical that whilst that was happening, I'd already confronted myself and acknowledged the questions that FAs invariably have to ask themselves (i.e. is this aesthetic set? Yes... does this mean that I will be sabotaging a potential partner's desire to be thin by expressing it? No... etc. etc.). I think that in general, the earlier that one faces up to oneself and figures all this kind of stuff out, the better the outcomes will be.

Also, over time, it became obvious to all that my dating preferences were exclusively in the range of 'big'. To a large extent, this went uncommented upon amongst my peers. That said, I think I define truly being 'out' as when I reached a point of confidently holding discussion on the subject amongst friends and family... and even strangers if they saw fit to comment on it? This really didn't materialize in a vacuum for me. It took time and the experience to really become 100% 'ok' with myself. I think one of the key things that bolstered this along the way was meeting and befriending other FAs. In fact, I'd recommend to anyone in the closet that this one part of the process alone will enable them to leap forward towards 'coming out'.
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