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Old 01-10-2010, 10:59 AM   #32
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Orlando, FL.
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Default My Part of this Journey.

If anyone ever said that the act of "coming out" was easy, they are wrong. I wont lie, it's hard, very hard, but the relief you feel afterward is well worth it.

I was in the closet / "In the pantry" about my preference from when I was 14 till when I was 22. I was always afraid of what others might say or do. I was afraid of the confrontation with my parents. I was afraid my friends would think less of me. Heck, I was afraid to admit it to myself at some points.

I was raised in a very conservative style / reserved household (odd since my parents and I are quite liberal most times). My father especially, is the one who instilled this mindset of being fat is ugly and wrong. I was raised in an environment where Fat was a cursed word, you couldn't say it or even whisper it without a derogatory tone over-layed.

I realized I was an FA by the time I was 14, obviously not know the proper terms for such things. But my preference was indeed there, but hidden.

Throughout high school, my serious relationships were always with BBW's. For five years I dated one, sad fact was that she was a self-hating BBW, and regardless of how beautiful I told her she was, she still hated the way she looked, and thought less of me for liking it. So my preference became the "500 lb gorilla in the corner no one talks about" in regards to the relationship. As you can plainly see, this environment would have pushed me further into the closet.

After ending the 5 year relationship, I ran into someone I was really interested in. She said the only way she would date me was if I came out of the closet about myself. So, it was the motivation I needed to come out.

Step 1; Self Admittance.
As I said before, I was raised in a household where I was to believe that this lifestyle is wrong. Undoing that upbringing by admitting it to yourself is a hard thing to do. It took me a while to look myself in the eyes of a mirror and just say it. But low and behold, a night came, I looked at my reflection straight in the eyes and said, "I Love big women". At first I was nervous, almost so nervous as to shake. I said it again, "I Love Big women." My nerves started to calm down, my jitters started to subside. I stared into my eyes for a good 5 minutes after that, then I said it again, "I love big women." A wave of relief and relaxation finally hit. I was thrilled I had accomplished that much.

Step 2; Admittance to your Partner.
On my next date with her, I sat down and looked her in the eyes and said it again. She smiled, happy to see I was making progress. We spent the rest of the date talking about my preference. Talking about what it means to her, and what she has always thought about this lifestyle as well. I had never felt so good, so alive as to actually have a full and positive conversation about my preference. I felt released.

Step 3; Family Admittance.
As you could probably tell, I had always feared about what my parents would say. So I sat down with my mom first. She was always the more approachable one. "Mom," I said, "I have something to tell you about the women I date". She seemed worried at first. There was a long pause as she looked like she had something to say. I waited, nervously. "Is everything alright Michael?" she said. "Yes mom, nothing is wrong.” I paused again, looking for the right words. “Is this about the fact you’ve only ever dated plus-sized girls?” she said. “Well, actually, yes.” I said. She looked me firmly in the eyes. “Michael, let me say something, no matter who you’re interested in, or where you find love, I will always love you. No matter who you bring home, a friend of yours is a friend of mine. I have always accepted you for who you are, and this time will be no different. Now, could you do me one favor?” I was shocked that she already knew, and responded shyly. “Of course, what is it?” I said. “I know you probably planned on it, but don’t sit down with your father about this, ok?”

I went back to being shocked again. “What? Why?” I asked. She sighed before talking. “Well, firstly I want to tell you that I am not telling you to hide who you are. I am just saying, don’t announce it to him. We all know how you father is. I don’t fear him doing anything brash, but I would like you two to avoid an unneeded argument,” she said. She paused for a moment before talking again. “Look at it this way, you have no idea what your father, your siblings, or myself look for physically in a partner do you?” “Well, no I don’t,” I said. She continued, “So, why should it be any different for you? I mean none of us need to go around announcing to everyone what we are attracted to, so you don’t need to either.”

I thought for a moment. “I just can’t shake the feeling that I am still hiding who I am or how I feel.” She gave me a hug. “Don’t stress yourself over it. I know it took a lot to sit down and talk with me now, and this whole thing means so much to you, I am proud of you. I am not saying hide who you are from anyone. What I am saying is that if the topic ever comes up in conversation with people, don’t lie, and don’t hide it from them. Be who you are, but wait for them to ask you first.”

Step 4; Friend Admittance
After really listening to what my mom had said, I thought about it for quite a bit. After careful consideration, I began to agree with her. There was no need for me to run up to every person I see and tell them what I am attracted to. So with my friends, I decided to take her suggested approach. One fine day of hanging out, the guys saw a beautiful woman on tv, and began to do what guys do, comment on her beauty. I decided to let my real flag fly, suggesting that if she were thicker she would easily look just as good, if not better. And in similar situations point out when a model or spokes person looks too skinny, pointing out ribs and prominent cheek bones.
After all my worrying, my friends accepted what I liked, just as much as my mother did. I was so happy to finally be out.

Advice to people still in the pantry. : Speaking from experience, this is no easy road. You will stress yourself out over it. You will become a nervous wreck at times. It will be one of the hardest things you will do. But I can assure you the reward is well worth it. I cannot put into words how good it feels to admit who and how you are, and to like yourself for it.

The people on here are a great resource to build confidence and to help you work through it.

So lastly, go for it! It’s time you stop living in hiding, living in fear.
-Mike M. (clonenumber47)
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