View Single Post
Old 01-11-2010, 11:55 AM   #38
butch
cuddly, hairy, and fat
 
butch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: among the bamboo thickets
Posts: 2,329
butch has ascended what used to be the highest level.butch has ascended what used to be the highest level.butch has ascended what used to be the highest level.butch has ascended what used to be the highest level.butch has ascended what used to be the highest level.butch has ascended what used to be the highest level.butch has ascended what used to be the highest level.butch has ascended what used to be the highest level.butch has ascended what used to be the highest level.butch has ascended what used to be the highest level.butch has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by James View Post
I think there are often social overtones that require explanation. When a friend stops wanting to be your friend, when your family rejects you and doesn't speak to you for years, when your sexuality is frequently attacked or misunderstood by those to whom it applies... these are all social overtones of significance. These are just a few of the things that can happen for FAs. Granted that experiences vary but I've met enough FAs... and heard enough testimony IRL to know that these kind of outcomes cannot be dismissed as freak occurrences.

Using terms like closet is probably more a functional choice rather than some kind of implicit 'we have it as bad as homosexuals' inference. Although, that said, I have read from some of the gay FAs on these boards that they have sometimes found their attraction to fatness be more transgressive of social norms than their same sex attraction. Perhaps the comparison is not without merit after all? I have also heard that it is far more acceptable to be gay in many European countries than it is to be fat. Having lived in England and France for most of my life I could believe that to be true.

I do agree that it is a question of integrity but to dismiss the FA experience in such an offhand way betrays quite a lack of compassion for very real issues that many FAs face. I appreciate that its probably not enjoyable to come and read FAs talking about how their experience of dating fat people has inherent difficulty when one is a fat person oneself. However, I really don't feel its fair to level the charge that by admitting our realities, FA/FFAs are complicit in dehumanizing fat people as freaks. I'm sorry if you felt that way when you read my post. In no way was that my intention.
As a big fattie, a big lady queer, and a big Fat Admirer of both genders, I can attest that a lot of my coming to terms with my sexuality and my gender expression was very similar to my coming to terms with my fatness and my fat-specific sexuality. I've said it here before, that in my life experience, it has been much easier to grow up and live as a queer person than a fat one. I would never devalue the experiences of my fellow F/FAs, since I know how hard it is to tell my friends about my fat sexual life, when they all are super keen on asking about my queer sexual life.

For those of you who don't get the whole cloest thing for F/FAs, go to wikipedia and read about Goffman and stigma theory. It may suck to read if you're fat, but it explains a lot about how powerful stigma functions in this society, and why (IMO) stigma for fatties continues to go up as stigma for the queers continues to go down.*

* and yes, I know, fatties and FAs don't risk violence and death in the way that many queers, past and present have had to deal with. However, ask a fat person who has been heckled in public places numerous times over the course of their life if they feel like they've been violated, and I bet they would say yes. I still cringe if I have to enter certain spaces or am in close proximity to certain types of people (teenage boys, mostly) where memories of past anti-fat words and actions come to mind. I am afraid in these moments, and I have to say, I have those moments a lot more than moments where I am afraid because of my queer apperance.
__________________
Have you seen my nip on the internet?
butch is offline   Reply With Quote