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Old 01-16-2010, 07:51 PM   #48
liam
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rainyday View Post
liam, I'm not quite sure how to respond as this last post sounds like it was made by an entirely different person than the one who made the first two posts. Very different. Which version is really more descriptive of you is obviously your call. My basic message for you or any FA reading is still the same though: Don't date fat women until you can date them openly, introduce them to your family and others, speak up for them publicly and accept your own preference. If that requires the sacrifice of not dating until you're at that point, then sacrifice. Don't expose women to your ambivalence.

There's nothing there that denies that the journey to that point may not be an easy one.
rainyday, those are fair points and I don't particularly disagree.

Re: different sounding personas; my first post was based only in part on my own first-hand experience (and subjective feelings), and the intent wasn't really to describe my own experience, but rather cast light on what some FAs might go through. The first post was done in haste while at work and reading it now I can see how it looks more like a personal story than a series of rhetorical examples/questions, which was the intent. I tried to clarify this in the second post, but maybe I wasn't clear enough. There was obviously some of me in there, and the whole thing is necessarily filtered through my own past experiences, but that doesn't mean it accurately represents my current attitudes. This doesn't make it untrue.

(Being able to edit posts here without the time period available to do so being used up by moderator review would probably have helped with the clarity of my first post, since I've always been a write on the fly and edit afterwards kind of guy, but I understand the necessity of the mod process.)

The point in post 1 was really only to show that this stuff isn't easy, and that closted FAs aren't necessarily (a) overreacting by actually feeling "closeted" or (b) emotionally retarded. I don't think you disagree, but previous posters seemed to.

I don't see how my second and third posts are internally inconsistent. I guess, by the standards of some on these boards, I'd still qualify as closeted since I'm not going to tell a few people that I am more attracted to bbws than non-bbws (in general, not on an individual basis).

But I certainly would be open about dating a bbw individually and defending her against abuse in any and all forms.

The sticking point for me (aside from the personal relationship issues I mentioned) is discussing something so sexualized as explicit preferences; it's not something I'm willing to state in front of everyone, and in part that's because (a) there's an element of objectification involved, and (b) that level of specificity honestly doesn't hold: I date/love/am attracted to individuals, and that is of course shaped by so much more than body type. And, honestly, who I am attracted to is very fluid, even though attraction to plus-size women is probably something of a default for me.

I suspect, from reading these boards, that my preferences might be a little more fluid than many FAs. And that one I won't elaborate on, lest I ruin my nascent political career (joke).
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