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Old 01-19-2010, 10:10 PM   #71
name2come
And I'm Done. Bye.
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 38
name2come knows EXACTLY what's going onname2come knows EXACTLY what's going onname2come knows EXACTLY what's going onname2come knows EXACTLY what's going onname2come knows EXACTLY what's going onname2come knows EXACTLY what's going onname2come knows EXACTLY what's going on
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Originally Posted by rainyday View Post
Until you have dealt with the obvious shame you feel about what you prefer, please be man enough to avoid exposing potential partners to you the same way you hopefully would if you knew you had a communicable disease. Even if that means you have to be celibate and unpartnered.
As an FA, I have to say: DARN STRAIGHT.

I think to some degree I'm seeing a fundamental confusion about what being "out" means. Being out doesn't have to mean being an activist. There are openly gay men and women who do not "flaunt" their sexuality. It is simply a part of who they are. Now, for gays and lesbians, that alone can be a very revolutionary act. For FA's, not so much. That's why I regard being an out FA as being stupendously easy and frankly I have no understanding for those insist it is somehow difficult. Compared to being an out gay person, its nothing. Compared to being a fat person, its nothing. Being an out FA requires an extraordinarily minimal amount of effort. It doesn't demand a "Yes Fatties" t-shirt. You won't need legislation to marry an opposite gender partner of your choosing. No need to add it to your business card. If you date a fat person and introduce them to your friends and family, you are an out FA. Really. That's it. It sounds like quite a lot of the self-described closeted FA's do just that. To all of you, when people complain about closeted FA's, they REALLY aren't talking about you.

We're talking about those who'd never want anyone to see them romantically involved with a fat person. That's what being in the closet means. A gay person isn't in the closet if they go out on dates, bring their boyfriend home for Thanksgiving, etc. They are in the closet if they compartmentalize their romantic relationships from other elements of their lives. Now, there is a key difference in gay people in the closet and FA's which I think obligates FA's to do exactly what Rainy requests.

In a gay relationship, BOTH partners can choose to be in the closet. I'm not saying that's a great choice, but it is one which if both partners make, treats both of them equally. No fat person can be in the closet about being fat, however, so for FA's a "choice" to be in the closet only benefits the FA. It shields them, but the act itself exposes their partners to shame and hostility. There may well be fat women who internalize that shame enough to feel they don't deserve to be treatedly like a human being by their partner, but that is no excuse. If you don't feel comfortable publicly dating a fat person, you DON'T date a fat person. Not if you are a remotely decent person. Doing so is disgusting and selfish. Instead of dealing with your irrational shame, you elect to make it someone else's problem. To make them suffer worse than you would have. Its inexcusable. This is what people are talking about when they talk about closeted FA's.

If all the girls you date are fat, you are out of the closet. Pro Tip, by the way, everyone knows you're into fatties if that's the case. Trust me. People figured it out I was an FA long before I had a chance to confide in them that fact. Because I never kept myself in the closet. I acted on my feelings. All you really need to do if that's what you're doing is be willing to confirm if anyone ever asks "So, you like fat girls or something?" You simply have to say, "yes." There you go.

Its insanely easy to be an FA. You get to be with the women you adore and so few people really care about who you date. Unlike gays for many years, you won't be beaten up for holding hands with a fat woman. You won't be denied an apartment. You won't be denied a job. Very few friends will care enough to so much as light-heartedly tease you. A lot will probably try to set you up with their fat friends. And you don't need to break out the bullhorn. No need to demand your rights. Now, I think you do owe it to your desired partners to do those things, but I don't think that's mandatory for FA's. Just ideal behavior. But if you just want to publicly date fatties, that's really enough.
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