Thread: bi-gendered?
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Old 02-13-2010, 10:24 AM   #40
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Originally Posted by Cors View Post
Hello Lozonloz, I don't think you are bi-gender at all but I am basing this on your post only and I also have a rather rigid idea of someone who is bi-gender is like.

I see a bi-gender person as someone who is essentially gender dysphoric (characteristic of your typical transgendered person), believes that ze is both male and female, desires to have both sets of genitalia and experiences significant distress because of it. I feel that most of us gender-benders are just that, gender-benders, especially those who only desire to have the opposite genitalia when aroused. In that sense, we are closer to crossdressers and fetishistic transvestites (most do not have a problem with their assigned sex or wish to undergo SRS) than we are to transgendered individuals (who believe that they should be of the opposite sex and opt for SRS). However, there are others who are not gender dysphoric but have strong and distinct male and female personas anyway, and I can accept that these people identify as bi-gender. If you feel like the term resonates with you and that you can relate to others who do identify with it, then by all means make it your own.

In any case, bi-genderism is a gender identity just like male, female, trans or neither and has nothing to do with sexual orientation.

Of course, some also choose to see gender in terms of butch and femme instead of plain male and female, which is understandable and may explain your confusion, but considering what the terms "butch" and "femme" mean to you may help. These labels are meant to be empowering, not restrictive and in a postmodern world where our gender roles are merging anyway, a femme could well be tomboyish, abhor makeup and skirts and heels, chase other femmes instead of andros and butches, identify as sexually dominant and do whatever she fancies.

It seems like you identify as a femme, perhaps a submissive one and the fact that you are bisexual, appreciate feminine women and masculine men does not affect your femme identity. It is a shame that the women you have met assume you are something else and expect you to behave in a different way. There are others here who do identify as bisexual or even submissive, but had the butch label and stereotypical butch expectations slapped on them and it can be so frustrating. There is not much to do about it, except realise that many lesbian communities are unwelcoming of people who do not live up to the current stereotypes (it doesn't help that bisexual women are often rejected by default) and I hope you can meet queer women who accept you for who you are - I am still on that quest myself. If it is any comfort to you, the whole butch/femme dichotomy is slowly dying out in many places, so you are not out of luck yet.
Thanks for the post Cors, it's been very informative and helpful.

I'm glad to hear the butch/femme thing isn't as prevalent as I thought, I find it troubling that I have to stick so many labels on myself to identify my sexuality. I'd rather just go with the flow and figure it out as I go along.
Raised by wolves, but fostered by sloths.
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