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Old 09-25-2010, 09:55 PM   #1
Cors
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Default Will you date a transperson?

I figured that I might as well post this since we have a few awesome queer transfolk here.

One of my best friends has sank into a deep depression lately. The cause? She is a pre-op MtF who identifies as a lesbian, has lived as a woman for more than six years and is completely cool with her identity and was even active in GLBTQ activism. Despite her being gorgeous, intelligent, sweet, utterly loveable and a great catch in so many ways, the women she meets almost always lose interest once they find out that she is not a biological woman and sadly, most are not exactly kind about it. Not that it matters much, but she passes well and does not actively try to hide the fact that she is not a biological woman to potential love interests - she doesn't always tell them the first time she encounters them, be it online, in person or on the first date but certainly way before they get intimate so no penile surprise for the unsuspecting there. Apart from me (we dated for eighteen months a few years ago and it ended for reasons unrelated to gender or sexuality), the women who do show interest in her date or sleep with her because it is a safe way of trying something new, because they are curious in general or simply have a fetish for girls with cocks. Her main issue with it is that all of these people see her as a tranny first, woman second if at all and she is upset about feeling like she does not having a decent chance at love compared to cisgender people or transpeople who identify as heterosexual or bisexual.

In addition, lesbians in general are pretty hostile towards transwomen in general. She is obviously upset about not belonging and lately has latched on to how it is unfair that it more acceptable to for lesbians to date "men with cunts" than "women with cocks" and in her mind, lesbians should be more interested in female-gendered individuals than people who own vags. She does not get along with most other transwomen either because of their heavy emphasis on passing, the "right" way to be trans and their lack of understanding for her sexuality. We have many friends who are cool with transpeople but they have said that they would probably not date one and recently, she has taken that as a personal affront. She doesn't like "tranny chasers" because she feels objectified by them (most of the ones we come across have the whole "fuck a ladyboy but marry a woman" mentality - sounds familiar?). I tried to draw parallels between them and "fat admirers" but she believes that it is something different entirely and she has no problems with my love for her jiggly belly.



For the transpeople:
Do you face similar problems and how do you deal with them? How do you feel about "chasers"? Any positive romantic stories to share?

For the others (queer or straight, doesn't matter):
Will you consider dating a trans person and how do you see them in general?
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