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Old 10-06-2010, 11:32 PM   #14
thirtiesgirl
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Loss Angeles
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I'm not really a fan of the term 'cougar.' It's not the word itself; I think the general idea most people have about 'cougars' is kind of demeaning to women. I also don't think it's particularly psychologically healthy to date someone whose not in your peer group, meaning someone over 10 years younger or older than yourself. Someone 10 years older or younger than you is generally generally going to be in a different stage of life, psychologically speaking, so I don't think it contributes to healthy psychological growth for either partner. I have a male friend in his 40s whose been living with a woman 20 years his senior for many years. She has grown children from a relationship in her early 20s. Based on everything my guy friend has told me about how she relates to her grown children, and certain aspects of their relationship, I would deem her pretty psychologically immature for a woman in her 60s. She still hasn't learned to accept certain aspects of her life, and seems to have an unhealthy, enabling relationship with one of her grown children who has been in and out of drug rehab. Nor does she share a lot of leisure time interests with my guy friend, so they don't discuss a lot of his interests when they're together, and I don't think she can really stimulate him mentally on certain levels. From my perspective, I wouldn't say it's a particularly healthy relationship. When I ask him what he values about the relationship, he says he values their history together (they've been together 13 or 14 years at this point); he likes the fact that it's a peaceful relationship and they don't argue much; and when they met, she already had a house they could live in. Those don't exactly seem like compelling reasons to maintain a relationship to me.
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