Thread: confessions
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Old 09-14-2012, 09:14 PM   #519
CastingPearls
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Possum Grape, AR
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A friend who I finally got a chance to catch up with contacted me yesterday and initially I was thrilled. I had forgotten how much she (slightly chubby) hated her body to the degree where she would consider anything to lose weight, no matter how dangerous. Her self-loathing came out in full force during our chat and she said she'd gained 50 lbs. in a year and she hated her ugly ugly ugly fat and felt like such a cow. She was truly distressed and it distressed me because I knew she was in pain but at the same time, her self-hatred was really getting to me. I feel other people's pain literally. I'm empathic and while I kept telling her she was beautiful even though I knew she didn't believe me, she still is, both inside and out, it was as if she was spiraling and manic about it. I was relieved and very drained when we ended the conversation. Even at my lowest moments, I've never hated myself like that. And I feel bad that there's nothing I can do but be an example that being fat is not a curse, not the end of the world and can be quite beautiful.
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Free me, free yourself
A life of sacrifice controlled me
But those promises I made
No longer hold me
Mercurial more wayward by the hour
The shackles fall away I'm in your power



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