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Old 01-10-2013, 04:49 PM   #4
bbwfairygirl
 
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
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I think firstly you really need to identify why it scares you. Being able accept others isn't the same as accepting ourselves. I definitely find many of my "fatter than me" g/f's extremely sexy but for me, mentally, I don't want to be that large...but yet, I do.

While I've come a long way from my growing up years, I still have the sneaky little voice in my head that counteracts what my heart wants or my sexual desires. I've been learning to move beyond it and really examine what it is I want, what turns me on, etc. So I don't have to live in a fantasy. I don't want to live without having the opportunity to experience what my core being desires. At least in some degree.

We are thrown so much "this is how you should act", "this is how you should look", etc. that learning to unlearn it is so difficult. Fat being the biggest thing people are shamed for. I currently live in an area of the US where fat people are abundant (hey, unintentional pun) and it's awesome. But yet I grew up on the east coast in an area that was extremely wealthy and image consciousness was prime. Ingrained. Second nature. Even if you weren't exceptionally wealthy it was there. Thankfully my folks never did the diet thing, gave me crap about my weight/size/whatever but I sure did get enough input from the world around me. And I don't mean bullying either. I never had much of a problem with that. It's just all of the input, input, input. Then how it affects the whole self worth stuff. And if you're a really mental person, and not in the little white coats type of mental, it can be so hard to push all of that head garbage out the window and just "do it". To just be what it is you want to be and feel what it is you are meant to feel.

While I still struggle I realize that the only person I need to be happy with, to love and to impress (per se) is me. I find talking about it with friends gives me a good perspective as well. I am too introspective and that isn't always beneficial so like minded souls have been a blessing for me. Cause I love my hedonistic, foodee, semi-gluttonous side...lol

So, a few thoughts. I could write more but I have to head off for now. Else I could probably go on for a few more paragraphs...
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