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Old 04-16-2013, 06:08 PM   #9
yrmangledheart
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 21
yrmangledheart has said some nice things
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Thanks for the amazing responses, you are all really insightful and great!

Mr. 23, what I've found is that even when I am eating with abandon the negative feelings don't go away. Every joyful action is tinged with a sense of guilt, like an anti-silver lining. Even when I am full and feel aroused there is a voice in the back of my head saying "you can reverse this, just start the health kick tomorrow, don't enjoy this". It makes for very conflicted living.

I'm sure at some point everything will become clearer, I'm still young (mid 20s) and have gained some in the last decade so will probably gain, even slightly, in the next. I have a very clear food addiction and love to indulge - today I ate toast with butter and peanut butter, poached eggs on toast, pasta with cheese and chicken, a large bowl of cheesy fries, 3 candy bars, a packet of chips, and a big fried chicken combo meal. Factor in a few sodas and it's hardly the diet of someone afraid of gaining some pounds. However, I feel the guilt creeping and will probably succumb to my negative feelings again and eat very little for weeks. I wish I could find a happy medium or commit to either lifestyle but instead I seem to zip between gluttony and austerity like a yo-yo.

One thing I've factored in is that I have a very active job and am still overweight - I've often wondered the effects of taking a sedentary job but otherwise not changing my lifestyle or making any choices either way. I'd probably balloon, and the thought is appealing although is it fantasy or reality? I can't tell.

It's great to have this board to sound off to, thanks and please, write back y'all.
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