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Old 05-17-2013, 02:54 PM   #63
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Originally Posted by LeoGibson View Post
While I do tend to agree with you on a certain level, you may be missing the crux of his point. For instance, if it is one particular shallow woman you're trying to win over by re-arranging who you are, then yes that is pointless and why bother?

However, if you are doing such to increase your dating pool and meet more women, thus having more options on dating and perhaps finding the one that will then click with your overall personality and from there a few lbs. in either direction won't matter, then that isn't necessarily going after shallow women.
Originally Posted by djudex View Post
I disagree with this so vastly...just because a person isn't attracted to people who have extra poudange doesn't make them shallow, it makes them a person with a preference. The women here tend to like men (and/or women) who are overweight and if they wouldn't want to date a thin person that doesn't make them shallow either. I used to think the same way until I realized that was a naive, romanticized, 'love conquers all' vision of people with no grounding in reality. People like what they like, it doesn't make them worse or better, it just makes them, well... human.
Originally Posted by tankyguy View Post
Because the number of people in the world who aren't attracted to and won't date someone who isn't close to the 'ideal' weight is much larger than the number of people who will. Hence "all the fat guys coming into the forum complaining that women aren't into them". Because by and large they're not.

Consider the possibility that those guys may not all just have confidence or self esteem issues. They could be funny, smart and engaging yet conventionally unattractive (which fat is for most people). The one thing you know they have in common is that they are fat and women aren't into them.

So if you don't want to be alone you either have to hope you find one of those exceedingly rare people who don't care about weight (or are into bigger people) or you have to lose weight like bigmac says and better your odds.

Like djudex says, people (and by extension women) like what they like and the vast majority don't like fat guys.
Originally Posted by Tad View Post
Or if you look around the rest of the boards, you'll find any number of attractive, interesting, with-it, BBW who are inexplicably single. Once you've fallen in love with someone, their size may not matter as much to you, but when you are scanning the room, wondering who you would like to know better....of course you are going to tend to favour the ones who make the best visual first impression on you.

Which is why my advice for those who don't fit the conventional mould is to meet lots of people in ways/places where you interact with them and get to know them (classes, volunteering, clubs, etc). That way people get to see other features of you, and may decide that your size is not the most important thing about you. Won't work for everyone, but I still think it gives you better odds.
Okay, I seem to have caused quite a stir with that opinion, which I wasn't expecting to be honest. I should point out that I'm not being rude when I call people shallow. But judging a person on the basis of something they can't readily change about their person - and weight is, in my opinion, one of those things - is shallow. Because you are judging on the basis of appearance and not personality. I don't see how it can be argued otherwise. I'm not saying it is a bad thing. You are perfectly entitled to find people attractive based on whatever criteria you like. Most people go by appearance. It is common, it is perfectly acceptable, it is biologically valid and it is shallow. Given that I have very little time for people outside of select few I have no interest in talking to people who are shallow. Because it stands to reason that if you are shallow picking you partner you are shallow picking your friends and that's not cool with me.

As for Tad's advice to go out to places where you interact with people... isn't that advice for everybody, bigger or not? I mean, I wouldn't touch a guy with a barge pole if he came up to me in a club and just wanted to get with me because he liked the way I look. I would only date people that know me and like me as a person first. I think that people who are overweight tend to place too much emphasis on their size as the route of all their problems...

Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
I wouldn't want to date a shallow person. Indeed I'm married to a woman who's not (most of the time). However, that doesn't change the fact that there are very few women out there who will accept advances from fat guys let alone actually seek them out. Over the years I've come to the conclusion that a very substantial percentage of the female population is indeed very shallow (I'm sure many men are too). If you want to get play you can't be more than a little fat and it also helps to be a bit of an asshole.
Well I'm not exactly the person people come to for advice when they want to play the field! =p To be honest, I think that there are a lot of factors other than being fat that can lead to a person being turned down all the time like that. I mean, I have great friends, they are lovely and wonderful, but one of them only ever had one person show any interest in him and the other has literally never pulled a woman or had a relationship in his life. And they are both lean, fit men and aren't shy of asking people out. Not to mention that most women will turn down most men. I mean, I turn down almost everybody and always have. Fat, thin, short, tall, blond, brunette... but if the fat guys I turn down blame it on them being fat without checking with me first then to them they will have more 'proof' that it is their weight that is the problem when it really wasn't that at all.
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