View Single Post
Old 07-15-2013, 06:38 AM   #8
Tad
mostly harmless
 
Tad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12,428
Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

I had my first crushes on other boys pretty much as soon as I hit puberty, but I didnít recognize them for what they were until years afterward. This would have been around 1980, and while Iíd heard of people being gay the only reference I had for that was The Village People--and Iím actually turned off by those classic, macho, images of maleness, Iím only attracted to the soft, pudgy, non-macho guys. Also I knew I was very interested in girls and Iíd never heard of bisexuality. Put it all together, and I managed to convince myself that the feelings I got when I saw Kís shirt straining at the buttons, or seeing Gís love handles, etc, was just my general liking for fat stuff, and had nothing erotic about it. That I kept having fantasies with both male and female weight gain happening in them I also ascribed to the same thing, that I just liked an overall fat positive environment, or sometimes that I was just vicariously enjoying guys getting fat when I didnít dare do it in real life.

It wasnít until some point in my early to mid twenties that some connection was made in my head and I realized what all of that had been. By that time, however, I was engaged (and no complaints about that!), so I never pursued that side of my sexuality. No huge deal in the end as Iíve always been attracted to more women than men, and still have issues with a lot of what is stereotypically male, so if chasing one lifetime relationship it was always most likely that it would be with a woman. Had I ended up with a more extensive set of romantic/sexual experiences, then maybe I would have explored that side more.
__________________
Criticism is so often nothing more than the eye garrulously denouncing the shape of the peephole that gives access to hidden treasure.
-Djuna Barnes, writer and artist
Tad is offline   Reply With Quote