Thread: FA Frustrations
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Old 01-17-2015, 03:11 PM   #24
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 128
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Originally Posted by loopytheone View Post
The talk about clothes and stuff is very interesting to me. Especially as I am a BBW and have noticed that people can treat me very differently depending on the way I am dressed.

Most of the time I dress I dress in trainers, sweat pants, a men's t-shirt, no bra, no makeup, and just brushed but not styled hair. This is normal for me because this is how I feel comfortable. But often, when dressed like this, I get disregarded and ignored.

The other day I was going to view a flat and so had to look 'responsible' and so went out in makeup, hair up and styled, long skirt, boots etc and the way I am looked at and responded to is very different. I am taken more seriously by people when I am dressed like that. I find it pretty frustrating as I find being done up like this seriously uncomfortable, like I am in drag or something. It doesn't seem fair I get treated so much better when I look that way.

It is also frustrating to me that so many people negatively judge a woman for not wearing 'nice' clothes. There is even some of that on this board, with the implication that unless a woman is dressed stylishly then she has low self esteem, or she is trying to hide herself, or she has given up on life. That's kinda a horrible thing to assume/put on someone when you think about it, isn't it? I mean, it hurts to think that people think I have 'given up on myself' just because I'm fat and prefer the style of clothes that I like.

Just a thought for you all.
Well, people should certainly dress however they want.

I have two thoughts about this, though...first of all, 'comfort' is as much about what we're used to as something intrinsic to a piece of clothing or style of self-presentation. Often people describe dressing down as 'comfortable' for this reason, rather than because there is something physically uncomfortable about wearing more polished clothes (although I'll admit this isn't true of high heels, say). But 'comfortable' becomes a less convincing rationale (to the extent that a rationale is needed) when it's just rooted in the fact that I feel weird when I dress in a stylin' way, because I'm not used to it. Lots of things feel weird when we're not used to them, but it doesn't follow that we're better off avoiding them because of that.

The other thought is that the thread is called 'FA frustrations,' and one of my personal frustrations as an FA is that a much smaller per centage of overweight women present themselves in the polished, stylish manner that I personally fine appealing. I'm sure lots of guys don't care if their lady dresses in sweat pants and sneakers, with minimal care given to their hair, etc., just as I'm sure many women don't care if their guy goes around in similar attire. But I personally tend to be a little more put together myself; I actually enjoy looking kinda sharp; and I find the same quality attractive in women. And for better or worse, yes, I do tend to think that self-esteem is one reason why so many fewer BBWs appear not to bother as much with self-presentation. Not the only reason, but one reason.

Self-presentation is not the same as going 'girly,' incidentally - at least not in my book. I described a woman wearing a fashionable jacket and a scarf (I forget if she had on a skirt or whatever). It was the 'together' and tastefully statement-making way she presented herself that attracted me, not high heels and ruby red lipstick or something. Ultimately, an aesthetic sensibility is what I seem to be talking about.
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