Thread: FA Frustrations
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Old 02-03-2015, 05:15 PM   #54
Don't dream it be it
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Seoul Korea
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Originally Posted by Tad View Post
...although partly it could be the 'oh, he may be attracted to people like me?' thing too.
That's definitely how I sadly feel when seeing a person with another bbw. I tell myself "look! You could have a chance! It's already proven that they at least don't MIND big girls if not actually prefer them!!"

When i see guys or small girls I find attractive, the same thoughts always go through my head: "Theyre attractive! Do I think I have a chance? I wonder if they've ever been with a big girl. I wonder if they are repulsed by big girls. Probably. What if they LIKE big girls! Doubt it. They could be curious I guess. What if they don't mind? Yeah but how would that first make out/touching party go when they finally actually see or feel me. Or the first time I get naked. Did we already forget the, "um, I actually got to go. I work early tomorrow". God how mortifying was that! Never again. Why am I even worrying? I'm hot! If they don't like me, screw them! Their loss! Assholes."

And then I don't end up trying. It sounds terrible and sad when written out but that honestly goes through my head EVERY time I am contemplating approaching someone or flirting or when someone attractive talks to me. Even if they seem interested, I start feeling like I am somehow tricking them about my size. Like maybe my outfit or the lighting is deceiving and they think I'm smaller than I am. It's unfortunate. But I have had some mortifying experiences that make me cautious and leery now. If they are already with a bbw, all those thoughts don't enter my head at all because I see that they obviously don't mind.

I'm a really confidant person until I actually like someone. Then I'm ridiculously mean and over judgmental of myself because I'd rather judge myself than someone else judge me.
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