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Old 02-04-2015, 01:38 AM   #1
I am enough.
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Location: Central Ohio
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Default Heartbreak & Weight Loss

Hello. I am wanting to share what I am currently going through, and welcome any thoughts or feedback.
My husband and I have been together for about six years now, and married for two. We have had our ups and downs, but one thing we've never had a problem with was our sex life. Having always been a fat girl, I didn't have the best self-esteem. Then my husband came along and made me feel like I was the most beautiful woman in the world. He was always building me up and helping me to realize that I am beautiful as a bog woman. He had a hard time keeping his hands off me. Now things are different, and I am not sure how to handle it. My husband really loves the idea of women gaining weight, it really turns him on. And I have gained weight since we first met. I never believed it was done purposely, but maybe on some level it was. I was about 250lbs when we met, and he was really hot for me. I gained some weight, had a baby, gained some more weight, and at my heaviest was 310lbs. My husband still could not keep his hands off me, and continued to be encouraging and affectionate. In November, I went to the doctors and found out I have type 2 Diabetes. I have a four year old son. It came time for me to focus on my health, and in doing so I am losing weight. I am now down to about 260lbs, still heavier than when we met. I notice my husband pulling away. He is no longer interested in sex, and he very seldom complements me anymore. I have recently confronted him about this, and he admitted to me that the thought of me losing weight is a complete turn off to him. So much so that he is unable to have sex with me (at least very very far and few between). He has also admitted that when he touches me, mainly my belly, it makes him sad because he knows I'm losing weight. He says he understand that I have to be healthy for myself and our son. But he cannot get over the fact that the concept of my losing weight completely turns him off. This has gotten so bad, that he doesn't know if our marriage can last because of this. I am completely hurt and angry about this. He now just watches porn all the time, and has even called a phone sex line a couple times (albeit while drunk). I understand that he can not help what he is attracted to, but at the same time I am his wife, and our physical appearance should not be what is most important. To end our marriage over my weight loss, in an effort to be healthier, is insane to me. I am still larger than when we met. I am still a big woman, and probably always will be, but he still cannot seem to get passed it. I am beside myself. I feel like he is putting so much emphasis on my body and physical appearance. He is my husband and should love me for who I am, and want to be with me because of the love and feelings we share. We do start marriage counseling at the end of the month, and I'm hoping it will be helpful. But to hear him talk, there is no way he can see him being okay with me losing weight. I am at a loss. I am hurt and I feel betrayed almost. He is the man who promised to love me no matter what. He is the one who should always build me up and make me feel beautiful, and he is unable to do that anymore. At the same time part of me feels guilty for not being able to give my husband what he needs. I shouldn't have to feel guilty for trying to be healthier. There are serious risks to my health, with having diabetes, if I do not change my lifestyle. And my son needs me to be healthy. I am not losing weight for the sake of losing weight. I am making the changes I need to make, healthier diet and exercise, and the side affect of that is weight loss. And with that I am turning my husband off, and putting our marriage in jeopardy. I know I have rambled on, and to anyone who reads this and responds, I am so appreciative. I really am just at a loss with the situation.
I'm not beautiful like you. I am Beautiful like ME.
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