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Old 02-11-2015, 10:11 AM   #5
Marlayna
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,284
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Originally Posted by Dr. Feelgood View Post
I agree with the posters above: to paraphrase John Wayne, a gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do. And this is even more so when the gal has a child depending on her. You're absolutely doing the right thing. But I also feel some sympathy for your husband, because I've been in that situation. My ex-wife was a BBW who developed gallstones and went through some painful surgery. She believed her weight contributed to the difficulty and resolved to to lose half her weight. I loved her and supported her, but I also found her less attractive, and I am sure she picked up on that, even though I said nothing about it. The thing is, there's love and there's sex. Love is learned, it's part of your thought processes, and you go on loving someone despite changing circumstances. But sex appeal is something that grabs you by the central nervous system and gives you no chance to resist. There is an entire thread around here somewhere called "hard-wired from birth", and that phrase really says it all. If your husband complains about what you're doing he's a louse, but even if he tries to support you he's liable to be less attentive just because his brain isn't sending him sexy messages. As I said, I've been there: I tried to hold our marriage together, but it didn't work: we tried marriage counseling, my ex demanded a trial separation, and by that time the atmosphere was so tense that the separation felt like a vacation. And that was it. You're a strong, intelligent woman, and I hope this turns out to be just a bump in an otherwise smooth road to happiness.
If you feel totally hard-wired for satisfying sex having to include big handfuls of a fat woman, then I can surely understand why feeling them fade away would be sad for you.
It was very admirable of you to go to counseling, even though it didn't keep the marriage together. I hope you've found your dream girl.
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