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Old 08-04-2015, 02:45 PM   #44
SvenskFA
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 14
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Originally Posted by Xyantha Reborn View Post
Men are inherently sexual - but many women's libidos are almost as high as mens. If I had my way, I would be having sex every god damn day (sometimes multiple) with my husband, and it does create feelings of frustration and sometimes hurt that his drive isn't as high as mine. So lets not say that sexual instinct or needs are male based only. His wife may be crawling up his leg to have sex now that she is feeling slim and sexy - he may just not be in a position to reciprocate.

Also, the presumption that seems to have been made is that the OP would have "better luck" with another woman. Now, he may be devilishly handsome and rich, but in my experience, there is absolutely no guarantee he would even be able to find a woman to date, let alone have a serious relationship with. Look at all the men looking on this site alone. So the option isn't really thin current wife or find yourself another sexier BBW - it should be is he SO unhappy with his relationship overall he would rather be alone? If the answer is yes, that is a whole other ballgame. If no, this is a point of frustration for him that he is just trying to work through.

I have to agree with Lucca - if you know your partner has not only a love of your body but a sexual preference around it and you chose to change it anyway, you have to take some accountability for the end results. Changing your body so drastically is like changing your face - if my guy went out and basically changed everything on his face, I don't know what my libido would do, but I suspect it would shut off - because he wouldn't be the man I fell in love with. Not to say that feeling would in unconquerable, but it would certainly jar and cause unhappiness.

I personally do not believe in open marriages. To me, you are either with that person solely, or you are dating. And it is almost always seems to be proposed by men. Let's assume she does have some sex drive with her weight loss. His wife has lost weight, either for health or personal reasons. She apparently knows about his preferences. And you think she will be ok with him going off and boinking fat chicks because he has no sexual interest in her? To me, that is the ultimate epitome of insult. To most women I know, open marriage = "Sorry babe, you're fugly (or I am a total cad) but I'm too much of a wuss to leave you, so do you mind if I keep all the benefits and security of being with you, while I go bang chicks who are actually hot?"

Also, as Tad pointed out, having children tends to derail most sex lives. And because the OP has children, it isn't as simple as love 'em and leave 'em anymore. I assume the OP loves his kids, maybe he doesn't.


And by the by - Maslow's hierarchy of needs is one of the most simplistic psychological references that is highly misused. Although it provides a general guidance, it has been proven incorrect over and over again by real life situations by both humans and other animals. Assuming however it is true, the bottom layer (aka base simplistic needs) are that which is required for basic survival - and much as we like to think it is, sex is not one of those once children have been conceived, and only applies in cultures where offspring are essential to life. Sex actually falls into the love/belonging category, which is NOT considered a 'base' need.

Here in Sweden BBWs are rare and the ones there are aren't aware of the concept BBW. Almost every bigger woman hates or at the most tolerates their bodies. So finding another BBW is very hard. And as I see it the question is if I am so unhappy with my relationship that I rather would be alone? The answer is that I will do anything I can to save my marriage, that is why I posted my question.

I do not want an open marriage even if I can see that it could be a solution for both of us.
I love my kids very much. That's why I want to save my marriage. If the choice is between seing my kids every day and not having sex for the rest of my life and seing them for limited times and having sex I chose seing my kids every day. But it isn't as simple as that. I know that my wife wants sex so I must be able to have sex with her even if she isn't as sexy to me as she was before.
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