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Old 03-03-2016, 04:13 PM   #65
happily_married
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
The are FAs fetishists question is really not worth investing much effort in.

There more important question is are people behaving like dicks. If you abuse your significant other you're a dick. The kind of abuse doesn't matter -- physical abuse -- mental abuse -- financial abuse ... they all lead to dickhood. Motivation also doesn't matter. "I hit you to show how much I care" isn't much of a justification.

Bottom line -- it matters little what you call a FA/BBW relationship. The more important thing is whether the relationship is healthy or not.
I agree.

Despite what Brian has alleged (without validating) I've claimed, I have actually made no values judgment on FAs or fetishists. Neither are inherently bad or good simply for being one or the other. I have a few outlandish fantasies and fetishes of my own. They simply aren't tied to weight, gaining or any of that sort, hence my making a distinction between the two (while also recognizing for some there well could be overlap for others). But knowing I have my own fetishes precludes me from making judgments or being dismissive of other fetishes. I also think most people have some sort of fetish or otherwise non-sexual fixation that others would consider abnormal. I think that is one thing about fetishes that sometimes gets overlooked. If an "oddity" has any type of sexual element it's a fetish, otherwise it's just considered "quirky."

In OP's case I only floated the idea that her man could be a fetishist rather than an FA because his behavior seems consistent with other fetishists with whom I am familiar. I'll pause for this disclaimer: This is not a values statement about all fetishists! It is simply recognition of a pattern that I've seen before that happens to apply to some I know were fetishists. I recognized a pattern I've seen and floated an idea out there.

Regardless the explanation for the guy's behavior I think she has received some solid advice from many of the regulars here and am confident she will make the right decisions she needs to make for herself.
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