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Old 05-04-2016, 11:59 AM   #13
Tad
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Originally Posted by happily_married View Post
Understandable, Tad. I should clarify: when I say I don't really have a "too big" I mean purely weight. I've know women north of 400 pounds who were mobile and able to function at every day life. In these instances weight wouldn't be an issue to me. Mobility and ability to just...live life is important to me. I couldn't be in a relationship with some unable to move. Unless (God forbid) the person I'm already with becomes immobile from a car accident etc. I don't think I could stand by and watch her gain to immobility (and I know she doesn't want that for herself). That is my "too big." It's not related to a specific weight.
This is mostly hypothetical, but I think that the combination of my feelings of ‘more softness is always good’ and ‘a body in motion is sexy’ (and associated with that, ‘exertion is hot’), suggests that to me my ‘upper limit’ could be heavily attitude dependent. That is, I think that I may have a sweet spot where ‘big enough to make getting around and fitting in noticeably more difficult’ intersects ‘desire to go out and do things’ and ‘enjoyment of overcoming challenges.’ That is to say, the point where size and weight play a role in decisions on a near daily basis, and may impact the what and how of activities, but doesn’t stop things outright. (this applies in my thoughts to both partner and myself, individually or collectively)

For example, where moderate amounts of walking or standing, or even modest numbers of stairs, are feasible – but it is worth doing some planning in advance if more than one activity is going to demand such things to keep the total from being too much. Where going to the beach for the day may be reasonable, but where certainly we wouldn’t park a mile from the beach entrance and then walk a long way down the beach on top of wanting to enjoy the water. Where walking from one gate to another of an airport is probably OK if there is enough time to sit down for a rest in the middle, but definitely a tight flight change wouldn’t make sense and where we would at least look at whether driving there was feasible, to avoid the whole spare seat issue. Where it is possible to go out to see a movie, if we choose a theatre with the right seating. Where getting up from the ground without help is possible, but enough work to make one think twice before dropping down to the ground in the first place (but choosing to do so sometimes anyway). Basically on the cusp of ‘too fat to do many normal activities’ but taking pains to keep doing them so that they do stay possible, if a bit challenging.

But this conclusion is only something I came to way later in life than my dating years, long after being married, having had years of discussions in places like this, having experienced more of things being easy or hard, etc.
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